Tell it to My Heart Ch. 03

"But how did you know about..." She cut me off.

"I know a lot more than you think I know Andi. I know a lot of people in this town. And people love to talk." The tall woman stood up and I followed. "Just do me a favor and paint the car any color other than yellow," she said, forcing a smile.

"OK Aunt Dorothy." I smiled back. But still confused about how she knew so much about my private life.

"Oh... and happy birthday you little cutie!"

"Little cutie... I'm almost as tall as you!" I exclaimed.

"Almost as tall... Don't forget that," as she laughed wildly.

She was still mildly laughing as I walked her out the side door. I noticed the Mustang was tucked away in the garage. I hit the button in the kitchen to close the garage door. I watched Aunt Dorothy get into her Mazda two seater. She waved goodbye and sped off.

*********

I decided that I was going to stay home with Sami that night. I cooked some hot dogs plus mac and cheese for dinner. Then we cuddled on the couch and watched TV until we both fell asleep. We both woke up around midnight and I shooed Sami to bed. I told her that I would clean up the kitchen and see her upstairs. But as I was cleaning up, I couldn't get Shara out of my head. I couldn't get what Aunt Dorothy said out of my head. I couldn't get June and Connie out of my head.

I tippy-toed upstairs, looked in on Sami. She was fast asleep. I took a quick shower. With Aunt Dorothy's words running in my mind, I decided that I had to see Shara. I wanted to see if that connection, if that spark was real.

It was around 1am as I pulled into the Food Mart parking lot. I noticed a thin, blonde haired woman, sitting on a small bench at the far end of the building thumbing through her phone. A single pyramid of light shining down upon her. I knew it was Shara. She heard my bike approaching.

She had the biggest smile on her face as I came to a stop and removed my helmet. My heart was pounding and my palms were getting sweaty again. I ran my fingers through my short black hair. It's funny, sometimes I do that when I'm nervous, sometimes I do it when I'm feeling self assured. This was both. She had a strange but happy look on her face. Like she knew I was going to stop by.

Unlike our last meeting, I was now fully confident. I knew how I felt. And from the chemistry we shared the other night, I was pretty sure I knew how Shara felt too. I swung my leg off the bike, walked with purpose over to her smiling face. I felt like King Arthur, just unmounting his horse and strutting over to claim his woman. Maybe we can change that to Queen Arther, better yet, Queen Andi and her woman, haha.

As I got closer, her smile looked even bigger. It gave me an idea. I decided, it's all or nothing... I put this 'don't say a word' look on my face. I held out my hand. She cautiously, but optimistically put her hand in mine. I gently pulled her to her feet. I tenderly put both of my hands on her cheeks. I stared down into her sparkling hazel eyes now filled with anticipation.

I took a deep breath and put a sexy smirk on my face. And in a low, soft voice I said, " Unless you tell me no Shara, in three seconds, I'm going to kiss you." Instantly her eyes crinkled and she smiled a sly, smirky smile. I knew what I was doing was right. I knew everything I was feeling was right.

I barely started to mentally count down in my head when I saw her lovely face move slowly up towards mine. I guided her glossy pink lips to mine. I watched her eyes close, right before I closed mine. I took a cue from the older ladies and placed a delicate kiss on her creamy soft lips. I didn't push and just let our lips linger against each other for a few seconds. Which is completely opposite from my normal ravage-the-woman style of kissing. I felt a tingling like never before. Finally, those heavenly full lips are on mine, I thought. I pushed in ever so lightly and so did Shara. We both tilted our heads slightly and pushed in a little more. I slid my hands down from the sides of her pretty face to the sides of her neck. I let my thumbs softly trace her jaw line.

Then, her soft warm tongue stealthily found its way into my mouth. She wanted this too! I knew I was right! I love it when I'm right! Our tongues lightly grazed over each other. I think I could feel every one of her taste buds. She moaned softly. I felt tingles run up and down my spine. My heart was now hammering inside my chest AND singing hallelujah. I resisted my natural urge to treat her like my latest conquest. And I was rewarded. Shara snaked her arms through my open leather jacket, around my back and began to pull our bodies together. Oh how wonderful it was. I felt a gentle warmth run through my body. And a wetness between my legs. The first time that ever happened from just a kiss. Our bodies are touching everywhere from head to toe. I swear I felt her body tingle too.

I could have stayed there for hours just kissing Shara... My urges were completely sated. "Wow," she said as she slowly pulled away. I reluctantly let her pretty face drift away from mine.

My eyes opened first, gazing at her beautiful face. Her eyes stayed closed for a few more seconds as she softly sighed. Her hazel eyes opened with a glossy haze.

"Oh my God Andi, that was a wonderful first kiss," she mewed.

"You're not a bad kisser yourself Shara," I whispered back with a sultry smile.

"Um... I don't think you understand what I mean...Sit down Andi, we need to talk," she said in a somewhat serious tone.

I sat down next to her, so close our thighs were pressed against each other. She put her hand in mine. I must have looked worried right before she spoke.

"Andi... um... that kiss... was um... my first kiss with a girl...you're... you're the first girl I've EVER kissed I mean," she said nervously.

"Wait what?" I said in a very confused voice, my eyes darting all over the place. But my heart wasn't confused.

You heard her right Heart, We're the first girl she ever kissed... But Andi, it was a great kiss! I think we should listen to her.

"Andi... I've been very confused about who I am attracted to for a long time... I've dated and slept with more than a few guys trying to figure it out. Telling myself the reason why it didn't feel... well, quite right, was because I wasn't with the right guy." Shara lowered her head. "Kissing guys feels fine I guess... and the sex feels sorta fine." Then she looked back into my eyes. "But something always seemed to be missing... I mean, I was doing what my friends were doing. I was doing what society told me to do. I was dating guys. But, no matter what... it still didn't feel as great as I thought it should have.

"Then recently, My sister and I were watching a movie that just happened to have two girls kissing. So I asked my sister. Did you ever kiss a girl? She said she did, in college. That let me open up to my older sister about what I was feeling... I sheepishly admitted to her that I often had... thoughts about girls. That I sometimes even fantasize about girls.

"My sister and I talked for a while longer and it was what she said that finally got me to think that... maybe I'm... attracted to both boys and girls, or... just girls, or... I don't know... but... I didn't know if my attraction to girls was something real or not... Like I first said... I'm confused.

"The very next night is when you came along. In my checkout line... looking like you walked right out of my fantasy and into my real life. Feelings I never felt before overwhelmed me. I barely kept it together. I'm still a little confused... but... meeting you... I think... is starting to clear things up... I think, at the very least... I prefer girls... because no guy ever made me feel the way you do."

I dropped my shoulders.

I'm so confused now Heart. While we were kissing her, I picked up on a vibe that told me she was solidly gay. Now I find out that I'm the first and only girl she ever kissed!

It's OK Andi, it was a wonderful kiss!

So Heart, is she gay? Is she bi? I don't think even she knows. Yes, she's pretty. Yes, I'm still attracted to her... But I'm battling so many conflicting feelings now. I mean, I'm finally looking for a long term relationship, I'm finally looking for love... and the girl I find, the girl you are telling me to pursue... has never been with a girl before?

But she likes us Andi!

Heart, if we were just jumping into bed for a quick romp, I could do that. But to try and develop what I'm hoping to be a long term relationship with a woman. With someone that's never been with a woman! I don't know if I can do that.

I think we should try Andi!

But Heart, how does she know she'll like it? What if she doesn't like it? Kissing a woman is one thing. Having sex with a woman is completely different. What if we start having sex and all of a sudden, she gets freaked out from intimately touching another woman? There's way too much uncertainty going on right now.---

It's OK Andi, don't run away... sorry Heart, I need time to think.

I slid slightly away from Shara. I rested my elbows on my knees and looked down at the ground. She continued to speak, but I barely heard anything she said. I did pick up on a few things though. She was 21 years old. Lives with her sister and brother-in-law. And, oh yeah, she's currently DATING A GUY!

That's all I needed to hear. I interrupted her in mid sentence, not even sure of what the last few words were that she spoke. "Sorry Shara... but I gotta go." Disappointment dripped from my every word. She pleaded with me to stay. "NO, NO Andi, don't go... PLEASE don't go. I'm not finished," she said in a panic. But it was like I went deaf. I couldn't hear a word she was saying. At the very least, I needed to do some thinking. At worst, I might never see Shara again.

I didn't even look at her while I quickly got on my bike and took off. She was still pleading for me to stay. Yes, I was wearing my helmet. Yes, I tried to put her out of my mind... Yes, I failed.

When I pulled into my driveway. I decided to sleep in Charlee's room that night. Again, I didn't want to wake Sami. I slumped into Charlee's bed not even caring about what I was wearing. A restful sleep eluded me. I kept telling my mind that Shara is out of the picture. My heart was still optimistic. You're looking at glass half empty Andi. She said she prefers girls... remember...? No Heart, she said she THINKS she prefers girls...

**********

I woke up the next day, Wednesday, around noon. Yeah, I slept late. The less time I was awake, the less time I have to play referee between my head and my heart.

I was unusually quiet when Sami came home from school. She begged me to tell her what was bothering me. I would eventually. But right then I was too busy wallowing in self pity.

That night Sami and I slept together, in her bed this time. She insisted on being the big spoon this time. I completely gave in and let her, this time.

Her warm hug felt great. It was just what I needed. After a few minutes. I spilled my guts. She didn't even have to ask. I told her everything. The wonderful kiss, Shara not sure of her sexuality, the three-way I had with the older ladies, everything. But I didn't tell her about Aunt Dorothy's visit. Not just yet anyway.

To Sami's credit, she didn't utter a word. All she did was hug me with one arm, and pet the top of my head with her other hand. Somewhere along the way I fell asleep.

**********

I woke up the next morning, Thursday, laying on my side looking at Sami's pretty face. Her wide awake face. Her kneeling next to the bed pretty face... pushing a cup of coffee in my face.

Sami started singing like she'd been awake for hours. "Rise and shine sleepyhead. You're not going to blow off the entire day like you did yesterday."

I grumbled out. "I'll rise, but I won't shine."

"Mom called this morning. They have to stay an extra day for Charlee's treatment."

"Is everything alright?" I asked in a concerned voice as I propped myself up on my elbow.

"Yeah, Mom said something about it taking a little longer this time, that's all."

"Oh, OK."

"Hey... um, Andi... I have a surprise for you," Sami said, trying, but failing to hide the happiness in her voice.

"What kind of surprise?" I asked with one eyebrow raised and a tiny sense of amusement.

"Come on in surprise!" Sami yelled, but not too loud.

"Hi Andi!"

"KATIE!!! I... I thought you couldn't break away from college and work?" I was screaming with delight at first, then I held it down to a dull roar. I flung myself at my best friend. Wrapping my arms around her, giving her a bone crushing hug. I haven't seen her since Easter. I'm sure I looked like crap and probably didn't smell much better. But I also knew Katie didn't care one bit.

Katie tried to answer my outburst as I gave her a big smoochy kiss on the cheek. The only two words I could make out were 'sister' and 'texted.' I looked over at Sami, with that look. That stern look that said, why did you do this?

She looked back at me and said, "Well, I knew you for certain weren't going to listen to me about Shara. So I brought in the big guns... The one and only person you would possibly listen to... Katie." I let go of Katie and she did a modified curtsey, then giggled.

I both love and hate that Sami knows me so well. Hate is a strong word. I'll call it unnerved. It's not easy living with someone that knows you better than you know yourself.

We all walked down stairs. Sami went off to school. Katie and I spent the next two hours at the kitchen table drinking coffee and talking. She and I talk on the phone every week, so I only needed to update her on the last few days. She had a wily smile on her face as told her about my threeway.

"So Andi, what is it about Shara that bothers you? I mean, besides the fact she's confused about who she's attracted to." Katie asked in a concerning tone.

"Confused about her sexuallity... that pretty much covers it... well, that and she's never been with a girl before. I mean, what if she doesn't like it? And, oh ya, one other small detail... She has a BOYFRIEND!" I wasn't trying to sound mean, but I grit my teeth on that last word.

"Wait a minute Andi... You told me she was dating a guy. That doesn't mean he's her boyfriend."

"Semantics," I nicely barked back at Katie.

"No it's not, miss know-it-all... You said it yourself. You were hardly listening to her when she tried to explain. She could have been dating this guy for a week or a month, you don't know. Dating is just that... dating. She would have said boyfriend if that's what she meant. But she didn't... It's just DATING! And so what if you ARE her first girl? I'm sure lots of long term lesbian relationships started out with one girl being new at it. Plus... you always focus on the negative, try to be positive for once."

That's what I loved about Katie. She knew just when to push back and how hard. I looked down at the coffee ring stained kitchen table. Running my finger mindlessly over one of the circles. Katie got up and topped off her coffee. She sat back down, only this time she moved her chair right in front of mine. She lightly grabbed my hand. The one that wasn't still drawing circles on the table. She intertwined our fingers, then placed her other hand on top.

"Andi, think back to that kiss. Yes, you started it, but then she jumped in with both feet... eh, both lips I mean. Her tongue went into your mouth!... Her arms wrapped around you...! You told me your body tingled like never before... You have to trust your feelings... You have to trust your heart... Can't you see... Shara feels something for you. And I don't think it's just some passing fad. She wouldn't have kissed you if she didn't want to take things further. And I know sure as I'm sitting here that you feel something for her... It's just buried under all that self pity."

She was making a lot of sense, but I didn't want to hear it. So I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "Maybe you're right. I just need to think about it some more."

I was surprised that she didn't push me further. She let go of my hand and lightly rubbed my back. She exhaled out, "OK Andi, take some time to think about it." Then put her chair back, put her coffee cup in the sink and turned back to me with that wily smile again... "So tell me more about that threeway."

I feigned shock, and threw a kitchen towel at her. We both laughed. She wasn't serious about wanting details. She just wanted to change the subject and make me laugh at the same time. I had the best, best friend in the world.

**********

Katie didn't have to leave until Sunday. So we spent all of that time together. We went to the movies. We did some shopping at the mall. Even though I'm not the shopping type. She even dragged me into Victoria's Secret. The only person that I would ever let do that. She held my hand and pulled me into the store. She put her arm around me and pretended we were lesbian girlfriends. In her mind it was Show Time! She would pick up some tiny things and hold them up to her body and ask me what I thought. I would giggle and laugh. Then a sales girl came over, and Katie added to her performance. Katie was better at keeping a straight face than I was.

She held up the slinkiest lingerie against MY body, and asked, both the sales lady and me... what do you think? The sales woman stuttered, not knowing what to make of a boyish looking girl wearing lingerie. I, of course, turned ten shades of red. Which made Katie break her straight face and giggle.

But Katie knew she was going too far when she saw steam coming out of my ears. She then threw everything down, grabbed my hand and we ran out of the store laughing like fools. I think that's part of the reason why Katie loved me. I would let her have her fun at my expense. Because... I guess... I loved to hear her laugh.

All too soon it was time for Katie to get back to college and work... over 200 miles away. We said our goodbyes Sunday morning. We kissed each other on the cheek and hugged each other tight. And although the subject of Shara never came up during the rest of the weekend. Katie couldn't resist whispering into my ear. "Give Shara another chance Andi, I know there's something there... I just know you'll be happy."

I gave her a noncommittal smile and nod. Then I watched her climb into her Barbie pink Mini Cooper, and off she went.

**********

My parents and Charlee came home later that Sunday afternoon. All three of them smiled a lot more than usual. And of course I had a smile of my own to hide. I couldn't wait to push the garage door opener that was in my pocket.

"What's with all the smiles?" I asked, scanning their faces while looking out of one side of mine.

My mom and dad just looked at each other while Charlee walked toward me. We hadn't seen each other in almost a week. So I was expecting Charlee's usual feather light hug. She reached out to hug me and I lovingly stretched out my arms in return. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt Charlee hug me tighter than ever before. A rib crushing hug. I screamed "STOP, you're going to hurt yourself!" I happened to be looking at my parents. They were both still smiling.

Charlee pulled back and explained. "It's OK Andi. It doesn't hurt anymore. I got an experimental treatment at a different hospital this time. I have to go back a little more often. But... my skin... It doesn't hurt anymore... you can hug me as tight as you want."

I was thrilled but still cautious, I pulled Charlee back to my chest and hugged her again. Taking my cue from her as to how tight I could hug her. As she squeezed tighter, so did I. It felt wonderful! I haven't been able to hug my baby sister this tight since she was about three years old. I didn't let go, not for several long minutes. My eyes started to well up. A tear was ready to break any second. I decided that I didn't care, and I let the tears flow. We just stood there sharing a deep connection. A connection with Charlee that I thought I had lost forever. A thousand thoughts started running through my head. Emotions from this and the last several days, and nights, started to overwhelm me. I sniffled as even more tears started rolling down my cheek. My knees got weak and I slowly crumbled to the ground. Charlee followed me. What's wrong with me, I thought. I'm usually stronger than this. Just as I thought that, something in my pocket caused the garage door opener to push the open button. And up came the door. At the worst moment.