Sweetness

I heard the light knock. My hands started to shake, again, it wasn't easy putting on eye makeup with shaking hands. I looked in the mirror at my dress, I looked nice, like I was going to an even better party. Next time at the hotel I had to bring some more casual clothes, ha, like that was going to happen. My dress was metallic green, short, there was no way I was going to be able to hide in a corner, glowing like an emerald. The neck was cut high, covering my breasts, and it was showing off my beige pantyhose, right below my tiny bikini panties. I clicked to the door while wearing four-inch platform heels, they were a perfect match. I picked up my metallic green bag and put it over my shoulder, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

"Hi." The man had a wide smile on his face, he looked pleasantly surprised. "I'm guessing I will have company for drinks?"

"You guess correctly."

He was in a different pair of pants, jacket, shoes. He was quite attractive, I couldn't believe I was going to have drinks with him, with a man. He had dark hair, a five o'clock shadow, and dark brown eyes. The best thing, he was at least four to five inches taller than me, even in my heels. I closed the door and he made me take his arm, we walked down the quiet corridor to the elevators. I felt naked without my selfie stick.

*

The hotel was quiet for a Friday night, quieter than usual, the snow was still coming down. I wanted to look outside so we went to the front, looked out the big windows overlooking the parking lot. There were huge snowdrifts, my car was buried already, it was windy, it would be a quiet night at the Western. I was distracted, disappointed I probably wouldn't get out this weekend, I had a regular jaunt I would usually do. But I realized it would be totally fine. I was looking at my reflection in the glass, the tall man stood next to me. I was almost thirty years old and I was on my first date.

He caught my eye in the glass, "My name is Austin."

I turned around, I looked at him in real life. "Sabrina."

He smiled, "Sabrina, you have a lovely name,"

I was nervous, my mouth was getting dry, I needed a diversion, "And that over there is Samantha." I waved and we walked over to the reception area. I introduced her to Austin. She told us she was staying the night because of the snow.

"Maybe I will see you two in the morning." She giggled.

"I hope so," I held her hand for a couple of seconds and said goodbye, I looked at the man next to me, he liked that I had a friend, I was friendly.

I took his arm again and we walked through the lobby to the large bar area. A different young woman sat us at a quiet table, maybe she thought we were lovers looking for more alone time. I smiled at her, she was probably a little younger than me, I wished I knew her name too. I started wishing I had a friend I could call to tell them I was having drinks with a man. 'Hi Lora, I met a gorgeous man, he's ginormous. I was in four-inch heels... no the green ones silly, and I had to look up to him, he made me clutch his arm, you know I'm such a clutz, hehe.'

I was distracted again, a man walked over and Austin asked what I would like. I smiled, "You decide."

"Mmm, a bottle of white, a bottle of red, maybe a bottle of rosé instead." We laughed he ordered Cabernet Sauvignon, soon he poured, he tasted and we toasted. "To us, to a perfect Friday night in beautiful snowy New Jersey."

"To New Jersey." We kept eye contact as we sipped our wine. I had my legs crossed, I was playing with my hair, I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. Every time he touched me I got a little excited, every time he laughed at something I said or noticed, I got a little more delighted. I was enjoying myself a little too much.

"So what brings you to this wonderful hotel?" He put his hand over mine.

"I live close by, just up north off the Garden State, I come here for a break, just to relax." It was crazy but I wanted to tell him more about me, wanted to tell him my unfortunate gender, more about my disappointing relationship. I wanted to tell him I had a silicone plaything in my room that I was going to re-name Austin as soon as I got back to the room. I looked around at the bar, I saw the snow still coming down. "I love it here and I always stay in the same room, for years." I shrugged. "And how about you?"

"I came for my friends' wedding, I was in beautiful Pasadena, California yesterday."

"Oh, that's so nice."

"Unfortunately it got canceled, the snow." He gestured and we looked to the large windows in the back. "This bar should have been crowded with Angie and Jay's family and friends. I would be introducing you to them right now. We would probably be dancing."

I love to imagine I was dancing at a party, a pre-wedding party, I was definitely dressed for it. "Aw, that's so sad. But you are so lying, there is no way a handsome man was going to a wedding alone." I felt slightly shy calling him handsome.

"Well, ha, I had a date for the wedding, she's still in Pasadena, but I would have been solo for the get-together tonight. I would have met you, we would have mingled, danced, learned about each other. Then I would have taken you to the wedding instead. Let's see, you would have worn a beautiful, long dress and then stolen my heart. Wouldn't it of been nice?" He was looking at my blue eyes, holding my hand, I was practically melting.

"Um, ha, yes it sounds like we would have had a fantastic night. Maybe next time."

"Maybe. Maybe when the weather gets better." We ended up drinking the whole bottle of wine. We ordered some water but I didn't want to say goodnight, I was enjoying myself.

We heard someone calling, someone was calling Austin. "Here you are. Figures you found the most beautiful woman in New Jersey. Hi, I'm Angie."

She held out her hand. She was stunning and small, even in her heels, she had long dark hair in a ponytail and wet pink lips. I stood up, she hugged me, then I met Jay. He was closer to Austin's size, but his hair was lighter and longer. We were all four standing, talking, listening. Once we were seated, we ordered another bottle of wine. The two of them looked slightly older than me, as did Austin, they were very nice, very friendly. They told me how they met, how they fell in love, I was jealous. I wanted to meet, fall in love, and plan a wedding with a handsome man as Angie did. I wish I was more like her. I loved the way she touched everyone, tapped their arms, rubbed fingers, played with her dress. Even the way she moved her eyes, always looking up and then making a face. I also loved the way she sat next to her future husband, leaning into him so naturally, comfortable. Her hair was draped over his arms most of the night.

I was looking at the snow as Angie rubbed my hand, "We came early to hang with the family, we are all from Monroe, only a couple of towns away."

"Oooh, I have been there, I have been everywhere in Jersey." I smiled, I felt like such a globe trotter, an explorer.

She took out a little mirror, fixed her lips, which were probably always perfect. "Now all of our friends are still in California and all of our family are home in bed. It's not what I was expecting, we wanted to get married in Pasadena. My mother wanted New Jersey." She shrugged. "She won and now we got snow, heh." She looked at her little gold watch, "It's midnight and now it's my favorite day."

"Really? 'cause now it is officially my birthday." They all wished me happy birthday, with smiles, I was a little embarrassed that I even brought it up.

"We should order Champagne," Jay told us smiling, he pulled Angie into him a little tighter. They were so in love, it was nice, I was happy for them. I was now happy to be sharing my birthday with them all.

Soon we were sipping expensive Champagne, wishing we were getting ready for a wedding, wishing there would be something more exciting to do than hang out in a hotel bar.

I touched her hand as she would me, I realized I didn't change my polish, I didn't match my dress, I still had on my peach color. "Well, tomorrow you can always come with me," I was being facetious, silly even, I was a little tipsy. "I go to all the little stores in the neighborhood, I have a routine. I am very consistent on my trips to Hazlet, haha, I know all the best places. Plus since it's my birthday, you can celebrate with me." I made a face, trying to imitate Angies look.

"Sure." They laughed, I was kidding, but they wanted to come with me, celebrate, celebrate the date, they wanted to hang out. I got nervous, I would have to entertain three gorgeous people. I should have thought about it before I said anything, but the wine was taking over.

I was hoping we wouldn't be sitting here at this same table tomorrow night, listening to the same quiet muzak, thinking how disappointing Hazlet was.

*

I was standing in front of 1201, my favorite room. Usually, I would take my selfie stick for company, my phone, taking pictures and videos to watch later, to see how well I became a 'woman,' became more perfect away from home.

"I think," He moved close to me, he took my hands in his, "snow in Hazlet is the best thing that could have happened today, well for me."

"Is it?" I was nervous, I had never been in this position. A man had never walked me to my door before, this would be a learning experience. I felt I had two options. I could kiss him goodnight, kiss him for a long time, then change rooms and lock myself in for the rest of the weekend. Or, I could tell him about myself, see if he was disappointed, see if he was surprised, then hopefully experience tomorrow with him and his friends while I was wearing another wonderful dress. I was officially thirty, wasn't I too old to be hiding in a hotel room in pantyhose, hiding from my friends and family, and way too old to not have a weekend as a 'woman,' a transgender woman.

He kissed me on the cheek, he stayed close to me, it was nice. "Thank you for a wonderful night. I can't wait for tomorrow." He pulled away slowly.

"Austin? Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

I pulled him into the room, the quiet room. The snow had finally stopped, the rest of the guests have finally gone to sleep. I kept the door open just in case, I made him sit at the desk, and I sat on the bed. I wanted some distance, plus I wanted him to see my legs, crossed and shaking my heels. I wanted him to see a 'woman.' The type of woman I became.

"Austin, usually I put a do not disturb sign on my door." I showed him the sign, I was so close to hanging it before he came back to get me.

"Oh, really? Good to know." He grinned.

"I try not to talk to anyone, I try to stay out of the way." I was stalling, I had to tell him at least one of my secrets, maybe the important one. I looked down at my legs, my heels, I lightly rubbed the nylon with my long mismatched nails. "I'm um, gender fluid." I played with the hem of my dress, I looked up as he looked at me, "I'm sorry, do you know what that means?"

"I do, but does that mean I can't see you tomorrow?"

I smiled, he didn't seem to care, he didn't even seem that surprised.

"Umm..." I didn't know how to continue.

He stood up and pulled me up to him, we kissed. I kissed a man in my hotel room. A tall, tan, handsome man with a rough beard starting to grow. A hard, strong man at least a mile taller than me, at least a thousand pounds heavier. A real man. Why was this never on the itinerary, why wasn't a man involved in my trips to Best Western before, what was I thinking? I had passed them before in the halls, I knew they existed, I smiled at one once, twice, I even licked my lips at another.

I was on my toes in my heels, I put my arms on his shoulders, I felt his body surround me, I smelled his underarm deodorant, I tasted his tongue. I was now getting even more excited, I felt myself get wet in my panties. I had been on edge the entire time I was with him and his friends. I wanted him to stay, but I wasn't that type of woman, I needed to know him a little first. I was shy when it came to sex, always was. I was adventurous but shy.

"What time tomorrow?" I kissed his cheek, I slid my hands slowly down his chest, I backed away just a little clutching his shirt, fixing his collar.

"Angie said she is going to be knocking at eleven. Make sure you are ready, she is a tyrant for promptness, heh." We kissed, we walked to the door and we kissed again. He looked at me, he held my hair, he kissed my cheek. "Sabrina, you have the nicest hair, the nicest smile, I will be thinking about you all night. Oh, can I have your number?"

I pointed to the door. "1201, my favorite number." I gave him a wicked smile and he kissed me again. We started making out in the hall, a couple I had noticed in the bar walked by us and we said hello.

I took his phone out of his pocket, I typed in my number, I took a picture of us together for his contacts. I made him do the same for me. I was glad I changed my phone case, matching pink like my tongue. He walked away backward, we smiled at each other. Austin turned the corner, he was so far away, he came back to kiss me goodnight again.

"I almost forgot, happy birthday."

And we kissed some more. Then he waved goodbye, I was missing him already, I went into my room and undressed. My green dress pooled at my feet.

I looked at myself in my lingerie in the mirror. He knew my secret, he was the only one. I knew him one night, three hours and I told him my closely guarded secret. The one I had since I was a child. Maybe I should tell more people, Lora, maybe she would react the same exact way. I would sleep on it, I wanted to scream but first I needed to get reacquainted with my old plaything with the brand new name.

***

When the knock came the next morning I was pleasantly surprised. I knew Austin would tell his friends about me, and I was quite happy they were still on board with hanging out. Lora's friends and family would have been disgusted, well that sounds a little harsh, maybe disappointed. I had been to sermons at her church which frankly made me really uncomfortable. I have walked out a couple of times, Lora wouldn't talk to me the entire day, she said I embarrassed her. It's crazy but I was feeling embarrassed for the entire church, they were so backward, so twentieth century, I had to slowly extricate myself out of there. I sat in the car and waited for six hours. She was sulking when she got in, she woke me, I was sleeping.

I opened the hotel room door, I was only shaking a little this morning, Angie was stunning. "Hi, sweetness, you look so lovely," I told her.

"You too, you look great in purple."

She made me turn around, and perform a slight spin. She did one herself, she was beautiful, I felt bad she wasn't getting married today. I vowed to make today at least fun, and hopefully a little memorable, I wanted her to enjoy her time back in New Jersey. I wanted her to tell her friends back home she met a funny, friendly 'woman.'

"Those heels are killer, you are so cute, Austin couldn't stop talking about the girl in 1201." We giggled in the hallway.

Angie was all dressed up too, she looked incredible in her short khaki mini dress and long straight black hair. I was instantly jealous, being a beautiful woman must be the best thing in the entire world. With her hair pushed back, you could see more of her Asian features, she had perfect lips, cheekbones and eyes, and earrings. She was all woman, and she was way overdressed for the dollar stores and local shops I was going to introduce them to today. Together we looked like we were headed to Atlantic City not a strip mall on a little route in Jersey. I had to admit, I was looking forward to it, looking forward to being with people. She dragged me forward, I held onto my bag. We went to the elevators, she wanted to take some shots. "Let's get some before pictures."

"Before?"

"Of course, I was going to have my three friends and I get new nails for the wedding, it looks like it's going to be just us."

I smiled, I always wanted to go to a salon, have my nails done, I was more excited than ever. This is something I never would have done by myself, I would have needed an accomplice, or two.

Before I was married, I was thinking I would stop dressing up altogether. I had such a strong fetish for stockings, heels, and even makeup, that it was going to be hard. I was hoping becoming a girl would pale in comparison to being married to a real live woman, a funny exciting woman. It turned out I couldn't have been more wrong, Lora wasn't the exciting woman I assumed, but I think I was. 'Sabrina' was everything I wanted in a woman. She was happy, sexy, funny, friendly, and always ready for an adventure or a party. Always ready to experience something new, even though I was always hiding by myself, but things change. I was looking at the two of us in the mirror in the elevator. We looked so good, could I look even better, could I actually get longer nails, better ones, ones a woman would get at a hotel before she got married before she went shopping with a man.

This morning I went through all the outfits I had brought with me. I always bring a lot, and I usually wear all of them. I take so many pictures and make so many trips through the hallway, I want to get a record of all my looks. I want to see which ones work best, look great with my hair, and appear nice on my body. I was all in purple, purple and black dress, almost black pantyhose, tight corset, and four-inch black platform Pleasers. I had on my smaller size C boobs in the cups of the dress, I had just a little cleavage, but that was fine, I felt fantastic anyway. Angie took more pictures of us together in the elevator as the door opened, we were in the way, we moved, we pranced out. She just smiled and apologized.

"Why am I saying sorry? They just got free looks at our legs, our boobs." We laughed and she led me toward the salon.

***

"Samantha!" I called, I saw my new friend, I wanted to introduce her to Angie. Angie convinced her to come with us to the salon.

The three of us were in the three styling chairs, in front of the big mirrors, in view of anyone walking by. I loved that I didn't stand out, I looked very natural. I could easily be friends with the two gorgeous women surrounding me. Apparently, we were right on time, they were ready for us. The three of us had to take off our heels, our stockings, we put our feet up. I had my first pedicure. I felt so feminine sitting with the two women with another one attacking my feet with metal torture devices. I let the young girl pick out my color, she gave me a darker purple than my dress, almost black, she gave Samantha pink and she gave Angie white.

I spied a tattoo on Angie's thigh, quite high up on her leg. "This is the date," Angie pushed her dress up a little more, showing us her entire perfect thigh. "That I met Jay. Exactly six years ago, Saturday, February 20th. Jay has one on his forearm." She looked out towards the front of the hotel, thinking. "You know what? We weren't too far from here, a liquor store, we were fighting over the last bottle of 'Sour Green Pucker.' Imagine?" We laughed, it was nice.

Samantha then showed us hers. "I have my favorite quote." Hers was around her right ankle, "Usually, it would be hidden under leather booties and dark brown tights. No one would ever see my tattoo or my new nail color. 'Don't dream your life, live your dream,' I have had it since I was eighteen, four years now. My mother hated it, she screamed at me for a month but now she has one on the same ankle. Ha, mothers..."

Then the staff worked on our fingers and hands. Soaking in lotion, massaging our arms and joints. A half-hour later we had long nail tips, longer than I had ever had before. The three of us wouldn't have a problem we told them, the owner of the salon called us Divas and gave us cups of fresh-squeezed orange juice.