The Choices We Make

Is It True?

The one who lies to you the most is yourself. This is a philosophical statement, but I'm betting it is true. Do I look fat in this dress? If I put makeup on this spot nobody will notice the wrinkles there. I can cover-up this age spot. I'm just as beautiful as I have always been.

To put in to the male vernacular: She doesn't notice I'm not as strong as I used to be. If I drive a flashy car I'll be more attractive to younger women. Hair loss makes me look more distinguished.

The simple truth is as we age those things which were very attractive to the opposite sex changes along with us. I am now 54 years old and my husband is the same. He now has a receding hair line and is going gray. I can no longer run a 10k race without my knees killing me for the next 3 weeks. He is no longer able to bench press 250lbs for 3 sets and I have gained a depressing 10lbs and can no longer fit into my wedding dress.

So, is it true that my husband and I are just as attracted to each-other as we once were?

Put another way, do I want my husband just as much as I did on the day I married him? The safe answer is: Yes! But is that also the truthful answer? And if you were to ask my husband would he also play it safe or would he be more inclined to tell the truth?

My husband and I have chosen for ourselves a lifestyle that many would not agree with. We have lived this way for well over a decade and honestly we really don't give one rip if you approve or not. It is our life, not yours. So criticize if you must, just know that as you do we don't care. I say this with a GIANT smile because even if you do agree with it we still don't care.

So what does a loving wife and husband care about if it isn't what others think about them? We care about each-other. We have not been blessed with children and so we don't have that particular concern in our lives. My husband lost his mother some years ago and I have since lost both my father and mother. Neither of us have siblings to concern ourselves with so we have engulfed ourselves in each-other. I am not ashamed nor embarrassed by this.

Many would say that since we have chosen for ourselves a lifestyle that is outside of the norm that it is impossible for me to love my husband or for him to love me. Put simply, this is sophomoric thinking. If that is what you get from my writings then you have chosen to ignore 80% of what I write about my husband. And as such I say fuck you!

There is no human being on the planet that I love more, think more about, want more, desire more, concern myself with more, am desperate for, am pleased more by and want to please more than my husband. Shame on you if you have ever thought that I think less of him. No! Wait! Fuck you if you have ever thought that I think less of him.

Mark is the most generous, loving, sincere and devoted human beings I have ever known nor would ever expect to know. Should a woman not desire to please her man? Even if at first she doesn't understand why he wants what he wants?

Thomas Sowell (perhaps the most important societal and economic philosopher of our time) once remarked that a true intellectual is ready, willing and able to announce to the world that he doesn't understand something and therefore is unwilling to make a definitive declaration on the matter.

I don't know much but I do know this; my husband. I know, without reservation, that my husband is completely devoted to me and loves me more than anything on this rock we call Earth. I, again without reservation, can easily say that I love my husband more than anything on this rock we call Earth. Don't accept that? Don't really care!

Thus, if we are to believe that Mr. Sowell is correct then we all must, if we want to consider ourselves at least middle-of-the-road intelligent, admit that we may not understand something. For example, I haven't a clue why some adults want to put on a diaper to be babied by their lover. Nor do I understand why someone would get off on receiving or giving pain in a sexual context. But I don't need to understand anything about those practices in order to understand that there are those who do.

Now the only question would be: Am I willing to give people the room they need in order to explore those aspects of the psyche? Well, who am I to not allow them this?

Ridicule my husband and I all you want, just know that your remarks go into the same trash bin as all the other garbage that comes our way. We are not impressed and we are not going to change a thing in order to please you. In fact, let me put it this way: Whether you approve or don't approve can't change a thing about us.

To give you another way of looking at the subject let me ask those of you who do not approve of the lifestyle my husband and I have chosen for ourselves a few questions. Are you willing to do something that I demand of you if I call you enough names? Will you agree to accept my opinions of you? Will you change something about yourself that I deem gross or ugly? I'm guessing not.

In the song Simple Man by Lynard Skynard the Chorus goes like this:

And be a simple kind of man

Oh, be something you love and understand

Baby, be a simple kind of man

Oh, won't you do this for me my son, if you can

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold

All that you need is in your soul

And you can do this, oh baby, if you try

All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied

The reason for me including this is so that maybe it could help you to understand that being "satisfied" isn't something that other people can choose for you. This you have to choose for yourself.

It is a beautiful reminder that, for simplicities sake, understanding oneself is key to being satisfied. It is also a powerful statement that without knowing one's self it is unlikely that you will ever be satisfied.

This isn't to say that I get my life's philosophy from a writer of lyrics. But at the same time it isn't impossible for a writer of lyrics to get it right. Just look at Limelight by Rush or The Sound of Silence from Simon and Garfunkel and you will see that such is very possible.

Speaking of silence, I hear my husband stirring and do not wish to disturb his morning ritual of coffee and news so I am signing off for now.

Deborah Sue

P.S. It seems I may have another project in the works. Book II is now being worked on and I hope to have it finished and edited by the end of the year. Be on the look out!