Teach Me Tonight

For the next few minutes, we just held each other. My mind was racing a mile a minute, thinking I just might be headed to Hell.

Waking up the following morning, we both were moving around in a fog. When we finally had a first cup of coffee, we started talking about what went on, the previous night.

"Are you sorry we did that, Mom."

"Yes, and no. Yes, is obvious, and no, because you needed to find out for yourself."

"I know we'll never do that again, but I think I'm likely to do more than talk with Lindsey. Are you disappointed?"

"I could never be disappointed in anything you do, besides, look at Jean and me."

Just then, if on cue, my phone rang and its Jean.

"Hey, babe, can I come over?"

"You know you never have to ask, and yes we are still mom and daughter, and doing quite well."

Not twenty minutes later, the love of my life came bounding through my front door. After our longer than usual hugging, she quietly asked me if I was upset with her for talking with my daughter.

"No, not terribly, I guess," knowing I just couldn't be too upset about her really just trying to be helpful.

We all sat around discussing what took place, with Beth and I agreeing that was a one time occurrence.

Beth and I just stared into Jean's eyes with a what's happening look.

"OK, both of you, I should know something in a day, or two. I'm close, but not terribly late, yet, and I've never been late. Ever.

Wow, I thought to myself. I just might be a mommy, again. At 60! What the fuck am I thinking? Do I want start all over, again? Wasn't it hard enough with Beth at 39?

Calming myself down, I did start thinking, that Jean, who would be a first time mommy, would do most of the heavy lifting, so to speak, and I've never shied away from little kids.

Just one week later, we were in Jean's doctors office, with the ultrasound wand telling us we were going to be parents, me for the fourth time, and my precious Jean for the first.

I just didn't know who to hug after Jean. She held onto to me like her life depended on it.

"I've thought about this moment for my entire life, and now I'm scared shitless," she sobbed.

"I'll help you with everything, my dear Jean, count on it."

We were told that if we wanted to know our baby's sex, to return in two weeks, or so. Did we want to know? I decided to let Jean make that decision, and let her know I'd abide be her choice.

As the months progressed, not only did Beth and her now very good friend, Lindsey, visit for dinner, Jean decided to move in with me, permanently. Also, as Jean grew, we all joked that she needed to go bra shopping. It gave all of us a good laugh.

As we were nearing Jean's due date, we broke down and learned we were having a little girl. Now, all we had to do was find a name.

Jean had told me about one of her grandmothers, named Carol, who was probably the only one in her family who never thought anything was wrong with her lifestyle.

After some further discussion, we settled on Carol, with a middle name to be determined.

We both had to settle for just a minimum of sexual contact during the last 7 or 8 weeks, as Jean constantly complained about being the size of a house. In fact, she seemed so small compared to all three of my pregnancies.

We actually went bra shopping. which turned into quite an adventure. Beth decided to join us, giving us a chance to find out how she and Lindsey were doing.

Roughly four weeks before her due date, my daughters-in-law, plus my daughter threw her a baby shower. This turned out to be a smash hit. Some of her colleagues at the software company where she was a tech writer, were overly curious about the process that ended with this little being nearly ready to join our unconventional family.

As we explained our process, several of the girls took the name of our doctor.

It was a good thing we had the baby shower when we did, because four days after the shower, little Carol let us know she was ready to meet her mommies.

It took all my calming influence to get Jean ready to deliver our daughter. After just over an hour of labor, our precious little bundle made her appearance. Just under seven pounds and barely 19 inches long. With a minimum of light brown peach fuzz for hair. and a fairly strong set of lungs.

While the nurses were cleaning her up, we just hugged each other, telling the nurses she was the most darling baby in the world. When Carol was placed in Jean's arms, I wasn't sure if she was ever going to let her go.

After taking a few pictures for my kids, I asked her if she wanted to send one or two to her parents.

To be determined, she told me, finally letting me hold our little addition. She looked so much like Bethany when she was born, it was frightening. When she latched onto my pinkie finger, I just couldn't stop grinning.

It didn't take more than a few minutes for Carol to literally steal our hearts. With her bright blue eyes, and happy little smile, we were hooked.

Getting settled in her room, my kids came in to visit our new addition. All four granddaughters were talking about the new playmate they'd have. I just couldn't hug Brian tight enough, thanking him for his part in this little miracle.

Each of them asked how it felt to be a new mother at 60 years of age. I just told the age is only a number. Then sat down to treasure what life has brought me.

My 38 years of a fantastic life with the most loving man I could have ever imagined. Three fantastic children, plus four amazing grandchildren.

A second chance at love with the most wonderful, caring person I ever could have imagined. Yes, a bit unconventional, but so loving. Another daughter, so late in life, I'm hoping I get to see her into adulthood. The support of many good, lifelong friends who understand where my life is headed.

Again, my love for Jean Marie Moore is so complete, now with our daughter, Carol, who will know the love of her two mommies, plus my entire family.

Will Jean and I do this again? Are you fucking nuts? I'm 60 years old, for Christ sakes.

I do admit, I'm still able to get on the floor with Carol, just not as often as with my older kids.

Do I just have unbridled love watching Carol at mommy Jean's breast? Oh, yes. Jean is loving this roll of mommy with all her heart. Oh, yes, she does let me do the feeding, using a bottle filled from the pump she received at her shower.

Every so often, as I relax in the evenings, Ben and I talk, with him telling me how lucky I am to have such a loving relationship. Yes, he says, he was a bit skeptical, at first, but when he sees us together, he has to sit back and smile.

Even though my heart ache is a little bit less, my new family helps me with my sadness.

We both have decided to tell Carol about my entire family, when she's old enough. For now, she has an entire group of playmates. And I have the most loving partner I could have ever wished for.

Another thing we've decided on, is getting married. When two people love each other as much as we do, that's the natural thing to do.

Planning this wedding brought my family even closer, if that was possible. With my children, and four growing granddaughters, acting as the bridal party, our wedding went off, without a hitch.

Jean and I just marvelled at our daughter, growing up so quickly. With both of us telling her, anything was possible, and the sky was her limit.

Both of us would instil the idea that nothing was off the table, for any of her pursuits.

Our daughter would learn in every phase of her life that nothing was off the table. If she wanted to be anything she could imagine, we'd never use the word no, or can't.

As I began to age, with my family always treating me like a queen, I would sit back, taking stock of my life. Nearly four decades with the man I loved, more than life itself. Three children, four grandchildren.

Then a life partner completely different. Another child. Total love, in every way, shape and form.

My wife decided to quit her job, to devote all her time to our daughter.

As Joe Walsh sang, Life is good.