The Blue Sunfish

"Ha! That's the spirit; now you're getting it."

"My kingdom for a fish!" I proclaimed.

"Find the fish or heads will roll," she retorted in slightly Germanic Elizabethan English.

We both broke out laughing. After a moment we settled ourselves down and each took a sip of wine.

"So seriously, though, Rose. Tomorrow, if we manage to pinpoint where that fish was caught, I guess that's it for me?"

"Why, what do you mean?"

"I won't be needed on the expedition."

The statement jolted her a little. "Do you want to go on the expedition?"

"With you? Yeah."

"Really?"

"Who were you planning to go with? I mean... alone or with someone else?"

She shook her head. "At this point Kevin, I don't know where to go and I don't know what the expedition will entail, or if there will actually be one. But I am obligated to operate under a certain directive," she pointed her finger at me, "which you instigated."

"Me? What's that?"

"Not to intrude into your life, or your sister's or your niece's." Her face flushed a little, "I mean, I guess that's at the heart of the matter isn't it?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"You are not to be inconvenienced. The judgment call that we made was that you should be more comfortable coming to Vienna as our guests rather than me, the crazy lady from Austria, barging into your lives and subjecting you to further harassment, as your young niece and sister have already received. I hope we made the right call."

"I think so..."

"So that's my directive. It's quite simple. Bring Mr. Mayfield to Vienna, treat him nicely, talk to him and try to pin-point where the fish was caught, thank him and then let him get on with his life. Not, try to pin-point where the fish was caught and coerce him, or bully him into taking you there."

I took a deep breath. "I must say, Rose, you certainly are treating me nicely."

"Good."

"I mean, dinner and a facial?"

"Ha!" She almost dropped her wineglass laughing, "I told you... the fun is in the hunt."

"Well then, I want to be in on it!" She seemed a little surprised at my statement, "Look, even if tomorrow, after my interrogation, if I can point to a map and say with some certainty: 'I'm positive the fish was caught here,' which I doubt, I'd still love to go with you to actually find the fish."

"Really?" She was beaming. Her tooth gap was, too.

"Yes, I'd love to."

"That's great!" She stepped up and hugged me, we kissed. "But," she said as she dropped her arms from around me and wagged a blue nail polished finger in my face, "my directives will still apply, you are not to be inconvenienced financially or otherwise. Understood?"

"Okay, understood."

"Good."

I picked up my wineglass, "Do we get to fuck again?"

Her wicked smile instantly changed to a concerned frown, "Only until I manage to scare you off."

"What? Why would you say that?"

She paused holding up one hand, "I'm not going to even answer that, just in case I manage to blow it."

"Ro-ose?"

She made a zip-her-lips-up move with her blue-tipped fingers. What was with this woman? Why would someone, so clearly intelligent, witty and crazy-sexy beautiful, have such low self-esteem?

"It seemed to me, Rose, that you enjoyed sex just now nearly as much as I did."

Her face lit up, "I did!"

"Okay, so do you mind if we just get ourselves naked again, climb into bed and... I'd really like to lick those lovely nipples of yours for a while? Sleep here tonight. It is, after all, your room."

"I can't, I've got to lecture in the morning."

While grinning at each other, we both placed our wineglasses onto our separate bedside tables. Her bathrobe was off her instantly. My clothes went flying across the room. I snuggled down in the bed and, holding her torso, sucked on her meaty nips. She was cooing the whole time while she rubbed my shoulders, upper back and the back of my head. Clearly, she loved it. I certainly did.

She was all sexy and soft, I was gently rubbing her little ass cheeks and the lower part of her back where her bum crack started.

I was warm, the bed was comfortable, my eyelids started to get heavy. I sucked on her nipple again. She rubbed the back of my neck...

I woke up with a start.

Light was creaking in through the hotel window curtains. I was alone, naked in the bed. There were wineglasses on both bedside tables with unfinished wine. The bottle was still a quarter full. The white bathrobe was carefully hung over the edge of the chair. My clothes were still strewn on the floor. After peeking out the window and determining that it was raining, I stumbled into the bathroom.

3:45pm

Here

I'll call up - Was written in lipstick on the bathroom mirror.

Wow.

I made it down to the breakfast rooms just after eight. Breakfast was self-serve and pretty well covered anything you could think of. I had two different types of sausage, sunny-side up eggs, a waffle with syrup, grilled mushrooms, roasted potato, fried tomato and coffee. I held off on the bread. Then I went back for bowl full of mixed fruit salad and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice.

The concierge indicated where the nearest replacement umbrella could be purchased and gave me a Vienna city centre map, which listed some of the local sights.

I waddled back up to my room to get my coat.

I was able to buy a new umbrella. I made a conscious effort to keep the receipt.

Then, I just walked and walked and walked. Vienna is a beautiful city, even in the light rain. I saw old buildings, new buildings, statues, churches—kirches that were more cathedral-like than what we would call a church—embassies, palaces, actual blow-your-mind gothic and baroque cathedrals, galleries, concert halls, museums, shops of every kind, quaint cafés, bars, restaurants... everything was clean, everything was smart. The whole city was bustling, vibrant and ordered. The Vienna that I saw was a place that was proud of its heritage and comfortable with itself.

I toured a little museum housed in an apartment where Mozart once lived. There was a little interactive thing going on inside which was very well done. All the time there, I couldn't get past the mind-blowing fact that Wolfgang Amadeus frikkin Mozart sat in this room, looked out that window and wrote The Marriage of Figaro, right frikkin' there!

I had to stop, give my feet a rest and figure out exactly where the hell I was. I stopped for a glass of Stiegl bier and a sausage at The Tiroler. The place, I'm sure hasn't changed much in a hundred years. The couches were a little bit worn but still very comfy and managed to retain some old-world elegance. Newspapers, mainly in German, clipped in wooden frames were available for the guests to read. I found an abridged version of the New York Times. A glass display case held 'apfel strudel' and other dessert temptations. My sausage came on its own, on a plate. There was a bun next to it, a big glop of dark mustard and grated horseradish, and a knife and a fork. It was excellent!

At that moment I became a big fan of the Bavarian Purity Act of 1516, decreeing that beer must consist of only three ingredients: barley, hops and pure water. They added yeast to the line-up only after it was discovered.

The receipt consisted of a small plain piece of paper with a handwritten calculation of the sum, in Euros. Actually, it didn't even have a Euro symbol, or a date, or what I had, or anything else. I wondered how that was going to fly with Rose.

I stumbled upon the Belvedere palace, or palaces, with a huge formal garden all full of statues and waterfalls. Even in March, it was stunning.

I managed to drag my sorry ass back to the Intercontinental just in time to find Rose, sitting at the bar at the same table she was at the day before, having a cup of cappuccino or something coffee-like delivered to her. She smiled brightly when she saw me and motioned me to come over.

"Hey, Rose."

"Hi."

I cupped her face in my hands and gave her a kiss on her beautiful mouth. Her face immediately lit up in a tooth gap framed brilliant smile; perhaps she didn't expect my greeting.

I didn't need to be asked to sit down. "Would you like some coffee?" she asked as I plunged myself into the soft chair. Her smile from the kiss lingered.

"No, thanks."

"How's your day?"

"Bwahh." I pulled out my cell phone and tapped it a few times. I held it up to her, "That's nearly twenty-five thousand footsteps." I put the phone down on the table. "So about twenty-four kilometers, call it...fifteen miles. I just couldn't stop. Beautiful city. Stunning. I'm beat."

"Well I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Yes, thank you, Rose." She smiled. "And thank your mysterious benefactor." She smiled again as she picked up her coffee and took a sip.

"Well," she said, replacing the cup, "I hope you're not too tired for your..." a devilish grin washed across her face, "interrogation?"

I turned my face slightly to the side while keeping my eyes fixed on her, "The Di Donato's aren't somehow related to the De Torquemada's are they?"

She held her hands in front of her as if in prayer. Blue fingernails tapped in pairs against each other, creating a wave action, partially hiding her massive smile. The space between her two front teeth looked ready to bite. "You will confess to me... all that you know."

"I'm sure you'll get it all out of me."

"Yes," she continued to tap her fingertips, "every last drop."

"Oh god!"

"Your god," she said raising the palms of her hands, "does not concern me." She leaned forward and tapped her sternum with both sets of blue fingernails, "My only concern is that you worship," her brown eyes twinkled, "in the waters..." she gestured with her right hand, "...of joy."

We both erupted in laughter. "You really are a riot, Rose."

"Are you sure you don't want anything?"

"Nah... but... are you? Dinner tonight?"

"Oh! Absolutely. As a reward for surviving the second Spanish Inquisition of course.

"If I survive."

"I'll make sure a little life force still clings on in you."

"Just so that we can technically call it the last supper?"

"It's an inquisition, Kevin, not a crucifixion. So, for your last supper , do you want to go for schnitzel again, or would you care to try one of the other Viennese specialties?"

"Oh? What else did you have in mind?"

"Tafelspitz."

"Tafel Spits? I've never heard of it. What is it?"

"Tafel is table. I don't know what spitz means exactly. Something like 'stuff.'"

"So what is it?"

"Basically, boiled beef."

"You're kidding me. Boiled beef? Seriously?"

"Oh, it's wonderful. You'll love it. It is more than a meal. It's an experience."

"Okay." My spine stiffened as I smiled politely.

"Or perhaps you would like a little fish instead?" She grinned. I could see the tooth gap peeking through.

"I think I'd like that right now."

Her grin morphed into a full-on smile, "Ahh, but first things first, I'm afraid." With that, she drained back her coffee, picked up her bag, stopped to think for a moment then said, "What's your room number?"

"Eight twenty-four. Why?"

Rose stood up and stepped over to the bar where the waiter was. The coffee was charged to my room. She picked up her big bag together with a laptop case and said, "Okay, let's go." And off we went.

I was relieved to find that housekeeping had made up the room while I was out.

"So, a little fish before or after?"

"Ha! I would think after. Like a reward, what do you think?"

"Oh, I thought I was getting boiled beef as a reward. Perhaps I could have a little something as incentive?" I asked smiling.

"Hmm. All right, how about this? For every step closer we get to pin-pointing where the fish was caught, I'll take off an item of clothing."

"Ha! Ha! Sounds great, sort of like strip poker then?"

"Sort of, yeah, or a game show." She pulled out her laptop and flipped it open.

"So, what's a step then?"

"Whatever I say it is."

"Oh...kay."

The laptop came to life. "Let's start with the photographs." She sat herself down at the dresser desk, which was at the foot of the bed.

Out of my flight bag I pulled out a little memory stick, a map and a file that contained my Visa statement. I handed her the memory stick, opened up the map and laid it on the bed. She plugged the memory stick into her laptop.

A moment later, while looking over her shoulder, I pointed to the screen and said, "Open up that file there." She did. "That's all the photos, right there."

"May I copy them?"

"Yup." She did and then transferred them onto her computer. A moment later she had them all in her computer, disconnected the memory stick and handed it back to me. Soon she was shifting through the photos in a slide show. I sat down on the edge of the bed behind her.

"That's us in Banff."

"Your sister is a beautiful woman."

"Yeah, I guess."

"And Amanda is such a cutie isn't she."

"Well, she's like seventeen or eighteen now."

"More Banff, more Banff." She kept on scrolling. "That's in the Badlands." She kept scrolling. "Medicine Hat."

"Medicine Hat?"

"Yeah, scroll back one." She did. "That's Marcie and Amanda in front of the world's biggest tepee."

"There's a place called Medicine Hat?"

"Yeah, it's in Alberta. It's quite a nice community. Alberta's nice. People don't ever move back."

"And it's called Medicine...Hat?"

I sang to her:

Moose Jaw saw a few, Moosomin too

Runnin' back to Saskatoon

Red Deer, Terrace and a Medicine Hat

Sing another prairie tune

Sing another prairie tune

She was looking at me as if I had two heads. "What, you've never heard the song Runnin' Back to Saskatoon, by Guess Who?"

"I've no idea."

"Guess Who, the group."

"I don't know. Who?"

"No, not the Who. Guess Who."

"I have no idea. I don't know the song."

"Never mind. It's a Canadian thing."

She paused for a moment. "A Canadian Thing is the name of a band?"

"Oh my god, just keep scrolling."

"Okay, goodbye Medicine Hat." She scrolled along.

"Saskatchewan. Basically, we breezed through there." She kept scrolling. "That's at one of the camp sites." Scroll. Scroll. "That's a different place." Scroll. Scroll.

"Oh, there's you."

"Yup, that's me and Amanda. That's Brandon Manitoba I think."

"You haven't changed."

"Oh, I don't know about that. Keep scrolling." She scrolled on.

"And there it is. The blue sunfish."

"Yup, that's the one."

"See this?" She asked as she closed the photo and pointed to her screen. "Look it was taken on Tuesday, July 30^th at 2:21:56 pm."

"Okay."

"Okay, let's start off with this."

I pulled out my Visa statement.

"On 29 July I bought gas in Keewatin and then on the 31^st in Ignace."

"Where is that on the map?" She swung her swivel chair around.

"Okay. This here is the Official Map of Ontario. It'll be the exact same one that was used on the trip. I flipped the map over. This side of the map, is southern Ontario." I flipped it back. "This is northern Ontario. What you've got to understand is that the scale on this side of the map, is double what this side is." I flipped the map over and over again. "Northern side is half the scale of the southern side. From here, Kenora, just inside the Ontario border with Manitoba to," I flipped the map again, "to down here in Kingston, is like two thousand miles. It's basically one end of the Great Lakes to the other."

"Okay. So where are those two gas stations?"

I focused in on a very small section of the northern Ontario side of the map, "Here's Keewatin, just before Kenora and here's Ignace." I said pointing.

"Well that doesn't appear to be very far. How many miles is that?"

I found the scale and guestimated the distance with my fingers, "I don't know, two hundred and fifty miles?"

"And it took you two days?"

"That's because we went up here to Sioux Lookout," I pointed to the map.

"Oh."

"I'll take tops off for two hundred please, Alex."

"Ha ha! Okay." She undid her cream-coloured blouse, one slow button at a time and then draped it carefully on the bed. She had a wicked grin as she did it.

I could feel my bone stir as I gazed at her padded little bra.

"Okay. Where did you stay?"

I went back to the map and studied it for a moment. "We stayed here at Ojibway Provincial Park on Little Vermillion Lake. And then right here the next day at Sandbar Lake, right outside of Ignace."

"So the photo was taken somewhere between Vermilion Lake here and Sandbar Lake here, via Sioux Lookout up here."

"That's right. And I'll take bra off for four hundred please, Alex."

"Ha ha!" She complied right away, letting the bra slide down her arms and exposing those most scrumptious chocolate candy nipples.

"Let's go back to the photos." She swung back around to face her laptop. From behind, my hands landed on her shoulders and then slid down towards her nips. Just as I touched them..."No. No. No. Not until afterwards."

"Damn." I lifted my fingers off her.

"Here's the photo before the blue fish. It's Amanda, naturally. Do you recognize where you are?"

I studied the photo for a second. She closed it down, "Hey wait..." and then reopened it, "oh..."

"5:26:44pm the previous day."

"Yeah, I would say that's at Little Vermilion Lake."

"Okay, and the picture right after...it's your sister. Let's see, it was taken a minute after the fish photo so... and the next photo is... Amanda again... and this is... about five, almost six hours later that same day."

"Yup, I'd say that's at our campsite at Sandbar Lake. That's Amanda helping to light the fire. We had tacos for dinner."

"So these two photos were taken at the same place." The slide show flipped between the two.

"I'll take pants off for six hundred, Alex."

"Not so fast, Kevin. We're not any closer to knowing where we are between the two campsites."

"Indeed we are my dear Professor. Indeed we are."

"Of course, the time."

"No. Flip to the second photo." She did. "Marcie's holding a coffee cup."

"Okay..."

"Here's the thing. We were shocked to find out that Sioux Lookout didn't have a Timmies. A Tim Hortons." I corrected myself.

She simply stared at me.

"In the grocery store we were buying stuff for that night's dinner. A taco kit, some ground beef and stuff. We asked for directions to the nearest Tim Hortons and they directed us to Ron Lane, Roy Lane? instead."

"Which was?"

"A really nice coffee shop. We had lunch there."

"Oh. So that coffee was purchased in Sioux Lookout?"

"That's right."

"Did you eat the lunch in the restaurant or take it to go? And what time would that have been?"

"Hmm. We ate in the restaurant and took our coffees to go. I had a toasted western sandwich with sliced tomato and ketchup. It was excellent."

"Time?"

"I don't know. Noonish? One o'clock?"

"And then you would have stopped again...for what reason?"

I thought for a moment. "Because, we would have known how long it would take to get to the next campsite. We would have reserved a spot, beforehand. And we had a bunch of hours to... just have fun. That was the whole point of taking our time. We..." I paused for another moment. Snippets were coming back to me. "I bought a couple of six-packs from the liquor store in Sioux Lookout."

"How long did it take after leaving the restaurant before you pulled over to catch the blue sunfish?"

"No idea."

"How long were you pulled over, fishing?"

"Half an hour? Forty-five minutes? We never stayed too long at any of the pull-offs. After all, we were driving across Canada, and at that point we were just doing a detour."

"Did she catch the fish at the beginning of the stay or the end?"

"I can't recall, but I think we probably stopped two or three times before we went to the campsite."