by bbwtraci
The premise is wonderful, the blurty way of writing OK but my god, break it out as one liners or something. one long paragraph just ain't gonna cut it.
Try getting the simple spelling correct. 'here' relates to a place. 'hear' is to hear a noise. I do hope this helps!
Leave out the queer stuff unless you give a warning. This belongs
under GAY
Thanks for making the effort to submit a story. Keep trying and ignore those unable or to afraid submit thier own. There are guides on the site to help improve your writing if you want to review them