Talisman of Hate

Julie shrugged. "Possibly not but I needed to fight with you and for that I may have walked. The incident last night kind of tripped us up. Your dad offered a farm truck and then changed his mind."

"So, I have to wait until tomorrow afternoon to see you again?"

Julie laughed. "Tomorrow is Saturday. On Sunday Peter and I will be going back to Uni and then we may not come home for quite a while."

"A sobering thought."

Julie stared at him and remembered Craig and Jimmy and the way they inadvertently showed her upon her own selfishness. "Do you really want me to visit again tonight?"

"Please Julie. This afternoon as well if at all possible."

"May I bring the two boys?"

"That would be great! I like the two of them."

Julie giggled. "It must be fun having someone regarding you as Superman."

"Yeah, it is. They are so sweet but having you laugh with me today beats that by a mile Julie. Thank you."

Julie fidgeted with her hands and then looked up into the troubled eyes of Harry. "I'm sorry I was selfish Harry. I never realised how much I may have hurt you when we were small. Thank you for rebuilding our little house."

"We can rebuild our little house a million times Julie. When I get out of this hospital, may I beg something of you?"

"I can forgive you Harry. I just need time...."

"That's not it. I never asked you to forgive me and I never will. If you decide to forgive me for what I did to you it will come from yourself. I need to have something to look forward to apart from being able to leave this bed.

"And what is that?"

"Will you sing for me? At the waterfall once I can walk all the way there again?"

Julie stared at him. "And?"

"And nothing Julie. May I share something with you?"

"You may."

"When I woke up after the burn the pain was terrible. There were times I lay here shivering form it and there were times that I lay here sobbing. What kept me sane was a song and a picture that turned in my head continually."

Julie looked up at him and felt her throat constrict. "I'm afraid to guess."

Harry smiled. "Whatever happens after today, I will never be able to listen to Plaisir d'amour without seeing you singing it at the waterfall. When I groped around in that house, looking for the kids it turned in my mind. I concentrated on it and it kept me going. It stopped when the flames went around me."

"Harry?"

Harry gritted his teeth. "I never thought I may have the opportunity to tell this to you Julie but here it is and I am doing it."

"What was it like Harry?"

"I don't know. Of course I was scared but there was something goading me on. I still have no idea what it was. Sometimes I dream of it. Maybe one day I will see clearly. I don't know, but the song was there almost the entire time."

Julie stared at him and their eyes held until she looked away. For a moment there she almost forgot what he had done to her and breaking the stare helped her to hold on to some of the anger. She needed it, even if it was only in self defence.

***

Julie stopped in front of the house and her heart broke. She never bemoaned the fact that they were not rich. She was happy to be where she was. There were the Cliffendales and others like them who formed the rich uppercrust she had no desire to be part of. All her life she was also aware of people who had very little and here she was looking at a small house inhabited by a family who had totally lost even what little they had.

With clenched jaws she stepped through the broken gate and hesitatingly knocked on the door. She heard the voices of the boys calling inside and then the door opened.

The dress the mother wore was wrong in every sense. The colour and pattern as well as cut did not suit her at all. In fact, it took away whatever she had. The top was too big for her medium sized bust and made the dress hang on her like a sack. Her eyes still had the beauty of her age and there was a sparkling of pride despite the lines of suffering at the edges. Her hair was clean but dull. She looked at Julie and a smile brightened her complexion.

"Miss Turlington?"

"Yes.... er Mrs...?"

"Just call me Christine. Will you please come inside?"

The two boys stood in a doorway looking at her shyly and for a second she imagined them sucking their thumbs in their insecurity. Christine was obviously embarrassed and stood there wringing her hands. Julie took a quick look around her and her heart broke again. To her right was a small bedroom. Two thin pieces of foam on pieces of cardboard acted as mattresses with old blankets and flattened pillows making up the entire furnishings inside. Two small piles of clothing on upturned cardboard boxes must have been what they had in the way of clothes.

Julie looked away and saw the pain on Christine's face as she looked up again. "It is what we have after the fire miss Turlington."

"I am here to ask a favour Christine."

"How can I help?"

Julie felt the ache. They had nothing but offered whatever they could without question. "Can I take the boys to see Harry this afternoon?"

Next to her an explosion of cheers and begging broke out and she went down on her knees to get to the boys' level. "He says you are the greatest. Are you?"

Vigorous nodding and shy smiles made her feel like crying with joy and also shame. Yes, Harry burned but these people lost everything. Has anybody extended a helping hand? "I'll be here at around two thirty, just in time for visiting hour if that is okay with your mommy?"

"I would be delighted Miss. Can I offer you something to drink?"

"If you have coffee, that would be great. And please call me Julie. I'm nothing special, only a lot luckier than you and a lot younger."

A sad smile was the answer she got and taking a boy's hand in each of hers, she followed Christine to the kitchen where her heart broke once more. A small two burner stove stood on an upturned crate into which someone had fashioned shelves from raw planks. One plank held two old aluminium pots and a kettle of almost similar vintage with paper plastic next to it. Four plastic mugs made up the rest of their crockery. On the shelves underneath was a collection of meagre groceries.

I'm sorry Miss... Julie but I have no way to keep things fresh so I have no milk to put in your coffee. Is that okay?"

Julie sat there wishing she had asked for a glass of water but to change her request now would be a slap in the face of her hostess. "I'll have it black Christine, thank you."

It had been a while since Julie had had to wait for a kettle to boil on a stove and as a means of getting time to pass, she carefully started asking Christine about their life after the fire. At first Christine tried to talk around their problems but there came a moment when she looked up to see Julie's eyes brimming with unshed tears. Her own voice cracked and within seconds she broke down.

"My husband lost his job even before the fire and our car was destroyed along with the house," she wept softly. "Trying to find a job and not having a means of transport, limits your chances."

"So, how do you get...."

"He found a job as a farm hand somewhere near Barclay Vale but being so far from here means he has to stay there. He has been home only once since he started."

Julie stared at the woman, wondering just how much bad luck anybody needed in their lives. Without having to ask it was also crystal clear that Christine was unemployed. She could only think that Christine's bedroom and closet was possibly even barer than that of the kids. Mothers did that.

The kettle started to boil and Julie welcomed the respite. Deep down she was starting to feel a helpless anger at the unfairness of life. She declined sugar, knowing that they probably had almost nothing. It was in awkward silence that they had their coffee, listening to the boys playing somewhere outside when Julie sat up straight.

"Do you rent this place?" she asked and saw Christine's shoulders slump.

"Well, kind of...."

"How do you....?"

Christine shook her head. "The owner is very kind and isn't pressing for payment but I can sense his unhappiness at us staying here and costing him money with no end in sight. Quite honestly, he owes us nothing."

"So if he calls up your rent?"

"Then we will have to move I guess."

"Where to?"

Christine shrugged with a sad smile. "Under a bridge?"

Julie felt like crying as she said goodbye with a promise to fetch the boys in a few hour's time and drove home. She ironed the last of her clothes and got everything ready to pack for the next term but could find joy in nothing. She could almost taste the dark despair of Christine living a life with not a single ray of hope and shook her head thinking how miserable she herself had been for years while having everything.

For Christine's sake she carried a bright smile as she bundled the two boys into the car and felt awkward as the two sat inside, staring at the opulent luxury around them and obviously being afraid of touching anything. She also noticed that they were freshly bathed and dressed in clean clothes that had all the markings of hand-me-downs but they wore happy smiles and had a contagious exuberance.

They were early for visiting hour but the nurses waved them through and Julie let the boys into Harry's room, remaining at the door to see what they did. Both boys simply slid under the bed and stared at Harry through the hole in the bed, both speaking at the same time. She heard Harry laugh, heard him answer ten questions at the same time and turned away. There was something too beautiful for her look at while she still carried anger.

Brigitte found her leaning against the door jamb and gave her a friendly poke in the ribs. "For some unfathomable reason I thought you may pick me up at the farm?"

Julie looked at her and shook her head. "I'm sorry aunty Brig. I had other things on my mind and never thought of it."

Brigitte waved it away. "No matter. Who's with Harry?"

"The boys. I brought them."

Brigitte looked at Julie with a frown. "Did he ask?"

"No. I offered."

"You make me feel ashamed."

"But why?"

Brigitte pulled at Julie to follow her a few steps away from the open door. "In all this time we never thought of fetching them for a visit. Their parents must be busy trying to...."

"They have nothing aunty Brig."

"Nothing?"

Julie looked down the corridor, watching people walk to the various halls and rooms. Some happy and others with the stoic expression of worry. Did anybody care? She sighed heavily.

"They live in a small ramshackle house on one of the small holdings outside town. I was there. There is nothing inside. I wonder if they have food regularly."

Brigitte stood with her hand over her mouth. "But how...?"

"Her husband lost his job, wherever that was, even before the fire. At the moment he is working as a farm hand near Barclay Vale. Their car was destroyed in the fire so he had trouble finding employment."

"Oh the poor people!"

Julie nodded. "Poor indeed."

"Nobody reached out?"

"Possibly," Julie shrugged. "They have some old clothing and old blankets but that's about it. The boys sleep on thin pieces of foam on flattened cardboard boxes. The kitchen is bare."

Brigitte stared at Julie. "There should be a law against something like that happening to people."

Julie shook her head. "All we need is to care enough. No law can bring that about."

"They visited Harry a number of times. How did they get here?"

"Walked? A lift maybe?"

"Over my dead body will that happen again!" Brigitte stormed. "I will not allow it!"

"It took us a while to find out."

"Absolutely shameful of us."

A tug at Julie's leg made her look down into the serious eyes of Jimmy. "Your boyfriend wants you to come inside."

"He's not my...." Julie started but swallowed the rest of what she wanted to say. It didn't matter. She started to turn but was brought up short by the expression on Brigitte's face.

"That had a beautiful sound to it Julie."

All Julie could do was nod distractedly as she walked into the room where she was absorbed into the almost constant chatter of the two boys. Brigitte came in, sat down in a chair and mostly just listened to what was being said until it was time to go.

"I'm going with you Julie."

"Where to?"

"When you take the boys back. I need to see."

Julie sighed. "She will offer something even if she has none."

"There are ways of declining something in a way that does not offend Julie."

***

By the time Julie walked into the house again she barely had time for a shower before getting dressed for visiting hour. Charlotte called her over to where she was busy packing away an array of preserved food she had been bottling all day. Julie felt slightly ashamed at not having helped but she knew Charlotte understood that her being absent for the day had its reason.

"Harry doing fine?"

"Yes Mom. We talked a lot."

"Good. Brigitte tells me you had gone to pick up the boys and that they're not doing well?"

Julie could only laugh. "You picked up your friendship just the other day and already you are gossip sisters."

"We have a lot of lost time to make up Julie. If you don't mind, I asked daddy to come to the hospital with me tonight."

"Are we crowding Harry tonight?"

Charlotte giggled. "Actually, we are crowding our men. Brigitte and I want to do things but the men need to stop their nonsense."

Julie lifted her eyes with a grin and ran for her shower.

Because Johnny had a few things he still needed to do, they were slightly late by the time they walked into Harry's room and as they entered, a conversation came to an uncomfortable stop. Julie took note but shrugged it off and sat down on the small carpet under Harry's bed after greeting his father.

She could almost cut the atmosphere in the room and decided to do something about it.

"I have to apologise Harry."

"What for?"

"I had an accident with your car."

She heard her mother gasp, grunts from the two senior men and a squeak from Brigitte but what she really took note of was the expression of concern on Harry's face.

"Are you okay?"

"The car looks terrible Harry."

"Never mind the car. Did you get hurt?"

"No," she giggled. "I washed it and missed a spot."

She heard Henry guffaw loudly and a groan from her dad before he too, burst out laughing.

"I had five heart attacks there," Johnny laughed looking at Henry who shook his head.

"I should have known this little girl was up to something."

"We are visiting a man of doubtful character and questionable history in his hospital bed, ladies and gentlemen. Not his funeral," Julie giggled and winked at her mother.

"We nearly did," Brigitte sighed and Julie gave her an angry pout.

"Now, now Madam. Enough of such dark thoughts."

Brigitte smiled at her and blew her a kiss. "Dark thoughts be damned but while on that subject...." She turned to Charlotte. "Any ideas about the little family?"

"What family?" Henry asked and Johnny leaned closer from his chair with a question mark on his face.

"Christine, David and the two boys. They're struggling."

Johnny sat up straight and pointed at Henry with his eyes wide. "David used to work at that Evergreen factory where they canned vegetables before they went belly up a while ago."

Henry dropped his head. "I was so involved with Harry being burnt I never took notice of David. He never said a word every time they were here."

"Because he has difficulty in speaking after he got shot in the face during that armed robbery, so unless it is absolutely necessary he keeps quiet."

Henry looked at his wife. "You said something about having to speak to me on our way here. Is this it?"

"Yes."

Johnny looked at Charlotte. "What is the story?"

"The fire destroyed them Daddy," Julie quipped from under the bed. "David could only find a job as a farm labourer near Barclay Vale...."

"But that's far from here! And as a labourer?"

"Yes dad and he has been home only once, bringing a pitiful amount of money from his meagre salary. Christine says he is rail thin and so are they."

"Where do they live? I mean, their house is a ruin."

"In the old Peterson homestead on Jack Willis's smallholding," Brigitte said with a sigh. "Julie took me there today."

"No!"

"Yes! And while Julie had the family outside I used the excuse of a call of nature to snoop in the kitchen. I could find two slices of mouldy bread. That's it!"

"Nothing else?"

"No."

Johnny leaned back into his chair and looked at Henry. "We cannot allow this!"

"No, we cannot. But what to do? Henry shrugged."If we turned up there with food and stuff we may embarrass the poor woman no end."

Johnny nodded. "But we can at least speak to her and try to find a way to help. I understand pride but they need to eat at least."

"That house is awful Henry," Brigitte said softly. "Most of the windows have panes missing and have been patched using paper and plastic."

Henry mused. "They cannot be left there but where is a suitable house that is available?"

Julie sat under the bed and felt her throat constrict. There was a house available. A large, beautiful house nobody used. Why can't the family be housed there? At least until things turned for the better. Are rich people so selfish? With an angry glance at Harry she rolled out from under the bed and came upright, facing Henry. She was breathing hard and she fought down the anger stewing in her.

"The house on Rushing Streams is standing empty Uncle Henry. Nobody has lived there in how many years? Why can't you put the family there? Surely...."

Henry gave her a lopsided grin and shrugged. "The owner has to give permission Julie."

"But you are...."

"Not any more Julie. I gave it away."

For seconds Julie stared at him. Disappointment made her mouth taste bitter and then a black fury made her almost blind. Henry's eyes grew wide as he saw Julie struggle a breath into her before she grabbed him by his shirtfront.

"How could you?" she screamed. "It was Peggy's farm! It should have been kept in your family for generations to come!"

With a last lunge she pushed herself from him and stormed from the room leaving a shocked group behind her. Henry looked at Charlotte who dropped her gaze and then ran out after Julie.

As she looked down the corridor she saw Julie walking briskly in the direction of the exit and she called after her. Julie simply shook her head and pulled her back straight in defiance.

"Julie! Stop right there this minute!"

People were staring and Julie considered running but then came to a dejected stop and slowly turned around to watch her mother walking towards her. She was thinking of an angry thing to say when she noticed the sad smile on Charlotte's face.

"How could he do it mommy? How could he give away...."

Charlotte came to stand in front of her. "Please come back with me Julie. There is something you need to know. I should have told you long ago but I never thought it would come to this."

"What is it mommy?"

"Come with me. Please?"

"I don't want to be near that..."

Charlotte turned on her. "Don't say something you are going to regret deeply in a minute Julie. Trust me on this one."

Slowly they walked back to Harry's room but at the door Charlotte made Julie stop. "I beg something of you Julie. I know you are angry and the reason you are angry means more than you can even try to grasp right now. Henry does not deserve your anger. I do. So, if you can do it, beg his pardon when you walk in here."

"Mommy?"

"Do it please Julie?"

"I don't understand."

"You will. Be strong. This may be a very big moment for you."

"You scare me."

Charlotte took her hand. "We trust you. Now come"

As Julie stepped back into the room she saw Henry looking at her with almost the same pleading he had on the night she ran into the hospital after arriving from East Wickbury. Brigitte's face was wet with tears and even her father had a funny look.