The Amazing Randy Attends a Funeral

A Toast to a Giant

The Amazing Randy "The World's Greatest Stage Hypnotist" settled into his dressing room at The Busted Mike after a third successful show in as many nights. Now in his fifteenth year of playing comedy supper clubs nationwide, Randy's comedy/hypnotism show was a sell-out at every single venue he played. The Mike, the premiere comedy club in Indianapolis, had been one of the very first clubs to give him stage time and ever since then The Busted Mike had scheduled The World's Greatest Stage Hypnotist for a week or sometimes two on every year's tour. Like he had at each of his tour stops, Randy had developed a close friendship with Mike Allenson, The Busted Mike's owner.

Once he'd removed his tuxedo and make-up, Randy made his way to the bar where the club owner had already prepared Randy's post-performance drink, a single malt scotch. Randy saddled up to the bar and took a seat on one of the bar stools. "Great show as usual, Randy," said his friend.

"Thanks, Mike," said the comedian as he savored his first sip of the amber colored drink.

"Randy," said Mike somberly, "I'm afraid I have some bad news."

"What is it?" asked the hypnotist.

"John Hudson died of a heart attack yesterday."

Randy sat back on his stool and took a deep breath as he digested the news. "Know any of the details, Mike?" he asked.

"Only that his secretary found him dead at his desk and that the funeral is the day after tomorrow in Watkins Glen, New York, his hometown. He was seventy-eight."

"I know the area," said the hypnotist. "I played the New York State Fair a couple of times when I was working for Mr. Hudson. Watkins Glen is right near there. In fact, it was at that fair where Mr. Hudson first saw my act in person."

"Mike, I'm going to attend the funeral."

"I understand, Randy. I've already lined up replacement acts for the rest of your nights, young guys, just like you were...what... a dozen years ago?"

"More like fifteen, Mike. I'll make it up to you next year."

"I never doubted that you would. Mike lifted his drink and said, "To John Hudson, one of the truly great show-business legends."

Randy raised his glass and clinked it against Mike's. "To Mr. Hudson, a great man... and my friend." He drained the glass in a single gulp and handed the empty to his host. "Mike, if you don't mind, I'll have another."

Mike poured a second scotch for each of them. "I met John a couple of times," said the club owner. "In fact, when you left his company, I was one of the first people he called to set up an audition." The two men swapped war stories before Randy set off to make the arrangements to get to Watkins Glen. Time was tight.

It was late when Randy arrived in the scenic tourist town at the southern end of Lake Seneca, the largest lake in New York's Finger Lakes Region. He checked into The Chieftain, a no-frills motel only a few minutes' drive from the church and laid out his clothes for the funeral. They were a little crumpled from the journey, so Randy used a small portable steamer to help smooth out the wrinkles. Rather than head out in search of a quiet bar where he could wind down from his trip, he decided just to settle down for the night. Tomorrow would be a long day.

A Solid for An Old Friend

The next morning Randy got up early and made for a local diner for breakfast. He was hungry from his hectic travel schedule. As he sat quietly sipping a cup of black coffee, absorbed in thought, and waiting for his "farmers breakfast," a man slid into the booth directly across from the master hypnotist. Randy looked up and smiled. "Manny," he said, "it's good to see you, shitty circumstances though. I'm half- surprised to see you. I thought you'd be on the road."

"Retired, almost ten years ago. I live in my old hometown. It's just on the other side of Ithaca."

"Good for you. It's good that you could be here. I just got in from Indianapolis last night."

"Randy," said his old carny friend, "I need to ask you a favor, a big one."

"Sure, Manny, how can I help?"

"The priest has asked me to say some words about Mr. Hudson, you know, stuff from the old days. I have some stories, all of them good..."

"Me too."

"... but I'm no public speaker. I'm a sledgehammer swinger. Randy, you speak in public for a living. I know it's short notice, but would you sub for me? I'm scared shitless."

"Manny, you knew damn well that I'd do that for you before you sat down. We stick together. If I had a buck for every time you went the extra mile for me without asking for anything in return, I could order a large orange juice instead of this small one." Randy laughed out loud at his own joke and Manny did too. Manny's face was visibly relieved.

"Of course I will. Have a cup of coffee with me and tell me a couple of stories. I'll see if I can work them into the act."

"Sure," said Manny. "I'll have a pastry too."

The two friends reminisced about "Mr. Hudson" for the better part of an hour before Randy said, "Manny, the funeral's in an hour and a half. I need to get dressed and I have a eulogy to put together, thanks to you," he said grinning. "Don't worry; I got you covered. Do me a favor; when you get there would you tell the priest that I'm subbing for you? I'll come up when he calls me."

"Thanks, Randy," said Manny as he got up to leave.

A Face in The Crowd

Randy arrived early at Saint Michaels, the catholic church in Watkins Glen, and sat about a third of the way back from the pulpit, next to the central aisle. He looked around as he examined the ornate stained-glass windows, which glowed in brilliant basic crayon box colors, ruby reds and deep Kelly greens, backlit indirectly by the late April sun. He sat facing the pulpit which was filled with ornate flower arrangements, a testament to Mr. Hudson's generosity and the many friendships he had made in his life. Mourners dribbled-in in small groups, toddlers in their first suits holding their parents' hands mixed with older folks in work clothes, clearly carnies or maybe rural neighbors. Randy had heard that over the past few years Mr. Hudson had been working less and less as he aged. Randy wondered who he had left in charge back in New York.

As he scanned the backs of the heads of those who sat closer to the front of the church, he heard the unmistakable sound of high heels pass him by. All he could see was a woman roughly his age with long blonde hair. Her navy-blue spring coat was tailored to fit. He watched the sway of her hips as she made her way towards the front of the church and sat a couple of rows back, but slightly off to the side near the organist. Randy made her for a niece or maybe even a grand-niece.

The service went by fairly rapidly and it came time for relatives and friends to share their stories. Grandchildren and other relatives read their prepared reminiscences. Mr. Hudson's sister spoke. Eventually, the priest called for Randy to come to the pulpit.

Randy introduced himself and told the stories of the times he had encountered the deceased amusement company owner. He told the story of how Mr. Hudson had responded to his resignation with such generosity and had helped Randy to launch his current career. He mentioned his parents' indebtedness to Mr. Hudson. He told the story of how his father had called Mr. Hudson to get Randy his first paying audiences on the fair circuit. The mourners laughed at the "kick your own ass" comment his father had made when reminding Mr. Hudson that he didn't want to pass up on Randy's act.

Then he told them that Mr. Hudson had relayed the same story to him the last time he had seen him. 'It is a testament to both men that their stories were identical. Mr. Hudson and my father, were old school carny," said the hypnotist/comedian wistfully. "Even though my parents and I occupied vastly different positions in Hudson Amusements, our relationship with Mr. Hudson was one built on mutual trust and fierce loyalty. Mr. Hudson was "one hundred percent carny" through and through. He understood the life better than any of us. I am proud to count myself among the hundreds of performers he helped along the way. He was a giant of a man."

Randy stepped down from the pulpit and quickly scanned the audience. He found Manny, who mouthed a "Thank You" to the hypnotist. He found the blonde woman who looked back at him through a black lace veil as he returned to his pew.

In another fifteen minutes the benediction had been given and the mourners got into their vehicles for the short drive to the cemetery. The funeral home workers directed traffic out of the parking lot and soon Randy found himself standing in the small crowd at the gravesite, jostling to find a place to listen to the priest as mourners gathered around him. The service ended and Randy shook hands and gave condolences to Mr. Hudson's family who universally thanked him for his kind words about the deceased.

He turned and walked slowly back to his car. When the hypnotist looked up he could see the mystery blonde in the veil was leaning against his rental car, dangling a set of keys.

"Missing something are we Mr. Baumgardner?" asked the blonde. Instinctively, Randy went to his suitcoat pocket. She was holding his keys.

"Thanks," he said. "Where did you find them?"

The shapely blonde reached into her pocketbook and produced a men's wallet. "The same place I found this," she said as she handed the performer's wallet back to him. You really ought to be more careful. Pickpockets are as common at funerals as lilies," she said as she raised the black lace veil. "Hi, Randy," she smiled, "long time no see."

"Suzy?" asked the stage hypnotist. "It's so good to see you. You've changed your hair."

Yeah, somebody told me that "gentlemen prefer blondes," she laughed. She took off her hat and shook her head. "Like it?"

"I don't know that I exactly qualify as a 'gentleman,' but you look great. I see that you still have 'the touch'."

"I'm better," she said laughing. "You coming to the dinner?"

"I am now."

"I'll save you a seat."

"Great; I'll see you there," said Randy as he got into his vehicle.

"It's at the Watkins Glen Harbor Hotel up on the lake. Follow the crowd and then you'll see the signs for the hotel."

Twenty minutes later Randy walked into the function hall and located Suzy, who waved him forward to the head table where she was talking to Mr. Hudson's family. "Randy, may I introduce you to Mr. Hudson's wife?"

"It's an honor to meet you, Mrs. Hudson," said Randy as he gently took hold of her hand and lightly kissed it.

"Margaret, please," said the widow and then turning to the attractive blonde, "Suzy, you be careful. This one's dangerous... a real charmer." Mrs. Hudson turned back to the stage hypnotist and gave him a conspiratorial wink. As he continued to hold her hand, Randy gave Mrs. Hudson a quick probe, just to make sure that she would be OK after the loss of her life's partner. She was strong, sad, but not stricken with grief. She was enjoying all the attention which kept her mind from concentrating on the depth of her loss. He returned her wink with a smile and leaned in to gently whisper in her ear.

"Margaret, for as long as you live you will be able to retrieve whatever happy memories you have of your husband clearly. Any unpleasant ones will fade from your memory. This is my way of saying "thank you" for your husband's remarkable kindness to both me and my parents.

He gave the matron a gentle kiss on the cheek."

She smiled and said "Mind my words, Suzy. Look out for this one."

Suzy laughed and gave her a kiss on the other cheek.

Randy turned to Suzy and asked, "Which table are we at, Suzy?"

"This one, Randy," she said. We're at the head table."

"Huh?"

"Tell you what. Let's make it through this dinner and then we can go have a drink and I promise to tell you everything."

Randy shook his head in the affirmative and, although with a single touch he could have retrieved the answers directly from Suzy's mind, he refrained from doing so. He could wait, and as always, he preferred not to use his hypnotic power where simple conversation would do just fine. When they talked later on, he knew Suzy would have a tale to tell.

The dinner lasted well into the afternoon. Randy and Suzy circulated through the crowd, sometimes alone and other times together. Randy spoke to a dozen or so carnival workers from the old days. In fifteen years, the carnival life had taken its toll on their faces and their bodies. Suzy, a carny herself, seemed to be the only exception. She was as beautiful as he remembered her from their encounter a dozen years prior, perhaps even more so. Suzy was in her mid-thirties now. Her hips were a little wider, her chest a little more substantial, but her face was as beautiful as ever, whatever signs of aging hidden beneath perfect make-up. Her hair was much longer and he thoroughly approved of her new look. Suzy was a remarkably attractive woman.

As the afternoon wore on, Randy and Suzy re-joined each other at one of the tables which had recently been abandoned by its former occupants. "Let's get a drink and move outside to talk, said Suzy. Randy went to the bar and returned with a glass of Chablis and a tall scotch and soda. "Let's find that table and talk," said the stage hypnotist. "I'm very interested in hearing your story."

An Immodest Proposal

The two moved to a small table on the porch. "Who goes first?" asked Randy.

"You first," said Suzy. "What have you been up to?"

Randy said, "To be honest, not much has changed. I'm still touring the circuit with my comedy/hypnotism act. I was playing The Busted Mike in Indianapolis when I got the news about Mr. Hudson and got here as quickly as I could. I like life on the road, Suzy. I've made many friends along the way. It's a good life. What about you? Obviously, you've come up in the world since we last met."

"Where to start?" mused the attractive blonde in the navy-blue pants suit. "First, I have to tell you that I am so indebted to you, your supreme kindness, and excellent advice. I can't imagine what my life would be like had you not rescued me back in New Hampshire."

"Manny was fantastic. He taught me the ropes and put me to work. You know, Randy, the entire experience was liberating. I got a crash course in 'Carny 101.' After a while he figured out that I had a talent for the business side, and put me on the books, but I did my fair share of the lug work too."

"Then, when Manny got hurt and decided to retire, he told Mr. Hudson about me and the next thing I knew I was standing in his office in Manhattan. Mr. Hudson made me the new crew chief and I got another education about the management side of the amusement business. I spent a fair amount of time back and forth between the road and the main office until Mr. Hudson offered me a full-time job as his executive assistant."

"About five years ago, Mr. Hudson confided to me that he was interested in reducing his involvement in the day-to-day running of the company and asked me to pick up the slack. Over time, he spent more and more of his time away from the office. I've done a good job, Randy. Profits are up and, most importantly, nobody knew that I was doing the lion's share of the office work. The character of the company hasn't changed."

Randy beamed. "I can't tell you how proud I am of you, Suzy, and happy for you."

"We both know who's really responsible for my good fortune, Randy."

"Stop it, Suzy. All I did was help you up on your feet. You made the really important decisions all by yourself. The rest of the journey was all you, maybe with just a little help from Mr. Hudson. He helped my parents. He helped me. He helped you. We both know that that's who he really was. It's why we call him 'Mr. Hudson'. He earned that respect many times over."

"Mr. Hudson was a true carny. Now, so are you. Me too. We're connected. We always will be, Suzy."

"So tell me, how does the loss of your boss affect your position at Hudson Amusements?"

Suzy took a sip of her wine. "I'm not sure. As you can tell, Mrs. Hudson and I get along famously. She's as sweet as can be. She knows how hard I worked quietly in the background so her husband could come back home and spend his time with the family. Randy, for all intents and purposes, I have been pretty much running Hudson for almost two years now. Mr. Hudson signed the checks, but I had a more or less free hand on most matters."

"I have a feeling that you'll make out alright."

"Randy, when are you heading back to Indianapolis?"

"I'm not. I cancelled the rest of the week before coming here. I'm not due in Pittsburgh until Friday night. My gig at The Joker's Retreat is days away. I'm free for the rest of the week."

"Randy, come with me to New York. We can leave right now and be in the city by nine or ten o'clock."

"Wow," said the stage hypnotist. "I don't get surprised that often, but you just did it."

"Randy, until today you and I have spent barely twenty-four hours together, and that was a dozen years ago. That night in New Hampshire was the best night of my life. I want another, two if I can get them. Please let me treat you to a few days and nights in New York. When was the last time you were there?"

"I haven't been there since the day I resigned from Hudson."

"I owe you so, so much. I once told you that my grandmother saved my life. Is it so hard to see that you did too? When I pulled your wallet in Sandwich, I was hungry, destitute. I smelled to high heaven. I had no job. I was a thief. It was the lowest point in my life. Now look at me."

"You don't owe me a thing, Suzy."

"Bullshit. Maybe from your point of view, but from mine I owe you a debt which can never be repaid. Is it so hard for you to admit that a woman you pulled out of the gutter by extending both your hands to her and who has now made something of herself might want to spend some time with the man who did so much for her for no other reason than that's the kind of man he is? You told me back then that I had a 'loving heart'. I'm not the only one with a loving heart, Randy."

"Do I have to spell it out for you? Don't make me beg. If you don't want to spend a couple of days with me, Randy, just say so. I'm a big girl. I did all my crying over you the night we went our separate ways twelve years ago. Now I just want to spend some time with you having fun on my turf. What's holding you back? Tell me."

The World's Greatest Stage Hypnotist looked at the stunning blonde who was offering herself to him for the second time in her life and realized that she was right. He was free; she was free. "What the hell. Suzy, I would love to come to New York with you. You know, I know nothing about the city, well, almost nothing. Wanna be my tour guide?"

Suzy grinned from ear-to-ear. "I'll show you the ropes during the day and maybe you can show me the ropes at night." She chuckled at her double entendre and gave the master hypnotist a smile and a wink.

"That, my dear, is an offer no living man could refuse. Let's say our goodbyes and get on the road."

Randy returned to the dinner and sought out Mrs. Hudson. He thanked her for dinner and then took her hand and whispered, "Mrs. Hudson you will see to it that Suzy remains employed by Hudson Amusements for as long as she wishes. Trust her to do what's best for the company." He finished his instructions with a tiny peck on the matron's cheek.

She smiled broadly and said, "I like you, Randy. Be good to Suzy. She's special."

"I will, Mrs. Hudson. Don't you worry a bit."

Go Ahead, Bite the Big Apple...

It was a quarter to ten when Suzy and Randy crossed the Brooklyn Bridge. In ten more minutes, they were standing on her doorstep outside her apartment in Brooklyn Heights. Suzy fished in her pocketbook for her housekeys, retrieved them and inserted the brass key into the lock. Turning to her guest she said "If you think you're getting in here without kissing me, Buster, think again. You're in Brooklyn now and we don't mess around," she said with her best Brooklyn accent.