All Comments on 'Sylvia'

when the kids as you say made him pay her bail i would have made them sit down and listen to the tapes and watch the videos and then tell them to get the fuck out. Any way your stories are silly who could let this go on while taping and listening to it for so long a judge would rule you were okay with it because you kept giving her money even thou you knew and didn't stop until they planned on killing you.

you want write cuckold story write one, you want to write, illcit sex story write one, what is this? are you sadist, writing all depressing stories with reall unrealistic plots and unbelievable characters, she must be world's ugliest lady to do that, not killing part because bad people do that, but getting with someone back again, who might have killed her? do you really believe this type of character exists, if there is a woman with that brains, then, wud she survive 30 yrs of marriage? what you did, whent ot jail to ask her side, you are writing, sadist fiction whicch is sign of mental proble, and that one serious too.

You sick FUCK.

It seems the first 3 comments are from either cheating sluts or sperm slurping wimps

It is gall, not Gaul.

Not one of your very best, but not bad. Your story held together and he didn't end up a wimp husband. I could wish for a happier ending, but I really think you handled it best given the characters you created.

Normally I think that a guy who sits and watches his wife fucking someone else for this long is a moron. However in this case the guy is very wealthy and by waiting the wife lost all claim to his money. It's not great consolation but her getting his money would have been really unfair. <br><br>

The thing that turns me off is that the wife is astonishingly stupid. She feels old so she hooks up with a young lover boy and is willing to completely leave the life she has had for 30 years. Her willingness to believe the line of crap that Brian was feeding her makes her too dopey to be believed. I am sure some women are this dumb but IMO dumb characters make for poor stories. An affair, sure. A few gifts, OK. A willingness to blow off a rich husband who treats her pretty well and 30 years of marriage, nope. She reacts like a naive teenager. Would a CFO of a large company be married to such a moron? If you said she was a trophy wife, yeah. Trophy wives have hot bodies and brains are optional. But she was the original wife and it's hard to believe she was that dumb.

Good idea, good start, dour ending. All losers in this story, especially the reader.

"The only one who could have sent me that picture had to be him and I never found out why he did it. "

<P>

But? Well, that is a poor explanation. Considering the time and effort Brian went through to set her up, the idea that he would be the one to alert him is absurd. It's as if you wanted to have something tip him off, but you didn't want to go through your own time and effort of doing it logically. In essence, you gave up on your own story. If you care so little about your own work, why should anyone respect it?

<P>

BTW, if you have given it just a little effort, it wouldn't have been too hard to deal with this. For example, it could have been one of the other tennis players who found the picture and sent to him. Maybe she was jealous because Sylvia had Brian and she didn't.

When the husband finally gets around to asking the whore wife about all the credit cards charges totalling $50,000 he says that the $50,000 figure is over 6 months.

6 months of more than $8,000 PER MONTH that is misplaced or unknown or unaccounted for. And only NOW is the husband getting around to asking about it ???

are you fucking kididng me? 6 MONTHS?

and how does the husband react? he give her More $$$

SECOND... before he goes off to Europe the husband KNOWS

that she has been cheating for months and with whom.

SO why wait and why go through the charade?

The murder plot was a different twist. One plot hole was the picture that was sent to the husband. Hard to believe that the boyfriend would send it considering the plans that he had to steal the fortune. Might have been his other girlfriend. Maybe she was jealous.

It would be tough to take even a blow job from a wife once you found out what she had been doing. 125 hours of video and audio proof seemed to be a little over kill. How much proof do you need to kick'em to the curb?

The boyfriend must have had a magic dick to convince the wife to go along with killing her husband. Of course she comes off to be as dumb as a box of rocks.

Not a bad story. Thanks for sharing it.

These people have kids? Yikes.

The wife is rather too stupid to be believable.

"You shall always have me as long as you are good to me."

That little sentence would've put anybody on red alert. After that, everything kinda fell flat, since ANYTHING could happen and the wife would go along with it. Which is exactly what happened, with the planned murder.

The picture is still a bit of a question mark however. For a "smart" guy like Brian, why tip off his victim? For gloating? Ugh, that's just a plothole, not a brainfart on Brian's part.

Technically, there were a few minor errors. Gaul, for example. Another would be in the last part, where braindead Sylvia gets back together(!) with her ex-husband's almost-murderer Brian, and finds him in bed with an 18 year old.

"I fixed him so that one would want him ever again."

Isn't this supposed to say "so that NO one would want him ever again"?

To be honest, the stupidity of the wife kinda breaks the story for me.

Exactly where does a 62 year old woman get acid to throw in her lovers face? And if he's so handsome why is this far younger man "still" doing her when she had "no" money, no home, no life, and he's able to still bring in the 18 yr old's and above.

It really makes no sense they are still together if his plan was to fleece her out of her money and then later kill her. You really didn't explain why he would go back to a failed conquest like that after he was put in prison for trying to kill her husband.

I'm not saying its not "plausible" but without you giving some background or setting the stage as to "Why she just happened to have acid lying around she could assault him with" or "Why this hunk was still with the women he did time for, I'd have to say it makes the story somewhat stranger.

I'm not trying to pick on you, but there are lots of unexplained holes in the story that requires the readers to make leaps of judgment without actually knowing what is going on.

-Risq

Not especially a fan of the story, but must admit I was shocked at Risq complaining about the acid in the face issue.

Risq — go down to a pool supply store and ask for muriatic (also known as hydrochloric acid). and you can buy it by the gallon.

I mean, complain away, but at least know what you're complaining about... HAHAHAHAHA!

This belongs in a different section. No love at all in this story. Loving Wives is not for revenge stories, which are as lame as they get anyway. Loving wives is for stories of wives enjoying hot sex. Period.

OK. This is about a wife who gets sucked it by an evil slimeball. I know that she knew the car was not to be driven, and didn't tell her husband. I'm not sure she would have gotten three years for that.

I will say that if I was John, I would never talk to Sylvia ever again, and do my best so see that Sylvia had no access to any money. Kudos for that.

Frankly she should have got acid on her as well. Cheating wives should pay dearly for their betrayal.

The acid is easy to come by, it's available at any hardware store, actually you can also use a caustic like drano in the eyes as well.

As for lw nor being the place for snuf stories, sorry break it to the wimp who just wants cheating wives and wimp cuckold stories. But lw actually needs more stories where the wife is mutilated or killed off. I know the cucks can't imagine turning on the bitches that abuse and use them, but actual men whi have pride can easily see when it's the right thing to do.

I think she got off way to easy for the deep betrayal she pulled on John.

Not too well executed. I thought it was going well when I thought that Brian was trying to set up the divorce to get half of his money, though he might have gotten a bullet for his trouble. When he changed horses in mid stream, there was some repair work to be done... The wife was really amazing, letting the whole world revolve around her lover's cock. Speaking of which, cutting it off would have been a better solution when she caught him... Still, I would not ever understand their kids...

If a manwhore thinks with the little head, what does the whore wife think with??? Good story of vanity gone wild, perhaps you needed to put a few more lines leading your readers in that direction, the first three commentors were too weak of mind to figure that out. Or is this a case of vanity complicated by toxic levels of silicon in her system....????

Harryin VA - He didn't divorce her before Europe because he knew that he would get actual video of them while he was gone, making the divorce airtight - not just tape recordings.

As to the kids pushing him to bail her out, I would have enjoyed they're having to see and hear the tapes first.

Going back to living with Brian, probably convenience, she had to have some kind of income and could pay for rent and food - again, the story went to conclusion quickly and left out a lot of goodies.

Overall, I liked it - a good story and potentially realistic. These type of women DO exist and - at clubs! I've turned down a few (they keep their looks very well) and watched a few indulge themselves, some divorces and some with husbands that are glad she is busy and pretend not to know - yes, that's real!!!

Thanks

A few mistakes. A good editor is probably needed.

A couple mistakes I remember for standing out:

Go bail - what? Make bail (as in I made bail) or put up bail (ex. put up bail for my brother) but not go bail which means precisely nothing.

And Gaul? You mean gall. Gaul is one of the original tribes/nations of long ago in the area that is now France.

First, thanks for writing, your story held me long enough so that I finished it. I did feel as though I was reading a rough draft not the finished product.

For me, at least, your style bordered on a news report getting the facts. I wasn't drawn in by any of the characters.

That said, I strongly recommend that you look up Rehniquest's article on divorce. In this country it really doesn't matter if a partner cheated. 1 hour or 200 hours of video are only a waste of money.

Thanks,

Ttom

I loved the pace of this story. Very exciting with "edge of your seat" tension. The characters were very well drawn out with warmth and wonderful naiveté. Highly original and very enjoyable. Thank you Murphy for giving me such terrific entertainment.

it needs some editing but overall, i enjoyed reading it.

A good story that was fast moving and exciting.

Thanks for the good read.

It was good and held my attention but it was a little lopsided. First, for all the drama you really didn't express the emotions of the characters very well except for Sylvia's excitment over sex with Brian and even that was superficial. Even when she found out that Brian was just using her and she was going to jail she didn't even cry or agonize over it or getting divorced and throwing thirty years down the drain or hurting her husband. Just no real emotion portrayed by anybody. Just stating that, so and so, felt this way is not a portrayal of emotions. You have to show them behaving in a way that's consistent with the situation if you want your readers to really get drawn into the story These two just had thirty years go down the drain and there was less emotion than if she just dented the car. This scenario should have evoked gut wrenching emotions. Second, your plot gave a good chronological account of the events leading up to the conclusion but once you get there you sum it up in three short paragraphs with no drama at all. In a story like this it's the emotions, especially the ones tied to the consequences that makes or breaks the story. You could have written another page going into the emotional aftermath. No account of her suffering or even worry about what's going to happen to her, what so ever, or him either for that fact. Nothing about how her life was living with her daughter's family or why her daughter even took her in or felt about doing it. Nothing about what John did over the last ten years or how he endured. Not even why his children applied pressure on their father to bail her out after she had plotted to kill him. That made no sense. This story reads like a police report. It was a great idea for a story but just too straight forward. Reminds me of the quote in the old Dragnet series, "Just the facts, Maam". Try again but this time put yourself into your character's shoes and really express those emotions by their actions. Thank you for writing

like an old fool and for what....TK U MLJ LV NV

One of the best "limited point of view" and "unreliable narrator" stories I've ever read (until it all got super-melodramatic roward the end). Tremendous! It could be a movie script, except for the xxx scenes occupying much of it!

And there is a vast plot hole: Why did Brian send the photo? Since it was never explained, and it was counterproductive to all his plans, that was glaring.

But it wasn't a waste of a story with a little work.

to be really good. Shame - it had a lot of potential.

Good btb story. It was not supposed to be a novel it is a short story on a porn site you did good. 5

Burn the bitch stories, when well written, are very good. You have met that criteria.

all the cheese in Switzerland but I'll stick with one: She went back to him after he got out of prison. When he seduced her she was a fit attractive early 50's wife of a wealthy man. Not bad to look at and she could give him stuff lots of stuff. He has now spent five of the last ten years being passed around by the Aryan Brotherhood for smokes. She is now a 60 something pauper with a criminal record living in her daughters basement. Even if she went crawling to him he wouldn't have had anything to do with her; she's old and broke. Dried up snatch and nothing to give him.

That is just one of the many glaring holes in this story.

There are many inconsistencies in this tale but the bottom line is in the end the skank wife and the murderous lover both ended up in prison. Stupid fucks.

His children should have disowned her if not for the cheating, then for the murder plot. He should never have paid the bail. If they had, he should have disowned them.

thanks for the offering.

With the kind of money he had, he would have made that the lover boy wouldn't leave jail alive...His wife would end old and alone...The question is: How his Ex-wife, having no money at all could support her and the lover boy when he got out of jail? He would look for another victim...

You can make a coherent story. You can make stupid but coherent characters.

The problem I have read in two of your stories today is one of sheer writing chops. You don't practice enough or put enough quality into your story elements.

First off, I get you were trying to do something different with that swapping point of view thing. Maybe this is your first try at this. This was not done well.

Second was repetition. You told us something...you had the other person tell us it again...then frequently, you had the OTHER character mention it yet another time. Reading it three times does not inform me 3 times as much. This was like those parachutes football players wear when they are training to sprint for power: a major drag to the story.

Now you are more of the 'slap and tickle' writing of Lit and it wasn't that which turned me off. The story was okay. Nothing groundbreaking but a solid effort. A lot of the anony-mice here say writing doesn't make a difference. They are wrong.

too long to arrive to the payback and too bland revenge.

oh, and how did you come out with:

"She had the Gaul to say,"

do you even understand english?

If you switch off views then they need to overlap only as much as necessary .and each view should add a lot of new information or perspective. Otherwise you are simply repeating yourself. Which makes a story dull.

wimp in life but highly successful businessman who let his wife and children absolutely run his life. He should have told the children to shut up or he wouldn't leave them any money when his wife's next lover was actually able to kill him. Or his wife was able to dose him with something that doesn't wash off with soap and water. Not likable set of characters, at all.

but kinda liked it, good dark betrayal but a bit too matter of fact, not enough realistic dialogue.

5*

on a conspiracy to have him MURDERED and he pays for her bail? And their children wanted him to? How the fuck does that conversation go? "Well, yeah, Dad, she was fine with you being killed, but hey, she's our mom."

Better than your last story I read, but still not really good. How do you bail your wife out of jail after she conspires to murder you? Why a suspended sentence? This woman was mentally ill and allowed to walk around free.

Should have left this one on the trash heap.

Should try something other than this type of writing. By

Not sure why you bothered posting this steaming pile of shit.

Это хорошая история! Вы заканчиваете сожжением неверной жены в советском стиле!

Ok, his wife is part of a conspiracy to murder him and now she is arrested for that. Somehow no one told him that he should not bail that person out? How does that even work? Should there be some rule against that.

Or are you that determine to pile on the husband that you lost track of your own story just so you can get a rise out of the reader? That is cheap.

It seems that Murphy believes that all wives are submissive sluts but only to someone other than her husband. Just look at all his stories practically every one has the same wife, so much so that for convenience he probably just copies and pastes from one story to the next.

Story ran like a narrative....this is the most useless and clueless author on the site !!

A storyline with such stupidity on the part of the wife, not entertaining per se but the BTB at the end was what needed to happen.

Pathetic

Average, very much so.

"At least he did until I came home one day and found him in our bed with an 18 year old neighbor's daughter."

Ok, that's statutory rape - unless you meant "At least he did until I came home one day and found him in our bed with a neighbor's 18 year old daughter." Just saying........

Where did she get the acid?