The Cassidy Chronicles

"How many children do you want to have?"

"None. Why would you assume I'd want kids?"

Ryan took a deep breath. He was back to the same situation as when they first began dating. Here he was acting like the female in the relationship and she was like the male. It frustrated him because he couldn't help his feelings. He loved her. He wanted to get married and have children. It wasn't so much that he assumed she wanted children, but to flat out say none was startling.

"Um. You don't want any kids? You sure?"

Cassidy glared at Ryan. She was still waking up a bit but this was not the conversation he wanted to have so early in the morning. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was eight. It was the weekend so at least she knew that Ryan would not have to rush off to work or anything. They had never had any serious relationship discussions but then again they had only been dating three weeks.

"Do you really want to have this conversation at seven on a Saturday morning?"

"Yep."

"I can't have children."

"Oh." Ryan looked down at the sheets. This was not a good situation to be in. He had casually asked about their future and now no matter what, he was going to cause her to feel bad about herself. "You can tell me the details if you want."

Cassidy took a deep breath and began. "I can't have children. I found that out when I was seventeen. I have something called insulin resistance and polycystic ovarian syndrome. It's a long name but basically I don't ovulate." Cassidy looked up and saw a look of confusion in Ryan's face. She then explained in detail. "If a woman doesn't ovulate she can't get pregnant. I don't ovulate so I can't get pregnant."

"I know. Continue."

"That's all really. I can't get pregnant."

Ryan brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "So spending last night wandering around baby stores probably was upsetting to you. Is that why you were in a rough mood last night?" Cassidy nodded. "I hide my feelings well but yeah, by the time we got home I needed to get my frustrations out. I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry. I loved it. Although you're lucky it's wintertime and I can wear long sleeves to hide the bite marks you gave me."

"I want children." Cassidy whispered those words, looked at Ryan and then burst into tears. Ryan wasn't expecting this but wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. He had never seen her cry and felt like crap now for causing her to cry.

"I hate it. I hate that my friends are married and having kids. I hate that I have nothing but you. My dad is dead. My mother is so neurotic and crazy I can barely last an evening with her. You saw that the time we went over. It was a horrible day when I was told I wasn't fertile. I mean you'd think that a teenager would be excited about that." Cassidy looked up at Ryan, hiccupping now as she tried to calm down her crying. "You know the specialist said that. He said that I wouldn't have to worry about contraception and that most teenagers would love to hear that they could have unprotected sex."

"That's irresponsible and stupid of him to say that. He is very unprofessional." "Anyway. So yeah. To answer your question I would love kids but that will never happen." "I don't care about that. I was just asking and if I had known, I totally would not have asked. I love you so much and thought it was time we'd start talking about kids and marriage. I'm moving too fast. I know. Just slap me."

Cassidy smiled. She wiped away the last of the tears and snuggled close. "O.K."

"Can I ask one more question?"

"Sure".

"I'm assuming we've been having unprotected sex since our first time right?" "Yep."

"O.K. that's fine. You never mentioned a condom the first time and since then I just assumed you were on the pill."

"No pill. Makes me cranky."

"We wouldn't want that would we?" Ryan moved away before Cassidy could smack him. "So I think we need to go out for breakfast. Do you remember the place we went on our first date? I think we should go there."

Cassidy nodded and the couple moved quickly through the apartment to get ready. Cassidy already had a few items at Ryan's and she was impressed that the same deodorant and toothbrush she had at her house magically appeared at Ryan's. She figured that being a police officer meant he had to pay attention to details. She wasn't that good. She had bought a random type of deodorant and a random toothbrush for when he stayed over at her house. Cassidy was dressed first and stood at the door waiting for Ryan. Ryan was scrambling to find something and was swearing under his breath.

"Do you need help?"

"No. I lost something that was in my pocket last night. It must have fallen out when I got the key for the handcuffs."

Cassidy giggled. She couldn't help it. Ryan was being so serious about losing something important and here she was having a mental image of how she had been tied up last night. "Stop thinking about last night. I'm serious. I need to find this." Ryan was on his hands and knees near the bed. That's where his pants had been so he figured it had fallen out and rolled under the bed. He gave up and stood up. He couldn't say anything to Cassidy so shrugged.

"Gave up?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

The drive to the diner was quiet. Ryan was a little on edge and Cassidy was noticing it. She just assumed that the discussion about her fertility and lack of ability to have children had upset him. He was right to be upset. He seemed the type that wanted to have many kids running around the house and she had burst his bubble. They ate in silence, each reading a different section of the Saturday newspaper. Ryan was the type to read cover to cover each article in order. Cassidy simply scanned through each page and read what interested her. They switched sections. Cassidy flipped right to the comics and ate her toast while reading. Ryan gasped.

"You will never believe it. Read!'" Ryan was pointing at an article on the fourth page of the City section. Cassidy scanned the headline and after seeing it was about Sonya and the arson investigation she grabbed it and read it thoroughly.

Fort Erie Socialite Giving Back to the Community

Sonya Billings has returned to what she does best. She will be hosting another Charity Ball to help raise money for the Police Department. It will be held at the Sheraton in St. Catharine's on Friday December 12. Tickets are one hundred dollars each and you will get a tax receipt. When asked why she was so willing to go back to organizing charity events, she stated that the police department had done an excellent job of finding the arsonist and that she couldn't deprive the citizens of Fort Erie with her fundraising capabilities. It has been reported that it was a family feud that caused the arson. The arsonist, the late Stewart Jones, is the deranged brother of Sonya Billings. Although she and her family members have refused to speak, it has been speculated that Stewart, an ex police officer with mental issues, reacted poorly to how he was being treated in his family and wanted revenge on his sister.

Cassidy reread the article for a second time. She put the paper down and looked at Ryan.

"They have it all wrong. It's like a gossip section, not a news story."

"It's Fort Erie hun. Don't expect much. Remember that everyone who lives here either is retired and has nothing better to do then gossip, or works in St. Catharine's and just lives here because the houses are cheaper."

"You're right."

"So are you and Molly going to work the coat room again? Can I sneak in and have my way with you on the fur coats?"

"I doubt she's going to ask me to help again. Actually, she never really asked me the first time. Molly's mom is friends with Sonya and Molly did not want to do it alone. She asked me and you should have seen the look on Sonya's face when she saw me there."

"Why does she hate you so much sweetie?" Ryan finished his omelet and listened.

"My mom, Molly's mom, and her all went to high school together. My mother was eccentric back then and Sonya was freaked out at the fact that my mom had psychic powers. She was seriously scared to death and is convinced that my mother is a witch. I guess you could call her that. I mean I guess you could call me that as well. Either way she lives in a dream thinking that the world revolves around her."

"So she hates you because you're a witch? That's all?"

Cassidy blushed and looked down at her plate. Did she really want to tell Ryan the whole truth? She looked up and saw the innocence and concern in Ryan's face. He wasn't pretending. He really wanted to know more about her.

"When I was two I was at the shopping mall with my mom and we ran into Sonya and George. I don't remember saying any of this but supposedly, I told Sonya that she was mean and evil and would die a horrible death. She assumed that I was telling the truth since my mom can predict the future. She has wanted nothing to do with us ever since. If George didn't have such a successful business in Fort Erie she would have moved to Toronto or Vancouver, or even New York City."

"Do you wish that you never had that power?" Ryan had finished eating and had reached over to hold Cassidy's left hand. He held it gently, rubbing her wrist and thumb.

"Yeah. Or I wish it were more consistent. I mean I can't tell anything about my own life nor can I use it to win money or anything. You have no idea how badly I wanted to predict the lottery numbers so I could live a rich life."

"Instead you're stuck with an ex-cop who runs his own business. We'll never be rich but we'll be happy."

Cassidy grinned. He was right.

***

Cassidy got home around seven in the morning. She dragged herself into the house and dumped her stuff in the front foyer. Ryan and Cassidy had gone back to his place and hung out all weekend. They watched movies in their pajamas and ordered in. It was a relaxing time and Cassidy had actually enjoyed watching the three 'Back to the Future' movies in order. They had made love numerous times and each time it made both of them feel much closer and much more in love.

Cassidy was tired though. They hadn't really slept for long periods and she was wondering how Ryan would do at work today. That was the only reason she was home at this time. He needed to get to work so she had decided to go home and do something around the house. She saw how dirty her house was and figured it had been almost three weeks since she had cleaned her house. She put away her winter clothing and then decided to get something to eat. Cassidy grabbed the leftover shrimp stir-fry that was in the fridge and zapped it in the microwave with some of the white rice. It wasn't the typical breakfast food but because she hadn't been getting a full night's sleep since Friday, it didn't really feel like a Monday morning. Sitting at her kitchen table, she looked out at her backyard. The ground was covered in at least a foot of snow already. She hated wintertime and would be thankful when March or April came.

Cassidy thought back to the conversation they had had on Saturday morning at the diner. She was happy with him and didn't care about the money. Of course, she would have loved to travel around on a yacht or something into summer came but she was not Sonya and that was a very good thing.

After doing her dishes, she cleaned up a bit and then dragged herself up the stairs. She was tired and decided that a nap would be good. Her cell phone was ringing as she got up the stairs but she ignored it. She hit the mute button and then after changing into her comfortable gray pajamas, crawled into bed.

Cassidy woke up with a start and ran to the bathroom. She barely had time to open the lid of the toilet before she puked. The house echoed with the sounds of her gags and just as she thought it was over, she threw up again. Her eyes were watery and her nose was running. She stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. That was when she noticed that her throat was sore and it hurt to swallow.

"Fuck!" Cassidy swore aloud. She knew she had strep throat. It was something she had a lot when she was in high school and university. She normally could feel herself getting sick but this had come on suddenly. Whenever she was tired and stressed out she would be at risk of getting strep throat. If she slept a lot and took care of herself, she could sometimes prevent herself from getting strep throat. Getting three to four hours of sleep at a time definitely didn't help. She grabbed some medication from the cabinet next to the mirror and then dragged herself back to bed.

Cassidy tossed and turned for less then an hour then bolted out of bed to throw up again. Her sides were hurting but she couldn't stop herself. There was nothing left in her stomach so by the fourth time she ran to the toilet she was dry heaving. She wondered if she had thrown up the painkillers but was so tired and sore she couldn't think straight.

Cassidy slept on and off until she heard her doorbell ring. She had no idea who was at the door but she decided that leaving her bedroom was a good thing. She didn't know what time it was but it was dark. It got dark around five, which didn't help her ability to orient herself. She opened the door and was face to face with Ryan.

"Are you O.K.?" Ryan looked truly concerned. He stepped into the house and shut the door. Cassidy was not looking very good at all. Her hair was matted and her nose was red along with the fact that she had dripped something on the front of her shirt.

"I'm sick." Cassidy was about to say something but then turned and ran into the first floor bathroom. She was throwing up again but at least this time the water she had drunk a while ago was still in her stomach. She didn't care if Ryan could see her and she didn't care if he ran away disgusted at her. Her sides hurt so she started crying as she continued to throw up. Ryan was right next to her, rubbing her back and holding her as she continued to vomit. "You need me to take care of you." Ryan pulled Cassidy into his arms and guided her up the stairs to her bedroom. Cassidy said nothing. She was too sick to think and it wasn't until she touched Ryan's cool skin that she realized that she was hot. She probably had a temperature as well.

Ryan led Cassidy into her bedroom and had her sit on the bed. He turned on the shower and helped Cassidy undress.

"Have a hot shower. It will help your congestion and will make your aches and pains go away. When you get out brush your teeth." Cassidy only nodded, doing whatever Ryan asked of her.

While Cassidy was standing under the hot water, he changed the sheets and found clean pajamas. Once he was done, he helped Cassidy dry off and then found some medication while she brushed her teeth.

"What are your symptoms?

"Everything."

"Could you be a bit more specific?" Ryan brushed Cassidy's hair away from her face. "I have a sore throat and a headache. I think I have a fever. I've been throwing up all day, or night. I have no idea what time it is. I feel nauseous and my nose is running."

"O.K. Well how about I give you some meds for your nausea and some pain killers. Have you taken your temperature?"

"No."

"Do you have a thermometer?"

"Yeah. There." Cassidy pointed at the cabinet where Ryan had found the medication. He gave Cassidy the thermometer and then guided her into bed. She curled into a ball and closed her eyes. When the thermometer beeped, he took it out and saw that she had a low-grade fever.

"You have a fever. Go to sleep. I'm not going anywhere."

Cassidy fell back into a deep slumber. Ryan watched her sleep and then once he assumed she wasn't going to wake up he hung up the towel she had used for her shower. He turned off the lights and then decided to do some stuff on her computer. She had used his computer many times and he had done the same. He didn't feel awkward about it at all. It was more a level of understanding they had in regards to personal space. Whatever was his was hers and vice versa.

Ryan looked out the window and saw that it was snowing again. He wondered if shoveling her laneway was a good idea. She would appreciate it but if she woke up and he wasn't there, she might not be impressed. Just as he debated this idea in his head, he heard her throwing up again. He rushed to the bathroom and rubbed her back again.

Once she was done, she sat up. "I hate being sick. You have no idea how I hate it."

"I know. Do you want me to cuddle with you?"

Cassidy nodded. She brushed her teeth again and then crawled into bed. Ryan had removed his jeans, sweatshirt, and socks. He cuddled against Cassidy and soon Cassidy was back to sleeping. He loved the feel of her in his arms. He felt so safe and comfortable. His day at work had been busy but he was happy to finally close the investigations he was working on. He originally was going to take more cases in January but meeting and falling in love with Cassidy had changed his priorities. He had made a call to the Chief of Police but he hadn't gotten a call back. He was going to ask for a desk job. He wanted something that earned enough money to pay for the ring he had brought Cassidy and give them some stability. He didn't want to be at risk of being injured or killed. His private investigation job wasn't that dangerous but it could be. He never wanted to go back to being on the road as a police officer but with his experience and seniority, he would definitely get a desk job. There were always rookies that wanted the excitement of driving around in a car all day.

Even though it was only nine o'clock, Ryan fell asleep. It wasn't until he lay there next to Cassidy that he felt the tiredness move through his body. He had slept the same amount as Cassidy, which wasn't much. Instead of being able to sleep all day like Cassidy, he had worked.

The sun was rising and causing the sky to turn a beautiful pink and orange color. Ryan was lying on his side facing the bedroom windows that faced east. He opened his eyes and snuggled closer to Cassidy. He didn't know if she was awake or not but he didn't have a chance to wonder. She sprinted out of bed and threw up again. Ryan sat up. Watching from the bed. He watched her rinse out her mouth then wipe her face down with a cold cloth. She walked back to bed.

"I feel better. My ribs are sore. Can you break a rib from throwing up?'

"I don't know baby. Come here." Ryan reached out his hand and Cassidy crawled back into bed and cuddled close.

"Thank you. I have no idea what is wrong with me. Last night I thought I had strep throat but I don't normally throw up as much as that."

"Did you eat something bad?"

"I had the shrimp and rice that was in the fridge. It's only a day old."

Ryan made a face. He knew that the food had been in the fridge for almost a week. He had come over and made the stir-fry last Tuesday. It had obviously gone bad, giving her the twenty-four hour flu, otherwise known as food poisoning.

"Actually I made that last Tuesday."

"Oh." Cassidy looked up at Ryan and gave a little smile. "I guess with my cold I didn't smell how bad it was. I was a little tired."

"That's your fault. If you would stop waking up in the middle of the night wanting sex then we could have slept fine."

"Oh blame me. Fine." Cassidy giggled. She was obviously feeling better but as she began to laugh she held back, holding her sides.

"I'm sorry. I won't make you laugh again."

"I love you Ryan. You have no idea how thankful I am that you came over yesterday. I have no idea if I would have survived. I hate being sick."

"Do you really think that I was going to ignore you? I tried calling you a few times and when you didn't answer your phone, I got worried. When I came over I was thankful I saw lights on and even more thankful when you answered the door."