Sweet Surrender Pt. 04

To: Sienna

Date: Mon Sep 7, 12:12 AM

Subject: Re: Re: First Dates - Part One

I do like compliments, so when all else fails just lay it on thick! *grin* I'm far from the city at the moment, so you don't even need to worry about your flattery causing me to go all stalker-y on you!

Jokes aside, I'm glad that the fact we live in the same city (of millions, granted) hasn't left you too reluctant to keep up our exchanges. I totally get that longer distance can feel safer with cyber. I'm enjoying myself, and I'm glad you are too.

On my last response: I freely admit I've been staying coy on a lot of things, and I can't really do a deep-dive now, but I promise to give you some insight into what makes me tick. You let me know how 'autobiographical' you want me to get, versus maintaining the aura of mystery; and the unexplained motives; and the mind games. All of which does tell you something about me already, in a way. If you have other specific direct questions you want to ask me, fire away and I will do my best to give you a straight answer.

Ultimately, truth might turn out to be stranger than fiction, though my fiction seems to be plenty strange enough already. Fyi, next week is rough for me work-wise, so no idea when I will wrap up my latest tale.

Waiting is the fucking worst! Anticipation is the fucking best!

To: Ben

Date: Mon Sep 7, 1:21 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Re: First Dates - Part One

Yes, please tell me about yourself. What are you looking for in a play partner? Are there any sexual buttons you would tell me about, and let me press? Fetishes you want explored? Outfits you want me to wear? I would like to make a more equal contribution to all this. Can I write stories back to you? If yes, what would you want to read about? How can I tease you back?

You definitely intrigue me. I'm very curious about who you are, and what you do in your real life. I'm never really challenged in my own life, and yet over the past few weeks you have me metaphorically twisting in the wind, having your way with me, calling me out when I try to "top from the bottom". That has planted some delicious feelings inside me, an unexpected reaction to the frustration of not getting my way. You have earned kudos for taking me someplace brand new!

I've spent the entire day at my desk today totally flushed and horny. I can touch my inner thigh and feel the wetness of it all. I'm sure you can smell it on me too, but I'm feeling reckless and don't care who knows. A direct response to being strung along (in a good way) and not getting my way. If I'm not careful someone might even smell what has been going on with me lately.

Will my weakness be exposed at last? If others know there is a man truly having his way with me, and I can't stop it, maybe they will also take that chance. Seize the opportunity! Given my current state, they will almost certainly catch the "ice queen" on a good day. And soon find their cock being engulfed by the desire you've drawn from me. Getting the fuck of a lifetime simply because an anonymous stranger has stoked something dangerous deep inside me. And I would have to confess my wanton behaviour to you afterwards!

Inspired? Looking forward to more wickedness!

To: Sienna

Date: Tue Sep 8, 7:09 PM

Subject: Autobiographically Speaking - Part One

Inquisitive Sienna,

First things first: what sort of career is making you work on a holiday Monday? I'm glad I could help you get through that! Hopefully you weren't working the weekend as well??

I have good news for you! Since you asked me so very, very nicely, I am going to take the plunge and share with you a mountain of relevant information about myself. Nothing that truly identifies me or breaks personal boundaries, but I can assure you that it will be more than enough for you to mull over and run with.

However, there will also be a cost to it! If you didn't guess I would say that, then it's definitely time you were enrolled in Benjamin 101! First off: the conclusion of my latest story will have to be delayed a little longer while I put my time into this "short" missive instead. Choices are always such a bitch! Second, I'm feeling compelled to give you a few assignments to complete afterwards, since it's not really school without getting some homework, right? I'm sure you'll be up to the challenge. But let's set that aside for a few minutes.

Where to start, hmmm... well, since both of our profiles confess to being attached, let's make sure we align on this point: this is definitely cheating for me. Of course, our mileage may vary, but in my case, I've had a small number of affairs, either online or in-person, over the years. I don't make distinctions or treat cyber-affairs as a loophole. No delusions or self-rationalizing here. My reasons are absolutely selfish, and mainly related to my personal sexual urges. I am not looking to find a new life partner, or to fall in love. I am an otherwise high-functioning family man who is deeply unsatisfied because I can't embrace and enjoy a specific and fundamental sexual aspect of myself. It took me some time, but I eventually came to the conclusion that I couldn't live with that, and would have bitter regrets in my old age if I did nothing about it.

I have had kinky urges for most of my life. I have vivid memories of playing tie-up games with two girls on my childhood street, twin sisters named Juliette and Yvette (this is totally true, and wouldn't it make an interesting start to a kinky tale, except for the fact that we were eight years old at the time, so NO!!!). I remember the strange feelings it gave me, and the sense of power behind it, despite not knowing quite what to do with it. I remember how wrong and inverted it felt when they tried to tie me up (very poorly) and then how right it felt when I showed them how it could be done better in return. It never went any further than that, and it always stayed innocent, though I did tend to delay their release as long as I could, while savoring their predicament.

As an adult, my sex life has always included some aspects of the BDSM spectrum, motivated by my own experience as it expanded, but often more enabled by the comfort level of partners along the way. I've always been an intensely private person, much more of an introvert than an extrovert, and I tend not to wear my inner self on my sleeve. That can make it more difficult sometimes to meet like-minded people. My relationships have been very hit-and-miss, and typically left me feeling like I'd "settled" in one way or another. I thought I had minimized that potential when I finally made the big commitment, but as always: things change. When my life hit the mid-30s, and priorities had dramatically shifted towards house, careers and kids, adult play time seemed to have vanished entirely; and that was definitely not by my choice. So yes, I have since strayed, at least somewhat, in search of that play time.

Somewhat? Well, a significant portion of my philandering was with one person. I consider her to have been way more than a Friend With Benefits. That relationship has been the source of many potent sexual moments for me in the last few years, and the chemistry was simple and yet nearly impossible to replicate. It started with a long-term friendship, and then as we started commiserating over how similar our circumstances were in life, we discovered that we were also combustibly compatible sexually. We didn't resist that siren call for long, and it was the trust we already had together that allowed us to move quickly, to play with each other, but also to push each other, and to have experiences that were pretty far outside the norm.

Now here is where things go a little sideways into confession territory: during the past year, since that torrid affair, I have been trying to write a loosely autobiographical erotic novel about that time in my life. However, the grind of the daily family routine and the unfortunate need to focus on an actual paying job has been a distraction, and I haven't made great progress there.

Plus, I'm feeling very disconnected from that core part of me once again. I quite desperately want / need to have sex on my mind again on a daily (or hourly!) basis! And that won't happen in my day-to-day life. Maybe I could get there by pushing myself to work more regularly on my other writing, but I'm finding it hard to go back to the old material. It makes me feel like I'm re-living the past instead of pursuing new experiences.

So, this is part of the explanation for why I'm seeking a sexual collaborator of sorts: someone who gets the creative juices flowing in me again, presents me with interesting challenges, inspires me to embrace my nature, and helps me to work on my writing craft. And yes, someone who keeps me hard and horny too!

I'm at my best when I'm feeling a little... pent-up, shall we say. It focuses my energy and makes me way more creative and productive. By cranking out some new material, I feel like my libido will kick back into full gear, and as a bonus I might even manage to lift the block I have about compiling and curating my long-suppressed creative work. Rest assured, I have no aspirations for any sort of lucrative writing career ever coming out of that! It would just be fun to self-publish someday. But even if I don't, trust me when I say that you will definitely want to hear some of my tales first-hand...

This all points to why I currently have a preference for cyber and roleplay as opposed to an RL experience: bringing my imagination to life is not always an achievable goal! But there are some other reasons, too. One is that I was quite burned out from all the sneaking around in real life. Right now, scheduling "away time" is harder than it has ever been, and I don't need the stress. I've had to bail out on someone along the way, which understandably didn't sit well with her. I don't want to mislead anyone else or over-commit to something. With writing, I can tap away at home or on my phone when the opportunity presents itself, and I'm better able to keep any promises I make. I don't know what your motivations are for expressing an online-only preference, or for goading guys into sending you pornographic prose (please feel free to share that explanation!), but the arrangement appears to be working for us so far!

With that said, I do feed off of your reactions to what I write, and I would very much enjoy it if you started writing some stories back to me. Hopefully you can tell by now that I'm open to pretty much anything, and I'm never feeling particularly constrained by realism. I've barely scratched the surface of where my combined experience and imagination can go, and I think the same is true for you. Absolutely I want you to be an active participant, not a passive one! However, fair warning: it is an important part of my nature that I will always prefer to "assign" you a task rather than just waiting to see what you come up with on your own. I gotta be me!

So, yeah, remember that cost I mentioned earlier? It's almost time to settle up. I'm going to send you a separate email shortly that outlines your... outstanding debts? I'm very curious to see how much and how well you really want to play along with me. You don't need to over-commit, just try to be true to yourself!

To: Sienna

Date: Tue Sep 8, 8:47 PM

Subject: Autobiographically Speaking - Part Two

Here are a few small "projects" that I want you to work on. Every one of them hits a hot button for me, so these are entirely selfish on my part and have nothing to do with you learning anything about me! *heh* I won't give you any specific deadlines, or even an order in which to complete them. I'm doing that in respect for both of our limited free time. Just know that if too much time passes without any real progress, I will find diabolical ways to motivate you.

***

The Warm Up - Something About Sienna

Ok, I'll start easy. And this one doesn't count as an assignment, since it should be your natural response to this. I would like to hear a little more from you about your own personal situation and motivations. We both dove right in with our crazy intense scenes, basing everything on your preferred "theme". I've invented two outrageous, compulsive, sex-addicted characters in my stories, assigned our own names to them somewhat arbitrarily, and played with your expectations on the fly. But any connection to reality at this point is pretty tenuous other than little snippets I have picked up along the way. Maybe it should stay that way? Partly your call, but regardless, knowing more about each other is a step in building up some trust that makes it feel safer to push boundaries no matter if it is wild fantasy, or closer to reality.

***

Assignment #1 - An Origin Story

"It would become a ritual for us. My personal crystal glass, sitting on a polished silver tray. Into that glass she would pour a generous amount of the bourbon I had chosen, not spilling a drop. Naked, on her knees, arms extended, she would present this drink to me. I would savor it slowly, just as I did the sight of her, waiting and motionless before me. A few drops might find their way onto her breasts, and need to be licked off. Or I might take a sip, hold it in my mouth, and then kiss her deeply, sharing the sweet, burning sensation back and forth between us. I also might pour some on my hand, rub it on my cock, and then give her permission to taste me. In this way, over time, even the faintest scent of whiskey quickly became a powerful and instant trigger for our darkest desires."

True tale! Now you tell me a story about a key moment in your life where your sexual identify started taking hold, or you came to understand it better. Give me a taste of that sense of discovery, a thrill of a first experience, a moment of lost innocence. Or a tragicomedy from your youth about an encounter that went sideways? I'm all ears! I have a few of those in my history, without a doubt. How did these early revelations shape you into the version of you that I'm playing with now?

***

Assignment #2 - The Eyes Have It

I will eventually admit to a rather embarrassing number of little obsessions, but one of my strongest is a fascination with a woman's eyes and the story they are telling me. From the look of defiance as I approach, to the instinctive fear in that moment when she finds herself truly helpless before me for the first time, to being gradually overwhelmed with sensation and arousal, to her mind starting to float outside her body as her pleasure spikes, to the final moment of ecstasy. It is all written in a woman's eyes, and all of that is like blood to a hungry wolf for me. I'm sure you've noticed how my profile handle and my email account have references to eyes, and that my entire bio text is based around a stolen gaze? You probably haven't re-read my profile in a while. You should go back and do that when you get a chance.

***

And your task is: I want you to imagine and describe how you would react to being told to keep your eyes open and locked on mine while I was having my way with you. I would not be particularly gentle if you let your eyes slip closed, or they broke focus and gazed away, or even rolled back in your head -- as delightful as that might be.

***

Assignment #3 - Dress For Excess

Clothing can be another obsession for me, but I need you to understand that the allure is a bit indirect. I don't have a material fetish, like leather or latex, and my reaction is not triggered by the item itself, but rather by how it functions. Heels will turn my head every time, but a woman struggling or self-conscious in heels that are a bit impractical for the situation is what gives me whiplash. A short skirt and seamed stockings are sexy, but the constant attention required to maintain decency, by avoiding bending over, or pulling at the hem, fidgeting nervously as the skirt keeps slipping up in public, is what makes me salivate. A longer skirt can trigger the same reaction, if it fits tightly and forces the wearer to take shortened, mincing steps. And a corset-style bustier is lovely, but a properly structured corset, correctly and tightly tied, makes a woman's breath short, and mine as well!

***

Um, yeah, anyways... *phew*... back to the assignment! Take me on a virtual shopping trip and assemble an outfit that expresses your sexual persona and ensures that I could not resist the urge to ravage you on the spot. Then describe getting ready for me, thinking about how each piece of clothing makes you feel, why you chose it, and what your imagination is doing to you as you slowly piece yourself together.

***

Alright then, I think that is probably more than enough work for you. My goodness I've rambled on. Lucky, lucky you! I was sorely tempted to add even more, but this seems like a good time to finally apply my supposedly "legendary" self-control!

I hope you've enjoyed this lengthy read, and gained some of the insight you were hoping for. What will you do with all this knowledge, I wonder?

Until next time!

To: Ben

Date: Wed Sep 9, 9:27 AM

Subject: Re: Autobiographically Speaking - Part Two

Yes, yes, yes, multiplied by a thousand!

I wanted to give you a quick response right away so you know that I am quite thrilled by your emails and the prospects they present. I've been waiting a long time for a smart, articulate man who understands boundaries... your email hit the bullseye. I'll warn you right now that I'm a slow writer, but hopefully my excitement will help to counteract that!

I will get down to writing soon, but just wanted to put that out there.

To: Sienna

Date: Wed Sep 9, 9:59 AM

Subject: Re: Re: Autobiographically Speaking - Part Two

Excellent! As you can see, I'm definitely not a slow writer, but you don't need to feel any pressure to match my pace. My last two emails were an avalanche of words, even for me. There is a lot to process there, so take your time. I guess the lesson is: "always be careful what you wish for!"

And -- although I don't know how it could even be possible -- let me know if you have any more questions!