Tender Years

"I'm sorry, Valerie. I didn't mean to blurt it out like that. I've wanted to say it to you for a while, but the timing never seemed right."

"Alex...It's not that I don't feel that way about you. It's just that I think you could do so much better than me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Seriously, Alex. Do you want to be in a relationship with a thirty-year-old married woman with two kids? You are nineteen and have your whole life ahead of you. There are so many opportunities for you out there I don't want to see you trapped into something that isn't right for you, or worse would just be me being selfish."

"Don't say that...I love you, Valerie."

She reached out to touch my cheek, "I know you do, Alex. I just wished I deserved it."

Headlamps suddenly illuminated us, and we both glanced up like a pair of deer caught in the twin beams. For just a split second it looked like a big red pickup had turned into the lot, a vehicle that looked very much like Brads. I heard Valerie suck in her breath next to me, and I knew she must be thinking we were both as good as dead. Then the beams swept passed us, and the passing vehicle which in reality was a utility truck completed its U-turn and moved off down the road.

"Jesus!" I said letting go of the breath I didn't even realize I had been holding.

Valerie stood up trembling.

"This is exactly what I mean, Alex. Being with me is going to get you hurt one way or the other, and I couldn't take that. I...I don't think we should do this anymore. I'm sorry, Alex."

She was off and moving so fast I never had a chance to catch her not with my pants still half-way down. By the time I had pulled them back up and was able to follow her, she had already jumped in her car and peeled out of the parking lot. I stood stunned and alone. It was inconceivable to me that everything had gone to shit so fast. One minute I'm serenading a gorgeous woman and enjoying the most wonderful night of my life, and the next it all implodes in my face.

I sat behind the wheel of my car not sure what to do next and realized there was no one I could talk to about it. My fist started to pound the steering wheel in frustration, and I was racked with sobs crying so hard it felt like my chest would explode. The car was indifferent to my pleas, and eventually, my emotions ran down. Intellectually I knew there was nothing I could do, but drive home, and try to get some sleep. As my mom was fond of saying maybe things would look better in the morning. When I arrived back home, I was surprised to see that the lights in the living room were still shining. My parents weren't the kind of folks to stay up late so seeing my Dad sitting in the living room smoking his pipe was unusual.

He smiled at me as I walked in reminding me of the father from the old Leave it to Beaver T.V. show that sometimes played in re-runs on cable.

"What are you doing, Dad? I don't remember the last time I saw you up past midnight."

"I know what you mean. I just had the most peculiar dream. Well, I guess more of a nightmare really, and I was having trouble going back to sleep. Is everything o.k. with you, son, you look a little pale."

"Can I ask you a question? A sort of hypothetical question really."

"You can ask me anything."

I sat across from my father on the couch. He studied me intently the same way I imagined he studied a long column of numbers at his accounting job. There was love in those eyes though, and if he wasn't the most expressive guy when it came to his emotions, I knew that he loved me just the same.

"Let's say that you got to know someone and that someone was in a relationship with someone else. This, someone, was miserable, but due to circumstances didn't want to get out of that relationship. At some point, you become very close to this someone, closer than you probably ought to be, and it makes you both very happy. Then this other person gets cold feet afraid that they're dragging you into something that might not be right for you. Would you still pursue that person?"

My Dad puffed away at his pipe for a bit looking at me through the haze of smoke that floated up to the roof.

"If your Mom were awake I know she would tell you that right, and wrong are black and white. You don't have any business in a relationship that belongs to someone else so you should leave it alone. I will admit to being a bit more of a romantic about things than your mother. I know how hard it is to deny your heart when it's pulling you in a given direction. The thing I will say is that in a situation like that it would be best to follow what your gut tells you is the right thing to do. Others can deceive a man's head, and emotion can always sway your heart, but I think everyone in their gut knows when they're doing something wrong. If a person listens to what their gut is telling them, they are bound to do the right thing. I guess that sounds simplistic, but its the best I've got for you."

"Thanks, Dad," I said getting up.

"You're not in any trouble are you, Alex?"

"Not yet..." I muttered under my breath, "No, I was thinking about a friend. Goodnight, Dad"

"Goodnight, Alex."

The next day I tried to listen to what my Dad had said, and follow my gut. I guess deep down I knew that Valerie was probably right. What did I have to offer her other than my heart? I tried to put her out of my mind, but that turned out to be easier said than done. Despite all my promises to myself that I wouldn't try to call her I ended up trying multiple times that day, but she didn't answer or return my messages. The same thing happened the next day, and by day three I was ready to give up. If she didn't want to be with me, I couldn't force her, but I loathed the idea of seeing Brad or having to go over there with Wade and pretend like nothing was wrong.

When the weekend rolled around, I made an excuse to meet Wade later at a party uptown. I figured he could get the beer without me for once so that I wouldn't have to face seeing Brad in front of Valerie. I was hoping Brad wouldn't tag along, but I guess that was a vain hope because when I arrived at the party the two of them were together.

"Hey! Check it out, Alex in the house!" shouted Brad who was already three sheets to the wind.

"I was wondering if you were coming at all," said Wade looking concerned.

"Just a night at the library. I was working on a paper for Economics."

"That sounds like a nightmare you should get drunk, and forget. Let me get you a beer."

Wade moved off, and Brad sauntered over and threw his right arm around my neck. He reeked of beer and pretzels.

"Alex, my man...Let me tell you...We guys got to stick together! It's a mean world out there, and bitches will fuck you left, and right every time!"

"What are you going on about, Brad."

"I don't know for sure man, but I think Valerie might be sneaking around on me. That cunt won't let me have any fun, but she ain't above spreading her little whore legs for some other asshole!"

"I don' think you should talk about your wife like that, Brad. It's not respectful. She is the mother of your children."

"Woah! Jet back! She is also my wife, and I will talk about her any damn way I please! If I want to call her a cunt or a whore than I damn well will call her a..."

In my entire life, I had never struck another man in anger, but that changed abruptly when I hit Brad Miller on the jaw with everything I had. It was nothing like it looked in the movies where guys punch each other over, and over and make it look easy. In reality, my fist hurt like I had smashed it into a brick wall. The upside though was that Brad didn't exactly get off lightly. He was apparently caught by surprise, and his beer flew straight up in the air while he crashed into a nearby card table, and ended up in a heap on the ground. I hovered over him like a prizefighter surveying a downed opponent.

"You son of a bitch! You don't know what you have, Brad! Valerie is an amazing person, a wonderful one, and you're too immature to see it. All you want to do is drink, and party like you're still in school. God gifts you with a goddess like Valerie and two fine kids, and all you can think about is where your next buzz is coming from!"

I was on a roll. It was too bad that Brad wasn't more cowed by my first punch and moral high ground. He came up off the floor seeing red, and I was quickly reminded of the fact that I didn't have a clue how to fight. Brad started to whip my ass all over that party. He hit me at least three times so fast I didn't see a single one of the blows coming, and it was my turn to be on the floor.

"Fuck you Alex! You ungrateful little cock sucker! I saved your ass, and this is my thanks! I bet you're the one she's been fucking! I'll bury you, asshole!"

Things would have gone from bad to worse for me if Wade hadn't shown up. Brad might have had the edge in experience, but Wade wasn't a novice, and he had the virtue of being sober. The two of them traded some shots before Wade managed to get his brother in a headlock until his face turned red, and he ran out of steam. Brad sat on the ground panting and trying to get his breath back glaring at me.

"Get him the fuck out of here, Wade! I swear to God I won't be responsible for what I will do to him."

"You won't do shit, Brad. You touch him, and I'll put your ass in a sling!"

"You would do that to your flesh, and blood?"

Wade didn't answer, but he pulled me to my feet and led me out of the party pouring me into his car. We took off driving with Wade sitting silently behind the wheel for a good five miles before he spoke.

"Was Brad right? You and Valerie?"

My non-answer was all he needed. He sighed looking out the car window.

"I should have known. I saw the way you were always looking at her, and the whole thing with the books, and shit. Jesus, Alex...You could have told me you know?"

"I was afraid to. I was afraid it would screw up our friendship, and that means a lot to me, Wade."

"You've put me in a tough spot, Alex. My brother might not be a husband of the year, but Valerie is his wife."

"I know that, but it doesn't make me love her any less."

"Crap! This is not what I had in mind when I said I would help you find a woman!"

Wade dropped me off at home. I told him I would get my Dad to take me back to pick up my car the next day.

"I think it would be better if we all kept our distance from each other for a while, Alex. I'm sorry."

"I understand, Wade."

This was an even worse situation than I had ever imagined could come to pass. Now I had not only lost Valerie but Wade as well.

IT'S ALWAYS DARKEST -

The end of the semester is usually the signal for parties galore, but the last thing I wanted to do was celebrate. When I left my final exam of the day I was exhausted, and lonely just ready to go home. I was on my way to my car when I realized someone was leaning on the hood. It was Wade. We hadn't spoken in almost two months.

I closed the distance, and he looked at me with a lopsided smile on his lips.

"Alex Collins. I guess you nailed your last exam so time for a well-deserved break, huh?"

I went to stand next to him leaning back.

"I suppose. How are things, Wade?"

"Fine, I guess...Shit...Who am I kidding? I miss you, man. This town was boring enough, but at least with you, it moved up to slightly less boring."

"Does this mean you want to hang out again?"

"Maybe...If you keep your nose clean and don't sleep with any more of my relatives."

"What about, Brad?"

Wade got quiet for a moment kicking at a loose piece of asphalt with his boot.

"That is the thing. I don't think Brad is going to be much of a problem. He split town last week for parts unknown."

"Wait! Brad ran out on Valerie?"

"I think it was more like Valerie put her foot down, and ran him out. I don't know if you noticed, but that woman can be scary when she is mad."

"Wow!"

"I don't know why you would be surprised I think you had quite a bit to do with it."

"Really?"

"I think you opened her eyes to just how unhappy she was being married to my brother. It forced her into making some decisions she probably should have made long ago."

"I'm glad to hear she is taking charge of her life."

"Yeah...So anyway, if you want, many excellent parties are firing up even as we speak. Do you smell that? It's is the smell of untapped pussy my friend!"

"I would like to hang out with you, Wade, but I don't think I'm up for chasing tail."

"I understand. We can meet up later."

He started to walk off but stopped a short distance away.

"You know she talks about you all the time. It's kind of annoying really. If I were you, I would call her, or go over there. I don't know maybe you two are supposed to be together like some bullshit Hollywood movie, but at least if you're over there, she will stop talking about you. Fucking annoying dude, seriously."

Wade walked off shaking his head and laughing. I lit out of the parking lot just barely staying in sight of the speed limit.

I stood in front of Valerie's door a short time later my hands shaking, and my stomach roiling. Despite what Wade had said I had no idea how Valerie would react to my being there, but I was hoping for the best. The door opened, and she was in front of me. It hadn't been a great deal of time since I had seen her last, but I had forgotten how beautiful she was, and I could hardly breathe.

"Valerie...I know what you said before, but I decided not to listen."

"Oh...Oh, Thank God!"

She was in my arms like she had been shot from a cannon, and I held her to me as tight as I dared.

"I love you, Valerie.

"I love you, Alex. God, I love you so much!"

EPILOGUE - THREE YEARS LATER

"You need to hold the strings down tight to make the notes, pal. I know it seems hard, but the more you work on it, the easier it gets."

Brad's son, Toby, looked up at me with fierce concentration. The guitar I had gotten for him was cut down to fit his six-year-old hands, but it still took an effort to play.

"Thanks, Daddy-Alex, I'll try really hard."

I patted him on the head while he tried to run through the scales I had taught him again. A voice from the doorway drew both our attention.

"Are you two planning on coming to dinner?"

Valerie stood in the doorway with her arms crossed, and a smile on her face.

"Go wash up, Toby."

He ran out of the room leaving the two of us alone. I stood and walked over to Valerie who slipped her arms around my neck for a quick kiss.

"Big day for you tomorrow. Graduation Day! I'm so proud of you, Alex."

"I think its a big day for both of us, or did you forget your promise?"

She looked at the floor in embarrassment before her eyes lifted back to mine.

"I didn't forget, but are you sure it's what you want?"

"I hope so or otherwise I wasted time on a lot of odd jobs to get you this..."

The small, ornate box had been burning a hole in my pocket for a week, and I pulled it out to show her flipping back the lid. Her eyes lit up as I plucked the contents of the box out, and slipped it on her shaking finger.

"Jesus, Alex! Oh...It is so gorgeous!"

"So are you, Mrs. Collins."

"Very soon I will be Mrs. Collins."

Just like you promised."

"Just like I promised. A big day for both of us then."

We hugged each other tightly, and I had never been happier.