Swelling Need

"And in the office, too! You dirty bird." She shook her head seemingly disappointed.

"Could've been from yesterday..." I countered quietly.

"It wasn't there this morning..." I scrunched up my face and she smiled wickedly from behind the rim of her glass.

"What the hell do you want me to say?" I wanted to give her plausible deniability but she wasn't dropping it.

"Say...you'll never do it on my desk with her..." her eyes bored into mine and I felt the plane of the room shift sharply to one side. My jaw was hanging open and she laughed until she cried. I picked at my soup dumplings and wondered if it was an option to get drunk tonight.

"Whatever..."

"Hm...will you tell me anything about your book?"

I pursed my lips. For the longest, it was my own personal Schrödinger's cat, where I would open it up to look at it every few hours just to see if it was alive. Then, it started to take a little more shape. Then, I told my best friend, Jesse. And all of a sudden, it was real and looming over me, taunting me to finish.

"It's sort of a noir mystery set in a...different sort of place."

"Ooh! Cryptic! Different how? Future, alien? Ooh! The Matrix?"

"No." I chuckled. "That's all I'm saying for now. Hopefully, it's published one day and I'll hand you your own copy."

"I would go and buy my copy, of course. I'm sure it's amazing, Mor, if it has any of the genius oozing out of your brain."

"Thanks! That...feels nice to hear."

After a comfortable pause, she ruined the mood again.

"So...Jo-Anna, huh?"

I groaned in frustration.

----

We rolled our luggage down to the rental car place to pick up the car for the week of the trade show. We really only needed the one and Suzie preferred playing Ms. Daisy anyway.

Next, I checked us in at the hotel while she took a call.

I followed her to her room and we collapsed on the couch after the long trek. The weather was humid and hot, a stark difference from back home. The cloudy sky of Texas threatened rain and nowhere was safe at any time. I loved it.

"Okay!" I groaned as I got up and started hanging up her clothes.

"Mor...you don't have to do that..." She drawled. I froze with a hanger in my hand and turned around. My face colored and I realized I was about to unpack for her.

"Sorry! Habit? I guess." I went to my bags. "I'll go put my stuff away."

She walked me out. It was awkward because we weren't technically due for work until midday tomorrow and I felt uncharacteristically shy. Luckily, she put me at ease.

"Let's go to the pool, then I'll treat you to dinner as a thank you for coming this week, then trash TV."

"Sounds like a plan!" I smiled warmly at her and she smiled back. Unbeknownst to me, she was grinning and biting her lip on the other side of the closed door.

She picked me up at my room and I salivated at the sight at my door. It was a gorgeous black bikini with a see through dusty tan cover up. She had on wedges and the biggest hat in the history of the world.

"Wow!" She strode in past me and admired my room. It was smaller but it had a nice view of the pool. "Pick your jaw up, Mor...are you ready yet?"

"Yeah, hold on!" I just had a black sports bra with my favorite workout tank top that was distressed to bits and pieces and a pair of fitted black shorts.

"Omigawd, Mor! I can't be seen with you wearing that!" She covered her face as she took in my shirt.

"What? It's funny!"

"No, it's gauche..."

I frowned and looked down at my faded FBI: Female Body Inspector tank and conceded she was probably right. I rooted around for something more presentable and found a white muscle shirt with arm holes that showed off my abs. Before I had a chance to put it on, she touched my side and traced the dark cogs tattooed on there. I turned around and she followed the line as it slipped under my bra and over my heart. There was one cog there over my heart that was dripping blood.

"What's it mean?" She looked at the red cog.

I smiled at her and put on the muscle shirt, moving to pack a little bag with waters and the miscellaneous things she'd brought with her.

I held open the door, waiting for her.

She slipped her sunglasses down to level a gaze at me. "You're frustratingly cryptic, you know that?"

"And you're just all-around frustrating." Frustratingly sexy, I added to myself. She scoffed.

As we got down to the pool, I swam as many laps as I could without dying to burn off some of that frustration. I finally got out heaving and panting.

"Good workout?"

"I'm not done yet. Just a break." I gasped out. "How about you?"

"I think I'm actually done on this side." She inspected her front and therefore gave me permission too. I could barely see the peaks of her nipples and the skin on display dipped so sensually around her hipbones. "Help, please." She turned over and held the lotion out. I chuckled nervously and rubbed my nose. I chuckled again and looked around. No one was looking at us.

"Dude, that's so cliché! 'Can you put suntan lotion on me??'" I griped.

She groaned into the lounge chair. "You're so difficult! Fine, I'll just get the cabana guy to do it."

"No, no. I can do it. Gimme the stupid bottle." I squirted some in my hands and coated all the important bits quickly. I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth, though. I'll touch her as long as she'll let me. Propriety be damned.

I dug into her shoulders and she moaned. I froze and controlled my breathing. I kept kneading her back and she kept up the moaning, quieter this time. I placed her arms next to her and dug my fingers into her triceps and the...the name of the muscle escaped me, flexor capillary something...I tried to focus on my old anatomy classes and kneading a knot here and there because if I focused on her soft skin and moans I would probably combust in the hot Texan sun.

After I worked all the way up to her neck, I kneaded her calves. Damn! They were strong. Soft skin, but her muscles rippled under my fingers and her thighs were just as solid. My fingers twitched as I stared at the next obvious area, her ass, and she cleared her throat.

I took my hands off her quickly and she leaned up to look at me over her shoulder.

"I wasn't expecting a back rub! But thank you, Mor! Want me to do you?" She had a hand on her hip and the silhouette of her dangling breasts, plus her barely clothed ass made my heart stop and throttle the length of my esophagus against the walls of my lungs, violently. I stepped back blindly and let myself fall into the pool, letting the water swirl around me as I made no effort to swim back up. I vaguely heard shouting and opened my eyes in the water to see a red headed girl with her mouth open in a silent tribade through the dazzling ripples of water. This fucking vision wasn't going away, it just got hotter...I let myself resurface naturally and broke the water, sputtering.

"Oh my god, Mor! I thought you were dead! What the fuck is wrong with you!" I swam away to get away from her hand smacking me on my head.

"Sorry! Needed to cool off!" I winked at her and continued my laps, even more forcefully.

I kept stealing glances at her body here and there and I was finally exhausted as the sun started dipping down. As I toweled off, I saw a guy in a polo talking Suzie up. The douche had his sunglasses on the back of his head and tiny pastel shorts. I approached them, still drying off, and was happy to see I dropped water on his shorts and sandals.

"Hi! Suzie, who's your friend?"

"This is Grant! Grant! This is Moriah! We're here until Monday, by the way! Grant was telling me all the fun stuff we can do while we're here." I hummed as I sat next to her and, as I held my hand out, she placed her peach Bellini in it. I gulped heavily, overheated.

"Sorry! If you two are together, I'll--" he stuttered out.

"Oh, we're not together! We're here for the trade show this week." She said easily.

"Oh!" He perked up. "Me too! What company are you with?" She told him the name of our company and his eyes widened in recognition. We were a huge player in the game. "Well then, I'll definitely see you around! Here, I'll leave you my card in case you want a night out or need help finding something."

I had to give him kudos for his delivery. He didn't look half bad, was confident, but respectful. Didn't push for something immediately, but left the ball in her court. He dipped his fingers in the pocket of his shorts and produced one starkly white business card with his name and title embossed on it. He placed it in Suzie's hand.

"Nice to meet you both! I'll see you around!"

"Bye, Grant!" She shouted, cloyingly, beside me.

"He was sweet!" She stated, as I leaned back in my lounge chair, finally letting myself lounge.

"Mhm." I assented.

"And cute! Don't you think so?"

"Yes, super hot, adonis-type body..." she giggled and I chanced a glance over to see her fingering the thick business card. I sighed to myself as I imagined the worst case scenario. She meets someone, they hit it off, I don't see her properly for the rest of the trip. They become an item, they marry and have three kids. Stupid fucking Grant...

I thought about Joey...this all wasn't fair to her, lusting after my straight boss. But it was a kindling I've lovingly nurtured for years. And despite my lust for Suzie, I did also absolutely admire her and respect her and hoped an amazing life for her. Seriously, everything! She shouldn't suffer any more than she already has. So, if the quota is all used up for shittiness, then what's left should just be getting spoiled rotten and loved on.

I was confused, frustrated, and afraid. I felt like this faceless Orwellian character that can have two opposing thoughts at the same time and go about my life peachy keen. One side was, I wanted this amazing woman in my life even if it was in a platonic way. She was just so...one-of-a-kind, I'd be an idiot to not do my utmost to keep her around. On the other hand, she was straight and I was honestly expending way too much romantic energy on her and have been for years to my own detriment.

And then there was Joey...she was new and affectionate and a little weird in bed. If I hadn't given most of my heart to Suzie already, I'd have a little piece to give to Joey or another girl that's perfect for me and vice versa. But, I just can't do it.

And therein lies my highly unstable Doublethink state of mind.

"Have you thought about where you wanna have dinner?" Her sweet voice broke my self-flagellating train of thought.

I pulled up Yelp and rattled off a few places.

"Let's see...There's a bunch of barbecue restaurants, burgers, a Mexican place, French. Ooh! This one has those fancy potato fried layer things!" I showed her the picture because I'd forgotten what they're called.

"Omigawd!" She took my phone away and started scrolling through my other choices. "Yeah, that place looks good! Nick and Sam's! Plus, they have live music!" She chirped happily.

"On a Tuesday night?"

"Hm...true. Well, they also have a good wine selection at least." I checked my watch and it was a little after five.

"Are you actually going to swim?"

"Oh no! It's too cold now." She shivered.

"Why come to the pool if you're not going to swim, then?"

"To tan! Plus, I liked watching you do laps."

"Alright, let's go, then. I'll make reservations."

"No! I'll make them! I am taking you out after all! And I'll drive!" She collected her stuff and came after me.

"Okay!"

I put on a crisp white dress shirt, navy slacks, and shiny brown dress shoes. I felt like a million bucks and as we walked through the lobby, I let the fuzzy feelings wash over me. The only thing missing was if the knockout on my arm was actually mine.

Her dress was a navy number too, with a slit up the side and a wide low collar. It hugged her so nice and she showed off her newly tanned legs with killer black and white heels.

We had a fun time eating and if her leg brushed against mine, it was completely by accident.

"Okay, so you already know our line front to back, so the biggest thing to do is focus on matching our styles with the customer. Don't give out prices unless they have an account with us and don't promise inventory in our..."

"Black cotton, certain fleeces, the specialty fabrics..." I finished for her. I looked over the sample presentation she'd handed me.

"Right. I'll do most of the schmoozing and Gwen and Rachel will be arriving in time to support too."

"Oh, good!" I exhaled in relief. She chuckled at my nerves.

"You know...When you're a big-shot author, you're going to have to schmooze and speak in public, too..." she warned lightly.

"No, I won't!" I stabbed at my steak. "I'm going to be brilliant recluse who writes a novel a year and lives in a cottage by the dreary sea."

She snorted.

"Such aspirations!"

"Then once I die, my work will blow up and I'll be inducted into the halls of literary greatness!"

"Why Mr. Faulkner! I do declare!"

I smiled at her rosy cheeks and reminded myself to keep eating.

----

From the quiet car, we admired all the twinkling lights from the Dallas skyline. That ridiculous neon building and the sparkly ball thing. I wanted to be out with her, but we both needed to rest after a long day of prepping and traveling.

We separated as we left the elevator and I promised to join her at her room.

I imagined her zipping down her dress from the solitude of my room then kicked myself for objectifying her again without her permission and not objectifying my own girlfriend. I padded to her room and knocked. She smiled as she let me in and handed me a beer. I flopped on the couch and turned on the TV.

"So what do you want to watch?" I flipped through the channels looking at all the cable shows.

"Trash."

"Yeah, but what kind of trash?" I rattled off some titles as she moved around the room.

What can you possibly tidy up in a hotel room on your first night? I thought to myself.

But she was bringing all her little night routine bottles and setting them on the end table.

"How about this one?" I prompted.

"Everyone's naked..."

"No, it's just set on an island, so it gets hot..."

"I'm sure it does..." she said drily. "What about 'Say Yes to the Dress'?"

"Ew! No."

"There's drama!"

"No, that sounds painful. I don't like to go shopping! Why would I watch someone else shopping on TV?"

"It's more about the relationships leading up to a wedding. Mom, dad, siblings, fiancée..."

I considered her point.

"Okay, how about one of those mail order bride ones then. It's got a little of both. Dating and the getting married part."

"Okay! Which?"

I found one that promised to be cringey and overly dramatic. I raised my eyebrows at her while she put gray goop on her face.

"Okay!"

I settled against the cushions and turned off my brain.

A few minutes in, she sidled up next to me.

"You know...you have really great skin..."

"Thanks...is this the part where you murder me and take it...?" I looked at her and saw she was holding out the gray goop.

"No!" I looked back to the screen and she was silent. I glanced over and she was pouting. "Fine!" She squealed and glopped the crap on me. "Ah! It's cold."

"Baby..."

Her fingers felt amazing on my face. Every so often, I felt her soft breath on the side of my head.

This definitely wasn't a normal working relationship...I thought helpfully. It really wasn't a problem for me and I seemed to be filling a role for her, too, for however briefly we were in each others' lives.

"This is actually kind of relaxing..."

"Welcome to the world of self-care! You're going to feel good about yourself and look amazing!"

"I prefer self-love." I quipped as I tried to drink my beer as the goop dried on my face.

"I'm sure you do." She was putting lotion on her legs and feet and I looked the other way. Somehow ogling at her now was more intimate than ogling her by the pool was.

The night devolved into tipsy raised voices about her self care routine.

"So what's this one for?"

"To open your pores up for a flush."

"This one?"

"To minimize your pores..."

"That makes no sense!"

"Yes it does! Look, you open them to--"

----

We were drowsily watching the end of our third show and it was time to call it a night. She was leaning against me, though, and I didn't want to move for anything in the world.

"Suz?"

"Hm?"

"Time to go to bed."

"Okay." She stood up and stretched so her sweater rode up and despite the amount of skin I've seen today and touched, it sent a thrill through me to see the soft skin of her belly.

She put the beer bottles in the trash and wiped down the counters. She started to go into the bedroom and suddenly froze and turned around.

"Oh!" Maybe she thought I was spending the night, as friends...

I looked at her, amused, as I leaned back into the kitchenette island. She came over to me and looked at me shyly.

"I had a nice time tonight. Thanks for coming."

Just as I opened my mouth to say a stupid joke, I backtracked and just said simply, "Me too. Thanks for dinner."

We walked to her door and I smiled at her as I left. Before she closed the door, I stopped her.

"Breakfast tomorrow?"

"Yes, Mor, breakfast if you want." She pushed the door shut in my face. I whistled as I strolled back to my hotel room.

----

It was good we ate so much Tuesday and Wednesday morning, because everything after that was a bit of a blur...

It's against my religion to go hungry, but even I couldn't turn away a customer when they so ardently wanted to buy from us or stop helping our crew fix the booth up if it was necessary. Not when it meant so much money or when everyone on our team was clearly pushing themselves to their limits this week.

It was an organized, adrenaline-filled, clusterfuck.

If I'd thought I'd seen Suzie in her element before, I was sorely mistaken. She was a people-smart sales savant. Eons above and beyond "sales." No, this was a religious experience where you went to her to find out what you needed.

I had to mentally slap myself a few times to focus when I was drawn in to a group she was talking to because, well, her hands, her hair, and her eyes...

"So, will this burn if I put it in the drier on hot?" This man's voiced grated on my ears and I wanted to run away to hide in a closet somewhere.

I bit my tongue on the smartass answer I was about to give.

"A lot of our customers ask about care instructions! This particular material will need more delicate care--"

If I had to rattle off my presentation one more time...I was going to use the industrial-grade heat stamper next door on my head.

----

Thursday evening rolled around and Joey had been sending sexy messages. A picture of her nipple, telling me how much she missed me, and at one point she sent the link to a dildo she wanted me to use on her.

I hid behind our booth while I immediately ordered it and jumped when a worker came around the corner.

When the show was dying down that Thursday, our team was still on an adrenaline high.

"Today was 'wow!'" Drew said.

"It's been a long day, let's go out today!" Shouted Rachel, jumping up and down on Suzie's shoulders.

Everyone heartily agreed and they settled on one of the places I'd wanted to visit.

Joey's call vibrated in my back pocket and when I saw her face on the screen I walked somewhere quieter to take her call.

"Hi, darling..."

"Hi, sexy. I've been thinking about you..."

"I saw. Fuck, Jo, your nipple..." I let out a soft grunt.

She giggled.

"If I'd been there..."

"What? Moriah, tell me...I need you so much."