The Bargain

"You would have probably been the last person to have seen anything, sweetie. Your father was nothing if not protective of you to the nth degree. He would have never said or done anything that would have led you to believe that there was the slightest problem between the two of us. Did you ever see us argue about anything?"

"No, I saw you trying to get Dad to argue sometimes, and he just simply refused to do it. He'd just ignore you until you settled down, and then go on about the business of loving you".

"You're right, he never showed anything to you, and, I have to admit, not much to me. But, in all truth, I've always known that he was never happy with my feelings and relationship with Sam, but I thought that he had come to terms with the situation, that he knew that my feelings for Sam never diminished my love for him one iota."

"So, you think that he's just inextricably locked into the one person for one person relationship mindset and that he can't get by that after all these years?"

Her mother was quiet for a moment, "I don't think that he intellectually disputes that we as human beings can love more than one person at a time. As you and I have discussed many times, love isn't a zero-sum game. If you only had a finite amount of love in your heart to give, women who have one child and then bear a second would have to split off some of the love from the first child to give to the second one. We know that just doesn't' happen and that she can love both totally. I just simply don't know why we deny that can happen with mature lovers and continue the myth that if you are in love with one person it must mean that you can't also be in love with someone else. I know that it doesn't work that way with everyone, but every person has a different capacity for love and all the other emotions in them, and you just cannot accept the kind of generalities that society likes to make about that type of relationship."

"Oh, you know that I agree with you completely, Momma, and apparently I get my emotional quotient genetically from you. You know that I've always had a problem with playing the "Going-steady" game. On some level, it may be that I've just not met that person who is the intellectual "Everything" that I need; or maybe it's just that I'm a horny college girl who wants everything. You know that I'm in relationships with both Paul and Cal, each of whom gives me something that I need. Paul's gives me that masculine, attractive jock persona, and he's here in New Haven at Yale; but Cal's not here, and he's so wrapped up with his studies and research projects that even when I go up to Boston, his mind is on another plane. But that's what's sexy about him, Mom; Cal is a genius, and when we get the opportunity to talk for any length of time, I'm just simply swept away on his intellect and am completely content to just listen to him and soak up all that I can."

"Do they know about one another?"

"Paul knows that I have a boyfriend up at MIT, but, frankly, I believe that as long as he gets to have hot monkey sex with me most days, he could care less."

Molly immediately sang, "La, la, la, too much information"!

Patti laughed gleefully, "Well, maybe, but that's how it is. Cal, on the other hand, Cal doesn't know about Paul, and I've got to believe that if he did find out, he'd immediately drop me like a hot rock. There'd be no way that I could get by his insecurities and convince him that he has something I need just as Paul does; each of them fulfills a need, just not the same ones."

"In this case, I sort of think you're out on a limb, and being pretty dishonest about the whole thing."

"I don't entirely disagree", Patricia answered, "But at this point, I don't want to give either of them up, and don't know how to handle it any other way."

"It's dishonest, Patti, and while you're not actually hurting Cal at the moment, either he'll eventually find out and be crushed, or if you eventually tell him about it, there'll be the same result."

Patti was getting a little miffed at her mom's judgment. "So how is what I 'm doing much different than how you've lived your life, mother?" You have one lover who doesn't care whether you're faithful to him or not, in Sam, and another who you basically gave a take-it-or-leave-it deal while you were in college."

"I did no such thing! We talked the issues out for over for two years, and, in the end, your father decided that he understood my feelings and that it was an agreement that he felt comfortable making".

"Oh, bullshit, mother! You told me yourself that when Daddy was having doubts that you for all intents and purposes manipulated him; you were proud of it! You told me specifically that you told him Sam loved you enough to share you, leaving unsaid what would happen if he couldn't share you with Sam. You essentially gave him an ultimatum: "Either you accept my other lover, or you don't love me, and we can't be together".

"Well, I certainly didn't mean it that way."

"Mom, you need someone else to offer that story up to because I'm not buying it. Now back to what we were discussing earlier. Did daddy ever give you any indications that he had second thoughts about your relationship with Sam?"

"If you're asking if we ever sat down and he demanded that I give up my relationship with Sam, the answer is no. It's true that for the first year or so that we were married when I was going to spend time with Sam, he would ask me not to go, and I'd always just respond that we had talked about it before getting married. After a year or two though, he just stopped saying anything, and just seemed resigned, which, I admit, I just eventually accepted as the normal course of events."

"Do you think that he stopped asking after Sam's flowers, and the card when I was born?"

"God, I never even thought of that; but if he decided at that point that he'd eventually leave, as he said at Doctor Condon's office, I can definitely see he and his stoic self just giving up and living with it, just biding his time".

"Did he ever actually talk to Sam about the whole situation?"

"No, the closest he ever came were the times he answered the phone when Sam was calling me. Philip was always polite, with never a harsh word. Sam told me that early on he tried to engage your dad in some small talk while I was on my way to the phone, but that Philip always responded something to the effect that "You didn't call to talk to me."

"So, you take Daddy at his word that the only reason he stayed was because of me, that he wanted me to have a stable and happy childhood?"

"That may have been the reason, but, and maybe I'm deluding myself, I truly believe that Philip and I love each other. I still love him today as much as I ever did, and I believe he loves me also. It may be true what he says, that he has been unhappy in our arrangement and that he stayed for you, but I honestly believe that we had love and still do."

"I'm glad for that, Momma, but apparently what the two of you had together may have been enough for you but isn't enough for Daddy now that I've moved out of the house. I hope you can figure out a way to get him to come home, but I'm not optimistic. I'm going to call him tonight and see if I can get a fix on his feelings regarding the whole situation. The one thing I don't want to do, however, is to make him feel as if I'm on your side, and that everyone's ganging up on him. It may be selfish on my part, but whether your relationship with him survives or not, I love him and want to be a big part of his life."

"You're not a party to this separation, honey, and I don't want you to be anywhere in the line of fire."

"OK Mom, I'm going out to dinner with a couple of friends, and I'll call Daddy later this evening. I'll let you know if I find out anything that'll clarify the situation, that is, anything I can tell you without violating his confidence."

"Bye honey, talk to you later."

***********

Telephone Call: Patricia Laughlin to Philip Laughlin

"Hi, Daddy. I'm not going to ask how everything's going."

Patricia could almost hear the ironic smile in her father's voice when he answered, "Pretty much what you'd suspect, I suppose. There aren't many positive possibilities at hand."

"I heard that Mom was served with papers last night."

"Yeah, I had it arranged so that she'd be at home and not be bothered or embarrassed in public or at either of her offices."

"You know, she would have been a lot happier if she'd never received them at all."

"I'd say you're right," Phil said pensively, and after a pause spoke very distinctly, "But, Patti, I've got to honestly say that at this point in my life, your mother's happiness isn't at the top of my to-do list."

Patricia caught her breath sharply, "God, that's a jarring thing to hear, but I can't say, based on what mom's told me that I'm surprised you'd feel that way. Is it true that you told mom that you've been planning to do this since the day I was born?"

"No, I haven't been exactly planning it, it's more that I just finally accepted the way things were and reached a decision that day. I didn't specifically plan anything until about three years ago. Even though the thought had been in my mind for all that time, it was more like a "Fantasy" I suppose you'd say. A fantasy world where I'd have someone to love only me, or at least act as if she did," he said wryly.

"Daddy, when did momma ever act as if she didn't love you? If she did, I certainly didn't see it."

"Really"? You didn't see her leave to spend weekends with a man she openly admits she loves, leaving me at home alone, and you didn't go on a trip to Europe with her to visit him, you see those things as evidence that she loves me"?

"Dad, of course, I knew about her visits to Sam, but how do you see that as a sign that she doesn't love you when you knew that's how it was going to be when you got married and agreed to the arrangement? I can assure you that she loves you unconditionally and that the time she spends with Sam has nothing whatsoever to do with that."

"Patti, I'm not going to argue my reasoning to you, since I really don't have to convince you of anything. The only thing I can tell you is how I feel, and you know what I'm doing about it".

"But, Daddy, again, how can you take this path, tearing the family apart, after all these years when you knew what you were doing from the very beginning? Don't you see this at all as breaking as much of a promise as your wedding vows?"

"Maybe you see it that way, and I'm sure that your mother will. But, Patti, when I married your mom, I was completely, madly in love with her, and I'd have cheerfully died for her. When she told me about Sam Freskin, and how they felt about one another, it took all I had to not just walk away from the relationship. But I truly thought that with time, that either Sam would tire of the long-distance affair, or your mom would become immersed in family life, especially with having a child, and that she'd, if you will, 'grow out' of the relationship. Not only didn't she tire of it, but imagine if you will, the morning of your birth. She didn't have a particularly tough delivery; three hours and some drugs and you popped out as healthy and beautiful as you could be, and ready to nurse. Within an hour after she was back in her room, the nurses brought you in, and after Molly checked you out completely to make sure that you had all the standard fingers and toes, she offered you her breast, and you latched onto her with a vengeance".

"I was leaning over the bed with my arm around her watching you attack that nipple, and we were very, very happy. At that moment a candy-striper brought in some flower arrangements, and we started to look at them. Your mom was trying to burp you and she asked me to take a look at the card on a huge package of white lilies, and my day turned to complete shit when I saw that it was from Sam Freskin. He had sent his congratulations and addressed his remarks inside the card to "My love". As soon as Molly read the card, her eyes lit up, she pulled away from me, and she asked for her phone. I gave it to her and left the room as I heard her behind me discussing, with her lover, how beautiful and perfect you were, as if you were his daughter. Patti, can you imagine how I felt? Here we were, one of the most momentous and intimate times of a couple's married life, and as soon as Molly saw that card, Sam became the most important man in the world to her, and I, the dad, just an afterthought. I decided at that moment that I'd live my life the best that I could and be the best dad in the world for you, but that as soon as you were gone, so would I be."

Philip could hear Patti quietly crying. She gathered herself, and said huskily, "Daddy, I'm so sorry that I was the cause of that. I know that I shouldn't feel that way, but I can't help it. Did you ever discuss it with momma?"

"No, not until the day at the doctor's office. I have my doubts that she even remembers it happening, after all, she was only a couple of hours post-delivery, and she had been given some drugs. But, Patti, I believe the old "in vino veritas" theory: "With wine there is truth". In this case, it was drugs rather than wine and you might argue that it had an effect on your mother's actions. Maybe that's so, but I believe the effect was to relax her inhibitions to the point that she simply did what she felt rather than trying to cushion my feelings. I believe that at that point, I ceased to exist for her, and her main need was to share her joy with Sam Freskin. I accepted that day that I would never come first in your mother's heart and made my decision in basic self-preservation."

"Daddy, do you see any way that you could still be with momma and not destroy yourself, not to mention her?"

"Honey, as I told you before, your mother's feelings are not high on my list of considerations right now. If I went back to her the relationship would eventually damage me even more than it has, and I don't mean to let that happen. As far as I'm concerned, Sam Freskin can have her exclusively, and she can finally have him."

"I don't even know what to say, Daddy. I want to beg you to go back, to make our house our home again, but I'd feel selfish doing that. I have to agree with mom that it's possible to love more than one person, but I also understand that you've had to live with something that's made you miserable. And I also understand that you feel that it's your turn for happiness. I told mom that I wouldn't take sides in this, but I have to say that I see your pain, and it tears me apart to say it, but I support you in whatever you decide."

"I hope you feel the same way after this is over Patti. Your mother is an assertive, aggressive woman, and after all these years of me being the "Good husband" isn't going to take this lying down and isn't going to let me go quietly. I suppose that's to be expected after getting exactly what she wants for so long, but I hope that she finally understands that if she tries to bulldoze me to get me to stay that it would destroy what love I still have for her."

"Daddy, I respect and love you, and I want what's best for you; and I feel the same about momma. We haven't been churchgoers for years, but somehow, I feel as if I need to pray for all of us and ask for peace and forgiveness."

"I guess it couldn't hurt. Put in a word for me baby...."

***********

Telephone Call: Patricia Laughlin to Molly Laughlin

"Hi honey, you're up late".

"Momma, I needed to go ahead and call. I just got off the phone with Daddy."

"Oh, god, is everything OK? Is Philip all right?"

"No mom, he's not all right, any more than you are. You're both walking wounded, and neither of you will ever be the same again."

"But, honey, what I need to know is what can I do to get him to come home again. If he'd just come home, I could show him how much I love him, and that everything will work out OK."

"Momma, I love you more than air, you and daddy too. But I have to tell you as gently as I can, if you have a heart, you need to let him go."

"Patti, I can't do that. I need Philip. Philip gives meaning to my life, the two of us make that special place that's a home, and together we made you."

"Oh yeah, on the subject of "Me" mom, what were you thinking when you took me on trips to visit Sam. Didn't it ever occur to you that Dad might be desperately hurt to know that you were talking his daughter to show off to your other love?"

"No, what I was thinking was that you were my daughter also and that I wanted to meet the other love of my life, to show him how beautiful and intelligent you were, and what Philip and I had created."

"Well, momma, I can tell you that isn't how Daddy saw it, and it flayed him alive. Again, I'm not taking sides. What's done is done, and no matter what you might hope, it can't be undone. If you love the man, let him go."

"No, I can't do that. I just cannot lose him. It would be the end of me, and I believe he still loves me. I'll do whatever I have to do to keep him and make amends for any rough tactics later. I don't expect you to agree or to support me, all I ask is for you to stay out of the way."

"I guess there's nothing else to be said and nothing more that I can do."

***********

Plaintiff's Meeting

Since Philip Laughlin was one of the powerhouse legal minds of the Washington D.C. political and diplomatic scene, it wasn't' difficult to find the perfect representation among local Family Relations lawyers. Eloise Kline had taken on his case knowing that it might become very contentious and very messy, but immediately truly liked Philip, and was determined to do whatever was necessary to achieve a positive result for him. Eloise was known as "Aunt Piranha" for her librarian looks and wardrobe, and the extremely sharp legal teeth that had eviscerated more than one opponent. Her first instincts and proposals were to attack Molly with every weapon in the arsenal and leave her lying bleeding in the ruins of her reputation. But Philip talked Eloise around to the proposition that he still loved Molly, and that he just wanted to move her to the realization that it was the merciful thing to do in letting him go. Eloise hmphed and tutted, and cursed until she was blue in the face, but Philip wouldn't budge. She finally, as so many of Philip's associates, clients, and opponents had done before, came around to his way of thinking.

After he had left the office, ending that first meeting, Eloise's long-time legal secretary, and life-partner Claire came into the office and sat down in from of Eloise's desk crossing long legs, and smoothing her skirt. "So, how did that go?"

"Claire, that fucking Philip Laughlin, in addition to being ridiculously good-looking, is the smoothest lawyer that I've ever dealt with. Here we are in the middle of the most stressful thing that's ever happened to him in his life, and he's trying to make sure that everyone comes out of the situation a winner. He is, honest to god, the nicest, kindest man I've ever known, and if I even remotely liked cock, I'd fuck him."

Claire smiled her dazzling smile and said, "Then it's a very good thing that you don't like cock. I would be very unhappy in the unlikely case that you fucked him."

"No, no fucking, but, regardless of what Phil wants, we're simply going to have to fuck Molly Laughlin somewhere along the line. Maybe only just a little, because she just ain't going to take losing a hunk like Philip in stride."

"Is Mr. Laughlin going to stand for us fucking over the future ex-Mrs. Laughlin?"

"We'll have to make it a very civilized fucking-over that seems like an, I guess, almost an ass-fucking accident. We have to make her reveal herself for the selfish, borderline sociopathic cunt that she truly is. Oh, don't get me wrong, I believe she loves Philip, and that she loves this other guy too, this Army Colonel, but not as much as she loves herself. And you know what, fuck her, who gets to have everything she wants?"