All Comments on 'The Dance'

good job but the story seems very one sided for a true romance. its all in your POV.

It would have been much better if it had been told from both points of view.

Thank you for taking the time to leave constructive criticism! After I read your comments, I imagined the piece written how you suggested and it seems to flow a lot better. At least in my head, anyways.

Thanks again!!

bws

Since this is your 1st submission, I am going to be gentle as requested :)

I'm a sucker for romantic erotica so I liked this. I loved the bit of humor and the positivity of the sexual and romantic relationship here.

My suggestions: be careful about the use of parentheses; watch the repetition of certain sentence structures-a lot the sentences started with being (being proud of you, being coy and so on) and I started wanting some variety in the structures. Also think about the details, what you exclude and include. There were places where I was left wanting a bit more. For example, you tell us what you whispered in her ear and I wanted to know what she whispered in your ear. Just one person's humble opinion.

I hope you'll keep writing and posting!