The Church Toilet

Thanks for all the kind comments requesting another vicar pukefic. It's been a while since I wrote anything.

*Content note: this is a fetish story and contains graphic descriptions of vomiting and defaecation.*

The church congregation sat down as the hymn Abide With Me finished.

Reverend William Bradley began gnawing on his bottom lip with closed eyes. His breathing seemed to increase as his hand rubbed his stomach. It was time for his sermon, but on this occasion he would be unable to proceed with it.

He needed to get to the gents, and quickly.

In a back row side pew, Lexi fidgeted like a bored child. The 22-year old was a newcomer to this church, having recently moved to the area due to a new job.

Though raised a Christian, it wasn't a sudden devotion to God that had compelled her to attend every Sunday, but rather the king-sized crush she'd developed on the vicar. He reminded her of Gordon so much, it was uncanny. Though slimmer, Reverend Bradley was a virtual clone of her former neighbour, the fifty-something Gordon, who she'd had a brief and wonderful relationship with, before having to move. With this older man, she'd been able to indulge in some special kinks. God, she missed him so much. Missed hearing the sounds of him pissing and shitting in the toilet. Missed having him pee in her mouth.

Reverend Bradley approached the curate. He looked dazed, with dark circles under his eyes that even his glasses couldn't hide, making him look more ill than usual.

"Could you do the sermon, Jordan? I'm afraid I need to head to the gents. My stomach's a bit iffy."

"Sure, I'll do it. You don't look well at all, Will. Are you sure you'll..."

"I'll be fine," the vicar replied. "Overindulged a bit at the Bishop's birthday, that's all."

He patted the younger man's arm and lumbered down the side aisle. The church was only half-full, with mostly elderly people. They were used to seeing the curate do the sermon. Reverend Bradley had a habit of rushing out to the toilets mid-way through the service. The loyal flock paid no heed to this. Perhaps the good reverend had a little bit of prostate trouble, which meant more frequent calls of nature?

The vicar's hurried pace down the aisle had piqued Lexi's curiosity immediately. From the way he was rubbing his belly and his walk, she could tell right away. Here was a man who was in desperate need of a bowel movement.

And fuck, she wanted desperately to hear it.

With cat-like stealth, she slinked out of the pew and followed the vicar, unnoticed by the others, except one.

Graham the organist craned his neck to peer over the top of the organ. Though there was nothing unusual about two people heading to the toilets at the same time, he had that unshakable feeling that the vicar and the young woman were up to something.

He scolded himself. Don't be ridiculous. Reverend Bradley and a lass young enough to be his daughter? How could he think so badly of the kind man who'd helped him out on more than one occasion. Especially that very embarrassing time when he'd had a terrible accident...

The organist blushed as he recalled how he shit himself and filled his underpants to the brim with diarrhoea whilst sat at the organ. Now that truly had been a brown note moment.

The toilets were in the church hall, just round the corner from the church. Reverend Bradley entered into the gents. Stomach churning, he rushed into a cubicle.

Oh damn he was bursting to go. "Bloody vestments!" He fumbled and removed his cassock and surplice, hanging them on the hook on the back of the door.

At the same time, Lexi boldly entered the gents and looked round. There was no-one at the urinals. At once, she spotted the locked end cubicle. The vicar was in there.

"Oh yes!" A shudder of excitement washed over her and she heard him let out a loud fart. She entered the middle cubicle and silently closed the door. The partition walls were down to the floor, so no chance of low-level voyeurism. But if one stood on the toilet seat...it was wrong of course, and she was taking a terrible risk. She decided to do it anyway.

Unaware he had company, Reverend Bradley lowered his trousers and underpants and sat down on the toilet.

Groaning, he twisted sideways. The belly cramps assaulting him were almost unbearable, and he had the awful feeling he needed to unload a lot more than just poo. His entire digestive system seemed to be churning.

Lexi peered over the top of the cubicle wall and got a perfect view of the vicar sat on the pot. She smiled as she noticed his white y-front underpants round his ankles.

"Just like Gordon's!" She thought. This seemed too good to be true. Even better, she noticed some faint skid marks in the back of the vicar's underpants. Even men of God were not immune from skid marks...

"Damn it, what the hell did I eat at the Bishop's place?"

For once, he couldn't blame it on too much booze. After that time earlier in the year when he'd suffered a bad hangover and puked down the side of the church, he'd cut down on the drink. Something he'd eaten must've been dodgy. Maybe that ham and cheese quiche? The vanilla slices? Come to think of it, they did have a bit of a funny smell.

"This never would've happened if the Bishop had got cakes from Greggs. But no, his wife has to bake instead. And her culinary skills aren't the greatest."

Had the fresh cream in the cakes been off?"

Groaning as he pondered, Lexi noticed him wiggling and shifting on the toilet seat as though he couldn't find a comfortable spot.

That was when it hit -- the unmistakable gurgling that signalled a massive release was about to come.

Plop, plop...a couple of soft logs at first, then a pure liquid load sprayed from the vicar's hole.

"Uhhh!" Reverend Bradley groaned. The smell was horrid, and increased his already severe nausea. It burned like hell too. The water in the toilet bowl went from clear to brown in an instant.

Wow, he's got some bad runs there! Lexi thought as she enjoyed what she was seeing.

More anguished moans were emitting from the vicar. He farted, sprayed and plopped more contents of his rectum into the toilet. There was no stopping it. Mere seconds seemed to go on forever.

"Uhhh," he sighed, wiping sweat from his forehead. He felt shaky and feverish. When the colossal jettisoning of his diarrhoea at last ended, he staggered to his feet and reached for some toilet paper. Still, he never looked up, much to Lexi's relief.

He didn't want to look at his steaming bowel load. He felt worryingly sick enough already. Going through almost half a toilet roll, he was satisfied that his arse was suitably wiped clean. Lexi got a decent view of his diarrhoea before the toilet was flushed. It was sent on its way, but smears remained on the inside of the bowl.

Reverend Bradley pulled up his underpants and was about to do the same with his trousers, when pain seized him. His feet stumbled, causing him to crash into the wall and he gasped, folding forward with a moan.

Oh no, what's wrong with him now? Lexi wondered. Loose bowels wouldn't make him act like that. Was he seriously ill? She wondered whether to go and fetch help.

"Oh fuck."

He was going to be sick.

He groaned, folding further over, his knees hitting the ground with a loud thump that would have hurt if he weren't already racked with severe abdominal pain. With both hands gripping the porcelain bowl, Reverend Bradley hunched forward and began to vomit heavily into the toilet. Copious amounts of thick, pale brown lumpiness spewed from his mouth, filling the otherwise silent cubicle with a splattering sound, as his stomach contents hit water.

With each break between puking, his breath came out in sharp gasps, groaning just before his stomach lurched again.

"Ummf!"

God, he's really ill, Lexi mused. Did he have a tummy bug or something serious like a burst ulcer? A burst ulcer made you puke a lot. She remembered the time her uncle had suffered from one years ago. It had been frightening and horrible. So much blood...thankfully she'd got to him in time and called an ambulance. He'd made a full recovery after surgery.

She couldn't see any blood in the vicar's chunky vomit, but God, he was bringing up a lot. Suddenly she saw a spreading wet patch on his underpants, the outline of his cock, then a stream of urine running down his thigh, trickling along his knee and pooling on the floor. The trauma of throwing up had caused him to wet himself. With each violent lurch, as he vomited, more piss was released.

Reverend Bradley was completely unaware he was peeing. All he wanted was for this to be over. Jesus, it was torture, worse than the last time.

"Ummff!"

He brought up some thin brown liquid and it seemed to be over.

He gasped for air, began spitting the remnants from his mouth and sat down on the toilet. It was then that he realised he'd pissed himself.

Great. Could things get any worse? He still felt really sick, and the abdominal cramps hadn't abated. He removed his soaked underpants and flung them on the floor in frustration. Putting his trousers back on, he barely had the strength to fasten them and his belt, before he slumped back down on the toilet seat again.

"Help me Lord," he groaned in agony.

Lexi wanted those underpants desperately. But concern had overridden her fetish now and her beloved vicar needed help and comfort in his hour of need.

A knock on the cubicle door. "Reverend Bradley? Please let me in. I know you're in there and you're not well. It's me, Lexi."

In his stricken state, the vicar cast aside normal protocol. He'd never been so grateful to hear a comforting voice. He unlocked the door and flushed the toilet a second time.

Ashen-faced, Reverend Bradley looked up at the slim young blonde. The sour stench of vomit didn't faze her, as she slipped into the cubicle and closed the door.

"I've just...thrown up," he mumbled.

Her heart just melted at the sight of him. Shit, he looked dreadful, but also so adorable and vulnerable. He was hers. He needed her.

"I know. I saw...er, I heard. Don't worry about it, Reverend. I'm here. Can I get you anything?"

"N-no...thanks." He replied weakly.

"Should I go and get help?"

"No...just...stay with me....please. If...you don't mind."

"I don't mind at all, Reverend. Ssh, try to stay calm. I'll stay as long as you need." She fumbled in her bag and handed him a tissue.

"Thanks so much, Lexi." It pained him to speak. He pressed the tissue against his mouth and closed his eyes.

Quick as a flash, Lexi grabbed his wet underpants off the floor and put them in her bag. Her heart jumped.

Reverend Bradley was heaving again and making little grunts. He felt his stomach clench and twist, a sharp pang of nausea rose up his throat.

"Lexi...I think I'm going to be sick again."

"I'm here for you," she whispered, slipping an arm round his shoulders.

He tried to move off the toilet seat but couldn't.

"Uhhh...it's coming!"

"That's good. Get it all up, Reverend. Better out than in." Her clit was throbbing.

Lexi gently rubbed his back.

His body tensed.

She planted a soft kiss on his earlobe.

"Umm..."

Seconds later, Reverend Bradley vomited. A large, oatmeal-coloured pile splattered onto the cubicle floor.

Relief at last.

At the same time, Lexi felt an orgasm rush through her.

It felt so good.

"I'm so glad I started attending this church," she smiled, sensing a wonderful new relationship had started, and a load of new kink.