Talisman of Hate

Harry chuckled. "She was done. Used up. Burnt out. Whatever you want to call it but she had no fight left and she simply went to sleep."

"And?"

"She eventually woke up and I... walked her home."

Peter slapped himself and laughed from deep in his belly. "I leave you alone for a few days and the two of you have it out. Seen her since?"

"Errr. No. Going to town with a black eye given to you by a girl.... No."

"You could have gone to her home?"

"To do what? Ask her if she broke a finger on my thick skull? Those blows she landed on me hurt enough. No repeat needed."

***

It took two weeks before Peter saw Julie again, this time as he left a science lab and he hooked his arm into hers.

"Miss Julie avoiding me?" he asked by way of greeting and Julie smiled at him.

"No Peter I'm not. But admittedly I am keeping a low profile."

"Deep study or hiding?"

Julie laughed softly. "A bit of both I guess. Some of my marks were not quite where I want them so I have my nose in books most of the time."

"And the hiding thing?"

She shrugged. "Hiding in books."

"From Harry?"

He felt the faltering step and pulled her to him. "He's hiding in his books.... Ahh well, he usually does but now he rarely leaves the flat." He snickered. "Seems he is scared of a repeat of something that happened during break."

He felt her arm clench his harder but nothing was said and as they came to a classroom she agitated her arm for release. Peter pulled her hair slightly and leaned closer. "Coffee after class?"

"If you have to. Parrots at five?"

Peter nodded. "Parrots will do."

A few hours later they sat opposite each other at a small table, each with a cup of coffee and a snack. Peter grinned at her and he saw the blush creep over her complexion even before he said anything.

"So, you heard," she almost whispered.

"I also saw," he grinned and then laughed. "That was a first prize black eye."

Julie's jaw dropped. "He had a black eye?"

Peter sat up straight and nodded profusely. "Couldn't see from it for two weeks. It still is shut halfway and there is a chance that he may lose some of his sight from it. His dad is considering legal...."

"Peter! You're lying!" Julie exclaimed through clenched teeth and aimed a playful fist at him.

"Lying? No! He did have a black eye."

"But surely not..."

Peter guffawed. "No. I saw it when there was only a little discoloration left but it must have been a good one."

Julie sat there with her eyes cast down to the table. "What did he say?"

"About?"

She looked up at him with pleading eyes. "Please Peter. Don't make it difficult?"

Peter smiled and drew a line down her forehead with his finger to elicit a smile. "He only told me that he heard you sing, how beautiful it was and that you attacked him." With a chuckle he added, "And also that you slept, using his leg as a pillow. Quite the intimate thing...."

As Julie silently sat there with her forehead on her hand Peter prompted again.

"Harry refuses to say anything and I can vouch that it is not from embarrassment. What happened there? Should I be concerned?"

He saw her head shake and then slowly she lifted her face to look at him. "In short Peter. I realise that I hated Harry. It festered in me for years and it only needed a small nudge to send me over the edge. His invasion of my privacy was the last straw. As I told my mom, the hounds came loose."

"Meaning?"

Julie sat staring at him and a slow lopsided grin grew on her lips. "I understand what temporary insanity is all about Peter. When I saw him there, eavesdropping on my singing, I think I went mad. I remember screaming in fury and running at him. From there things are blurry. There are a few specific moments that I remember clearly but all of it is disjointed. My first clear thought was when he helped me upright again."

Peter sat there looking at her as a multitude of thoughts whirled in his head and then he frowned. "I note that you used the past tense when you spoke of your hatred towards him. I remember the day we went home the first time you still said that you cannot hate such a despicable thing as Harry Cliffendale. Something like... not worth the energy....?"

"True. I think my anger masked my hate."

Peter shook his head. "Help me here. You still hate him? Still angry? Still...."

Julie held up her hand to silence him. "No-one will ever be able to understand how I feel towards Harry. He was my hero. My universe. And then he turned into my personal monster." She shook her head. "No-one will ever understand how it hurt. It sits deep in my being Peter. Even today, sometimes when I go to bed there are memories that make me want to cry. Still it gnaws at me. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did he do it?"

Peter sat back. "Maybe you should ask him."

"I did."

"When?"

"At the waterfall."

"And?"

Julie smirked. "He asked.... uhhh.... begged for time to tell me at his own chosen time. Imagine that!"

"Then give it to him," Peter said around a mouthful of quiche. "I know why it went that way and I can even tell you but it may be the worst thing I could do. A child experiences certain things very differently and given the right circumstances it can go very wrong."

"You mean....?" Julie started and then went quiet, doodling on the table top.

"Mean what?"

"There was a reason? Other than just genetic garbage?"

Peter grinned at her. "We all have clots of faeces drifting around in our gene pools. Some are bigger than others and sometimes there are those of us that have more than their fair share floating around but Harry...." He had to stop as Julie's peal of laughter echoed through the coffee shop.

"Don't ever do that again while I have food ...." she giggled as she held her hand in front of her mouth, grabbing for a serviette.

"Okay, I won't. Shall I wait for a mouthful of coffee?"

Julie giggled and shook her head. "You are cruel," and held up her hand. "If you don't mind Peter, I think I've had enough of Harry Cliffendale for one day."

Peter nodded. "It seems to be uppermost in our minds when we are together Julie. As I said to your mother when I dropped you off the first time. I like Harry and consider him one of the best friends I have had all my life. I cannot make the past go away but it would be lovely if the two of you can make peace. Even something like a careful truce."

Julie shrugged. "I was the prey of his attacks Peter. No-one will ever know how much it hurt and still does. Up to the incident at the waterfall I have never done anything to him except a number of times I had begged him to stop. My parents used to console me when I got home in a mess because of his bullying. Even then my dad taught me to manage my anger instead of going at Harry. It was good advice but my dad had absolutely no idea how poisonous Harry was."

Peter nodded and once again traced his finger over her nose. "Before we step off this sordid subject, may I say something?" At her faint nod he cleared his throat. "Harry knows how much he hurt you Julie. We cannot change the past.

"I know Peter. When I see Harry something flickers up in me and dies every time. The pain it leaves...."

"Because you loved him."

Julie smirked. "As a child, yes. He turned my little girl adoration to incredibly painful hate."

Peter nodded. "I speak to Harry a lot and since the incident at the waterfall I have noticed something very different in him."

"Do I need to know?"

"Yes, you need to know because I am convinced that both of you suffer from the same thing. Neither of you know what to do now. He desperately wants to approach you but he has no idea where to start. I think he realises that he will have only one go at it and if he screws it up, that will be the end. He is scared Julie. Are you?"

She sat looking at him while her mind raced. After the waterfall incident she avoided going to town, fearing she may run into Harry and not knowing how to react to him. Even now she remembers his words when they took leave at the fork in the road. Was it the shock of her attack on him or did he honestly feel remorse? If so, what was she to do? Forgive him? Can it even be almost as easy? And if so, what then? Carry on as if nothing ever happened? Is it even imaginable? Where to start? Of course, does it even have to happen?

She chuckled. "Scared? No. I just don't know what is expected of me. I was the victim, he the aggressor. Am I supposed to walk up to him and ask forgiveness?"

Peter shook his head. "That is cynical Julie."

"Sorry."

***

Weeks later Harry stopped at a traffic light and while waiting for the light to change he was rammed from behind with so much force that his car was catapulted into the intersection where another car hit it from the side. Apart from a few strained muscles, a broken finger and a few shallow cuts he was able to walk away from a totally wrecked car. Replacing the car had its own hiccups and as the term drew to a close two weeks later, he was still dependent on Peter for his transport needs. That in itself was nothing debilitating but it meant that going home was going to be interesting with Julie already promised her ride home with Peter.

When it became clear that the three were doomed to travel together Peter approached Julie with the perplexing news. She simply nodded and looked away.

"I know I have no right to make demands Peter. I can call my parents to come and fetch me."

"No."

She turned to Peter with begging eyes. "Please Peter, don't ask this of me. Four hours with Harry in the same car may be a little too much for me."

Peter pulled at her hair. "Deal breaker. Harry will sit at the back. Unless you really want to you won't even see him. If it may help I can feed him a sleeping pill."

Julie laughed softly. "And then I have to listen to him snore."

"Settled?"

Julie bit her lip and nodded. "I guess I have to face my demon at some stage."

Peter took that in silence. He showed none of the elation he felt except for the gentle hug he gave her.

A few days later she was waiting at the entrance to the flat. She desperately needed someone near her but Anthea had already left the previous day so she stood there with her gut in a tight ball and sweaty hands. Twice she picked up her suitcase to return to the flat and simply allow this awful time to slip by her but every time she relented and put the suitcase down.

She was deep in thought when Peter stopped in front of her and she started visibly when he called her name. To her consternation Harry got out and with a mumbled "Hi Julie," took her suitcase to put it in the car. Almost mechanically she got in the front as Peter had asked and as Harry got into the back they pulled off.

Julie sat with her sweaty hands knotted together and only heard parts of the conversation between Peter and Harry. They stopped at a favourite farm stall for something to drink and as they walked back to the car she aimed at the back door. Harry opened it, gave her a perplexed look but stepped aside when she made it clear she wanted to sit in the back. Without a word he closed the door carefully and got in the front. To Julie the rest of the trip was easier. She was able to look out the window and not being within sight of the men, she could even doze for a while.

As they neared home Peter leaned over to Julie. "We will go to the Cliffendale dwelling first to drop Harry off and then to yours. That ok?"

She nodded and smiled. In spite of herself she wanted to see what the farmstead looked like these days. As they pulled in at the house Harry got out and Julie followed suit. Brigitte was standing at the gate and as Julie got upright she hastily came closer.

"Julie?" she called as she hurried up to them and Julie got caught between emotions. She always liked Brigitte but due to Harry's bullying she avoided her as well. Now it seemed as if Brigitte was genuinely glad to see her and Julie was at odds with herself. What to do? Be curt? Be friendly?

She wasn't given time to dwell on her feelings. Brigitte simply nodded to Harry with a smile and then came to a stop in front of Julie with her arms held ready for a hug. Ignoring the obvious invitation would have been very rude and Julie stepped closer for the hug which lasted much longer than she expected. When at last Brigitte broke away she held on to Julie's hands while looking her up and down.

"I am so happy to see you my dear," she laughed happily. "Will you please come inside?"

Julie hesitated. Saying yes meant she would be in an uncomfortable situation for longer but declining the invitation would be wrong as well.

As if reading her mind Peter called to Harry to help him with their bags. It gave everyone a moment to adjust and Julie nodded her assent. The joy on Brigitte's face was heart-warming and Julie found a little flicker of joy within as she allowed herself to be led inside where Brigitte was almost nervous in her attempts to make Julie feel welcome. She fussed with the kettle to make coffee before even asking Julie if she wanted. She dropped a cookie jar, spilled milk and tripped over the leg of a chair before Julie held out her hand to stop Brigitte in mid-stride.

"Aunty Brig. Please take it easy. It's just me. Julie."

Brigitte came to a confused stop and sighed. "I've missed you," she said softly and Julie felt the blow to her soul.

"I stayed away...."

"I know," Brigitte interrupted her. "Harry told me after you.... at the waterfall."

An uncomfortable silence descended and the two stood in the kitchen looking forlornly at each other until both started speaking at the same time. They giggled and the tension broke. Brigitte took Julie's hand and squeezed.

"I need to have a talk with you Julie. A long talk."

Julie nodded. "We can meet. I would like that."

"We can go to a coffee shop and gossip for a few hours like bored housewives," Brigitte giggled gleefully and Julie laughed.

"Yes, and drink enough coffee to keep us awake for days on end and then feel the need for copious glasses of wine to make us sleepy."

Both were still laughing when Peter and Harry walked in. Peter smilingly winked at Julie while Harry had an unreadable expression on his face, glancing at Julie for a moment and then looking away. Brigitte busied herself with the coffee and as much as Julie wanted to be away from the weird situation, she simply could not bring herself to spoil the mood for Brigitte. As Harry picked up the tray with coffee to take it outside she noticed his shaking hands.

Once outside, Harry served his mother her coffee and then hesitatingly turned to Julie where she stood at a chair; "Will you please sit down so I can serve you your coffee Julie?" he asked like a small boy pleading for a lolly and Peter suddenly found reason to go into a coughing spasm as Julie carefully sat down, glancing at Harry with just the wisp of a smile as she took the coffee.

Before Harry could turn, Peter held out his hand. "Just put it on the table Bud. I'll grab mine when this cough is over."

***

On the way to Julie's home a while later she laughingly turned to Peter. "And the sudden bout of a chest cold?"

"I had a vision...."

"Of?"

"Visions really. One of you belting him one again and the other of him spilling that entire tray over you. He was ready to do something horribly funny."

"He seemed nervous."

"I have no idea how much sleep he had last night Julie," Peter laughed. "I don't know about you but he was a nervous wreck about this trip together. If you said 'BOO' there on the veranda he would have gone right through that roof."

"Serves him right," Julie muttered and then, in spite of everything, she giggled and then laughed merrily with Peter joining her.

"I know you wanted to split but thanks for spending time with Brigitte," Peter said softly once they recovered. "She has something in her that belongs to you."

"Meaning?"

Peter shrugged. "Remember when you told me about them? That she had kind eyes? She hugged you often?"

"Yes?"

Peter blew a loud breath. "This is where I get angry. If Harry had been less of a fucking cunt...."

Silence descended in the car and Peter slowly let out the breath he had held. "I apologise for that Julie. Please accept..."

Julie giggled. "I didn't know you could swear Peter."

"The crutch of the verbal cripple," Peter mused and then carried on. "Kick Harry under his proverbial ass but make time to spend with Brigitte. She has a whole life's worth of love to give to a daughter she never had. It is a void in her life and she deserves to be able to pour it out on someone. Please give her that joy."

By the time they stopped in front of the house Julie still had to make a sound. Emotionally she had knots in just about every corner of her soul. Joy, sadness, elation, depression and anger played tug in her mind. Right now there were just too many things happening to her. All from different angles at the same time.

Peter saw the tension on her face and swung towards her. "Tomorrow I am driving down to fetch Blanche. Harry usually goes along but it would be a welcome change if you could take his place. Also, Blanche wants to meet you."

"We just got home."

"Four days. C'mon Julie."

Julie turned to Charlotte coming down the steps and hurried over to greet her. As they separated from the hug Julie pulled at Charlotte's hair. "Got anything planned for the next four days?"

"No. Why?"

"Peter wants me to tag along to fetch Blanche in South Wickbury."

"Go!" Charlotte laughed. "Say hello to the sea from me."

Julie turned to Peter. "Done."

***

Harry was elated. After years of trying, he had beaten Dave Wilson in straight sets. The only down side of it was that there were no witnesses to the fact. He laughed to himself. He nearly went to an auction with Henry but when Dave phoned to beg for a game he had good reason to get himself pardoned from a dusty and boring day looking at livestock and bric-a-brac being auctioned off at silly prices. Brigitte's car was in for a service and she had bummed a lift to town and was okay with possibly having to wait at the coffee shop if she happened to be finished before him. Being without his own car and having to use the spare farm truck had its challenges.

As he turned onto the street from the sports complex he noticed people running and glanced at the direction they were going. A few houses down the street smoke was rising from a house and he accelerated towards the fire. Just maybe they could still save something but as he came to a violent stop in front of the house he could see; it was too late. Flames leapt from one side of the house and thick smoke was billowing from most of the windows around the house and roof. He heard a desperate wail and ran to where it had come from. At a window a group was clustered around and a woman was hysterically screaming while trying to break the burglar bars.

Harry faintly heard someone say that two children were trapped inside and while running he saw a length of heavy plank leaning against a tree in the garden. He ripped it from the rope holding it in place and with a yell he charged at the large centre window where thankfully no burglar bars were. It shattered on impact and he took a second to knock away some shards still clinging to the frame before he jumped into the smoke filled opening, not knowing what was on the other side.

For once the gods were kind and decided not to take the souls of two children. As Harry hurled himself into the blackness behind the swirling smoke he felt himself land on something soft amidst the pieces of glass from the smashed window. A bed. And then something squirmed next to him and he frantically grabbed at whatever it was to discover that the children had wrapped themselves into the bedding. With all his strength he pulled and felt the bedding give way, feeling a child struggling as he clumsily grabbed at it. He knew the window was in front of him and he threw the child with everything he had, hoping to make it to the outside. He had no way of knowing if the bundle had gone through as he lost his balance and he fell to the floor, groping for anything he could find. He felt fur that stirred and he hurled the yelping little dog towards the window. Frantically he searched, feeling his breath going and the heat inside going up, burning his ears and face. He felt a lump next to him and grabbed at it. The child was frantic and grabbed onto him, making it impossible to simply throw it through the hole where the window used to be.