The Definition of Incest

I lifted my head and kissed him and replied, "Fuck, son, just fuck."

Moving onto my side, I pressed my back against him and whispered, "Hold your lover, darling. Hold your mother."

He slid his arm over me and spooned me and whispered, "I love you, Mum."

I don't think I replied. I just savoured his taste, our love and my feelings of euphoric pleasure.

I slept.

I awoke lying flat on my stomach and the amazing feeling of a tongue licking between my arse cheeks. I felt them spread by his hands as he devoured the smooth skin of my arse crack and my anus. I lifted a little and opened my legs to allow access to my cunt. My movement caused a pause in the licking, and Jason said, "Good morning, Mum."

His tongue resumed adoring my cunt and my arse. His saliva drenched me. I could feel the lust build in me. And then he slid up my body and brought his mouth to my ear as he lay on me and said, "I love you so much."

And with that, he slid his erection between my arse cheeks and imitated fucking me with his cock along my anal crack.

I whispered breathlessly, "Not inside."

He continued to fuck along my anus and then lifted my hips and slid his hand under me to rub my clit. He grunted into my ear and he masturbated me. The urgency of his thrusts along my arse subsided as he focused on bringing me to orgasm.

He rubbed me gently and then increased the tempo. He knew me so well. Then he slid two fingers into me for lubrication and began again, slowly at first. My clit loved his fingers. My clit loved my son.

My body shook as my orgasm swept through me.

He eased his fingers from my cunt and pressed my arse flat again and began humping along my bum again.

His cock slid along my crack and over my coccyx and then back. He was using a fucking motion. He was using my bum and his lower stomach for pressure. He gained momentum, and then with a grunt he spasmed and I could feel his warm cum ejaculate onto my lower back.

He lay on me and rubbed his cock onto my skin. His cock was sandwiched between our bodies and was deflating slowly. My son's beautiful cock basting in his seed between us.

His body slid to the side of me, and he looked into my eyes and said, "Sorry, Mum, I woke and saw you and I just had to."

I assured him it was ok. More than ok, it was beautiful.

The sun was well up when we crawled from my bed. Again we showered together and explored all of each other's bodies with hands and soap.

Then we moved into our day.

Our days had more to them than before. Not only did we have each other and the deepest intimacy we had ever shared, but we also had life returning to some normality. The lockdown was due to end in a few days.

I had received many emails about covid-safe work measures and, by necessity, made my way into my office. Meanwhile, Jason began exploring his online portrait/painting idea.

Our part of the world moved into something closer to normal. I flew through every day and arrived home to the man that I loved.

We began living like a couple, which was a new and wonderful experience for me. We shared our home, we shared our love, we shared every moment and we shared my bed. Our bed.

Jason's little business was beginning to take shape. He finally defined his product as virtual travel art. People would send him a picture and details about the destination they wanted to have their portrait painted. His little business kept his life busy, and our lovemaking completed it every day.

Covid cast a shadow on the world. Australia was ok, but the rest of the world was fighting new phases of the virus. There was an inevitability about going into a new lockdown locally. However, I felt nothing but joy.

I avoided all church friends and contacts. If asked why, I cited a 'fear' of contact and covid. But really all I wanted was my son, my lover.

Our sex life had everything except intercourse. Sexual intercourse was incest, and I was not committing incest. But I was with every part of my being. All of my body and mind were committing incest. Everything except that my vagina and arse had taken his erection. Penetration was the one concession I could not make.

I was afraid to make it.

Our love life was incredible, and Jason was very respectful of me and my wishes. The closest we came to penetrative sex was him laying on me, kissing me, and rubbing his cock against my pubic bone. It was like simulated penetrative sex.

One time he came close to an 'accidental' entry. That night I froze and our lovemaking ceased. I could not continue. It frightened me. That fear bothered me, and frustration began to grow for Jason. He sensed my reluctance to take another step. He also sensed my fear.

The storm clouds began to form overhead as another lockdown was announced. We were all, again, to be confined to our homes.

I arrived home after my last day of work before we all stopped everything for lockdown two. Jason was in his studio. I took him out a glass of wine and sat myself down to watch him work. His focus and attention to detail were incredible. He brought people to life in their virtual aspirational destinations.

I could feel something was bothering him. He was always so intent on his art, but there was something more. I asked him what was bothering him, and he said, "Nothing." Not, "Nothing, Mum," not, "I am just tired," not, "No, I am ok," and certainly not some charming line like, "How could I feel bothered with you in my life."

No, he said, "Nothing."

I pressed him a little more and he turned to me. His natural calm was gone, and he put his paintbrush down. He said, "Look, Mum, everything in my life right now is perfect, just perfect. The woman of my dreams has pledged her life to me, and I have pledged mine to her. But..." Then his voice faded and his eyes dropped to the floor.

I held his silence for a few moments, then said, "But?"

He looked up at me and said with passion, "Mum, I fucking love you. I fucking adore you. I would go to hell and back for you. I know I will never have another woman in my life. I can have all of you, everything, but..."

His voice rose and he continued, "I can't fuck you. I can't completely make love to you. I love everything that we do. I love it all. But I want to fuck you. I want to consummate our relationship. I want to be inside of you. I want to feel you as I fuck you. I want to look into your eyes. I want to fuck you so badly. I want to fill you with my seed. I want to cum in you."

I began to respond "But, Jason, you know I can't--"

He cut me off and almost shouted, "Yes, I know, Mum. I know we cannot commit incest. Well, fuck incest. That is all bullshit, and you know it is. We are committing incest every fucking day. Oh yes, I know we are not having 'sexual intercourse', I know we are not fucking. Fuck all of that! I am your son, and you are my mother, and we are in love and we are committing incest. I do not understand, and it eats away at me."

The tears welled in my eyes. I had never seen him like this.

He slowed his voice and said "I do not understand, and it makes no fucking sense to me. Why won't you fuck me?"

I could not say. I would not say. The tears began to flow down my cheeks. I stood, I turned, I left and I ran to my room and locked the door and cried.

He did not understand. No one could understand.

A few minutes later he knocked on my door.

I remained silent.

His voice was emotional as he said, "Mum, I am sorry. I am so sorry. Please, Mum, let me in."

I kept my mouth closed. I cried and after repeating his apology ten times, he stopped talking.

Eventually, my crying stopped and I began to pull myself together. I had to talk to him. I had to explain. I mulled it all over in my head. I examined my mind and my thoughts and I cried more.

An hour must have passed, and I left my room and went to find Jason. He was in his room sitting on his old bed looking at my painting. He was crying. He looked at me and said sorry once more. I sat beside him and said in a fragile voice, "Hold me."

He held me and said through tears, "Mum, I love you so much it hurts, but I just don't understand."

Finally, I summoned all my courage. "Jason, I will explain. I owe you that and so much more. Just hear me out."

I stood and held out my hand, and he walked with me to my room, my safe place.

I sat up against the headboard of my bed and motioned for him to slide into me so his head was on my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair and began.

"You know I have always evaded conversations about your father. All I have told you is that I made a terrible error and had a one-night stand with a stranger that I have never seen again. There is more to it than that."

I told him about how Chloe and I had gone to the club. I told him about the guy who had hassled me and the guy who came to my aid. I told him about accepting a drink from him. I told him about waking up in the morning in a hotel room naked and bruised. I told him about the blood. I told him that I had no memory of anything after accepting the drink. I told him I had not been conscious when I had sex. I told him there was no consent, there was no memory.

I told him I was raped.

There were times I could feel his breathing. I could feel his sorrow and I felt his tears. A few times he whispered in anger, compassion or love, "Oh, Mum, I am so sorry."

I told him that I had not been with a man before that night, and I had not been with a man since. I told him I had not kissed a man until I kissed him. I had not loved a man, been naked with a man, been sexual with a man before him.

I went on, "So when I said I would not commit incest, I meant I would not commit incest. That was a taboo that I could not consider with my love of God and my adherence to propriety, law and the teachings of the church. But over time, we stripped back those layers. We peeled the onion step by step.

"You are right, we are committing incest, and I know that. I knew that from the first time we kissed as lovers. I deluded myself for a while, but I gave in to love.

"Everything we have, everything we do, I can control. We have progressed slowly, and you have been so patient. You see, Jason, I did not know or understand love before you. All I knew about sex, firsthand, was from a very short lesbian relationship. Everything else I know, I learned from porn. I never masturbated a man before I masturbated you. I never took a man's erection into my mouth before you. I never felt a man rub my clit until you. I was never fingered by a man until you.

"I am scared of sex. I am scared to have an erection inside of me. That one experience ruined me. I am just so fucking scared," I cried.

He eased himself up to look into my eyes. His eyes and cheeks were wet with tears. He kissed me gently on the lips. He whispered to me and said, "Oh, Mum, I am so sorry."

He took my head to his shoulder and caressed my hair as I cried.

He held me for an hour, soothing me and gently asking me questions. I felt totally washed out and almost dirty just from telling my truth. All of the poison that had been inside of me, all the hate and fear was now out. I felt grimy and dirty on the outside. I turned to Jason and asked softly, "Jason, will you run me a bath, please?"

"Of course," he replied.

He slid away from me and looked back at me, told me he loved me, and moments later I heard the water running into the bath.

I heard him fussing in the kitchen, and he brought me a green tea. He sat beside me as the bath filled. Then he offered his hand and walked me to the bathroom. He helped me undress and held my hand as I stepped into the bath.

I eased into the water and let it flow over me. I remembered the day after I was raped. I did the same thing in this bath. I cried then as I cried now. Back then I had no one, and now I had Jason.

He slipped out of the room and returned with my tea, lit a few candles and turned off the bright light. He moved to leave, and I said quietly, "Please, don't leave me, Jason."

He sat on the side of the bath talking to me quietly. He told me he did not understand how a man could be so evil. He said he was shamed that his father's blood was in him. When he said that, I felt a lump in my throat and said, "Jason, there is no evil in you, there is no harm in you. You are the most decent man that I have ever met, and you are my first and only lover."

I looked into his eyes and held out my hand, "Jason, please, join me?"

I watched as he removed his clothes. I felt like I was seeing him for the first time. All of these years of holding that secret had created a cloud, a dark spot in my mind. Now it seemed less. My son was a beautiful man and he loved me.

I moved forward in the bath so that Jason could slide in behind me, and I leaned back into his chest. His facial whiskers tickled my head whilst his hands caressed my arms, breasts and stomach gently. He spoke to me of the anger in him and his desire to do something. He reassured me of his love for me and, most importantly, his understanding.

My mood lifted and I felt safe. I was in my lover's arms, and I was safe. The water began to cool, and I said it was bedtime. He asked if I would prefer to sleep alone. My response was instantaneous. "I need you more than ever."

He helped me from the bath and dried me. He praised every part of my body and spoke words of love. He paid a lot of attention to my vagina. He was almost reverent and kissed my smooth vagina and said, "Sorry."

He saw me into bed, kissed me and said he would join me soon, as he needed to shave.

I needed him with me. I needed to have him by my side and to be in his arms. My son provided safety.

For the first time in my life, I felt that I was not just loved but also protected by a person who knew all of me and all about me. With Jason by my side, I felt nothing could harm me again. I felt unconditional love from the man that knew all of me -- mind, body and spirit.

The wait for his return seemed to last forever, much longer than it takes to shave.

He returned in his robe and let it drop to the floor. I gazed at his body and saw he had shaved his pubic hair. His genital and pubic areas were smooth. He saw me look and said, "I just felt I needed to do something personal for you and me. It sounds stupid, but I feel cleaner. I never want anything between us to be dirty. I know it is not, but I wanted to do something symbolic."

"Jason," I replied, "to me, you are pure, untainted and perfect. I feel your genuine, complete and wholesome love for me. Having said that, I do appreciate the gesture. You look even more beautiful, and now we share something else that is very personal."

With that, he slid into bed beside me as I lay on my back. His face hovered over mine, and his hand slowly moved down my body and rested gently on my pubic mound. He said, "I wish I could turn back time and remove the hurt, the pain and the shame."

I replied, "Jason, that experience, that violation of my body, produced the most beautiful thing in my life...you. Opening up to you has set me free in many ways. Maybe I should have looked for help much earlier, but I was so ashamed. I feel no shame now, just love and appreciation for you. Something I thought about a lot, after it happened, when I realised that I was pregnant, was that you were like an immaculate conception. As a Christian, that gave me some comfort."

His fingers gently caressed me as I said, "I know that is a bizarre thing to say, but it gave me strength."

He gave me the gentlest of smiles and said, "I will always love and protect my virgin mother."

Then he gave me the gentlest of kisses on the lips, to match his smile.

He then kissed my cheeks and my neck. His kisses continued to my chest, my arms, the swell of my breasts, my nipples and then further. He moved down to kiss my tummy, my hips, my thighs, calves and my feet. Then those kisses travelled back to my vagina. He kissed it gently and said, "Your vagina is beautiful, Mum. It pains me that it has been defiled as it was. I promise that I will always treat you with love and tenderness."

I moved my hand down to his chin and raised it to look into my eyes and said, "Jason, it is my cunt. It is your cunt. My cunt belongs to you always."

With that, he licked me tenderly and said, "I love your cunt, Mum."

He opened his mouth and his tongue slid into my folds and slipped from the top to my anus. My legs opened instinctively as he lavished my cunt with his mouth. My arousal was so profound. He gently probed me with his tongue and played my labia open with his fingers. I could feel his breath and his lips on my inner flesh.

I was melting into him, but I wanted him in my arms. I wanted to connect with him with all of my body. All of my skin.

"Jason," I asked, "please, kiss me?"

With that, he slid his body up mine and our lips met. We kissed deeply; our tongues danced a slow waltz. I felt as one with my lover, my son, my child. I could feel his erection begin to move on my pelvis. I motioned for him to lift his pelvis and slipped my hand between us. I took his penis in my hand and masturbated him a little. I then rubbed the head of his cock on my lips. My cunt lips. I moved it toward me. Into me.

He looked into my eyes and said, "Mum, are you sure?"

I replied "I could never be more sure. It is time. I want your cock in me, Jason. I want your cock in my cunt. Please, go slow."

And he did.

He pressed his cock into me. I felt it with my inner flesh. Slowly it moved deeper into me.

When it was halfway in, he stopped and asked, "Is this ok?"

My response was simple, "Yes...deeper."

And so he pressed deep into me. I felt his testicles against my skin and knew he was all of the way inside of me. It felt divine. Again he asked if I was ok. I replied that I was, and he stayed motionless deep inside of me.

He looked into my eyes and said, "Mum, I am inside of you. I am back, and I feel I am truly home."

I smiled at him. I smiled into him and said softly, "This is my first sexual intercourse. This is incest. This is what I was made for. This is what we were made for. Incest is beautiful."

Both of us had wetness in our eyes as we held that moment. I then moved a little to feel him move in me and the words fell from my lips, "Make love to me, Jason. Make love to your mother. Commit incest with me."

He withdrew his hard cock a little and then eased it back in. I could not believe how wonderful it felt, and I hissed into his ear, "Fuck me, baby, fuck your lover, fuck your mother. Fuck me."

A primal look came over him, and he began increasing his motions. He fucked me; he fucked into me.

A lifetime of depriving myself of sex created a deep urgency. I met his thrusts as he fucked me. I knew his orgasm was imminent. He said, "I am going to cum, Mum...where shall I--"

Before he could finish his sentence I hissed, "Cum in my cunt, baby. Cum in your mother's cunt. I want it all."

And for the first time in my life, I saw carnal hunger in a man's eyes as he increased his vigour. And then the release. His body came to a tense stop as the cum left his cock and sprayed inside my flesh. Into my cunt.

My son came in me. He pumped into me, and he filled me with his seed. The child of my womb was back in me. Back and filling me.

He lay on me and his heart rate slowed. He said, "Mum, I love you so much."

He stayed inside of me, and I whispered, "Stay in me."

We held that connection until I could feel him soften. I locked my legs around him to hold him in me and said, "I love you in my cunt, my darling. I never felt so connected to anyone in my life."

Then we kissed deeply and slowly.

Finally, his cock slid from me, and I felt his cum ooze from my cunt and drip around my anus.

I had not orgasmed but had never felt so whole, so complete and so united. I loved the wetness that was spilling from me. My son's seed was flowing from me, flowing from the place that had given him life.