All Comments on 'Surprises Upon Surprises'

This was your first venture into L/W, sorry but it's a fail.

You wrote 'Making a nice breakfast in bed,' last time I tried that I nearly burnt the house down. You should never cook in bed.

Next you wrote, 'She was gone when I woke, so I slipped into the shower and came up behind her as she scrubbing the pans.' I have never washed pans in the shower but to each his own.

Last, 'Intense. You nearly had my going a couple of times, thinking there was somebody else here.' I don't claim to be an editor but I think you meant me not my.

Better luck on your next story.

You aren't ready to write yet. Practice a little before you publish. I have been studying for a year, asking for advice from other writers, and I'm still not ready. You at least had the nerve to try. I commend you for that.

As others noted, you can get better

Hint: Don't make readers wait too.long to find out what the sex scene will be.

But I couldn't get into it. Just skimmed 3*

Way too short. Nothing really sexy or erotic about it. Not entertaining at all.

Publish in the right category and you should be fine.

This was a fun little game and if there are follow ups that include a 3rd or more parties, then you might justify LW, but if you look at others, there are plenty of examples of a series covering multiple categories.

So part 1 in EV, then part 2 someone else is watching EV, part 3 someone joins in LW, part 4 she is punished for being a naughty girl BDSM.

Just for example.

I enjoyed and think this could expand into a good series. Please don't let him end up some wimp.