All Comments on 'Susan's Affair'

Pretty normal start. Makes me wonder where and if it's going anywhere. I'll watch for more chapters. It could turn out to be a hell of a good story or a dud. Hope it's continued.

SUSAN IS A GODDESS AND SHOULD BE WORSHIPPED AS SUCH. A GODDESS IS ALLOWED TO TAKE PLEASURE FROM WHOMEVER SHE DESIRES, AND IS NOT BOUND BY THE MORONIC STANDARDS OF IGNORANT MORTALS. MAY SHE REIGN FOREVER IN PLEASURE!

Any husband that doesn't take care of a wifes needs is a fool. There are plenty of men out there that will. I liked the story hope you write more.

With any luck on her part she will get knocked up and her poor husband will raise her boss's kid as wel as his own.e his! Wouldn't that be a hoot for her and the boss? Or on the other hand, her husband will find out about her fucking and cheating on him with his boss and the boss will help raise the kid and her other two when the husband leaves. Or the ending I would like is for her to catch VD from her boss and then give it to her husband who then sues her and the company. He gets the kids the house and the large cash settlement from his boss's company! The boss gets fired. Then her ex- husband can live the live he wants rather than working himself to death for her and his bosss. She has it all now and her husband is working his ass off for both of them. Time to give it to her in the ass and the boss too.

How can you expect the reader to enjoy a story when it reads like you were left holding the bag and desperately are trying to run away from something you do not want.

You missed the important parts of WHY it all was taking place in the proposition. That is what builds the foreplay of the story.

All you wrote though was a reluctant woman and a voyeurs view like the reader was watching through a window, a boring movie without sound.

You have to build a storyline and not fall into the trap of what some are pulling on this site of calling a few paragraphs a story. Work at it.

First , it was too short. Short items like this one need to be a "one-handed wonder". By that I mean, the only thing a story with no plot and this short can hope to accomplish is to provide Jack/Rub-off stimulation. Sadly, this missed there as well. If you are going to write something with no or little build-up, please make it hot enough to peel the paint off the walls while I am stroking my johnson. LOL! OK?

The storyline lacked any reasonable build up. And the characters had very little motivation. I still don't know why the bitch fucked the boss. Case in point: You go on for a paragraph to with:

"Bob wasn't nearly as devoted to her lately. He had risen through the ranks of his company quickly at first, only to become stagnate at middle management for the last 7 years. Bob had been young, ambitious, dependable, and brilliant. He had also been very conscious of his health and had anticipated all of Susan's needs, but lately he had taken to drinking a lot and he barely seemed to notice her or consider her needs. He never helped with housework or the kids anymore and he was always too tired to do anything with the family on the weekends. Susan couldn't even get him off the couch to do the many home repairs that needed to be done. Susan felt like she and the kids didn't matter to him any more, maybe she could have done better. Susan knew she was still slim and attractive, she'd even noticed other men paying more attention to her lately."

I don't know about you fellas but my wife, who I believe really did love me, would have asked me what was wrong? No, strike that. Asked is not the right word. INSISTED, CAJOLED, NAGGED! This wife already shows she doesn't give a shit about her husband. And since when, in modern America is it on HIS shoulders to be provider, helpmate, lover AND suitor? How the heck can he keep up that intensity?

Next we are treated to this:

"beautifully appointed king sized bed waiting for her and his eyes grew wide with admiration as she entered the room. Susan knew what was going to happen; they had plotted it all in stolen whispers while they were at the company party downstairs."

What the fuck is this with the beautifully appointed bullshit? That sentence doesn't ring true and isn't consistent with the writing style of the rest of the story. I was waiting for Ricardo Montalban to mention the 'rich corinthian leather'. And they both (meaning Susan and Douglas) knew what was going to happen. This Douglas is supposed to have risen to the top by being stupid? Is he aware of what will happen to his career should it get out he is fucking a subordinates wife?? That pulling chain sound is his career being flushed. Maybe the hubby is passed out and oblivious to what is happening but someboy would have seen them leave. A much better plot twist would have addressed just this aspect, don't you think? A little blackmail? tit-for-tat? Think about it.

Next, check this out.

"Susan was suddenly aware that she was probably near ovulation and wondered if she should ask Douglas if he had protection. Susan gasped as Douglas' efforts increased; she decided to not worry about the condom after all it would probably spoil the moment to ask."

Susan wants to get knocked up by the boss. Most women I know, even the cheating wves, are NOT going to jeapoardize their position by an unwanted pregnancy. Clearly she wants Douglas and the only way to possibly get him, since 'As they lay together entangled on the bed Susan thought to herself, "so what if Douglas doesn't want to pursue anything serious,...." is to use the Pregnant Ploy. (Also, I don't give a shit what your editor says, don't quote a thought. Use Italics or single quotes.)

Lastly, there is this:

"at least I know I'm desirable and I'm not letting Bob hold me back anymore."

You never demonstrated how Bob was holding the whore back in the first place! and beign fucked is not a mark of being desireable as muc as it is being available and easy, Susan you poor stupid bitch. Bad form. Really bad form, author.

Seems to me, if I were Bob, and I was married to this golddigging slut, I would probably stay drunk and oblivious too! It would be the only way I could possibly stumble through the day.

Keep writing. Just pay attention to what your message is and what you are attempting to show. We don't expect perfection but we do expect some consistency and at least some reason to suspend our disbelief.

Best wishes! :-) And yes, I sign my comments!

Hello and thank you for your comments. This piece was my very first attempt at erotic literature 5 years ago. It was later modified to the version you see now as a final paper for my Psychology of Human Sexuality class, I got an "A".

I realize it is short and doesn't get right to the sex. I also realize that some of Susan's inner thoughts are uninteresting to you but they were incorporated originally to fulfill requirements for the paper.

I have other stories and they are a lot less tame. Keep your eyes out for them.

This slut cunt should be horse whipped and then be given to every man that wants her. Her husband is a fool if he stays with the bitch.

Wow! A story where she thinks she may be ovulating, but she is fucking her husband's boss and comes to the conclusion that she just doesn't give a damned as to where she can get pregnant or not. I love it!

This grade is subject to a change. As it is, this "story" is too short to stand alone. If it is the basis for a longer story, it could be a very good read. All it needs is a plot, some build-up, and maybe a little suspense, or about anything else that good stories have.

This is why. My opinion she is a whore plain and simple. Here is what chargined wrote that i agree with. First , it was too short. Short items like this one need to be a "one-handed wonder". By that I mean, the only thing a story with no plot and this short can hope to accomplish is to provide Jack/Rub-off stimulation. Sadly, this missed there as well. If you are going to write something with no or little build-up, please make it hot enough to peel the paint off the walls while I am stroking my johnson. LOL! OK?

The storyline lacked any reasonable build up. And the characters had very little motivation. I still don't know why the bitch fucked the boss. Case in point: You go on for a paragraph to with:

"Bob wasn't nearly as devoted to her lately. He had risen through the ranks of his company quickly at first, only to become stagnate at middle management for the last 7 years. Bob had been young, ambitious, dependable, and brilliant. He had also been very conscious of his health and had anticipated all of Susan's needs, but lately he had taken to drinking a lot and he barely seemed to notice her or consider her needs. He never helped with housework or the kids anymore and he was always too tired to do anything with the family on the weekends. Susan couldn't even get him off the couch to do the many home repairs that needed to be done. Susan felt like she and the kids didn't matter to him any more, maybe she could have done better. Susan knew she was still slim and attractive, she'd even noticed other men paying more attention to her lately."

I don't know about you fellas but my wife, who I believe really did love me, would have asked me what was wrong? No, strike that. Asked is not the right word. INSISTED, CAJOLED, NAGGED! This wife already shows she doesn't give a shit about her husband. And since when, in modern America is it on HIS shoulders to be provider, helpmate, lover AND suitor? How the heck can he keep up that intensity?

Next we are treated to this:

"beautifully appointed king sized bed waiting for her and his eyes grew wide with admiration as she entered the room. Susan knew what was going to happen; they had plotted it all in stolen whispers while they were at the company party downstairs."

What the fuck is this with the beautifully appointed bullshit? That sentence doesn't ring true and isn't consistent with the writing style of the rest of the story. I was waiting for Ricardo Montalban to mention the 'rich corinthian leather'. And they both (meaning Susan and Douglas) knew what was going to happen. This Douglas is supposed to have risen to the top by being stupid? Is he aware of what will happen to his career should it get out he is fucking a subordinates wife?? That pulling chain sound is his career being flushed. Maybe the hubby is passed out and oblivious to what is happening but somebody would have seen them leave. A much better plot twist would have addressed just this aspect, don't you think? A little blackmail? tit-for-tat? Think about it.

Next, check this out.

"Susan was suddenly aware that she was probably near ovulation and wondered if she should ask Douglas if he had protection. Susan gasped as Douglas' efforts increased; she decided to not worry about the condom after all it would probably spoil the moment to ask."

Susan wants to get knocked up by the boss. Most women I know, even the cheating wves, are NOT going to jeapoardize their position by an unwanted pregnancy. Clearly she wants Douglas and the only way to possibly get him, since 'As they lay together entangled on the bed Susan thought to herself, "so what if Douglas doesn't want to pursue anything serious,...." is to use the Pregnant Ploy. (Also, I don't give a shit what your editor says, don't quote a thought. Use Italics or single quotes.)

Lastly, there is this:

"at least I know I'm desirable and I'm not letting Bob hold me back anymore."

You never demonstrated how Bob was holding the whore back in the first place! and just because some guy fucked you is not a mark of being desireable as much as it is being available and easy, Susan you poor stupid bitch. Bad form. Really bad form, author.

Seems to me, if I were Bob, and I was married to this golddigging slut, I would probably stay drunk and oblivious too! It would be the only way I could possibly stumble through the day.

Keep writing. Just pay attention to what your message is and what you are attempting to show. We don't expect perfection but we do expect some consistency and at least some reason to suspend our disbelief.

a too common tale perhaps, but she goes down that path and deferred payment ? 2 kids, but she'll have the honed skills to make ends meet. Maybe bob will learn neglect causes undesired behavior? Douglas to pay a price?

Very realistic and unfortunately frequent issue in a marriage!

HOT STORY!

Obviously (since the story was written in 2006) the author does not feel a Need to tell more of this story. That is too bad because I would like to see how Susan evolves either into a cheating wife or, because she now feels desirable, she awakens her husband of possibly losing her love and they get back together!

Wonderful woman!

hubby bust ass working to support stupid wife.

Wow, stupid thinking, and way too late at every step. Too bad we don't get the rest of the story - pregnant with the bastard child, divorced, family destroyed, kids hurt for life, and stds from the "player." Selfishness and narcissistic thinking will always bring karma results...