The Commissar's in Town Ch. 01-07

"Wasn't she the judge at the divorce? Why is she allowed here and not me?" Ruth pointed out.

"Because she made amends and expressed remorse. You ... you don't even feel guilty at all, do you, Mother? Go to Hell, Mom. I hope that your new husband runs afoul of the new regime and that they have both of you shot! They don't like Commies very much, from the Leviathan on down, I suspect," Sasha stormed out, with David and Trudy in tow.

"David, please, speak sense to your fiancee," Ruth begged her future son-in-law.

"That's Mr. Leland to you, mother-in-law, and Sasha doesn't hate people easily. If she can't stand you, ma'am, I reckon she's got a reason. So, go fuck off and die!" David spat out his last words before he stormed out, too.

"I broke his bank account, you bitch, but you broke his heart. Who do you think hurt him more and drove him to drinking himself to death? Eat my whole ass ... before it gets wiped again!" Trudy told Ruth in her parting shot.

"Enough of this ... let's go grab a beer or two," David told Sasha.

"And use it to chase some Jack!" Trudy added.

"And then we'll have a threesome ... only I want our cum spilled on every picture I still have of Mom ... before I light a match to them and douse them with gasoline," Sasha's smile was savage, but David couldn't fault her.

Neither could Trudy.

Chapter 6

Dan Leland was more than a little perturbed at being disturbed in his isolated cabin outside the city limits, scant half an hour after Freydís Dagsdóttir and Sía Marksdóttir left his bed. The Icelandic cuties, friends, cousins, and tourists, had been trapped in Texas past their holidays due to the Mayhem. Now they made the best of things by fucking various men as a team. Apparently, it was Icelandic tradition for two women who bedded the same man to call themselves "stomach sisters," and these ladies wanted to be that as many times over as possible.

Dan slipped and nearly fell coming out of the shower, adding to his irritation. This had better be good, he knew that much! He put on his most casual outfit, a bathrobe, undershirt, boxers, and house slippers, quite deliberately imitating The Dude from the Big Lebowski. He even put on the shades. It was a riot! Anyone who dealt with Dan would deal with The Dude now, right, even if he wasn't quite Jeff Bridges.

Finally answering the door, he found to his extreme annoyance that it was Alycen, his soon-to-be ex-sister-in-law. What the fuck did she want with him, anyway? Was she looking for David? Too fucking bad. David had made himself scarce lately, thankfully, since taking up with that Jewish cutie of his. Dan told himself that if David ever screwed up and dumped Sasha, he'd totally hit that, but otherwise, he wouldn't do that to his own brother.

While Dan didn't believe in monogamy, or even closed triads such as David seemed to prefer, it was David's life to live and he didn't make those kinds of choices for his brother. That was David's life, his decisions, and his consequences that he faced for them, just as Dan did for choosing a bachelor's lifestyle. It was a trade-off that Dan happily accepted, chiefly to be totally in charge of his own life and not have to account to anyone for his actions or whereabouts. He was mostly a loner who invited lovers of both sexes into his bed, but that was the extent of it.

"What the fuck do you want?" Dan didn't waste time with undeserved courtesies.

"That's kinda rude of you ... no wonder you're still not married! You could use a woman's touch, so could this place, in fact. What is this, the world's most rustic bachelor pad? Anyway, where's David?" Alycen rambled, as if expecting Dan to know such things, let alone tell his brother's bitchy wife.

"Fuck if I know! Fuck if I care! Wherever Sasha and Trudy want to go or take him, I suppose," Dan smirked now, waiting to see the impact of his words on the stupid cunt who had railroaded his brother.

"Language, mister! Who the hell are Sasha and Trudy?" Alycen scolded him before interrogating him, making Dan chuckle.

"Bite me, stupid bitch! I'm his brother, not his parole officer or marriage counselor! He's his own man, at least until those two get their claws into him, and as kidnappers go, they're kinda easy on the eyes. It's not a life for me, but that's the difference between my brother and me. David likes a full house with a wife or girlfriend or both and kids, that kind of deal. He's been domesticated, housebroken.

"That kind of life ain't for me. I come and go as I fucking please, without twenty questions about my motherfucking whereabouts! That's why I don't work a 9 to 5 job. That's why I deal pot instead. It's an honest living, just doesn't put you on someone else's dime. I got into it right as the Mayhem kicked in and I've enjoyed the freedom of it ever since. Life's too fucking short to be a slave to the Man, you know," Dan expounded on his philosophy as he rolled up a joint in Alycen's presence and just lit up in front of her.

"Be that as it may, I was looking for him, hoping that you'd know his whereabouts," Alycen fumed while standing in the doorway, not even being invited inside by this antisocial prick of a brother-in-law.

"See now, you really shouldn't use passive voice. If you wrote any damn fiction, or even did creative writing, you'd know that, resting bitch face," Dan chuckled as he just kept smoking that joint right in front of Alycen and started to slam the door in the face.

"Wait, aren't you gonna invite me in? God, you have the manners of a grizzly bear!" Alycen tried to waft the smoke away from her face.

"Fuck you! This is my house! You're persona non grata, anyway. I'd have to come up with a fucking reason to let you in. You know, I used to teach high school, dumbass bitch! Then I realized what a fucking nightmare that was and stopped. Best move I ever made, other than sell everything that I owned and move into this place, out in the boondocks. Third best move I ever made ... not going on that fucking double date with you, David, and what's her face?" Dan scoffed now.

"Joanna Jordan, if you must know," Alycen rolled her eyes at that description and complete disinterest in her oldest and best friend.

"Sounds like a fucking Marvel character! Moron that dated her married her and four years later was divorced and taken to the fucking cleaners. No fucking thanks! Then again, I don't date, so that would have been a very short relationship, wouldn't it? I don't date, which solves a lot of problems for me right there, doesn't it?" Dan mocked the whole idea of the dating scene.

"Hey, he cheated on her!" Alycen objected.

"And you cheated on my brother. Guess what? Both times, the woman got the goldmine, the guy got the shaft, regardless of who cheated. See why I don't trust divorce courts and stuff and why I avoid such messes like marriage? They're okay for others, but I'm not falling into such traps myself," Dan ridiculed the very ideas and conventions that Alycen claimed to value, but betrayed herself.

"Look, yeah, I get it. I wasn't wife of the year, but that was no reason to leave me!" Alycen snapped.

"It was reason enough for Joanna, wasn't it? Funny how that works! You post-modern, Fourth Wave feminists and your fucking double standards! Ugh, kiss my big, hairy ass, you and all those morons who bemoan the decline of 'real dating.' Excuse us men for not being suckers anymore. NO THANKS! Now, unless you actually have a legit reason to nag and hassle my brother or me, leave us the holiest fuck of fucks alone! You're letting all of the cold air out. Goodbye!" Dan slammed the door in Alycen's face now.

A few knocks later, Dan re-opened the door, finding Alycen still standing there.

"What now? If you want to know what 'persona non grata' means, just learn Latin or read a dictionary. Never mind. Maybe it will clear something up here. It means 'person not welcome.' Get it now, bitch? Go fuck yourself, because it's clear that neither David nor I have any fucks to spare for your sorry, lying, self-righteous, sanctimonious, hypocritical ass! If I'm gonna open my front door, I'd rather do that for paying customers, you know, and last time I checked, your bitchy ass don't count as one of those," Dan took another hit from his joint.

"How dare a manwhore like you judge me for cheating! Talk about double standards... , " Alycen rambled.

"I'm not a manwhore. I'm a misanthropic bachelor. Not a misogynist. I hate both sexes equally and I fuck them both, too. I live by myself, do my own thing, etc. I don't pretend to be all prudish like you. I don't like prudes, but I like hypocrites even less. I don't cheat, because I don't make false promises. Savvy?" Dan slammed the door back in her face.

There, he thought, that ought to make for a funny convo with David next time they spoke, right?

Chapter 7

David's phone rang shortly after Alycen left, and sure enough, it was his brother, Dan.

"You'll never guess who came to my door and asked for you, bro," Dan laughed even now.

"Let me guess ... Alycen?" David cracked up at even the thought that his estranged wife, soon to be his ex, would come looking for him.

"Nailed it on the first try! Yep, I sent that stupid, lying, filthy hypocrite of a bitch packing, too! If she wants to find you, she'll need to get a private eye like all other spouses. I doubt that she could afford one, but with your alimony, who knows? Incidentally, are you moving out or just crashing at Sasha's place still with her and Trudy?

"I gotta tell ya, that's still freaking weird, you sleeping with the very divorce court judge who shafted you along with your new fiancee in a menage a trois romance. That's so not you! Not the David Leland that I recall growing up. The faithful boyfriend. The one-woman man. The jealous hubby who left Alycen over her adultery. The churchgoing Christian for a while there. The old-fashioned Southern gentleman, the respectable brother," Dan chuckled at that bit of jarring news.

"True, but I'm kinda tired of being the nice guy that always finishes last. And Christianity? I lost my faith in that happy horseshit when none of my prayers were answered and my unfaithful wife and her lawyer handed me my ass in court. Talk about your fucking cliches, right? Anyway, I'm not harming anyone and neither are you. Alycen, on the other hand, she's just a royal fucking cunt!" David grimaced at the thought of his ex.

"Then shouldn't you have gotten half a kingdom in the divorce?" Dan joked now, making David laugh a bit.

"Thanks. I needed that laugh, bro! Anyway, yeah, I'm staying with Sasha and Trudy now. We live together as a 'throuple' ... that is perhaps the best term for it. In any case, we decided to invite you to our place soon and I would naturally like you to be my best man in my wedding to Sasha. It's a Jewish wedding, just so you know. What the rabbi doesn't know won't hurt him, but being left out of Sasha's first ever nuptials would. Trudy's maid of honor, of course, or is that matron of honor?

"It will have to be a while. Sasha's still mourning Ira, her father. At least she's not an Orthodox or Conservative Jew. The mourning period would be a bit longer or more intense. Reform Jews have it a lot easier," David invited his brother twice over.

"Yes to both, of course. You're my kid brother! I'll proudly stand up with you, especially since this girl seems a lot sweeter and more honest than your ex. She couldn't be worse, especially if she'll share you with another woman! That's a pretty nice deal. Maybe, for once, the nice guy doesn't finish last, eh, bro? Anyway, congratulations, bro! I'm still wary of marriage myself, but you traded up ... seriously!" Dan told his brother.

"Thanks, big bro. You know, you always looked out for me. Always. You're a stand-up guy. You've always had my back. That's why I wanted you for my best man last time ... and this one! If you ever take the plunge yourself, you know where to look for your best man, too!" David beamed now as he thought of all of the times that his elder brother, the local hermit, writer, and pot farmer, came through for him.

David knew that he owed Dan ... big time. And someday, sooner or later, that karmic debt would come due. He just knew it. When it did, David would pay up without an iota of regret or resentment. He had the best big brother in the world. Even their Bible-thumping half-sister, Marlena, would have to agree with that, whatever her differences with them. David hoped that someday, the baby of the family would grow up a bit and come to her senses. It was her, not Dan, that was immature, whatever she thought.

"Hey, baby, who called?" Sasha asked as Trudy and she came back in from shopping.

"My brother, Dan. He accepted both invitations, thank God!" David grinned.

"Oh, goody, goody, but we still have time for Trudy and me to pussy swap you, right?" Sasha pouted due to her real passion for him.

"Yeah, I love that! Going back and forth from your mouth to your cock and back and forth ... wow!" Trudy confessed her fondness for that slightly kinky sex game that the triad enjoyed so much.

"Sure, but let's put the stuff away ... and then meet me on the sofa this time. And I want Trudy on my face first this time. Sasha, you get to ride the pole. No excuses! Trudy needs to fully embrace the idea that her twat is every bit as juicy as yours, whatever your ages!" David insisted.

"Okay, but I get to freshen it up first, right before that, just to be safe!" Trudy announced.

"Works for me, honey. Same with you, dear!" David pulled both women in for deep and steamy French kisses that they then exchanged with each other.

"Aren't we the luckiest bitches in the world, sweetie?" Trudy snickered.

"Damn right, we are, babe! Damn right, we are!" Sasha got the last word as they put the groceries away at their new home.

Trudy's first pension check really came at a good time, and it was a rather nice, fat one at that.