All Comments on 'The Bet Ch. 01'

Worth a 5 just on the story line and build up alone. Looking forward to future chapters.

There is no such thing as a marine gunny sergeant that doesn't drink coffee. Threw the whole story off for me.

I loved the way the story unfolded so hot! Can't wait to read more :-)

Fantastic story. Really loved the character building and where you're taking it. Not sure about the change in character view, but it does add another interesting dimension.

Please keep more chapters coming!

Great story. Please continue it. Thanks for your service one vet to another

That part with her telling him what she likes doing, (is going to do to him), is just about the hottest thing I have ever read. Actually, all of the dialog - the two of them teasing each other with words - just great! Looking forward to more.

I'm humping my pillow give me more I wanna cum

You handle dialogue very well, IMO.

And the 'bet' is a good tale, well-told.

Thank You

HP

PS. When do we see part 2, etc. . . .

Away from my man for too long - God I needed this!

1) A second on a Marine Gunny that does not drink coffee.

Completely unheard of.

2) The pizza guy joins the Corps because of Eva. There is no mention of her being active duty or what she does at all.

Her 'work clothes' are described later as just that, not her uniform.

Other than that, great story, keep writing.

Previous commenter, I'll have to fix the second portion on your comment. As for the no coffee for the gunny. I got news for you, I'm a gunny and I hate coffee, lol! I swear it's true! But it's funny that's the detail I get the most comments and emails on.

Absolutely correct! Not all senior NCOs drink coffee. (I had one cup in 24 years, and it was so blinking cold I don't know that it counts.)

As for the pizza guy, once upon my misspent youth (I wasn't THAT young, tho), I was the pizza guy, and it is indeed inspiring when a woman answers the door with no more than a towel, fumbles the money and loses it.

Well done... looking forward to more.

I was really enjoying your characters and the easy flow of the story but what got you a 5 is the cliffhanger. Well played, sir.