All Comments on 'The Dance'

Since this is your 1st submission, I am going to be gentle as requested :)

I'm a sucker for romantic erotica so I liked this. I loved the bit of humor and the positivity of the sexual and romantic relationship here.

My suggestions: be careful about the use of parentheses; watch the repetition of certain sentence structures-a lot the sentences started with being (being proud of you, being coy and so on) and I started wanting some variety in the structures. Also think about the details, what you exclude and include. There were places where I was left wanting a bit more. For example, you tell us what you whispered in her ear and I wanted to know what she whispered in your ear. Just one person's humble opinion.

I hope you'll keep writing and posting!

Thank you for taking the time to leave constructive criticism! After I read your comments, I imagined the piece written how you suggested and it seems to flow a lot better. At least in my head, anyways.

Thanks again!!

bws

good job but the story seems very one sided for a true romance. its all in your POV.

It would have been much better if it had been told from both points of view.