All Comments on 'The Cost: IOU'

Well stated.

"One of the Best Sequels Ever Written!

Well done! Have read the original a couple of times. Still a great short story. Your story fits seamlessly. IMHO nothing else was needed about Jerry and Leslie. Yes, it is often interesting to go down the rabbit hole and learn more about the cheaters. Usually I like that. But you have put together such a compelling story that it just wasn't necessary.

GREAT JOB!!!"

My feeling exactly!!!!!

Very good story. All cannot be wine and Rose's but two people that truly love each other can come really close.

cowboyridecc@yahoo.com

One of the very best stories in LW, along with the original. Love the happy ending you racked on too.

Loved the happy ending

This absolutely did Q's story justice!

"He knew he was one of the fortunate few that met a beautiful young woman during his divorce who ended up being his new wife. It read like a fantasy." - Maybe it was unintended, but this seems like an answer to those who complain about the ex-husbands in these stories finding a beautiful, better new wife: He was "one of the fortunate FEW...It read like a FANTASY."

As Q's original. Also liked the Author's ending comment about flushing any nasty comments about Q. More should follow this example, hateful personal comments should all be dumped. Unless of course they're accompanied by the commenters real name and email address and/or tx. Signed: BTW.

Did what you set out to do. I would think Q would approve. *****

Only major discrepancy not his step daughter his wife was her aunt

Step niece or niece in law?

A truly fine story continuation in every regard. Great word-smithing.

Reading again. This is one of my favorites for many reasons , but putting the Voo Doo on Jerry is really classic.

Nothing wrong with a happy ending when it makes sense.

Great story on it's own,.and great tribute to the original story.. Kenny deserved a happy ending nd you have him one. Really enjoyed it.

Well crafted story. A tad saccharine at the end, but a well deserved happy ending.

sorry but Leslie doesn't deserve to be happy again. doesn't deserve to reconcile with her father or sister. that's the ultimate family betrayal.

Qhml1's story was very good, and your story was an excellent continuation and tribute. Kenny and Jill both found worthy partners and happiness. Leslie - who knows - maybe she grew up and decided to fix her life, maybe not. She has not live with the fact that everyday she is the one that caused the death of her marriage, and permanently harmed (almost destroyed) her relationship with her sister.

If Amanda is that attractive,why wasn't she dating?.

really liked the story, I was shipping for Kenny and Jill since the story was heading that way but I guess Jill & Kenny was probably too predictable and would've lead further trouble down the road with Leslie. Glad Amanda was introduced.

Sometimes I like a Story with a Happy ending .. Well written

I thought the story would have been better if Kenny and Jill ended up together. That way Les would realize more what she had lost and would forever be envious of her sister because the perfect life she'd thrown away is now hers. It was their fate to be together that's why this betrayal happened. Jerry was the luckiest SOB, he fucked both sisters and got off lightly. Thanks for the story!

But at least it wasn't a lipstick on the pig and they lived happily ever after because their trust was now renewed for some wierd psycobabble self discovery.

At first, I couldn't figure out why you would say that you are paying tribute to these great authors. Then you write an ending to their stories as if they didn't finish them. Now don't get me wrong you are a lot more talented than I but when you compare your writing style to qhml1 and HDK you can really see the difference. That's when you realize how great a writer they both are. I usually don't like flash stories but "The Cost" is so elegant in it's simplicity. In one page the main character lays out the story from beginning to end, including his thoughts and hope for saving the marriage and how those were shattered, leaving the only alternative, divorce. Developing the characters personalities in the process. In comparison, your writing seems wordy and clumsy. You change the personalities of the characters. Kenny goes from being a calm, intelligent, controlled, and deliberate man to an out of control, brawling, screaming lunatic in public. Leslie becomes a screaming banshee. I will say this, you aren't afraid to wade in and handle the messy stuff. Thank you

Excellent ending to the story.

I am sure That Qhml1 Would like this Story .. It is Flattering to say the Least .

If you hide something that big what other things will you hide.?

I don't know anyone who would trust you again without verification.

I know families broken up over trust

jtwheels

5 star story

Sweet story. I like that he found his forever mate and that the cheaters went away = albeit with the fear of voodoo put in his feeble mind. She will never remain faithful so she deserves what ever comes her way. You know Jill was going to find a winner as she deserves. I don't know that I would call it a tribute to a great author but it is a very appropriate follow up.

Nice completion to QLHMs story. Glad he has the self respect to complete the divorce!!!

I think Leslie didn't pay enough of a price for being a cheating whore! He was too nice to her.

I thought your story was very good and seemed to flow well with QHM1 story. Thank you both for your work, wish I had the same talent.

The voodoo episode was a nice touch.

The voodoo scene had me envisioning the voodoo priest from James Bond Live and Let Die. Description fit to a 'T'.

I also thought the voodoo was a tad over the top. But loved the rest of the story. 5 stars.

"It was a game to them." - In a way that makes it all that much worse; that they would put two marriages at risk, including her sisters, for something that was little more than a game.

/

"Never in her darkest nightmares had she ever considered Kenny would air out their problems in public." - Heh, she's the one that confronted him in public.

Loved it, DFWB! Great story and a fitting tribute to Q's story!

twas pretty tight. 5/5

Nailed it! The flow and style of your tribute matched as if "Q" had written it himself. Even without the missing 10,000 words (LOL), it felt real and likely has played out a hundred times across multiple time zones somewhere... 5*

Excellent

Tremendous sequel to a wonderful tale. Warms my cold heart.

The original piece was understated. This was not. The mood it evoked was very different.

Voodoo is ppopularly associated with Haiti, rather than Jamaica

Great

Story wasn't bad. It just wasn't necessary. Found it didnt hold my interest. Many stories cry out for resolution. Q's original didnt.

This was a really nice add on to the original. It reminded me of a comment my departed dad once made to me. “ I don’t want you to struggle in life, but it shouldn’t be too easy, either” . What he was saying, is we don’t value things, that come our way, too cheaply, or with no effort on our part.

I believe the wife in this story, had a life that was too easy. She didn’t value it, or her husband. It was easy for her to risk it, because she didn’t have to work hard to get where she was in life. Some people would call it Narcissism. Good looking women, constantly have their egos inflated by men. The smart ones, realize that actions speak louder than words, and would not risk what they had, for a cheap, ego boost. As a famous 20th century food service baron once said” You reap, what you sow” 5 stars.

Great followup.

After the 'February Sucks' crap I am loath to read let alone comment on any story that alters an original (especially by one of my favorites) but Q is certainly a legend and you had his permission. This was a very good story and follows the original well. A couple people commented that the tenor of the story changed - it had to. The original was a slice of an hour in time where this took place over a much longer period of time after temperatures came to the boiling point! Thank you for your story and to Randi for all she does for all of us.

somewhere east of Omaha

You can’t do wrong by tying one of your ideas onto the back of one of Qs stories. If I haven’t read all of his stuff, I haven’t missed it by much. Maybe I’ll get thru your stuff soon. Keep up the good work.

Okay Another he moved on after the cheating slut got caught and guttered. I have to admit to wishing it was Jill he ended up with after divorce. More pain for her having to see sister get the best of the deal. And all the family occasions!

Nicely done ending to the original

Well done sir, well done

A great ending to a good story

Scores 5/5

so he robbed the craddle ?

A little syrupy but somehow appropriate.

Bill S.

Loved it. Shows great compassion.

The original was one of the best( and certainly the best short story) stories I’ve read on this site. Absolutely no need for a follow up. Happily ever after for him, righteous end for wife and Brother-in-law Enough sugar to make molasses.

As the saying goes karma is a bitch.... Definitely a 5 star 🌟🌠🌟🌠🌟🌠🌟🌠🌟

I'm a sucker for happy ending. Also, for cheaters to get some punishment.... Really like the Voodoo angle. Also. Burt's pick up on Jerry's superstitions. Finally, Leslie's cheating was classic, Screw over a sister who did so much for her means psychological problems that aren't correctable...most of the time. someday I wish a writer in this tag category would delve deeply the root of this behavior. BTRH

Awesome! Although I felt the original story needed no continuance, I thought you did justice to qhml1’s work. Well done!

Super ending- Wish other sequels were as good!

Even better than the original.

Ok,it rates a 5, but as others said, it should have been Kenny and Jill getting together. She was such a 'wonderful person', caring and giving, he thought she was beautiful; and yet- there was 'too much baggage'? Screw the baggage, it's very hard to find someone so nice. Stick with them as long as you can. And yes, he should have told her about the cheating as soon as he knew. 'She didn't need the hurt', yes, well, she didn't need the deception, either.

Good followup to the original (and I really liked the original). Nice way of putting a happy ending where it wasn’t needed, but put a smile on anyway. Thank you.

might be the one of the top ten worst stories ive read on this site

Very good, 5-Stars! .

Fully agree with "Zoomdoggie"

Understand where "Frank66" is coming from, -Kenny & Jill were the obvious pairing but, perhaps TOO obvious?

I think this works better, and is far less predictable!.. So, well done!

Thank you!

I think both you did excellent jobs on this story

Really enjoyed it and can’t picture any “normal person “ criticizing either of you

To be honest it was trite, predictable and boring in fact everything about it was about as exciting as a an old rerun of Touched by an Angel.

I think if your continue someone else's story at least think of something more interesting than a Cafe confrontation in front of a teenager where the protagonist gets to pretend that he's a Man.

The fact this pussy never confronted the brother in law or his wife's sister with the truth was for me the height of cowardice but hey typical cuckold behaviour.

Great futher story.

Well done. It sounds like if it had not been Jerry, there would have been someone else. To destroy two marriages for the fun of it is saddistic, and how she thought Kenny would buy in to her cheating, especially with his brother-in-law, is mind-blowing. Nice touch, giving us the possibility of Kenny and Jill getting together, then introducing Amanda to the story, was kind of warm and fuzzy.I liked it. Good editing. Keep writing.

XYZ

A pleasant story, but I'm very surprised at it being labeled as "BTB". There was no negative outcome to the cheating wife, aside from getting yelled at once and getting the divorce. Not like he got some favorable divorce terms, and she even got to keep relationship with her father.

I enjoyed it, and thought it was good. I gave it 5 stars. I'm glad he found Amanda, so he could move on. I thought he was going to hook up with Jill, but it didn't happen.

very good. perhaps the Diner scene is the best part. sort of thought Jill and Kenny would end up together

Good continuation. Based on the original there was not way to have a rational basis for Leslie's affair other than mental illness. So not worth exploring. The original author set it up as a truly devastating ongoing affair. So yeah this was well written.

A really good effort. Similar writing style and a good (almost expected) continuation of the original. So glad you left out all the unnecessary drivel thst takes up 10 pages. This was just right.

Looking forward to more.

Excellent story continuance, very consistent with the theme and temperament of the original. Good and plausible outcome too. I often wonder if negative commentators like xhristian (what is THAT name anyway?) below even read the stories theycomment on, or they’re just angry, bitter underachievers who approach every story with their own life disappointments and then have to bore the rest of us with their venom. Hey x, in case your attention span was too short to actually read IOU, the mc does “confront” his former brother-in-law.? Duh ? Hospital. Double duh !

Personally I thought your ending was a perfect fit for QHML1's story. Nice way to FTDS too (my only real complaint about the original story). I liked how you kept it a flash story, but added just enough detail to keep the reader involved. Very well done.

I gave it 5 stars.

Excellent story continuation. Well done!

Great writing on both the original and the sequel. The sequel segued perfectly with the original. I guess because she was older, Jill had to give birth quickly to two sons after finding an older hubby.

"Besides, I knew you'd find out soon; too many others knew about it to keep it hidden for long." - If he knew she'd find out anyway, why not tell her as gently as possible, rather than risk her finding out through gossip or catching them in bed or something.

\

They never thought their spouses would ever leave them. THAT'S their reason for cheating?

\

However she might try to twist things to justify cheating on her husband, there's NO WAY she can justify cheating on her sister.

This author is really good with continuations.

Well-done sequel!

Generic and predictable. Didn't like it.

What an absolute charming continuation of the original story! Don’t listen to commenters like “ dry opium addict” this was a masterpiece. I gave you 5 stars, wished it coulda been more...

thank you!

The original was pretty pathetic really this was a definite improvement sure it's prosaic and derivative trash but it's well written prosaic and derivative trash😂😂😂

Beautiful closing to a beautiful story. Great stuff. Thank you for your beautiful and wonderful story. Definitely a five star 🌟💫🌟💫🌟💫🌟💫🌟

1. He should have told his SIL. His excuse was pretty wimpy. Of course, it will be hard! Men do hard things. Step up. Do what's right.

2. Sam is not his stepdaughter. He is married to Sam's aunt.

3. Burt gets props. Hard to love both daughters and do it right.

Knoxhard

I think it is simple enough why you would flush any derogatory comments about qhml1's work. You are not qhml1 and any bad comment about his work should be directed to him and not to you. With that said I think both works, yours and his, are great. I like yours because it was like a continuation of the qhml1's story. I could not stop laughing when it came to Jerry confrontation at the lodge meeting. And it was very realistic too as any lodge brother can tell you. Hell even the mob know not to mess with any lodge chapters. Thank You!

You, sir, gave me something i needed so bad. Great sequel. Get qhml1 to link this on his story. I only cane across this because of my extremely excessive list of stories I've read here

Second read of both stories. Loved the outburst in the diner... Every victim should have a therapeutic smasher on the cheating spouse. The story resonated with the strength Kenny displayed. Thanks for the addendum.

You did a great tribute to a very worthy man.

Loved both stories, my favourite type of ending, wounded parties are happy.

Some commenters wondered why people wanted there to be more to the original story. The fact it - some level of hope, some level of joy and optimism at the end is an inherent thirst for most. The catharsis of the confrontation is one thing, but leaving everything in the moment of pain, in the downward slope without the rising action, without whatever version of happy ending is possible - that lack is what drives people to want more. This ending was well written, and makes the original that much better.

I liked this continuation/tribute piece a great deal!

Thank you!

Amazing, love both stories. 5 stars

It's always a good thing when a good story gets a good ending, and even more so if the ending isn't necessarily from the original author.

This one is a great example... qhml1 wrote a quick - but very good - story, and DFWBeast wrote a heartfelt and satisfying ending that carried the original feelings of the first part.

Well done, sir... with a "5" of course.

The “ Beast” nailed it. 5 stars!

Great story. loved it. 5 stars, the Bear approves wholeheartedly. I like a good BTB, and having the twist with the Aunt not there when he walked in was good. Thanks.

The BEAR

Finally, a Writer who finished a story Sorry there are not 10 stars you would have gotten them all. 99% of he time I know everything about a story after reading the p to the3rd Paragraph You Got Me lol

I loved it and gave both yours and Q's stories 5 stars. I felt your story gave Q's a proper ending and tied things up nicely.

That's one of the things I don't really like about a flash story...it leaves the reader wanting more, like a part 2. Well that, and most lack any real detail. Q did an excellent job on the first part, and it could stand alone as it was written. But you adding the 2nd part really finished it off nicely, and gave the reader closure. Thank you for sharing it Beast. You did Q proud.

Awesome

You've been gone for 3 years now. Guess you've moved on. Thanks for your time here. Most of us miss your stories.. but life moves on. Thks

Thank you for finishing Q's story off, and well done at that. I gave you 5 stars for this, which is 1 star better than I rated the original. I just couldn't give the original better than a 4 because he left it so open-ended. You went ahead and wrote a fitting end to the story and did it well.

Great tribute!

Yeah I think you did a good job of this,