All Comments on 'Telekinesis Ch. 06'

A very good story. Very, very good story.

I always loved the stories where a main character gains or discovers he has hidden powers, but what I especially like is when those powers are scientific in nature. A character gaining magic powers is easy; a character gaining science-grounded powers, though, is something that is much more difficult to write because the writer has to be careful not to make things too outrageous. There need to be certain rules to those powers, limitations, and so on - and you do that quite well, so my hat's of to you. The main character's telekinetic powers are overall weak, and though they keep growing, they are still not the world-shattering kind, which makes the story interesting.

I have some criticisms as well, however: you jump too much from one girl to second girl, then back to the first girl, and so on and so forth. It means that your story is difficult to keep track of. Also, since this means that you keep jumping back and forth from supposed "current time" to flashback, it's making the story even more confounding. Flashbacks are not bad, mind you, it's just that your style is somewhat more confusing.

Back to the good stuff - I liked how every girl was portrayed, and it was interesting to read about each and every one. Not a single one is a copy of another. This is a mistake that many writers make - they make the girls too similar to each other, which makes their characters uninteresting. But with you, every single girl is specific and unique, and it was a neat writing trick to describe the differences between Samantha and Kayla.

Of course, I'm currently the most interested in Nicole, since she is helping the main character to control his powers. I don't know if you realize but this thing about the main character having a foil and needing help was very well done. It avoids him being overpowered. It gives him a foil.

Way to go, and I hope you continue writing this!

-NX