The Bookkeeper's Diary

Where could it be? I've been searching all the usual places in my office for the bank loan documentation for my wife's bookstore.

My wife Tricia and I became joint owners with her high school best friend Gary nearly two years ago, getting a loan to buy out Gary's old partner Kevin after they'd split up as a couple. I needed the documentation to update my own tax returns as we bought Kevin's half of the business in both our names. My name is Simon Jenkins, I'm a thirty-two-year-old Plant Foreman for a diesel engine manufacturer here in Lafeyette, Indiana. I'm 6 feet two inches tall and keep in good shape.

My wife is Tricia Jenkins, she's twenty-nine, a five-foot six brunette with shortish hair and still sports a damn good figure for a mother of two. She also graduated with an English Literature degree from Perdue University. Tricia had dreams of becoming an author and travelling the world but has since settled for being a wife, a mom and now a bookkeeper. For myself, I've graduated from being a diesel mechanic to a shift and now plant foreman within the same company. We have two kids, Mike who's six years old, and Jennifer at four. We have a mortgage for a four-bedroom house, got married seven years ago now and life has been good for us.

Now, if only I could find that damn documentation.

Having turned my office upside down I trudged up the stairs to our bedroom, scratching my head trying to think of where Tricia could have stored it. Tricia leaves most of that sort of stuff to me, which is why I was certain it'd be in my filing cabinet in the office downstairs. Looking around, the only place that makes sense is her set of drawers on her side of the bedroom.

I think she keeps her underwear there, along with nightgowns and other stuff. Not sure why she'd ever keep her business loan documentation in there, however. I really should just call her, but she's away with Gary at a book publisher's convention in Indianapolis and I don't want to interrupt her if she's speaking with publishers and authors. The top drawer has a keyhole and I discovered that it's locked. A little strange for Tricia to lock it, maybe she doesn't want the kids going through whatever is in there.

The other drawers contained all of the clothing types I thought they held, so if it was there, it had to be in the locked top drawer. Why didn't she keep the bookstore documents in the office where we keep all the other paperwork like this? I just want to get my fucking taxes out of the way, but there always has to be something.

I looked in her bedside drawer as well but didn't expect to find anything there. What I did find was a key beneath a book, I wonder if this fits the locked drawer? Sure enough, it unlocked the top drawer, and I looked through it. There were some documents in there, along with a few books and her two vibrators of all things. I guess I know why it's locked away from the kids now. As I flipped through the documents, I found it. Alright, now to finish my taxes.

About an hour later I returned the papers to her top drawer where I'd found them, but that's when I noticed that one of the books in her top drawer looks like a diary. Now I've seen Tricia writing stuff into a journal of sorts before, many times actually. I never questioned what it was or why she did it, she is a writer after all.

But what stood out to me was the label she had given this book down its spine. 'The Journey of Patricia Thomas'.

Patricia is the name on her birth certificate although I've never heard her use that apart from on official documents, with Thomas being her maiden name so she must have started this diary or journal before we were even together. I placed it back down in the drawer, locking it then returning the key back to her bedside table.

I went downstairs and started watching some baseball, my son Mike was glued to the TV already. He's already in love with baseball, and I've recently signed him up for little leagues in our local area. Jennifer is more interested in dolls and any small animals she can find in our yard. She wanted to keep a cricket as a pet a few weeks ago. Our dog Buster will just have to do for now.

As I watched the TV, my mind wandered back to Tricia's diary. I wonder what sort of stuff she's written in there. Stuff about us meeting and dating? Or about us getting engaged and then married? Maybe about having Mike and Jennifer? Also, about us buying our home or buying her bookstore?

Then I remembered the name, 'The Journey of Patricia Thomas'. Did she mean her life journey or was she alluding to the worldwide travels she's not yet had the chance to have? I started to wonder if she thought that by marrying me, she might have put an end to those aspirations, but I'm glad she did. I couldn't be happier about having met and then marrying Tricia, for her being the mother of my children.

Early in the evening Tricia called and spoke to the kids before speaking with me.

"So, how's the convention? I'm sure Gary is loving every minute of it." I asked her.

"Yeah, he's like a kid in a candy store. There's a lot of publishers and authors here trying to get store owners to pick up their offerings. Doesn't hurt that a number of them are gay, I'm really not sure if Gary's more interested in them or their books. It kinda feels like he's doing speed dating." Tricia replied with a small laugh.

"How about you? Are you enjoying it?" I asked her.

"Yeah, it's fine. One day would've been enough honestly. I'm going to try to get Gary to leave as early as I can tomorrow, but we're still planning to leave by 3pm at the moment." Tricia replied.

"Well, you always said you wanted to travel the world, enjoy it while you can." I replied jokingly.

"I didn't know that Indiana was the world. Silly me." Tricia replied with a chuckle.

"Maybe I'll take you to Chicago or Cleveland for our next holiday, that's interstate and all." I replied while laughing some more.

"I'll take what I can get, I guess."

"It's going to be strange going to bed tonight without you, it's the first time since Jenn was born I think." I replied.

"Yeah, I'm missing you too. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow night, or perhaps in the afternoon if I can convince Gary to leave early. I love you, Simon." Tricia said before we ended the call.

After I put the kids to sleep, I settled down in bed to read a book, but I just couldn't get into it. I kept looking over at my wife's set of drawers, thinking about her diary. Our marriage has been good although I wouldn't say it's been fantastic lately. We don't argue or fight, we still make love several times a week, and we show affection to each other and our kids. But there's something different lately, almost like Tricia has been a little distant.

I know I sometimes work long hours, or if there's issues at the plant my time is quickly swallowed up, but I try my best to be here for her and the kids. It's just not always that easy when you have responsibilities.

Tricia herself was extremely busy with the bookstore for the first year after we purchased half of the business, but the last year has been somewhat easier for her as she's fallen into a routine between home and work life. Maybe that's the issue, she's never been one for routines and schedules, maybe she feels a little down about how her life has turned out compared to what her dreams were for herself when she was younger.

I began to wonder what she would say about her life right now, about how happy she is, with me, her career, being a mom. I wondered if it would hold details that could help me to provide her with what she needs, to make her life happier. I know it would be an invasion of her privacy to read it, and that I'd feel as guilty as shit for doing it, but I found myself over there unlocking the drawer and taking out her diary anyway.

Maybe I'll just check to see if it really is her diary, it could be something completely different. As I lay back on my bed, I opened it to her bookmark, it was dated just a few days ago. She simply mentioned about going to the convention, that it's good to get away even if it was just to Indianapolis with her long-time gay best friend and now business partner Gary Myers.

I looked at the date of the entry before that, it was dated a few weeks earlier. It spoke to her feeling a little conflicted, a little frustrated with her life. She wrote the last line:

'I don't know what might happen from here and I don't know how I feel about that right now, hopefully nothing will come from it.'

So, it seems she only occasionally makes notes of actual events or thoughts, although I couldn't make head nor tails of the second last entry. I decided that if I was going to read this, I needed to start at the beginning of her journey. So, I flipped all the way back to the start of the book, to her very first entry.

'My full name is Patricia Jane Thomas, but I've gone by the name of Tricia since I was a child. This is my personal diary of my life's journey. I am currently eighteen years old as I begin this, I am about to graduate from high school and live at home with my parents, Peter and Marla Thomas. I was born and raised here in Lafeyette, Indiana, but I want to travel the world and become a famous author. Each entry following this one tracks my journey from being a teenager to an adult, with my studies, my career, my loves, and my dreams. I do hope it's an interesting read when I look back thirty years from now.'

Well, it's already been ten years so far, I wonder if she's happy with how her life has turned out. She graduated from college, she got married, she has two wonderful children, and bought her own home and business. I know it's not quite like travelling the world and becoming a famous author, but I hope she's truly happy. I know I am, and I wouldn't be without her.

I went through the next few entries, they were mainly about her upcoming high school graduation, where her best friends were going off to college, that only Gary was going to Perdue with her. She also spoke about choosing her major and her aspirations to become an author.

Strangely, there was no boyfriend talk, not even about anyone she may have fancied. It was all about friends and career choices at this point. If it were my diary, it would've been filled with sports and all the girls I had the hots for in high school, getting lucky with a few but missing out on many. I had no dreams or aspirations to go off to college or to travel the world. My goal was to work using my hands, to buy a home and get married and start a family.

I guess, what I wanted has come to pass. Maybe that's why I'm so happy with where I am in life. But what about Tricia? She hasn't been travelling or published a novel yet, instead she bought into my dream. I continued reading her diary.

During her freshman year, the entries were mainly about her major of English Lit, the professors, and new students she met. A few months in, she did mention a student by the name of Peter, that he fancied her but that she was not that enamored with him. She did mention that he was a nice guy, that he was smart and seemed to trip over himself to do things for her. She thought he was sweet but she had already turned down several requests for a date from him.

Eventually Tricia wrote that she'd agreed to go for coffee with him alone, although in her entry she was quick to point out that this was not a proper date, that she thought he was nice but also very persistent, and felt obliged to give him something, so a coffee date it was.

Over the next several entries his name came up once or twice, it didn't seem that there was really anything there until one of her entries later mentioned that it was their three-month anniversary of her and Peter being a couple. Okay, he clearly didn't knock her socks off, but by her accounts he seemed like a nice guy.

One entry of note was just before the end of school year break before the summer holidays, Tricia wrote that her and Peter had sex for the first time, that it was her first time with anyone. She wrote with a sense of disappointment.

'Is that all there is? All of this time hearing about sex, talking about sex, thinking about sex, and that was it? It was uncomfortable, awkward, and not that enjoyable to be honest. I feel like I've been let down by expectations that far exceeded the reality. Why do people talk about sex so much if that's all there is?'

I laughed to myself, when I'd previously asked Tricia about her first time, she'd told me it wasn't very good, that she'd thought sex was overrated. When I asked her that night if she enjoyed it more now, she smiled and nodded yes before moving down the bed to give me a wonderful blowjob. Maybe poor old Peter just wasn't very good. Nice guys do finish last it seems.

Her second year in college was much the same as the first, she was still dating Peter and seemed to be enjoying college life even though she wasn't living on campus or going to wild parties, Tricia was still living with her parents instead. She spoke about how dependable Peter was, how thoughtful and caring, but nowhere did I read anything from Tricia that equated him with enjoyment, excitement, passion, or especially love. It seemed that their relationship was one more of friendship and convenience than of young fiery romance that I assumed would be the norm for twenty-year-old college students.

Then I got to the entry stating that Tricia had broken up with Peter, that she thought there was more to life than being tied down at such a young age, that their relationship was becoming too serious. She regretted breaking his heart, that he's a good and sweet guy and that she was thankful to have met someone like him to help avoid the usual antics that take place at college parties. She wrote that she hoped he would find that special someone, that he'd be happy, just not with her.

The third and final year of college for Tricia began much like the previous year, I didn't read anything of real interest until one name popped up a few months in. A guy by the name of Travis Jones. Tricia mentioned that he was doing a Bachelor of Arts in Music, that he also played in a rock band as a guitarist and singer. From reading her entries I could tell that Tricia was definitely into this guy before they were even a couple. If Peter had chased her, it was clear that Tricia was now the one chasing Travis.

'Travis finally asked me out! I've been giving him signals for what seems like forever every time I've seen him. I was starting to worry that he wasn't interested in me. He's so different from Peter in every way, where Peter was that sweet, reserved nice guy, Travis is the personification of the devilishly good-looking bad boy. I can't believe how badly I want to tear his clothes off and fuck him senseless. If he doesn't fuck me soon, I might have to drag him off somewhere where we can be alone.'

Well, that was new for Tricia. I never knew she liked this guy that much before, she'd told me she only ever dated two guys before we met shortly after she finished college, that their names were Peter and Travis but that neither of them meant anything special to her. So far, this Travis guy seems a whole lot more special to her than Peter ever was. With that I placed her diary back into the locked drawer and returned the key. Maybe I'll continue reading her diary again tomorrow but right now I'm tired and need to sleep.

I got up early in the morning, making the kids a Sunday morning breakfast. It was week two of Mike's little league spring season, with his game starting at 10am. Jennifer wasn't too happy about having to go with us, but I told her there would be other puppies there like Buster, and she soon cheered up.

When we got to the field, I went over and spoke to Russell Zimmer, a recently divorced father of two and one of my friends at the plant we both work at. He also doubled as Mike's coach as his son Jackson also played in the same team.

Russel is a good guy but has struggled a bit over the last year since his divorce. His wife was cheating on him but somehow, she managed to get the family home, car and full custody of the kids. Russell only gets to see his two boys on the weekends now and only if his ex-wife permits it, and I could tell that it's taken a toll on him. We spoke about each other's kids, and then got to the important part, the batting and fielding line-up for today.

I'm sitting in the small stand with the other parents as the game begins, Jennifer is already off trying to pat other people's dogs that are sitting near us. I have no problem with that, all the other parents here that I've met are all good people. Mike's playing first base today, and he got the first two batters out, I'm happy he's so involved in the game. I later bought myself and Jenn a hotdog each, although Buster got half of Jenn's as it was way too much for a four-year-old to eat on her own.

After the game I thanked Russell for his work, bought Mike a hot dog too as we then made our way home. Tricia texted me as I walked in the door, she said they were just leaving so she'd be home early, maybe by 4pm. I was happy with that news, it meant we could cook a good Sunday night dinner like we normally do, and that maybe she'd be refreshed enough from her trip for us to have a bit of sexy time later tonight.

During the week, our life returned to the normal routine of kids, work, dinner and then some lovemaking. Although on Thursday night there were major issues at the plant, and I was called in. Having already worked a day shift, then coming back in at 8pm and working through the night and getting home after 3am, I stayed home for my Friday shift.

I slept in until Tricia was ready to leave for the bookstore, she dropped Mike at school but left Jenn with me instead of childcare as I'm home today. While Jenn's watching her educational kids TV shows, I decided to read some more of Tricia's diary while I had the opportunity.

I found the page where I'd left off, after Tricia had been asked out on a date by Travis.

'Oh my god! Now I understand why people talk about sex so much. Travis is so much better than anything I had with Peter. It's like night and day. He even made me orgasm during sex for the first time, I can't believe how good it was. I need this so much more now. I need this all the time. I can't believe I'm writing this down, but all I can think about is having sex with him. Even outside of his bedroom, he excites me. I never know what he'll say or what he'll do, just that I know I'll enjoy it.'

So, Travis seemed to rock her world a lot more than Peter ever did. I wonder if she'll talk about me in such glowing terms. It did feel a little weird to read my wife talk so hungrily about having sex with someone else, but I had to remind myself that we hadn't even met yet.

I continued to read her next few entries, with more details of how much Tricia was enjoying being with Travis, how much she enjoyed having sex with him, with how exciting she found him to be. That he takes her to places she's never been, that he also takes her to clubs and bars where she watches him perform, also that he takes her to other towns and small cities around Indiana, Ohio, and Illinois where his band visits as well. She was starting to sound like his groupie, that thought made me chuckle a little. It's hard for me to see my wife in that role now, I guess growing up does change you.

Her entries also started to wonder about life after college, what is next for her. What career she will have and where she'll live. Mostly though, her entries revolved around her boyfriend Travis. When she graduated, Tricia went to a big graduation party, getting really drunk for the first time in her life as well. I laughed as she wrote that she'll never ever drink that much again, that the hangover almost killed her. In all my time with Tricia, I've never seen her really drunk, at least now I know why.