The Bookkeeper's Diary

"I feel bad for Russell. Are you worried I'd do the same, wipe the floor with you too?" Tricia asked me.

"You absolutely could. That's why I need to be able to trust you with everything I have. I could end up renting a crappy one-bedroom apartment paying your bills and mine, while only being able to see my own children on the weekends if I'm lucky. That's exactly where Russell's at right now because of Carla and Travis." I replied to her.

"Never, I could never do that to you. Especially if I was to blame for us ever splitting up. I just wouldn't be able to live with myself." Tricia responded.

"I'd rather we never split up to begin with." I replied.

"Yeah, definitely. Now, what have you got planned for us tonight? You promised we'd have our date night every Saturday night. You're not going to break that promise because of this morning, I hope." Tricia asked.

"Wouldn't dream of it. We're going to a club tonight. They have good food, good drinks, and good dancing." I replied.

"Dancing? Since when do you want to go dancing? Don't get me wrong though, I'm excited about it now." Tricia replied with a big smile across her face.

"Yeah, you'll have to put up with my two left feet. But I know you like to dance, and I thought it best to take you before you get too old, you know, being almost thirty and all." I responded with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah. I've still got almost six months before old age sets in." Tricia laughed back.

Our Saturday night went great, we got an Uber there as I needed some drinks to get my dancing groove going. The sex afterwards was more of the passionate variety again, and I was happy once more as I lay there looking up at the ceiling trying to catch my breath when we'd just finished.

I thought back over everything that's happened over the last couple of weeks since I began reading my wife's diary. I began to wonder what might have happened if I'd not found it or decided not to read it.

I wouldn't have understood just how frustrated Tricia was getting with our relationship, or that she'd been trying to fix it while I'd ignored her attempts.

That she had a feeling of being trapped in her suburban mom life, not having travelled or seen much outside of Indiana. Instead, we're now heading off to Mexico in two weeks, visiting a number of places before spending a few days at a resort on the beach.

I also wouldn't have known about Travis as well, until Russell filled me in. I would've been in the dark and might have given him more of an opportunity to talk my wife back into his bed.

While I'm glad I read her diary, I still felt like shit for breaching her privacy every time I've done it. From now on, I'm going to just trust her with all this, to avoid reading her diary any further. After all, how can I ever really trust her if I'm going to keep going behind her back?

The next two weeks saw an ongoing improvement in our relationship, especially in the bedroom. I've never seen Tricia so excited to go somewhere as we left for the airport after dropping the kids and dog off at their grandparents.

The holiday in Mexico was great, the food, the drinks, the beaches, the sex. It was like we were having a second honeymoon. We both felt a little depressed when we arrived back in Lafayette, but the kids picked up our spirits soon enough.

It was a Thursday night, about three weeks after returning from Mexico that I thought I noticed Tricia seeming a little preoccupied once more, a little distracted. I thought it best to tackle it head on, so I spoke to her about it.

"What's bugging you tonight? You seem a little stressed about something." I asked her as we sat in the living room watching TV. Tricia hadn't even been looking at the screen for the last five minutes.

"Oh, nothing. Really. I'm just a little zoned out I guess." She responded.

"Tricia, what is it? I thought we promised to talk to each other if anything's up?"

"It's nothing, really. Just some stuff from the bookstore I've been thinking about." Tricia assured me.

I sat there quietly, looking over at her. It couldn't have anything to do with Travis, could it? She swore she'd never see him again.

"Have you seen Travis since last time? Have you been talking with him?" I asked which got Tricia to quickly turn her head to face me.

"No, I told him I wasn't going to have coffee with him again, for him to stay away from me. I haven't seen him since that day." Tricia quickly replied.

"Alright, just that you have such a bad poker face, when something's bothering you, you don't do a good job of hiding it." I responded.

"I'll be fine, I just don't feel like watching TV much at the moment. I think I'll go to bed and read for a bit." Tricia replied as she got up off the couch, kissed me on the cheek and then headed upstairs to our bedroom.

I didn't think any more about it, returning my attention back to the show I was watching. However, during the next two weeks I couldn't help but notice that Tricia had more of these instances where she again seemed distant, in deep thought about something other than what she was doing. It crossed my mind to again check in on her diary to see what was really bugging her, but I'd promised myself I wouldn't do that. We'd just have to work this through like any normal married couple.

On the next Saturday, we found ourselves down at the bookstore, helping Gary to do a stock take after watching Jennifer at her dance class. Mike and Jennifer did more to disrupt than they did to help, but what are kids for?

While we were there, Gary asked us both if Tricia had given any more thought to her attending a big book launch in Chicago with him for one of their author friends who was releasing a new book.

"Oh, no, I haven't spoken to Simon about the trip, I'm not sure if I should go. We'd have to stay overnight in a hotel. We just got back not long ago from Mexico, I'm not sure I'd want to spend more money going to Chicago." Tricia replied to Gary.

"What money? It's only a hotel room and some gas money. I'm driving there, you can keep me company on the trip." Gary responded.

"Are you going to drive to Chicago on Saturday afternoon, go to the book launch that night before driving home on Sunday morning? How much fun will that be?" Tricia asked him.

"Well, I'm planning on driving there on Friday, actually. We can book into the hotel at Friday lunchtime, spend Friday afternoon and all-day Saturday sightseeing around Chicago before we go back to the hotel to get ready for the big night out. Then on Sunday we can drive home once we wake up. I was thinking that we shut the bookstore on Friday, unless you want to be the party-pooper and stay here." Gary replied.

Tricia thought about it for a moment, before looking over at me with raised eyebrows, wanting my opinion.

"Hey, it's your bookstore, if you want to close it on Friday, that's not up to me." I responded to Tricia.

"No, about me being away the entire weekend. That'd be two nights away in a hotel, and we'd miss our Saturday night out together. Unless you want to come with me, of course." Tricia replied as if asking for my answer.

"Saturday night at a book launch? Sorry guys, but that's not exactly something I'd want to travel to Chicago for. You two should go, I know you'll both enjoy it. Two BFF's spending time together on a road trip, there'll be plenty for you both to do there as well. I'll take care of the kids while you're gone." I replied.

"Are you sure? Really?" Tricia asked again.

"Yeah, go and spend some time with Gary, enjoy yourselves." I answered.

"It's settled then. I'll pick you up at your house at about 10am, make sure you're ready." Gary replied to Tricia.

For the rest of the week, I was still noticing that Tricia was still acting a little distant at times. I was hoping that a good trip away to Chicago would help make her feel better for whatever was bothering her. Was she still worried about turning thirty soon? Or that she still hasn't finished any of her books. I wondered if going to the book launch was going to exasperate that feeling of not having accomplished any of her own goals yet.

The other alternative I tried not to think about, that she was still talking with Travis, and that he was starting to get his way with her. I almost relented during the week, to read her diary once again. I know something's been bothering her, but she just waves off any concern I've voiced. As some point, I had to stop asking her what's wrong.

On Friday, I said goodbye to Tricia when I was leaving for work, she was taking Mike to school and Jennifer to daycare before Gary would arrive. I got a text shortly after as Tricia and Gary had just left the house. Tricia would let me know when they arrived having already given me their hotel room information from their bookings.

Work went well for a Friday; I left a little early to pick the kids up before heading home. After having a beer, I started making our dinner. While I'm not anywhere near as good a cook as Tricia is, I do steak and vegetables well enough. It was about 6:30pm when Tricia called me.

"Hi Simon."

"Hey Tricia, how's the day been so far? See much of Chicago?"

"Yeah, we took a river cruise and then spent the rest of our afternoon wandering around Millennium Park. It was really nice." Tricia replied, sounding a little tired.

"What about tonight, got any plans?" I followed up.

"No, not really. We're just going to have dinner and a few drinks here at the hotel restaurant where we're staying at." Tricia responded.

"And your plans for tomorrow?" I asked her.

"Gary mentioned the Cultural Center and the Skydeck. I'm not sure, he's the one planning that stuff." Tricia responded again, not sounding all that upbeat about it.

"What, no Wrigley Field? I bet you're glad I didn't come along or that would've been out first stop." I responded trying to get a rise out of my wife.

"Is that baseball?" Tricia asked, not really sounding like she was hoping for an answer.

"Tricia, are you okay? You sound a little depressed about the whole trip. Have you been arguing with Gary?" I prodded her.

"No. I'm just tired, I guess. I'll call you tomorrow afternoon once we're done with our sight-seeing. Okay, I have to go get showered and dressed for dinner. I'll talk to you later." Tricia said as she ended the call.

I was about to ask her if she wanted to talk with the kids, and to tell her I love her, but never got the chance. That was very unusual for her, yet again she seemed more than a little preoccupied with something else. Or was it someone else?

I decided to call Gary, to see if he has noticed anything about Tricia's behavior today, or was she really just tired?

"Hi Simon, did you have trouble reaching your wife?" Gary said as he answered the call.

"No, I just spoke with her. Has she been alright today? Did you guys enjoy yourselves?" I asked Gary.

"I did, not so sure about Tricia though. She's been more than a little quiet the whole day, even in the car on the way here. I might have well been on my own. It's like she's been daydreaming all day, but not the happy type, more like a bit of depression. I tried my best to perk her up a bit, but nothing seemed to work. She was on autopilot all day." Gary responded.

"Yeah, that's what I got from our phone call too. She didn't even ask about the kids or want to speak with them, which is not like her at all." I responded.

"No doubt. Maybe she'll be in a better mood when I see her tomorrow." Gary added.

"What about dinner, aren't you guys going to try out the restaurant there tonight? I asked.

"I wanted to, but Tricia wasn't hungry, so I've ordered room service instead. Going to have dinner, watch a movie and get a good night's sleep for tomorrow." Gary replied.

"Alright, thanks Gary. Keep an eye on her for me, can you?" I asked.

"For sure. Oops, that's my door with the food, gotta go. Bye Simon." Gary responded as we ended the call.

What is going on with Tricia? Gary said she was quiet and acting like she's been depressed all day, then she ended our call without even asking about the kids. Now lying to me about getting ready for dinner with Gary when that's clearly not happening.

In the pit of my stomach, I feared I already knew the answer. I made my way upstairs and unlocked her top drawer, taking out her diary. I knew I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but something's going on with her, and I needed to know.

I found the last entry I'd read, the one that caused me to go downtown and teach Travis a lesson. I moved onto her next entry dated a few days after the incident.

'I can't believe Simon saw me with Travis after we had coffee, and that Travis told my husband he was going to fuck me. I felt so guilty that I was there with him, that he had told Simon what he planned to do to me. Simon told me after that I couldn't see him anymore and I agreed. I shouldn't have seen him from the beginning. But I still can't stop thinking about his cockiness, that he'd just finished telling me he was going to be fucking me again soon, then he repeated that by telling my own husband to his face. I can't believe that it turns me on whenever I think about it. What the hell is wrong with me?'

It turned her on to hear what he said to me? I wonder if it would've turned her on as much if I told her what I did to him, that I knocked his bitch ass to the ground. The next entry was dated just before our trip to Mexico.

'Mexico! I can't wait. Things have definitely improved between me and Simon, and now I can't wait to go to Mexico with him and spend the entire week fucking him like crazy. I'll miss the kids, but we need this holiday so much right now. Maybe I'll be able to finally put Travis well and truly behind me once and for all.

Travis texted me after the run-in with Simon, wanting to have coffee again and asked about when we would have our night out. I texted him back to leave me alone, that he'd caused enough trouble already. He's texted me since, but I haven't responded. Sooner or later, he'll get the picture and just stop pursuing me.'

Well, at least she's stopped communicating with him. I bet it doesn't last though. Her next entry was just after returning from Mexico.

'Oh my God, we had such a good time in Mexico. It reminded me just how much I love Simon, and we enjoyed ourselves immensely. I was a little sad when we returned home, but the holiday has put me in a great place with my life, with my family and the bookstore.

The best part was that I didn't think about Travis at all while we were away, even though he's continued to text me almost daily. I'm not sure how long he'll persist, I'm hoping he'll stop soon.'

I know she enjoyed Mexico, and it was good to read her say that, but I'm getting annoyed that in almost every entry she writes about Travis still. For someone who's meant to be forgetting all about him, she's not doing a very good job. I remembered that Tricia seemed to fall into one of her moods a few weeks after we got back from Mexico. I quickly moved onto the next entry.

'I saw Travis today; I know I told Simon I wouldn't, but it wasn't my fault. I went out for lunch to a café near the bookstore and he came in and sat down at my table. He had to be waiting for me, there's no way that our meeting was by chance.

He then asked me about my holiday with Simon, then had the cheek to ask me if I'd thought about him while my husband was doing his best to satisfy me. He said that if I'm being honest with myself, that I knew Simon could never fuck me like he could. That I would've enjoyed my trip so much more if it were him fucking me the entire time instead.

I told him to stop, to not presume anything about my relationship with my husband, but he just laughed when I told him that. He then said he knew no-one has ever fucked me like he used to, and that deep down I want it again. I was so angry with him and stormed out of the café, telling him to leave me alone.

His comments bugged me for the rest of the day, Simon even noticed and asked me about it, even asking about Travis. I hate lying to him, I never wanted to do that. But I know he'd go crazy if I'd told him the truth. Simon can't know about any of this, I'm so worried about what he'd do and that it'd be all my fault. I just want Travis to leave me alone.'

That fucking asshole. He's even following my wife when she leaves the bookstore now because she wouldn't respond to his texts. I can't believe he'd ask Tricia about our sex life as well, assuring her that he can fuck her better than me. Fuck, he's so full of himself. Her next entry was dated on Sunday last week, after we did the stock take in the bookstore.

'Travis has continued texting me, I should just block his number. It frustrates me that I can't bring myself to do that, why can't I do it? I know how dangerous this could be, that I'm risking everything if I even talk with him. I just wish he didn't know how to get to me, how to completely turn my day upside down at will.

What he said to me at the café, he was right, and I hate myself for admitting that. I love Simon, but I can't stop wanting Travis. He's been fucking with my head, and I've been allowing him to do it. As much as I want this to end, whenever I think about sex now, it's Travis that start creeping into my thoughts.

Travis texted me that he wants to take me out on Friday night, that I should make up an excuse to my husband. I finally replied back that he should just forget it, that I'd never go on a date with him. We texted an exchange and I told him that I was going to Chicago this weekend so couldn't meet with him even if I wanted to. I shouldn't have texted him back, I just want him to leave me be.'

Why the fuck would she text him back after promising she'd not communicate with him? And why the fuck would she tell him about her trip to Chicago? Also, that he was right about what he said in the café? That's when he told her if she was being honest with herself, she'd admit she enjoyed sex more with him than she does now with me. Is she for real? She had one more entry dated yesterday.

"He won't stop texting me all week and I can't believe I told him about my trip to Chicago. Why would I do that? He said it's because I want him to be there with me, that it'll provide the perfect excuse for us to spend the night together without my husband knowing. Is he right?

No, I don't want this, but when I think about him, it always turns me on. Then I feel guilty and start to hate myself for having these thoughts and feelings. Once I'm able to think straight and put him out of my mind, something happens, and I find myself thinking about him all over again. I can't keep doing this, one way or another this needs to end.

He wanted my hotel details, I hate myself right now, but I gave them to him. He told me he would see me on Friday night, that we would have dinner and then a few drinks before he would take me up to my room and fuck me all night long. What am I doing?

Am I really prepared to throw away my marriage, my life with the man I love just so I can fuck Travis again? Everything inside me is screaming no, don't do it. He's not worth it, that I love my husband and my family too much to risk this. But then my sexual urges resurface, and I do what I know is wrong anyway, like someone is pushing me forward from behind. God help me.'

I looked up at the clock, it was almost 7pm. If I drop the kids off at their grandparents right now, I could be at her hotel by about 9:30pm. Part of me wanted to not go, to say to fuck with her for what she's about to do. But that's not who I am. I'm not going to let someone like Travis fucking Jones take my wife from me without a fight. Whether we're still together after tonight is a question that will have to be answered tomorrow.

I grabbed her diary and got Mike and Jenn into the car, heading for their grandparents' house nearby. They were a little surprised, also by the fact I didn't have time to explain anything as I took off down the road to get onto the interstate.