Taming the Bunny Ch. 03

"So that lover boy of yours isn't a problem in the eyes of the public, is he?"

"Well, not really, no. A lover is a common thing for a woman like me these days. It's nothing like this."

"Well isn't this just like you asked from me? An open relationship."

"Yes, but you don't live at home anymore. Our relationship is now completely non-existent. I thought that maybe you could spend a random night with someone and that's it. I didn't mean that you would move out and start bunking with some bimbo."

"I didn't plan this, Lana. Life goes on and you can't exactly plan it. I've learned that now, if anything."

"And why do you look like that? Where has your belly gone and you've got shoulders. Are you taking some steroids or what?"

"I think that renovation ate my stomach and I have found running again. Oh, and I have my own gym now. The girls like it too. Cannot believe I didn't put it in our old house. It's a great idea."

"Damn Mark, I didn't mean any of this. This is not acceptable now at all."

...

"You think that was funny, do you? Which one was it. Confess immediately. That kind of behavior will get you spanked!"

"Ooooh, me me."

"No, no, don't believe her, it was me!"

"Well I should spank you both then. Well, then bend over. Let's go already!"

Slap!

"Ouch! One more please."

Slap!

"Then the other one."

Slap!

"Ouch! I want also two."

Slap!

"Hey, when is Lana coming to visit again?"

...

"Sorry Mark, I think I behaved a little hastily yesterday. Can we do this again. I didn't get to say anything yesterday about what I came to say. My head just went blurry when I saw those lingerie. Was it really just a joke at my expense?"

"It was, believe it."

"Mark, I'm so sorry for what this has led to. I never meant this. I just wanted to get some zing. I was somehow so numb to that life. And then Lisa told me about their thing and I thought that's just what I needed. I thought you'd just whine like you always do and then give in like you always used to. I couldn't imagine you overreacting like this. There's no sense of proportion here. That Brian thing is just a little booster shot for me. A bit like that motorcycle was for you. It's not a big deal at all. And it doesn't affect the two of us in any way. The beginning was just a bit rough, but I know better now. Could you just come home now and put an end to this madness? "

"Listen, I've read now a few books on this topic. That is, about cheating and open relationships and the like."

"But I didn't..."

"Tut-tut you just listen now. Let's not start again.

I think I now have a better understanding of what this is all about. This is not quite as simple as you think. My coming home won't fix anything here. Now listen calmly to what I have found out. Now I have to simplify things a bit for you, since you don't have this competence of mine."

"Yeah, yeah, master of psychobabble Mark Googan plays. Well, you already made me smile. You always manage to do that. So let it be heard, I'm just an ear for now on."

"There are two main points: 1. Our relationship inadvertently became unequal at some point and 2. Your instincts took a surprise hit on me."

"But..."

"Tut-tut, let's raise a hand if there's a question. Now shut up."

"Point one: In the beginning, our relationship was like a hot paradise. We were equals and we fucked non-stop. Then came children and careers. That life ate up my resources little by little. You're a bit like Energizer Bunny and you managed to keep your energies up, maybe with the help of your career or something, I don't know.

No interruptions at this point, Q&A is at the end, hand down.

It was worse for me. I became passive and surrendered to the role that would support you and always understand you. I thought that my job is to support your career, take more responsibility for the children and make more compromises with you. And of course I did it voluntarily. But at the same time, what happened in our relationship was that you became the more dominant and controlling party. I'm pretty sure now that it showed up somehow in our sex too, although I can't figure out exactly how. And it showed in my appearance. I got a belly and I thought it doesn't matter that much. And I started to avoid arguing. I thought it would make our relationship worse if we argued. Maybe partly because I subconsciously knew something was going on in our relationship, but I didn't understand what. And I tried in every way to get our relationship back to the way it was, but it was completely hopeless when I didn't even know what was wrong. Of course I kind of new that you are a selfish bitch, but I did nothing to it. That was my big mistake.

I have to remind the audience again that the Q&A is AT THE END!

Point two: a woman's instincts. As the public well knows, we are only animals. Although someone may think they are somehow civilized and intelligent, at the end of the day we are just animals driven by instincts. In the animal world, the normal family continuation organization is that a male has a pack of females that he copulates periodically. In humans, the norm is an organization of two. That guarantees the largest number of reproductive capable descendants. Human children have to be raised for an ungodly long time. And that is why it is necessary to invest in the permanence of that organization.

So a monogamy has become the norm for us. In the background, however, there are instincts prior to this organization, i.e. the man spreads his seeds as widely as possible and the woman preferably takes the seeds from the male she thinks is the best.

Those instincts and monogamy are at obvious conflict.

So the instincts tell the man to spread and that's why men cheat in monogamy. A woman's instincts tell her that the one with muscles is a better male and that's why women cheat in monogamy.

Hand down now!

But still. All men and all women are not equal in the reproductive game. Some of the women and some of the men are better looking than their competitors. The better-looking women are the ones on whom that seed is primarily spread. And the better-looking men are the ones with whom cheating is more common.

Now I have to apply the science a bit and set a couple of terms: those good-looking women are now bunnies and those good-looking men are hunks. Other men are wimps and other women are cats.

Yeah yeah we know, you're a bunny. Nobody's arguing.

Well, let's continue. Now, maybe five percent of women and men are bunnies and hunks, and the rest of us are others. For this reason, only a vanishingly small part of the relationships are between a bunny and a hunk. The majority is therefore a bunny and a wimp, a cat and a hunk and a cat and a wimp.

A bunny and a hunk are a perfect pair because neither of them has to cheat. They just happily live ever after.

A cat and a wimp: the cat wants a hunk and the wimp wants a bunny, so they betray equally. Can work, but requires attitude.

A hunk and a cat: the hunk wants a bunny and the cat wants her own hunk. The divorce is inevitable.

A bunny and a wimp: the bunny wants a hunk and the wimp wants his own bunny. Again, doomed.

I don't know what I was when we met, but I do know that I've been a wimp for the last ten years or some. Your bunnyness has remained the same throughout or even increased. So you see: we are in big trouble here.

But that's not even all. The story just gets better...

A male needs respect to keep the other males out of the monogamy.

A female doesn't need respect, she needs security.

The clear difference between a man and a woman is that the man has to make sure that the offspring will definitely carry his seeds, otherwise the whole organizational model loses its meaning. For a woman it's the security and best available seeds.

The best arrangement for a man is to own his woman. However the norm doesn't allow that anymore. But the instinct is there and the respect is kind of replaced the owning.

A woman has no need to own her husband. If the man is a good breadwinner, that's good enough.

Now we come to the good part, the cheating game. First, the cheater's perspective.

If a woman cheats on her husband, she typically looks for a hunk because she's in a relationship with a wimp. There's no logic for a woman to cheat with a wimp. If a woman is able to combine her own and the hunk's genes, then there is no problem if the breadwinner is a wimp. So for a woman who is in a relationship with a wimp, cheating is instinctively always the right choice as long as the cheating partner is a hunk.

If a man cheats on his wife, his wife is typically a cat. The cheating partner is preferably a bunny, but a cat will also work, because the seeds will spread even then.

So what do the victims of cheating think?

If a woman is cheated on, it is not very relevant in terms of raising her own offspring. So in conclusion it's not a big problem for a woman to cheat or be cheated on.

If a man is betrayed, then it is a disaster. The entire male reproductive strategy i.e. the monogamy has then collapsed.

And here, dear Lana, is the point of this whole long and boring story: according to instinct, for a woman cheating is unimportant or desirable, and for a man it is always a disaster.

I guess this may seem a bit absurd to you because we are no longer in the age of having children. So the whole breeding strategy shouldn't have any meaning. But human instincts know nothing about menopause. They just work in the background as long as the hormones are humming. You know, the instincts raise desires and you have no idea where they come from.

Well, now it's finally time for audience questions. No need to raise a hand anymore."

"Sorry, I fell asleep after I got the bunny nomination, but does this mean that you are coming home now?"

"Nope. Did you dream about flies as you were waving so hard."

"Not I just waved away the dreamy suitors. They're all around me now that my husband has left me."

"Well, guess what, according to research, the market value of the left spouse increases by a half a point."

"Really, so I'm a nine and a half now?"

"Well at least."

"Mark, you just say that. But really, I have to digest this now. There was a lot of stuff in there that I haven't thought about at all. I wonder, how much there is truth in your made up stories? I've never thought that you're a wimp. But it's true, that I was a bit bored on you, yes. And I never thought that you could react like this. And the truth is that I never thought that the Brian thing was such a big deal for you. But I strongly deny cheating. I admit nothing."

"Lana my love, I don't really know how this would help us move forward. It's unlikely that we'll ever be able to go back to the old. But maybe we could build something new. But it starts with you leaving Brian. Otherwise, I won't even consider anything. You know what Lana, it seems that the half pointer comes to me also. The single women are buzzing around me like never before. So, you know Lana, time is not necessarily on your side on this."

"Mark! You said love. Does that mean you still love me?"

"I guess, but I kind of hate you too. I am searching for some kind of balance now."

"Mark, I promise to think about this very seriously now. And keep you hands away of those buzzing sluts."