All Comments on 'The Day In My Life I Became Me Ch. 01-02'

Seems to be a LOT of shifting between 1st and 3rd person points of view while telling this. The characters might make a good story, but I feel like there could have been a bit more development before just abruptly ending the first chapter. It appears that Rach is a conflicted character; the writing about that doesn't need to be conflicted as well.

Sorry but this is too sterile.

Needs more warmth about the characters.

Comments Appreciated!

I really welcome any constructive comments and will hopefully address these iin future lesbian romance stories.

Thanks very much for reading & commenting on my story

Your use of inverted commas is distracting. Placing inverted commas around a term to me suggests one of two things: either it's a term whose meaning you're about to provide, or it's a term being used in a sarcastic or euphemistic sense. I actually got so distracted by this grammatical point that I couldn't finish reading your story.

A slow start with a good bit of detail on the characters waiting for the next episode thank you…

I'm sorry but this is way too dry for me. Way too much emphasis and setting the scene with little facts that don't add anything to the story. It's hard to follow and just not interesting enough to capture my attention.

Good try.

I think this is a very loving story about one person who went and helped three young ladies who Rach took under her wing and made them know they where loved brilliantly written billyslate. xxx