The Belle Of Coeur D'Alene

The next morning Tom came a little after nine. I walked out by myself and Tom asked, "Where is Billy?"

"I asked Marcie to watch him for today. Is that okay?"

With a smile, he answered, "No, actually it isn't! Annie was looking forward to see him. She loves babies. Now please go back and get your son."

"Okay, but I warn you, it will take twenty minutes to get him ready."

"No problem. I will have a cup of coffee inside with Sean while I wait."

I got Billy ready in a lot less than twenty minutes. Tom drove us to his ranch and told me about it on the way.

"The ranch has been in the Lane family since right after the civil war. We have 1600 acres, some in the valley floor but most of it up two creeks on either side of a hill. It's been a working ranch all the time. I currently run about 100 head of cattle and have a dozen horses. We also do about two hundred acres of hay every year. We have a small fruit orchard and a decent garden.

"The income from the ranch pays taxes, wages and upkeep. I don't make any money but it lets me hold on to it and keep it in good shape.

"I have a manager, Tim, and two hands. Tim's wife, Sherry, helps around the house and takes care of Annie when I have to travel. It works out pretty well. There are two cabins beside the main house. Tim & Sherry live in the larger and Jerry, the older hand lives in the other. Phil is married and lives a couple miles short of the interstate with their two kids."

We turned off the highway onto a gravel road that had a couple of turnoffs and ended at a gate. Tom told me this was the start of his property as he got out to open the gate. He pulled up and got out to close the gate again. We drove a couple of miles and went over a small hill and a large two story stone house stood in front of us surrounded by a grove of trees.

Tom nodded at the house, "It's really way too big but the upstairs is mostly closed off. It would take a house full of kids to make it worth while to open it all up again."

He laughed at that, but it made me think ... a lot!

As we drove in the yard a couple of dogs were jumping up and down and a flock of chickens were scattering in front of us. The hands had the day off but two guys came out the door.

We walked to the porch with Tom carrying Billy and Annie holding my hand. Tom told me that he still had Annie's stroller and crib from when she was younger.

Tom did the introductions with Tim and Jerry and took me into the kitchen to meet Sherry. She was a large ruddy woman and from the wonderful smells was clearly at home in a kitchen. The yeasty aroma of baking bread was competing with that of apple pie. A large roast was on the counter awaiting the carving knife. She gave me a big hug and fussed over Billy.

Dinner was as good as it looked and it was nice to sit at the large kitchen table with everyone. There was lots of laughter, way too much hearty country food and a sense of being a family. Billy was asleep and Annie was fading fast.

The guys sat around and talked about the ranch and I helped Sherry clean up. We talked - as women in the kitchen were wont to do – and got to know each other. She told me how hard it was on Tom when Sara Jane died.

"That man just kept walking up that hill to the big sad willow tree and come back looking so sad himself ... "

Sherry went quiet for a moment and said a little more brightly, "That Billy is sure going to be a handsome boy! His father must have been some kind of a good looking man!"

At that I broke into tears, leaning on the counter, my shoulders shaking and the salty drops splashing on the counter.

She put her arm around me and whispered, "I'm sorry, child. I didn't know. Go ahead and cry and get it out of your system."

After a bit, my crying subsided and I wiped my face off with the dishtowel I had been drying dishes with.

"That's okay, Sherry. I thought I was over everything but I guess I'm not. I'd better get Billy and have Tom take me back to my cabin. Thank you for the wonderful meal! You are such a good cook."

We went in the living room and I asked Tom if he could take me home. He looked a little puzzled but didn't say anything. We got Billy into the car seat on the rear bench seat of the big four-door truck.

We rode in silence for a few miles, and then Tom asked, "Is everything okay, Kathy?"

His voice had a hurt tone to it – like he had done something wrong – and I had to smile at him. "I'm fine, Tom, really. And no, you haven't done anything wrong. Sherry said something that upset me ... no it wasn't anything she did on purpose. It's just that, well, Tom, you told me quite a lot about yourself and I haven't told you anything about me. You haven't asked about Billy and why I'm here and ... and about everything.

"I want to tell you, no - Tom, I have to tell you- what happened to me. Give me a couple of weeks and I'll tell you my awful story. I'm okay now; it's just that Sherry said something that triggered a bad memory." I reached over and took his hand. "Okay, Tom?"

Tom looked over at me with a smile and squeezed my hand. The rest of the drive was spent in a nice warm silence.

It was a quiet time at the Bar None. There were a few people on weekends, mostly cross country skiers and a few people that just wanted to get away. I saw Tom a couple of times but never long enough to have the discussion I wanted to have with him.

I was having strong feelings for him and I would have thought that being with a man would make me nervous. But when I would lie in bed at night and think of Tom, I would feel all dreamy in a sleepy kind of way. I would wonder what it would be like with him ... silly thoughts like what a child of ours would look like.

At the same time though, I didn't feel in any particular rush. I was sure Tom felt the same as I did but I wanted it to be right – and forever. I wanted both of us to be absolutely sure. If it didn't last, I knew it would have a terrible impact, not just on us, but on Annie and Billy and any kids we might have. I remembered about Annie asking if I was going to be her mother – the thought gave me a warm feeling in my heart. She was such an adorable little girl.

Tom was planning on having Billy and I over for Christmas Day but we were snowed in by a big blizzard. It was three days before we could get out and Tom called and said it was a week for him. I didn't have a phone in the cabin so I had to go down to the lodge when Tom called. Finally Tom was able to pick up Billy and I and with Annie we went into Coeur D'Alene for lunch. It was a family restaurant – run by a family and family oriented food. I had a hot roast beef sandwich and it was great.

We didn't talk about anything serious, just getting to know each other. Billy was asleep and Annie wanted to sit next to him. We were having apple pie for dessert and Annie was playing with Billy now that he was awake. He was laughing and seemed happy.

Annie looked at Billy and then at us, looking serious, asked, "Is Billy coming home with us?"

I wasn't sure what to answer but Tom told her, "Why don't we invite Kathy and Billy over for dinner next Sunday?"

He looked at me, a question in his eyes.

"Sure Annie, we can do that – it will be fun. Maybe I can bring Marcie along and she can play with both of you. Does that sound like fun?"

She nodded and we finished our dinner. Annie was asleep when Tom let us off so I grabbed Billy and ran in; it was cold and starting to rain.

I finally got the nerve to call Tom the next night and thank him for lunch. He reminded me about the next Sunday and I said it was fine.

"Marcie is coming with us, if that's okay. She can baby sit and we can have some adult conversation."

He laughed at that; "I'll pick you up early then, around nine. Does that work for you?"

We talked a few more minutes and when he rang off I could hear the smile in his voice. With a smile of my own, I rescued Billy from Marcie and went up to the cabin.

Wednesday of that week Betty called me, sounding excited.

"Kath! You are the first one I'm telling. Terry popped the question and I said yes. We are getting married in June."

We chatted about it for a bit, caught up on mutual friends - then she sounded more serious.

"Kathy, would you like to come? I'd really like you to be my maid of honor."

"Oh, Betty! I don't know. I'd like to, a lot, but ... well I'm not ready yet. I got upset at something someone said the other day and seeing all of our old friends, with them knowing I have a baby, I'd feel funny."

I went on to tell her what Sherry had said and how I had reacted. I felt bad but I think she really did understand.

The rain lasted a couple of days, washing away most of the snow, then it turned unseasonably warm. Sunday arrived with a warm breeze and except for the mud it was a glorious day. Marcie did go with us. When we got to the ranch it turned out Tim and Sherry had gone over to Spokane for the day to visit her family. After negotiating, I agreed to fry a chicken and make mashed potatoes and gravy. I found a mincemeat pie that Sherry had made and left us for dessert. It turned out to be a nice dinner with Marcie adult enough to participate in our conversation.

Annie and Billy went down for a nap and Marcie found a book to read. Tom and I walked up to the top of the knoll – he said it was the best view of the ranch. He showed me the graveyard, telling me some about his ancestors. He lingered over his wife's marker and I got a little teary eyed reading the words on it.

We stood there looking down at the ranch and Tom put his arm around me. I felt funny when he did that; I don't know what it was, but then it felt right. We stood there, neither of us talking; then I stood on my toes and kissed him on the cheek. He looked startled for a second but not giving him time to think I took his hand and we slogged down the muddy trail. Tom helped me off with the galoshes he had found for me and we went in the kitchen for coffee.

I reminded him of the deal we had made - I would fix dinner and he would clean up. He laughed and jumped right to the task. I let him get started but relented and helped him out. We sat over another cup of coffee and talked a little of nothing, a little of everything.

"Kathy, there is a dance at the Grange Hall Saturday night. Would you like to go? Do you like to dance?"

I felt a moment of panic, a flash of the last time I went dancing freezing my heart, but looking at Tom's kind face I felt something give in me – a kind of release.

"Yes, Tom, I'd like that. Do I dress in any sort of way?"

Laughing, he said, "Just tell your aunt to make you look like a cowgirl! She will fix you up."

Later he took us home. While Marci carried Billy up to the cabin, I chatted with Tom for a bit. Annie was sound asleep in the back. This time I got my arms around his neck and the kiss landed on his lips. I'm sure it didn't knock his socks off but he drove away with a big smile on his face. But the one on mine was bigger!

Saturday came and Tom clearly admired my new cowboy boots and tight jeans. Well, I think it was the boots he was admiring! I had a colorful western blouse and a cute Stetson to complete my transformation from a Valley Girl to a cowgirl.

With Annie and Billy safely with Marcie (and Aunt Mary) we went to the dance. Tim and Sherry were meeting us there and had a table close to the band and to the dance floor. Tim asked what I wanted to drink and I firmly told him a soda. Tom asked for the same with a smile but wanted it to be diet. I'm sure he was dying for a cold beer so I really appreciated his understanding.

The music and dancing was completely different from anything I'd ever known before. I was learning line dancing – some crazy song called "Cotton-Eyed Joe" – and the two-step. I liked the music best for the Western Swing dances ... and could even dance them. But the two-step was the most fun.

I did have a bad moment. I had gone to the rest room and was walking back by the end of the bar. A guy stood up – staggering a little – and stood in front of me; staring as at an apparition. Suddenly Tom appeared from nowhere and put his arm around the guy.

"Hey, Ken! It's good to see you. This is my girl, Kathy. Kathy, this guy poaches trout faster than I can write him tickets! Ken, I'd like to buy you a beer."

He turned Ken back to the bar and put a five on the counter. Taking my hand, he led me back to the dance floor. They were playing a sad waltz – "I Can't Stop Loving You" I think it was. Tom pulled me a little closer and said,

"Ken's harmless. If you had spoken to him, he probably would have run away. He's very shy – just had a beer too many."

We danced quietly for a bit – I was feeling, I don't know, kind of secure in Tom's arms and maybe half sleepy half dreamy. Looking up at him I whispered,

"Am I?"

He looked puzzled.

"You told Ken I was your girl. Am I?"

"Kathy ... yes, you are my girl! The thing is," here he looked away, "The thing is, am I your guy?"

I gave him a big hug, "What do you think?"

I didn't want to make it too easy for him.

The dance was winding down and we said our goodbyes to Tim and Sherry.

Sherry threw her arms around me and said, "We have to do this again. Wasn't it fun!"

We all agreed that it was and Tom took me out to the truck. It was a clear cold night with a full moon. The road back to the ranch was lonely and lovely and maybe a little mysterious. Tom stopped on a small rise on the ranch road into the Bar None and we looked down at the ranch in the evening quiet. Tom took my hand and we sat looking at bright moon shining though the large trees.

I sidled over to him and slid under his arm. Raising my face I told Tom, "Yes, you are my guy!"

He looked at me in silence then leaned over and kissed me, somewhat chastely. Leaning back a question in his eyes, he kissed me again with more passion. We sat there until it got cold in the cab of the truck, talking a little, kissing a lot. I felt safe in his arms.

Later, lying in bed, I knew I loved him and I wanted more than kisses from him. I knew he loved me – I guess a girl knows those things.

Finally, in the first warmth of spring, we walked up the hill to the knoll at his ranch. He had built a bench under the willow and we sat in quiet for a while, enjoying the sun. The big tree was coming out of its winter hiatus and bright new leaves were showing off before the dark, dowdy old leaves. The golden yellow stems of the new shoots added a tinge of brightness and hope.

Holding Tom's hand I told him the story, my awful story. I showed him the scar on my wrist and he kissed it and blessed my scar with his tears. When I finished he wrapped his long arms around me and I cried with release.

Tom took my face in his hands and wiped my tears with his thumbs. He kissed me gently, and said,

"Kathy, you said a few weeks ago that you had made a mistake. Darling, you didn't do anything wrong! How could you know that there were people, predators like that around? I hear your story and think of Annie. All I know as a father is to protect her, teach her and hope she finds wisdom and judgment."

I felt the last of the ugliness slip away from my heart and I knew that I was finally healed.

Two weeks later Tom and I - along with Annie and Billy – had finished lunch and were enjoying a cup of coffee. Tom had a sack with him and he reached in and pulled out a package. I carefully unwrapped it and found an old cigar box. I opened it carefully and pulled out an object wrapped in a silk handkerchief.

I unwound the silk and saw a beautiful bag. It was made of finely woven cornhusks decorated with wool in colors of red, blue, purple and orange. The wool was woven with outlined triangles in each corner and a smaller triangle centered between each of the four corner boxes. It had two handles made of leather strips.

Tom had told me the story of the ration card bag and I looked askance at him.

"Yes, that's the same bag. She would have wanted you to have it. Go ahead and look inside – the contents are different."

I opened the bag and found a lovely engagement ring. Tom reached over and put it on my finger. Taking both of my hands, he looked at me with a smoky look in his eyes, "Kathy, will you marry me? I love you and want to be with you forever, I want to make you happy, I want to take care of Billy."

We stood up and I slipped into his arms, "Yes, Tom! I know you love me and all my love is yours."

Suddenly the restaurant erupted in clapping as everyone stood up. We had forgotten where we were! We sat down in embarrassment but with big smiles on our faces.

~~~~~~

I sit sometimes on the porch of our ranch house looking at the big weeping willow on the hill. I know that life is a circle and one day Tom and I would be up there, together as we are here in the ranch house. I find comfort in that, knowing that love doesn't end. I've found a happiness and satisfaction with my life that far outshines any girlish dreams I had back in California. My life is complete, living here with my love, Tom, with Annie and Billy, and with the twins, Jamie and Jennifer.

SWIMMING WITH SHARKS

"If anyone should cause one of these little ones ... to stumble and sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a great millstone around his neck."

-Mark 9:42

Klaus looked at the young girl. She was nineteen and from Canada. She was of medium build with long flowing red hair and a slim build. He got a special kick from taking a girl's virginity. This one he got with a date rape drug in a Kingston disco. This was one of his easiest – a target of opportunity – no planning, instant success.

He was at an old flou-rmill in the hills above town. The mill was dilapidated but Arturo Mendoza had hired an old man to keep the small miller's cabin in decent shape. It was one large room with a rudimentary kitchen and a well stocked bar. There were several large tables for meetings, card playing, etc. Arturo used the place to stash his men as necessary when things got too hot.

Looking at the girl, there was something about her that reminded him of that girl Kathy from California that escaped a while back. Arturo wasn't very happy about that! Ricard and Benny had been in a Mexican jail and had given up several of Arturo's men before Arturo had them silenced. That had scared the hell out of Klaus for a few months.

Looking at the girl again he realized he had half fallen in love with Kathy. Maybe he should have played it straight and got out of this dirty game. Shaking his head a little to get the morbid thoughts out, he started unbuttoning his shirt, slowly walking towards the bed as he did. The soft sound of a step at the open door froze him and he slowly turned to meet the hard brown eyes of Arturo.

After a long silence, Arturo started softly talking, "Klaus, did I ever tell you that I have a business associate that stays in contact with the Cancun police department? No? It is useful sometimes to share an interesting tidbit of information with the opposition.

"I market these films that we make as authentic. That means if I say a girl is a virgin ... then she is! Do you know what would happen to me if it came out that some of the girls weren't virgins? It would be best if I just showed you.

"I assume you know what a millstone is – there are so many of them at working mills in your native Germany. You take two large flat stones and grind something between them. Fascinating, no? Unfortunately the millstones at this place have long ago broken into pieces but we might be able to find a couple of large chunks for our purposes."

Turning to one of the three men with him, Arturo told him, "Take the girl and turn her loose in town, in a back alley. Jamaica is supposed to be a safe haven – we do not shit in our own nest!"