The Boyfriend Pt. 21

XXI: Jamie

Blake

Blake shimmied from side-to-side a bit as she pushed her cart down pasta aisle toward the back of the Trader Joes where they kept all their boxes of tea, Hollywood Undead blasting in her earphones.

She had a list today, rather than just letting the spirit of Joe guide her from aisle to aisle, though that was never completely avoidable. Blake hadn't been able to resist picking up two new seasonal drinks, some hot cocoa, and three snacks including a giant chocolate bar with pretzels and salted caramel in it that would definitely strain her discipline over break.

I'm just glad I don't break out as much anymore from chocolate.

She would if she ate half the bar in a day, but Blake knew she could resist that, thankfully.

Depending on how good it is, at least.

Taking a deep breath as she came to a stop in front of the tea wall, Blake cocked her hips and bit her bottom lip as she inspected the teas.

The main one she'd come for was the English Breakfast tea, since she and her grandparents both enjoyed that, but the Early Grey was always good, and the Irish Breakfast looked interesting.

I need a non-caffeinated one, though. Otherwise, my sleep schedule will be even more fucked than the jet lag made it.

They had chamomile at home, but that was night-time tea, not something she liked to just drink during the middle of the day when she wanted something warm and tasty and had already had too much hot cocoa.

After a few minutes of scanning the wall, Blake took the English Breakfast, Earl Grey, and a Blood Orange Rooibos that wasn't caffeinated. She almost got more, but reminded herself that she was only going to be here a few more weeks and didn't need to fill up her grandparents' pantry or pack tea in her suitcase when she went back to Boston.

"Blake?"

Every muscle in Blake's body tensed at the sound of her name, dropping the box of rooibos tea into her cart.

For a moment, she hesitated, wondering if she could just ignore the person--she did have earbuds in, after all.

"Hey, Blake, that is you."

Blake swallowed.

No.

Blake recognized the voice even through her loud screaming music this time. Her stomach tensed, and a lump formed in her throat.

He's going to come over, so just get it over with.

Blake glanced toward the voice--she didn't know whether it was some sort of morbid curiosity or just an old reaction--and her mind became a whirlwind.

Jamie looked just as handsome as he had the last time Blake had seen him.

The Caesar cut was always a bit much, but it worked for him, especially with his dark hair. He was still lean but had filled out a bit more. He'd pierced his, wearing studs at each lobe, and he still had the annoyingly attractive jawline she'd loved to kiss over and over again.

He was wearing black still, but it just looked like a causal choice instead of an intentional one like before.

Jamie's voice, and finally seeing him again after so long, brought up a whirlwind of revulsion and desire in Blake that filled her with self-loathing, and she wanted to shrink down and hide behind the cart.

When his green eyes met hers, he grinned that stupid, charming, confident grin, and started heading over, a basket cart hanging from the crook of his elbow.

Blake took a deep breath and looked away. She almost took out her earbuds, preparing to be polite an do the stupid social thing.

No. I can't.

Blake left her cart and took down the nearest aisle at a fast walk, ignoring Jamie's call after her, barely keeping herself from sprinting out of the store. Her heart was pounding so hard she thought everyone in the building should be able to hear it.

Once she was out of the store, Blake had an excuse to run through the rain to her car. She didn't bother stopping to unfold her umbrella, and thankfully the parking lot was so full that she'd had to park a ways away.

Once she got to the car, Blake locked the door and pulled her knees to her chest on the driver's seat. She put her hood over her head, not caring how damp her beanie was, and tried to use the space between the front and back windows to block her profile from view.

After a few deep breaths, Blake forced her eyes open.

She could see the entrance to the store from her car, and fixed her gaze on it, watching to see if Jamie came after her. She hoped the rain—and knowing that he couldn't just run out of the store with his groceries—would stop him, but she wasn't sure.

What the fuck is he doing here?

Blake's grandparents lived close to her mom's, but they were still technically in another town.

While Blake hadn't needed to go outside of both towns in a while, she always made sure to go to somewhere as far as possible from her mom's and the town she'd gone to school in. The town her dad had been arrested in.

So far, she'd been good, but now...

Blake took a deep, shuddering breath, and realized her eyes were hot. She wiped at them one at a time, making sure to keep one eye on the store.

Driving in the state she was in would be a bad idea. Normally, she wouldn't even consider it, but she couldn't face Jamie. She couldn't risk that.

Gritting her teeth, Blake just wanted to squeeze her eyes shut and scream at what had happened?

How can I still be attracted to him after how terrible he was?

Blake knew exactly how. And she hated it. Physical attraction, the sort of connection that she'd had with Jamie, that wasn't the thing that cared about morals.

It's not like he even did anything wrong as far as anyone else would be concerned.

Blake was used to being able to deal with stranger--those who knew what she did, and those who just saw a woman they wanted to harass--but someone she'd been dating? That would just make people talk.

What would I even say? My dad got thrown in jail and Jamie was the only one who didn't shun me for it, and he used that and made sure he was the only person in the world I had a connection with and used that to make sure I would do whatever he wanted without question because I thought he loved me?

Blake breathed out a ragged breath.

She didn't even know if Jamie had known what he was doing at first, or if it had just all worked out for him.

He didn't even do anything wrong, legally. He was just a massive fucking asshole.

Blake recognized the signs of her mind starting to spiral, and took a deep breath, counting to four, holding for four, and then letting it out over four. She paused for four seconds, then did it again.

Blake breathed like that over and over again, eyes fixed on the entrance to the store. She didn't know how much time had passed before Jamie came out with his groceries, under his umbrella.

When he looked around, head swiveling as he walked, Blake tensed, and wanted to shrink down, but knew her hood would keep her features hidden. Especially on a grey, rainy day like this.

He won't recognize my grandparents car. He only ever went there a few times, and whenever I met him, I was either on my bike or in his or my mom's car.

That was just another reason not to drive it.

Blake tracked her ex as he walked toward his car--the same matte black Jeep Wrangler he'd had in high school-- hurriedly loaded in the groceries, then put the cart back and ran back to his car before driving off.

Blake wrapped her arms around herself as she watched him drive away and out of the shopping center. It wasn't super cold, since it was raining, not snowing, but Blake hadn't turned the car on. She hadn't wanted to attract attention.

Even after she saw Jamie's car go out toward the street, Blake stayed where she was.

Her breathing had helped slow her spiral and her heart rate, but it hadn't entirely taken away the self-loathing.

Blake wanted to call Liam, but she didn't like how that had seemed to become a reflex for her. She loved him, so it made sense that she'd want to call him for...well, pretty much anything, but she didn't like that it seemed dependent.

I need to be able to take care of things like this myself.

She should at least have the instinct to call Chloe, but...

Chloe knows what happened. She'll want to talk through it.

Blake didn't want to bring any of that up right now. She just wanted to hear Liam's voice.

But he'll know something's up. He'll want to ask questions and know why I sound that way.

Taking another deep breath, Blake decided she would go back into the store, find her cart, finish her shopping, then call Liam before driving home--that way she couldn't be on the phone with him long enough to get anything, and she should be calm by then.

I can do this. Jamie's just a stupid, idiot asshole, and he doesn't have any sort of hold on me. Not anymore.

She had friends now. She had a wonderful boyfriend who was probably the best person she knew, and he liked showing her off to his friends rather than keeping her all to himself.

They're still his friends, though.

Taking another deep breath, Blake opened the car door and walked out into the rain.

I can work on changing that once I get back.

A/N: Another piece of Blake's past comes to life. What do you think of this?