All Comments on 'Taking Control in the Park'

I like the raw and obsessive nature of your story. The money is an odd detail; I can't decide if I like it or not, but it's an intriguing twist. Her recognition of him is, too. You have a lot of potential for a sequel, and I hope you pursue one.

My mind is awash with possibilities, surely there's more to this?

Full marks, what a detailed description, you put yourself inside the male character so incredibly well, I found myself becoming him, lusting his lust, fearing his fears and adopting his subsequent paranoia.

I'm now sitting here feeling guilty, expecting the Police to knock any moment, yet I've only read a story, not actually carried out the deed, lol.

Not a fan of the fact that he felt the need to cut up her face by dragging a knife over it, and it doesn't really make a lot of sense, as the face was apparently the thing that drew him to her. Why destroy what he loves the most? Pretty fucking strange, but then the rest of the story is as well. Takes a hit in stars for the cutting, but still deciding whether I like or dislike the rest.

perhaps it is written in a way that is a bit ambiguous for some but in the story the man doesnt cut her. he presents the knife on its dull side to let her know its there. He only cuts her clothes. I agree it would be very disturbing if it had turned out the character was cutting her face up and if that is really how it reads for others I would considering editing that part. thanks for the comment

It was obvious to me that he wasn't cutting her face. I loved your story, your writing is superb. Please write more! Five stars.

The suspense is killing me...

Didn't think he was cutting the face either. Super duper awesome, loved it throughout. Style and length were perfect, going to work on my writing now as I wait for the next part.

Also liked how he planned getting away with it in a way that sounded somewhat realistic and believable when most people probably, correctly, see it as utterly dooming. Minus him coming inside her that is. Giving people tips lol

You stated he had the dull side to her. The knife was to further frighten her. It was effective as the other reader was upset enough to think he did, and it squicked me out. He had her physically overwhelmed so the knife seemed like gratuitous fear mongering. It put me in mind of the original Star Trek tv series-the aliens who fed off of others' emotions. The rape was not enough, he had to rachet up the fear of being cut/killed on top. *whole body shiver of the not good kind*

Will there be more? What will she do if she knows him?

Since this is my first attempt at anything like this, I would be thrilled to receive any comments or criticism about the story. I am planning a sequel of sorts soon and your comments will definitely help in that process. Happy reading

I feel dirtybadwrong saying a rape story was cool, but it was. Writing from his POV was good. Usually it is from hers and we have no clue his thoughts beyond just 'rape her.' As much as I want to know what she is thinking, I want to keep his POV, or at least give both. I like the idea of finding out what she is thinking as he finds out, by her actions and what she says. Usually what we get about the perp instead of the victim.

Oh the questions. What is happening in his head space now that he has done it? I image a rather Edgar Allen Poe response...creeping paranoria. But that is just one option. Will he hide out? Watch for her to return? Stalk her away from the trail? Does she truely know who he is? Has she been watching him watch her? What will she do? Will there be retribution? Will she come back to run, to see him? What will she do about the money? Use it to fund her revenge? Does she want revenge?

This was so well put together that I eagerly await the follow up.