Talisman of Hate

Peter switched off the engine and got out. "Ma'am, I do not know the hurt of Julie, but I saw and heard the shame of Harry. She despises him. I think he hates himself and I know he genuinely regrets everything he ever did to Julie. They need to forgive but it is not for us to dictate."

Charlotte nodded and smiled. "It won't be easy."

"Forgiving never is but it needs to happen. Two wonderful people are unconsciously damaging themselves and pulling me apart and I don't like it."

Charlotte stared at him for long seconds before reaching out and placing her hand on his arm. "Does the situation anger you?"

Peter chuckled. "No. It confuses and frustrates me. It also creates unnecessary tension and silly problems. Take this weekend. All three of us could have travelled in a single car but it can't happen. Somewhere along the way there will be fireworks. I know and understand why but still, it's silly!"

Charlotte looked pensive. "He was a monster at school. He damaged Julie and always got away with it. Even if they find a way to forgive, I will always harbour anger, but I need Julie to let go."

Peter pursed his lips and nodded. "I understand. Harry wishes for a miracle but I think all we need is time and something to nudge the process."

"Really?"

Peter looked up. "Really what?"

"Does Harry really...."

Peter raised his hand. "Maybe I shouldn't have said that but yes, he did."

Charlotte gazed out over the horizon. "That is extraordinary."

Peter kicked at a stone near him before looking up and studying Charlotte for seconds before speaking. "This may anger you Ma'am but I wish I can let you meet the Harry I am befriended with. You may even like him."

Charlotte started shaking her head as she readied herself for a vehement "Never!" but simply kept it to herself. Peter seemed a very adult young man and if he almost idolised Harry Cliffendale, there had to be something in him after all.

Peter's car had long since disappeared over the hill before Charlotte turned and went back into the house. She found Julie sorting her washing in the laundry and after the washing machine had been loaded and turned on, they went for a walk to the lands where an overjoyed Johnny jumped from the tractor and came running to them through the freshly upturned soil, almost falling as his foot got caught in clots.

They embraced and Julie nodded towards the tractor. "May I?"

Johnny shrugged cheerfully and helped her into the seat. "The sun will be going down soon. Don't stay out too long."

Julie laughed and happily made herself comfortable on the machine and soon she was pulling a perfect furrow in the soil as her parents stood watching her doing what she loved doing since she was old enough to sit behind the steering wheel.

"How did she get here?"

Charlotte shook her head. "Believe this if you may. With Harry's flatmate. They're friends."

Johnny stopped walking. "Come again?"

Charlotte beamed up at him. "A very pleasant young man called Peter Bristow. Your daughter is all agog about him and I like him."

"And Harry?"

She shrugged. "It seems they are managing it. They have been friends for a few weeks or so only. Peter has been visiting the Cliffendales for almost two years now and he loves going there. To him it is like home."

Johnny lifted his eyebrows and started walking towards the house again. "If Harry starts anything at the University I will go for him. It is not a local school and Henry's influence will not sway anything as it did here."

"He won't."

Once again Johnny came to an abrupt stop. "Excuse me?"

Charlotte smiled and pulled Johnny to her and pouted for a kiss. She reached up and he bent down to kiss her enjoying the feeling as much as it always did.

"Peter will not allow it," she said into his lips and he pulled back to look at her with a quizzical smile.

"Explain?"

As they slowly walked to the house she repeated her conversations with Peter and Julie. "Julie still harbours anger. As much as we do I guess but Peter maintains that Harry is ashamed of what he had done and even admitted that he wished for a miracle."

"A miracle to what?"

She shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe to make the past go away. I only had a few minutes with Peter before he felt embarrassed and left because of Julie's anger."

"The past is just a little too thick with happenings to go away," Johnny mused and stopped to look back at Julie still happily turning the soil. "I do not wish it but one day the Cliffendales will face reckoning for their actions."

***

A week later Peter was rummaging around in their pantry and came upright with a perplexed expression as he turned to Harry.

"Help me here Mister Cliffendale. These ginger roots we regularly brought from the farm are from the plant that died?"

Harry looked up from his books and pulled a face. "Yes, it is. Why?"

"Why is it so important? Ginger is ginger?"

Harry slowly put his pen down. "Aunt Peggy had green fingers. Serious green fingers. She could make rocks grow. It seems she had a special love for ginger plants and their beautiful flowers but because of their tendency to be invasive she only kept them in pots and saw to it that seed never was allowed to ripen on the plant. My dad tells that as a child she started playing with crossing them to see what would happen. The famous ginger we use is unique to us. It has a flower that defies description with seeds that are reluctant to germinate and as you know, the roots have a unique taste. It is also less stringy and ginger preserve made from it is something given to arrivals at the port of Heaven."

"That good?"

"Julie's mom makes it and sells it in town."

Peter grinned. "An odd answer?"

"If you need to know," Harry breathed in exasperation. "I had some of it when I was a kid. I think I enjoyed it. Later on I refused to eat it because it was a product of the Beggar and his riffraff."

He heard the door of the pantry slam and looked up into the livid eyes of Peter. "If you ever, and I mean EVER say that again Harry, I will rip your heart out!" Peter fumed and Harry felt himself go cold inside. It took a second or two before he realised what had made Peter so angry and with his face glowing red he held up his hands in a gesture of surrender.

"You know I will NEVER say that about them Peter!" he shouted at his friend. "You know I live with regrets. Regrets and shame I will never be able to live down. It was simply a ...."

"A disgusting thing to say Harry."

Harry nodded and dropped his gaze. "Sorry Bud."

Peter took a deep breath. "Yeah. Me too. I should have known you are simply colouring a phrase."

"Thanks." He sat back and gave Peter a questioning look. "Why the questions about the ginger?"

Peter chuckled. "Because I just discovered an aged ginger root here in the cupboard. Seeing as we never had to buy ginger, I feel safe to assume that this comes from the farm?"

"And?"

"Will it grow?"

Harry sprang up and hurried over to Peter to take the root from him. He turned it over in his hands hoping to see the telltale green spots that indicated eyes from which new growth may come. The root was shrivelled and mostly dry but there were two small bumps that still held its shape despite the lack of water and below the light brown skin he could just make out a slight blemish of green. As if life depended on it he ran to the bathroom and quickly rolled down a goodly length of toilet paper, enclosed the root in it and then saturated it with water before placing it into a breakfast bowl, covering it with a sheet of plastic and then carefully placed it on the refrigerator.

"And?" Peter chuckled.

Harry looked at his friend. "If it grows, Peggy's legacy is not dead."

"But..." Peter started to say and decided to keep quiet. The fact that an identical plant stood large and proud in the garden at Julie's home may not be what Harry needed to hear right now. "If it grows we plant it at home?" he asked with a taunting smile.

Harry nodded vigorously. "You bet. My dad nearly went to pieces because it died. He needs this to grow..."

Peter leaned against a chair and grinned at Harry. "You know something Cliffendale?"

"What?"

"So do you."

Harry merely shrugged and Peter kept on grinning while starting dinner.

***

As they drove home at end of term Peter leaned to Julie. "Three weeks of doing nothing Miss Julie.

She chuckled. "Not quite. There are things on the farm that need doing and I need to do something physical again. I think I am going to flab."

"Purdiest piece of flab this side of the Pecos," Peter drawled in his rendition of Yosemite Sam's accent and Julie laughed.

"You won't make it."

"What?"

"Going through as a Texan. Going to visit Blanche?"

Peter grinned at her. "Sleep at the Cliffendales tonight and at sparrow fart tomorrow morning this lad will be rattling his hocks to the sea. Harry also needs to get down there again. Last time round a little red head had him walking into trees so I guess he is also chomping at the bit."

"You should warn her."

"About what?"

"Harry."

"Why should I? I like him. He is a man of strong breeding and flawless character."

Julie rolled her eyes. "I am convinced that we know two different people Peter."

"We do Miss Julie. We do."

Julie didn't answer but looked out the window as memories flowed. Why did life have to take the route it did? As a child she adored Harry and whenever they could, they played together. She rarely went to their house because she was so much smaller but he usually came to theirs and they had a whole range of games they played. Games that were their own. Played in special places only they knew about. How many times did she cry because he had to go home?

"Penny for your thoughts Miss Julie?" Peter chuckled and Julie pulled herself from her reminiscences.

"Not worth that much."

"Oh?"

"The enigma of Harry Cliffendale..."

Peter blew a long sigh at the windscreen. "Sometimes I wish I could put the two of you in a room to fight this out."

"Let there be weapons," Julie sighed. "Given the opportunity I may injure him badly."

"Will it make you feel better?"

"I guess not."

"Then why do it?"

"Because then I may be able to understand why someone I loved had to turn into a monster."

Peter mulled that over for quite a while before he gently asked. "You loved him? When?"

Julie sighed and played with her hands in her lap. "When we were small and we ...."

Peter waited but as nothing came forth he ventured again. "You..?"

She growled under her breath. "I tell you and you tell him. Most probably the joke of the year."

To her surprise Peter swerved violently, pulled off the road, got out of the car and walked to her side. As he opened her door he indicated with his thumb. "Get out!"

As she hesitantly came upright next to the car, he leaned over her cowering figure. "Listen to me Julie," he began and she felt her legs go lame. The anger in his face was awful to behold. "Harry told me a lot of things about you and him and what had happened between you. I even know why he became a monster but have I ever mentioned any of it to you?"

Guiltily she hung her head and he growled; "Look at me!"

Shocked at the violence in his voice she tried to squirm away but there was no escape except straight at him and she knew. She would not go far. He was simply too big but she lifted her eyes, hoping to see something of the soft Peter she came to know. It was there but masked by anger.

"I'm sorr..."

"You should be Julie," he interrupted her. "I didn't deserve that insult."

"I really am sorry Peter. You don't know how I feel."

He gave a mirthless chuckle. "A little truth here. We all hurt from something. You hurt from his bullying. I hurt from the way I grew up. He hurts from doing what he did and knowing you despise him. His father hurts. His mother hurts. So do your parents. I can add to this list until late tonight. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself and get out of this rut!"

She shook her head. "You have no idea ..."

"No, I do not. From what Harry told me in the past few weeks, I can only imagine but I want you to stop nurturing this anger and hate and resentment and.... If you have to, go climb Kilimanjaro. Burn it!"

Julie looked up at him and he saw the start of tears in her eyes. "How do you forgive..."

To her astonishment he leaned closer and gently kissed her on her forehead. "You cannot until you understand. Even then it may be impossible but at least try to understand."

"How?"

"Get out of the rut," he said as he ushered her back into the car."Let's go."

The conversation was stunted for quite a while but eventually Peter laughingly asked. "So, what lies on the ocean floor and twitches?

Julie grinned but after a minute shook her head. "No idea."

"A nervous wreck!"

She laughed. "You know how to crack tension don't you?"

"With you, yes. Now tell me about Peggy, the garden and above all else, the famous ginger."

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything. Start with Peggy.. Why the garden and why even today it is almost a shrine. From there you can tell me about....your mother. Your dog. Whatever."

With a sigh Julie began and as the wheels turned her story rolled out. Here and there Peter asked a question to clarify something but most of the time he simply listened. Julie packed out and as she told her story she became more and more animated. By the time they stopped in front of the house Peter almost knew the size of her bra but in all that time, nothing was said about Harry.

Johnny was home and Peter spent a reasonable time with him. He liked the man with the easy smile and comfortable gait. He grudgingly had to admit. When he arrived at the Cliffendales for the first time he listened to Henry telling him what he had achieved while Johnny never said a word about himself but rather felt compelled to explain everything on the farm. More than once he shamelessly bragged about his wife and daughter....

Peter excused himself as the sun started setting and arrived at the Cliffendales to see the three emerging from a corner in the garden, Harry carrying a spade.

"Buried something?" he asked laughingly after they had greeted and Henry chuckled. "Harry brought that shrivelled piece of our ginger root from your kitchen and we planted it." He laughed. "Thanks for thinking of us but if that thing grows I swear I'll forgive Johnny Turlington for being the living irritation he is." He laughed as he took the spade from Harry.. "I'll even tell him I'm sorry for not being a good neighbour."

Peter caught the angry glance from Harry and the soft head shake from Brigitte but decided to say nothing. He had decided to try and help Julie to heal. Attempting to heal the families simply will not work.

Early the next morning Peter and Harry left for South Wickbury for the customary first break holiday at the sea with Blanche and her friends. Julie spent most of her time helping either of her parents and just enjoying life on the farm.

It was a week before start of term when Harry took a bus home. He had a hefty research project to finish as well as having to write a script for evaluation. He spent most of his time in the library or at home in his small study. From past experience he knew he could ramble off miles of notes while walking and often went for long walks, speaking into his Dictaphone.

Needing to get some ideas recorded he started walking and speaking. The path led up the mountain and high in the mountain he heard a song floating down and started to hurry along the overgrown footpath. He hadn't been to this part of the farm for quite some time and as he almost ran into a boulder that forced the path to turn sharply left he chastised himself for letting something he held dear to slip into disuse. This was the place he and Julie played out the fantasies of childhood. In high school he spent hours studying under the massive Matumi tree while the mountain stream gurgled past him. It was a place that used to be almost holy....

Plaisir d'amour was echoing from the cliffs when he stumbled into the open and came to a baffled stop. Across the stream stood a woman with her back towards him as she sang that most beautiful of all love songs with her arms outstretched as if reaching for her loved one. A long flowing dress seemed to float with her body as she moved with the song and a large sun hat hid her from him. Harry stood rooted to the spot. The beauty of the combination of the angelic voice singing a song he held dear and the serene beauty of the crags surrounding the top of the cleft in the mountain where the fountain that gave birth to the river that ran through the farms had its spring, left him breathless. The woman sang in his haven, oblivious of him behind her, her rich Alto voice filling the space between the cliffs and the crags amplifying it with just that small echo. As she started the last verse she slowly wrapped her arms around herself and turned around with a pleading look on her face while singing with her eyes closed. Harry's mind ground to a halt. "God, its Julie," he whispered to himself.

As she ended the song she slowly opened her eyes and for long seconds she simply looked ahead of her before seeming to realise that there was someone on the other side of the stream. Surprise and then shock registered. It lasted a few seconds before unbridled anger surged to the surface and she screamed her fury, bending down to find something to throw at Harry but finding only a small pebble which she hurled at him with everything she had.

"How dare you?" she screamed as the stone flew past Harry and nearly hitting him. He simply stood there with his arms hanging down his side as if he had lost the power to move. Julie turned and took a few angry steps away from him but then suddenly swung on her heel to come splashing through the stream with her eyes flashing her rage, screaming incoherently. He stood there stupidly looking at her red face and flaring nostrils as she came up to him.

He never expected it and even if he did he possibly would have been too dumbstruck to do anything about it. After about the third blow he feebly tried to protect himself from the attack by curling his arms around his face and bowing his head down as blows rained down on him while Julie screamed and hammered him with her fists. Such was her attack that he was forced backward but he never turned away from her. It hurt too. One blow to the side of his head made him see stars and another made him taste blood as his cheek was lacerated by his teeth. Yet he stood there taking it until Julie's screaming deteriorated into ragged gasps and she started crying loudly before collapsing in a sobbing heap on the grass.

He carefully took his arms from his face and looked down at her on her knees, clawing at the grass around her as if looking for something to hold onto, still sobbing and crying loudly. For long seconds he simply stood there but then reached down and put his hand on her shoulder. He felt her jerk and try to move away but sitting on her legs made her immobile. She tried to push his hand away but only succeeded in gripping him by the wrist where her muscles tiredly locked into position.

Through her tears she saw his knees come to rest before her and then she felt his arms go around her and he drew her to him. She stiffened her back in a futile attempt to ward him off but she lacked the strength. Her face ended up against his shoulder and despairingly she bit down, feeling flesh between her teeth. She felt him wince and sobbingly let go as the last of her energy flowed from her. As if in a dream she felt him move around until she was resting with her head on his legs. She had stopped crying but the odd sob still wracked through her from time to time. Her mind was empty and she listlessly stared at the grass close by, gently moving in the soft breeze. She felt his fingers softly playing with her hair and gently stroking the side of her face. She was so tired.... Her eyes fluttered closed. She tried to open them but could not find the strength and sleep folded her into its gentle cloak.