The Bargain

Claire seemed to ponder, her perfect chin propped on her finger, "Well you and I get a lot of what we want, like that cute red-haired waitress from the Le Bonne Charlaine the other night."

Eloise grinned wolfishly, "Yeah, yeah, but you know what I mean, serious stuff! That waitress wasn't much more than taking home a doggy bag for you and me. Anyway, let's get our shit together and plot to make Phil an unmarried man."

***********

Office Meeting: Eloise Kline and Philip Laughlin

"Phil, how's it hangin', big guy?" Eloise always liked to disarm people, even her clients.

He laughed out loud, "Eloise, you make my day. You're so full of shit that you're an absolute treat!"

"Yeah, well then, happy days are here again, Phil. We got a response from Molly's alleged representation, who by the way, is a fucking academic, contesting everything but the fact that you were married in the first place. They're saying that they want seventy percent of the marital assets, maintenance of $250K per year, and about two hundred years of couples counseling before a final judgment, but maybe I overstate the counseling ask".

"I don't suppose that there's anything very surprising about any of that. Do you suppose that I could toss her a couple of million bucks and just be done with the whole thing"?

"Jeez Philip, you know that this isn't about the money or any of the other bullshit. The woman is mad in love with you and wants you back. Unfortunately, she hasn't put her other lover's cock on the block as a bargaining chip. So, what she wants is for you to come back and, basically, take up where you left off with her possibly being a little more considerate in her extra-curricular fucking you over."

"Eloise, I say this sincerely; I have never thought that Molly ever tried to "Fuck me over" as you put it. She just sees things from a specific viewpoint, for a variety of reasons, and she wants the world to conform to her as opposed to the other way around."

"Well, in this case, it ain't happenin' chief! If I have to, Claire and I'll wrestle you to the ground and give you the nut-clutch, but I am not going to participate in you rolling over for the same kind of fucking that you've been subjected to during your marriage."

Eloise was quiet for a moment, and when she spoke again her eyes swam with tears, "Philip, you're one of the good guys, an endangered species, especially among us scummy lawyers. Believe me when I say that you've done nothing wrong here, except maybe validating that crazy bitch's bad habits early in your relationship. But, Philip, there's nothing the matter with you, and she's no different from any bar slut who wants to fuck everything in sight, but then wants to go to the marriage bed a virgin. Buddy, you just can't have it both ways, and deep down she knows it. But, in you, she found the genie in the lamp. You're her good guy who was willing to give her the golden ride pass, to listen to her bullshit, and who loved her enough to give it credence. She's a cake-eater, Phil! She wants to eat her cake, your cake, everybody's cake, and then when she shits it out, she wants to form her crap into a cake shape, and then everyone else eats that calling it the best cake they've ever had. I am not letting you eat a shit cake, Philip!"

After Eloise's tirade Phil Laughlin looked at her long and hard, abruptly rose from his chair, walked around her desk, grabbed her by the arms, pulled her out of her chair, hugged her as if his life depended on it, and began sobbing in her hair as he let all the grief, disappointment and hurt accumulated in twenty-one years pour out of him. And Eloise cried with him, for the good, decent man he was, and in bitter disgust for the bitch that did this to him.

After they both had somewhat gained their composure and used a mountainous pile of tissues mopping up tears and snot, Philip looked across the desk at her. "Thank you so much, Eloise, I think you'll be my friend forever if you'll have me. As to Molly, do what you need to do; I have to get away from her, for my own self-preservation."

She smiled placidly at him, her piranha teeth almost showing, "Consider yourself divorced, buddy".

**********

Telephone Call: Bernard Raffin to Molly Laughlin

"Hi, Ms. Laughlin, Bernie Raffin here."

"Hi, Bernie. Any news?"

"Well, yes", he hesitated, as if choosing his words, "We received a response to our proposed settlement."

"Did you see any signs that Phil wants to talk to avoid a contentious proceeding, she asked hopefully?"

"Well, as to that....," he trailed off.

"What did they counter-propose," Molly probed, feeling as if she was having to pry everything out of him?

"There was no actual counter-proposal as such," he said haltingly.

"What did they say," she demanded?

He hesitated, "The response was only two words he said haltingly."

"For god's sake Bernie, what did it say?"

"I'm sorry, Molly, but it said, "Fuck You."

As Bernie Raffin waited for a response, he heard crying for a few seconds before the connection was broken.

**********

Molly Laughlin's Final Therapy Session

Walking into Frank Condon's comfortable office was, by this time, nothing new for Molly Laughlin. They had four sessions behind them, and she was as frustrated now as she was during that first visit. In her mind, Frank was being obstructionist, insisting on gearing their meetings solely for the purpose of making her accept the fact that Philip was leaving her. Molly continued to try to make him see that their time could be better spent trying to think up a course of action that would help Philip see that he wouldn't be better off with her.

On this particular day, Molly was in a bad frame of mind, having wasted a trip to New York City in discussions with the foreign minister of Chad trying to promote a change in foreign investment regulations. She wasn't sure if she was angry about the discussions, or whether the discussions were unsuccessful because of the distractions in her personal life.

She plopped down in her chair, and before Doctor Condon could speak, she said, "No Frank, I don't want coffee. I know that's just a bonding tool, and I don't want any bonding today, I want some straight talk between us."

He raised his eyebrows, settled back in his chair, and used the act of sipping his cold coffee to consider Molly. He saw a woman stretched as tightly as a wire, almost humming with frustration and anger. He had seen her anger building during their sessions, and had, to this point, been completely unsuccessful in his efforts to help her calm down. In actuality, he believed that she didn't want to calm down, that she preferred the anger to the feelings of futility and frustration that she had no tools to defeat. While there was always a chance to change things and limit damage, he felt that the window for that was rapidly closing.

"I understand your concerns, Molly, and you know that I'll do anything I can to help you."

"No, you won't, Frank!" Molly said with some heat, "What you'll do is continue to try to steer me into giving up on my marriage to Philip, to try to make me roll over, and I'm telling you now, that I'LL NEVER FUCKING ACCEPT IT!"

"Molly, you have to believe you that I'm not trying to get you to give up on your marriage to Phil; I'm trying to help you understand that there is no longer a marriage to give up on. I can tell you with all regret, but with certainty, that Philip has made an irrevocable decision, and there's really nothing you nor I could say, to change it. The only thing that might make a blip on Philip's radar would be if you offered to give up Sam Freskin, but you, I, and Philip know that's not going to happen; and I personally don't think that would even make him come back to you. Molly, Philip sees your past relationship as one that is coercive, and that you used his love for you to emotionally force him to accept your relationship with another man. He'll never forgive you for that."

"GODAMMIT, HE LOVES ME AS MUCH AS I LOVE HIM, I KNOW THAT! I KNOW IT!"

"Molly, you have to see it from Philip's point of view. From where he sits, you can't love him and make him miserable for going on twenty-two years, the two are mutually exclusive concepts. He sees the situation as one in which one party had everything she wanted, all the time, and the other had only misery."

"I don't see it that way, Frank. It's impossible for me to accept that Philip didn't understand all the things we discussed before we were married and that he would have stayed with me for all of these years if he were that miserable and didn't love me, I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH HE WANTED TO PROTECT PATRICIA!"

"That's what we have to work toward, Molly, toward helping you understand that's what actually has happened, that Philip feels the way he feels, and that there's nothing that can change it at this point."

"Well, I'm sorry Frank, but I don't believe that bullshit. I realize that you told me at the beginning that our sessions would be directed toward my acceptance of a divorce, but I really didn't believe that a mental health professional would participate in giving up on a happy marriage".

"But, Molly, it hasn't been a happy......"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT CRAP!"

She stood, tall, furious, beautiful, and lost. More calmly she said, "Doctor Condon, you have my apologies for my outburst, but I don't think that our meetings will serve any further constructive purpose. If you'll please send a bill for any outstanding fees to my home, I'll make sure that it's promptly taken care of."

With that, she turned on her heel and stormed out of the room in a swirling cloud of haute couture and furious woman.

Dr. Condon just shook his head and picked up his phone.

**********

Telephone Call: Doctor Frank Condon to Philip Laughlin

"Frank, I wasn't expecting to hear from you."

"Yeah, well, I thought I ought to call you."

"About what?"

"Well, shit," he said frustratedly, "Molly just had a semi-meltdown, fired me, and walked out in a very agitated state. She, apparently finally, completely realized that I was only trying to help her accept the inevitable rather than helping her get you back, in spite of the fact that I told her that in the very beginning."

"I told you from the jump that she'd never accept it, that she's enough of a narcissist to think that whatever makes her happy makes everyone happy."

"Phil, I just don't agree with that. If she were a true narcissist, she'd be like that in every aspect of her life, but that's just not the case. From everything you've told me and everything that's come out in our sessions, she's a wonderful, giving, kind person in every other way. I believe that this outlook of hers, this semi-polyamory is a result of what she saw as a happy, successful, loving childhood, and she can't understand why that won't work for everyone. I'm not going into specifics of the things we talked about because, my professional relationship with her is a little nebulous, but I'll go so far as to say that this attitude isn't a conscious decision and that I believe she's never had any intention of hurting you. What I am going to do is send a copy of my abstract of both your and Molly's sessions to whichever judge handles the case, and I'll even testify if you like, but I'm not going to go into any deeper detail. Just know this, she's going to fight you."

Philip was quiet for a moment before answering. "Thanks for the heads-up Frank, I can only be grateful for what you tried to do for Molly. It makes me very sad to see her unhappy because you of all people know that I love her. The process is going to be rough, and I want to continue our sessions after the smoke clears a little. I'd say that I'll need help getting on with my life."

"Call me any time, Phil. I'm here when you need me."

**********

Telephone Call: Eloise Kline to Philip Laughlin

"Eloise, tell me you have some good news. The way my day has been going, I need some."

"I don't have anything really good Phil, but it's also not anything that we didn't expect. Bernie Raffin called me a little while ago to let us know that they've requested and been granted a preliminary hearing at which Molly's going to request couples counseling. While you can never be sure what'll happen in these things, the case has been assigned to Judge Antonia Bartelli, and she's about as good as you can get. She's somewhere around 200 years old, takes no shit from anyone, and is one of the sharpest and fairest legal minds in the country. The best part is that she has used Frank Condon as a court-appointed expert on several occasions and has a lot of respect for his opinion. If we submit Frank's report and have him testify, I'm pretty sure that you'll avoid having to go through the ordeal of having to sit around listening to Molly for a few months."

"If that can happen, it would be a huge plus for me, Eloise. You know that I still love Molly and probably always will. But the only way that this suppurating wound is going to heal is to have no contact with her at all, and even after having been away from her for only a few weeks, a lot of my depression and anxiety seem to be letting up even though I miss her. I don't want to have to go into a process that just opens everything up again."

"Well, I'm glad you put it that way because if it comes down to rolling around in the legal dirt, we'll get Frank Condon to say just that, and use it as a reason to avoid counseling. I mean, we wouldn't be lying if we maintain that counseling would not only be unproductive but that it would be a danger to your emotional well-being."

"You wouldn't be bullshitting, that's for certain. God, Eloise, I'm just so tired all the time. Until I moved out of the house, I didn't realize what fucking misery I've been living in for so long. I mean, I don't want to give the impression that Molly and I don't live in the lap of luxury, and that we haven't enjoyed a moderately happy married life with all the good sex that you'd want, but if you only knew what pain I felt every time Molly cheerfully kissed me goodbye with her overnight bag in her hand on the way to let Sam Freskin fuck her, I can't even describe it."

"Oh, buddy, I'm so sorry. I don't know how you managed to stick it out as long as you have. I know that you only did it for your daughter."

"Yeah, and though I know that she understands the issues involved, and supports my wanting to be happy, to a large extent she's completely bought into Molly's view of love and the world. Can you believe that she has two fucking steady boyfriends at college?"

"Aw, shit! Another emotional train wreck just waiting to happen."

"And, Eloise, it just breaks my heart to know that someday, unless she changes her ways, she's going to have to go through the same thing Molly and I are going through now."

"Phil, all you can do is let the process play out and hope that she sees the light somewhere along the line. We'll talk a time or two before the hearing to make sure we have all our ducks regimented, but the worst part of it for you will be having to be in the same room as Molly."

"If it moves us toward an ending, I'm willing to do what it takes, Eloise."

"OK, buddy. I'll be talking to you."

**********

The Counseling Hearing

Eloise Hite and Claire walked with Phil Laughlin through the marble hallways of the courthouse the echoes of their passage dying behind them.

"This is extremely unusual, Phil, I've never tried a case in what we call a doghouse. It's actually a conference room and the judge has ruled that the only people that will be allowed in will be witnesses, principles, and court officials; no public observers at all. I didn't request it, and if Bernie had, he'd have had to inform me, so I don't know what's going on."

They were cutting the 9:00 AM appointed time closely and walked in the door exactly on the dot. Frank Condon was sitting at a chair along the wall, a few feet from Patricia. Other than the two of them the only others in the room were the lawyers and their assistants, the court reporter, clerk and bailiff, and Phil and Molly.

Philip looked like he had just stepped off the pages of GQ in his charcoal grey silk, Italian Pagliazi suit, white silk shirt with a very, very faint maroon check, and an extremely pale mango-colored tie. His thick sandy-colored hair with its shaggy $500 haircut helped distract from the bags under his desolate eyes but couldn't fully hide his emotionally distraught state from Molly.

She, too, contributed to the idea of a gorgeous couple who had wandered into the wrong room, who were both so beautiful that they belonged together. With her tall, statuesque frame, her lustrous blue-black hair falling around her stunning porcelain oriental face, and her ramrod straight back, her image of placid certitude was belied only by the pooling, unshed tears in her eyes. Molly's $3000 Marie Constantine dress draped her as if it had grown around her, to mesh with her body in natural symmetry.

Before the principals had fully settled, a door opened and was held by a bailiff, as a tiny bowling-ball-shaped woman barely five feet tall stormed into the room followed by her clerk. She was dressed in a black suit with a white blouse, rather than judicial robes and wore what appeared to be black New Balance shoes on her feet. She settled at a separate desk, facing the room but at the same level, whacked around some folders, and generally took her time getting comfortable. She looked around at the people in the room and took a sizable breath before she spoke.

"I have been on the bench for many years. I am eighty-three years old, and I have seen many, many fucked-up things in courtrooms in my career. I will have to say, though, that this particular marital dispute may possibly be the most fucked up. We are not on the record as of yet, and I want to say a few things to everyone involved before we proceed."

At this point, Judge Bartelli paused and looked down at the tabletop for a very long moment visibly gathering her thoughts

"In this room, we will deal with the dispute between two very prominent members of the Washington community, both of whom, in their professional lives are dedicated to finding common ground for their clients. Both have done immeasurable service to not only the United States government, but to the world as a whole. I admire and respect both parties and hope for an outcome that will satisfy and benefit both, though I doubt that will happen."

"You will notice that we are hearing this case in what I prefer to call the "Small courtroom" rather than "The doghouse" as some of you may prefer", she looked amusedly at Eloise, who had the smiling grace to look away, "And we are doing that because I have decided that this dispute between the parties should not be subject to minute examination by the public for the sole purpose of their amusement. I know that neither of the attorneys involved requested a closed hearing and that it might be considered somewhat irregular, but in the final analysis, it is my courtroom wherever it may be, and it's what I want. In addition, at the end of the proceedings, I will entertain motions to seal the record," she said looking pointedly at each of the lawyers.

"Further, we're going to conduct this hearing and the final presentation of the petition, at another time, in a more informal manner than normal, and that is simply to diminish the pain that these two people embroiled in this dispute are forced to endure."

Bernard Raffin, Molly's lawyer rose, "Your Honor..."

"Be quiet and sit down, Professor Raffin, I'll tell you when you can talk."

He sat, visible taken aback, it was the first time in years that Professor Bernard Raffin had been chastised in a courtroom, and he had forgotten how it felt.