All Comments on 'Sweet Dreams Ch. 01: Responsibility'

The world-building was good. The language seemed stilted at times, but this could just be the overly formal style the king might be expected to use. I think this line needed editing: "Don't stop to eat on our account." I think he meant to say: "Don't stop eating on my account." For a story on Literotica, I thought the sexual activity was under-presented. And a story needs a hook at the end, a climax. The story just seemed to end without such a high note. The writing shows talent but perhaps needs more editing. Perhaps, stop the story sooner with the king's council adjourning, and use the carriage ride as the opening of a new story with maybe some sex in the carriage.

243 seals is a lot - even 24 would be a lot. If he could keep up a rate of getting to a seal and breaking it in a minute, every minute, it would still take over four hours. I kinda think if he's going to make his noon lunchtime, he's gonna hafta travel back in time...Reading on, interested where it might be going.