The C&s Club Pt. 01

"You like?"

"Yes sir, I like."

"Just relax, I'm going to go a little deeper. Just relax and accept it."

I've dreamt of a cock in me, but now I'm glad it's just a finger. My fantasies were safe — my sister's tiny vibrator was safe — but this is so very real — a man is playing my body like a musical instrument and it's all so new ... and yet familiar at the same time. I sort of just surrender into it — what else can I do? I want him and I want to please him — I know this is one of those moments in life when things change and I want this change to be beautiful for both of us. "I want you Aaron ... I want to please you."

I whisper close to Shannon's ear, "I know baby, just let go and trust me and we'll get it all figured out — now just breathe, relax and let me wash you."

I do let go. I let go of my sick mother. I let go of my twin sister. I let go of my own fear of being queer and let the relief wash my soul while the soap and Aaron's hands wash my body.

When he gets to my sex again, I feel the same thrill of opening myself for him — this time he penetrates me with his soapy slick finger. My cock twitches as he seems to massage me on the inside and the more he massages the better it feels to have him inside of me. I feel his body press against mine and his hard cock slides up against the flesh of my back. It makes me feel proud that he is aroused by me and I push my ass out again in a reflex that signals my desire for him. When his other hand snakes around my body and begins to soap my cock and balls, I just know that he can feel the shiver of pleasure that runs through my whole body...

Aaron takes me on a journey I had glimpsed in my fantasies, but those fantasies had so many details missing. They were but empty shells of the reality of having a man desire me, fondle and caress my body, bathe me and kiss me. Oh, the fantasies were good at the time, but now I know there is so much more and I have to seek it out. I have to accept it into my life. I can't live a life of lies and fantasies any longer.

My thoughts begin to drift away like smoke when I sense Aaron's body leave mine. I open my eyes to look and he's on his knees now.

"Give me a foot baby and soon we'll both be clean enough for a queen's bed in merry old England."

I balance on one foot with both hands on the wall as he washes first one and then the other foot. For good measure he washes my legs, with special care given to my inner thighs and privates one more time.

"Okay, I think we're ready to get into bed. I'll hop out and you make sure I rinsed you good."

I do as Aaron asks and make sure I'm fully rinsed, and finally turn off the water. When I step out, he's there with a towel for me. He dries my back and leaves the rest for me to finish. Being openly and fully naked outside of the shower feels a little strange to me — the intimate connection has been replaced by utilitarian necessities. I feel a loss of the space my head had been in. But he is here, and after brushing our teeth he offers me a hand. I take it feeling ... a feeling I can only describe to myself as submissive. My mind tastes the nuances of this new feeling, this feeling of a willing surrender as he leads me to his bed.

***

I awaken before the dawn, before the alarm clock and before Aaron. My first realization is a sense of peace the likes of which I have never known. I fully expected to be spread open and bred last night, and was nervous at the thought. But my desire to please him overruled the fears, and in my mind I had willed my acceptance of that full surrender. In place of my fears, Aaron gave me tender comfort, soft caresses and gentle words. We touched each other, we kissed, he sucked me until I almost came, then I held his manhood and he gently guided me to suck him. His girth stretched my lips, his length too much for me to take — in all of this he was patient and gentle. When he released in my mouth I orgasmed without a touch, spreading my cum over both of us and his bed! Shame and embarrassment had washed over me, but Aaron was happy and told me it was the highest honor anyone had ever given him. He told me he hoped we will have many more such experiences.

I settle back into my pillow with my memories of last night and watch him sleep. My thoughts drift to what a shift my life has taken in such a short space of time. I miss my Mom and Clair, but I've discovered something here in this new place. It seems good, it seems like what I was wondering about for so long is finally getting some answers. And I'm finally having sex — great sex with a beautiful man and that's the best part of all of this.

Since I'm awake I peek at the clock — not enough time to go back to sleep. I very gently and quietly slip out of bed and tiptoe out of Aaron's bedroom, softly closing the door behind me. Might as well go cook up some breakfast.

When Aaron walks into the kitchen, I'm just about finished. "I hope I didn't wake you with cooking smells." He's as naked as I am and we both stand silent for a moment appreciating each other.

"No, the alarm just went off and you were gone. I wanted a hug so I came looking."

He walks the few steps to where I stand, gives me a hug and a peck on my forehead. I want to drop to my knees and suck his morning woody, but decide against it. "I was awake, figured you might like a good breakfast."

"You figured right. But I gotta pee first."

I watch — his butt mostly — as he heads off to take care of that. I wrap up with the cooking and plate our breakfast. I'm just pouring the coffee when Aaron walks back in.

"You're gonna spoil me if you do this too often. Is that your plan?"

"I'm not much of a planner — I was just thinking of something besides cereal and milk. But if you want, I can spoil you."

"Hmm, I might come to want that too much. But it may be worth risking. By the way, I like your chef's outfit. You're going for the minimalist look, right?"

"I'm glad you like it. It is very modern and freeing, I think."

"Turn around and let me see the back — Hmm, very modern — very nice indeed."

I look over my shoulder to smile and find Aaron walking toward me. I set the pan I'm holding on the counter and turn just in time for Aaron's arms to embrace me in a strong press against his warm body. Oh, I could get used to this — so easily, I could get used to this. We kiss to start our day. He likes to kiss, it still feels really strange to me to kiss a man — but it feels too good to resist. I want to just go back and get into bed with him, but know that's impossible. But one more hug, there's time for that. We stand holding one another. For the first time, I wonder if he might need me as much as I need him. I had put him on a lofty cloud in my mind — out of reach — too far beyond my worth. But his kisses, his hugs and his words are breaking down my insecurities. For the first time in such a long time, there's hope in my heart for something bigger. I don't quite know what that bigger is or what it means, but it feels lighter and brighter and really good.

***

Finding Our Routines — On and off the job

As the days go forward, the four of us that make up the electrical crew fall into our routines. For Aaron and me, the evenings may follow the framework of a routine, but it is new ground that is being covered for us both — more so for me, but I think it may be for him too. The things he says make me think that perhaps what we have is a little more domestic than he's used to. He's never said, just a feeling. I take care of the household chores while Aaron does the office work that only he can do. After supper and a shared shower, we lay together in Aaron's bed that has become our bed — we talk, we explore each other's body and we sleep together.

"So you never really knew your father?" Aaron asks, as he picks up on something we were talking about last night.

"No. Mom told me and my sister that he just said he hadn't signed on for kids, much less twins ... and just split. He took the car and left her alone with two babies. She did the best she could, worked every day and earned enough for us to have what we needed. But it was sort of an ever shifting situation with work and different men she tried to get close to. Me and my sister Clair probably spent more time alone than Child Services would have approved of. But we got by."

"What about your sister, Clair — what does she want in life?"

"She's like me, just wants a more normal life than the one we've had. She's actually pretty feisty. In a way, like I'm a bit on the smaller more feminine side for a guy, she's always been a tom-boy. I don't know if all brothers and sisters talk like we did ... and still do, but she's bisexual too. We always wondered if it was from being in the womb together — but we looked it up and couldn't find any connection to that. But she's actually braver and more open about being bi than me — but I think it's more accepted and easier for females to get away with that."

"Is Clair going to college too?"

"She was. But now she's working part time and taking care of Mom. I know she wants to finish though. I tell her that it might take us longer, but I'll make sure we both get to finish college. This cancer my Mom has is incurable, when it's over we'll just have to pull it together and do the best we can. The stupid cost of college though — we're going to be so deep in debt..."

"Shush, I didn't mean to bring up all the bad stuff — come here and let me hold you."

I do as he asks and scoot over to snuggle against his warmth. It feels wonderful and I feel my tension slipping away as Aaron rubs some of the knots out of my shoulders and back. I feel a pang of guilt that I am here and Clair is back home caring for Mom. But it's the plan we came up with; I'll make some money and she takes care of Mom. But I still feel I'm getting the easy part — especially now that I have found Aaron. As my memories play, I remember the better days when we were too young to know that our life was going off the rails. "Clair and I did everything together and our world was quite small. For all the years before we were school age we shared toys, a bedroom and even most of our clothes. Looking back, I think Mom raised two girls more than a brother and sister. I'm pretty sure I didn't have many clothes that were specifically for boys until I got into elementary school, but I guess the money was even tighter than I can imagine. I've often wondered if maybe that's why I'm bisexual."

"Ah, the old nature or nurture question. Honestly, I'm not sure that question has one simple answer. Your mother sounds like a good person who did her best. But if it was partly her doing that steered you to being bisexual, can you say you regret that?"

Aaron's question is one I've never asked myself; Do I regret being bisexual? I close my eyes and try to imagine not being bisexual — it's hard to even separate my reality with such a 'what if'. I try to strip away my ability to feel my affection and sexual desire for him — but cannot. I see only a dark void if he were gone. "No, you're right. If her nurture played any part of who I am now, then I'm grateful for every piece of girly clothes and toys she bought me and Clair." I turn my body to be able to look at Aaron's face, then lean over and kiss him on the cheek, "Thank you for making it more clear. I've actually kind of struggled with that whole question for quite awhile — I'm going to put it away now and never wonder about it again."

My God, now it's my turn to be afraid of my own feelings. I roll onto my side and face this intricate and delicate person who walked into my life by chance, we lay face to face on my pillow looking at one another. It's one of those moments when so much is said without a word being spoken. As if on cue, we both agree and close the space to kiss. At first it's soft kisses, tender and tentative as we each taste the other's lips — but soon our passion builds and I am on top of Shannon looking down at him. His legs spread for me as I roll onto him — I feel his arousal poking my lower abdomen. I feel my arousal twitching just below his sex. "Have you ever taken a cock in your butt?"

"No, not a real one. I've used my fingers and my sister had a small vibrator I used — but it was more the size of a finger."

"I really want to give you the gift of making love right this moment. But I want it to be perfect. We don't have the time to do this right. We don't have anyway to douche you and get you clean inside. I didn't plan on this, so I don't have any lube to make it go easier. We've been up here for almost a month, and I've had in mind that the whole crew needs to go home for a few days. Can you wait a little longer?"

Aaron's words pierce through my brain — he desires me. He wants to make love to me. "I want it too — I want you to be the one. Oh, I want it so bad ... but yes, I hear what you're saying and I want it to be perfect and beautiful too. I'll just follow your lead Aaron. If you want to fuck me right now, I'll give myself to you. If you want it to be more perfect, then I'll wait and give my body to you soon. But please let me suck you — I want you to feed me your seed tonight to hold me over until I can give my pussy to you."

"Is that the way you see yourself Babe? As my sweet pussy boi?"

"It's growing, those feelings and thoughts are growing. I don't know what to call them — but I feel like you're the man and I'm something different. I mean, I know I'm a guy — but inside it's not always so clear cut. Does that make any sense?"

"It does to me. To me it just means your sexuality, and probably even your gender identity, is more fluid and shifting than the average guy. That's a beautiful thing, it's a treasure for you and for me to hold dear. Tell me the truth, did you ever wear your sisters clothes when you were older?"

I feel my face getting hot, but I don't want to lie to him, "Yes. I've dressed up many times after I was in college and had the house to myself. Clair caught me once and she was cool with it. She said that she can wear guy clothes and nobody thinks a thing about it, so after that it wasn't a big deal to her. Then I started doing it more and sometimes she'd help by painting my nails and doing a little make-up. I guess that makes me a cross-dresser?"

"Oh, let's not try to label you — okay? I think of you as a man with a softer, more feminine part inside as a bonus. If you think about it, that just makes you a more complete human being. From what you've said, I think that part of you probably needs to be able to come out on occasion. And just to ease your doubts, that subtle hint of the feminine is one of the things that drew me to you in the first place. So don't go trying to change yourself, okay?"

My mind is reeling. Never in my life have I felt so exposed and revealed — and yet, there is also a calming acceptance that washes over me. Aaron likes my weirdness — it's all I need. I look into his eyes and they are smiling. My eyes close as he leans closer — his lips touch mine and I relax to let his tongue inside. For now, Aaron fucks my mouth with his tongue — it's perfect for now, but my mind races and my body tingles knowing that soon it will be his cock inside my body. All my fantasies and secret wishes seem destined to be fulfilled sometime in the near future.

Continued in Part 02

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