All Comments on 'Teacher Harem'

Okay, I'm keeping this one. Good luck with the contest.

Wow, it was great, now looking at the rest of your stories.

Well done, lots of interesting plot twists, looking forward to part two.

quote "Mr. A.," Cindy said, unquote

A talking dog?

Awesome read.. Sure hope you make this into a longer protect..

4*. Sex scenes need to move the story forward but seldom did. For instance Cathy being a deepthroat expert for Andy meant that the oral with others was gratuitous instead of developing.

I broke my unwritten rule for reading these Valentine's stories. I started reading the shortest first. In looking at the length of this story, I deviated from that rule to read a ten Lit page one against my initial thoughts. I'm glad to have read this; seeing who edited your work sparked that. It was a rant and a half of wildness and debauchery on both sides of the story: the bad guys/girls and the good guy/girls with a fairy-tale happily-ever-after ending.

Initially, Evie's budding interest in Andy could have been edited out. It only added to the storyline once it barely resurfaced at the end. Based upon your last comments about a course change in the student-teacher relationship role of Evie and Andy, I see you had some trepidation about that as well. It wouldn't hurt the story to have left those elements out and just dealt with the adults - students aside. It was sex-crazy enough without her as a character.

You have a few more clean-ups to make. A carryover editor's suggestion still needed to be removed on page 2 before you posted. I noted a few incomplete sentences along the way—still a very well-developed read. Your writing is a mixture of a more 'formal' tone and vocabulary and a more 'Lit-sexual-style elsewhere.'. Also, I noted a tendency to use 'I then ... or 'She then ...' in starting sentences. It may be just me thinking that you could get by with plain old 'I ...' or 'She ... and forgo the use of 'then.' Or is that just an idiomatic language occurrence? Do I need to be more accustomed to reading stories written outside the USA?

Good one!

5

I thought it was well done and enjoyed it

Great story

Hi Toro - I enjoyed this. A good balance of emotions and a healthy dose of over-the-top sexual situations.

Enjoy each day! - Tom. (on a side note, I did steal your idea for a woman who ends up in a fraternity ;-) )

Loved it.

I feel sorry for Kenji. I was hoping he could have joined the group shortly after Pia. I was hoping to hear about him in the epilogue.

Kenji is my editor and I include a character in his name in all my recent stories. He doesn't want to be described in sexual situations and I respect that. Hope you understand.

That's quite the cuddle puddle! I love how everything worked out.

I will use the expression, cuddle puddle in a future story. That made me laugh out loud.

Good story but it seemed longer than needed, dragging on, particularly the buildup and the sex scene at the end. That got tiring. There was some confusion with Cathy's name versus Cindy's (though the collar "mixup" was cute) in the early going but that got better after the dog's introduction. The end was good, though I wonder if Evie would have wanted to be just a part rather than the focus.

Toro1! thank you very much for responding to my post! I totally understand, respect his wishes and respect you for respecting them! I never thought that Kenji's omission from the sex took away from the story. I just felt that the group kind of ditched him despite them being so close at school and not hearing about him in the epilogue made think, "Ouch, maybe they did." But your explanation clears that up nicely. Please keep doing what you're doing!

Would he really have been comfortable just getting the conspirators out of his school system and province? If their teaching credentials are still intact, they could just set up their one woman student brothel somewhere else.

I really like this story.

You share all my kinks. Just glad that it wasn't a father daughter thing like you had in your last.

But if I would give some constructive criticism, I think you should practice more in the love making writing. It feels a bit mechanical. Elaborate more about about their emotions and their sensations.

You are showing improvement. Please, keep up the good work. :-)

It was very well written I just didn’t like the ending, after the betrayal, the mountain of evidence of illegal activities and the blatant disrespect of the cheaters, they’re revenge is to get….. Divorced, that’s it, no punishment or meting out justice, just divorced and pat ourselves on the back.

I thought about going deeper on the revenge description and talk about his wife's life which became a failure but wanted to leave the focus his new life with his new partners. I will look to close off characters better in the future. Thanks for the thoughts.

I dont usually voice my critiques on here, but i see potential here. The idea of the plot was great, the sex scenes hit my kinks, thats all great so far, but the dialogue was rough. Too formal, everyone using perfectly constructed sentenses is just not realistic even if they're teachers. It just comes across as robotic, doesnt convey any emotion and you relied on it way too much, instead of letting us see the story from Andy's pov with all his wide range of emotions between having 3 girls and a cheating wife. I do have to say I am in no way a writer, nor can i write a story like this and maybe people like this type of dialogue, since i dont see any comments mentioning it

I really liked this story, though I would suggest some editing. The story didn't feel complete even though the new family of teachers was the right one. We still need closure about the wife and her co-conspirators. What happened when they got away from that meeting and had second thoughts the next day? The wife was pregnant, but it seems she was so far gone she would have tried at some point to get child support (and fail). Their conspiracy failed, but it needs more context.

And what about Evie? We really need to hear more about her - which could actually be a sequel in itself.

Still, an excellent story. Would love to see some parts of it filled out.

Well written

🙈🙉🙊

As a story I liked the writing, but felt the writing of the sex scenes needed some help. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed them but would sometimes find myself skipping ahead to move the story forward.

Always a hard balance between the sex and the story. Thanks for the comment.

Ok the story between him and the other teachers was good. The story about the wife is ridiculous. They can't have children so she becomes a whore ? And they don't need her DNA, just the baby and his. The wife needed to be committed for mental problems . just not well thought out.

Cheating wives are the worst... except for cheating slut wives, which are the worst of the worst. Of course the really special ones are the cheating whores, like Cathy, that gets involved in a prostitution ring with the lowest scum known. I mean damn! One can only hope they get all the STDs in the world and are made to suffer. Fucked up that she was able to have a kid in the end. That poor innocent child to have that excuse of a human as a parent. Yikes. Of course, the character doesn't seem plausible but that's often the case in stories with a cheating wife. Apparently loyal and loving for 4 years, can't have kids with her husband, so decides to be a whore for a bunch of married guys and in the end behaves like some kind of vindictive bitch that wants to cuck him and make him pay for child support? It just doesn't seem like the same person. But I guess the author just got carried away with it and it was easier to paint her as some villain at the end than someone remorseful of their actions.

I really wish they had "leaked" the evidence after they got what they wanted from them. It otherwise feels like they still got away with it when they can just move away and restart again, possibly doing the same kind of shit elsewhere. They turned out to be pretty horrible people, not that it comes as any real surprise, but they deserve a more harsh punishment for the shit they pulled. If for no other reason than to make it as hard as possible for them to pull that crap again.

Wonderful story. Additional exploration with Evie may have been very hot. She was denied so long, though I do agree with the reasons.

This was exceptionally good. Would love a follow up story exploring when Evie joins them.

That was a great story! All the plot elements you had going on, and your descriptions of the sex scenes were super-engaging and satisfying. Loved the ending! 5 stars and favorited.