The Doctor, The Ex-Con

All of this is just background in my head. Dad's call is what I really worry about. Why doesn't he call? Of course, now is the wrong time for him since he knows I'm in school. But I keep the phone turned on even in school. No one but Eddie knows I have it so no one can tell me to turn it off. He'll probably call tonight on the way home. I think that's when he'll call. It's been long enough and he knows I'm waiting so I think he'll call tonight. That's what I would do if it was me. I'd call tonight.

The day drones on, Eddie is making smart remarks under his breath all the time and I'm busting my gut trying not to laugh. He just wants to get me in trouble so he can rag on me. Shit! That was too funny not to laugh at, so I do, and now the teacher is glaring at me. Eddie is looking like sugar wouldn't melt in his mouth while she glares at me. He knows that I have to get even with him now. He knows, so he'll be on his guard. Makes it harder to get him back. But I will.

Pretty soon, Eddie is talking to one of the girls in our class that he has a thing for. He wants us to double date some time but I tried to tell him my mom would have a kitten if I told her I was going out on a date. But there was this one girl ... Anyway, after hours and hours of boring stuff, school is over and Eddie and I walk home. I have my cell in my hand and I'm looking at it, willing it to ring. It makes a sound like little bells ringing so I'll know it's mine. Eddie watches me and looks disgusted.

"Come on, Rube! He'll call when he's ready. He's a con and he's gotta get permission to go anywhere. We don't know where he's at, so it might take him a lot of time to get it straightened out. You gotta wait, man!"

"Yeah, I know that! But it's been almost a week since he said he'd call. You think he's changed his mind? Doesn't want to see me? Maybe that's it. He doesn't want to see me after all this time."

"No man! He told you he'd call and he will. You just gotta wait. He's the boss and he knows what's best. Just be sure you tell me when he comes. You hear?"

We walked along in silence, Eddie tossing a ball in the air while I just followed him. By the time it was time to split, Eddie going toward the nice homes while I went toward the apartments, he still hadn't called. I was disappointed but Eddie just said to be patient. What choice did I have? I waved to him and headed home. Another hour or so before mom got there but she wanted to know I was home and safe. I had no beef with that cause I knew it was just her way. I went in, shut and locked the door and then called to let her know I was home. She seemed in good spirits when she answered and promised to have something exciting to tell me when she got home. Probably about one of her dogs or cats or birds or some such thing. Like I cared.

At home, I left the phone turned on and laying on the table where it would stay until mom got home. He still had time to call. He knew when mom would be home so he had time. I sat down with a coke and watched the phone and waited. Patiently! But when I heard her car pull in and stop, I turned the phone off and hid it in my room, under the dresser. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe.

Mom came in with a pizza and some salads. She usually fixed something during the week but tonight she must not have had time. Maybe she had plans for us to do something else? Whatever, we had pizza. I loved pizza and didn't care why she made that choice. I got plates and napkins and we sat down to eat. Pepperoni and extra cheese, just like I preferred it. Pizza Hut too. Man, this was a treat. We sat and ate and I had four pieces to her one and a half. It was great.

I sat back, full to the gills and smiled at mom.

"Great meal, mom. What do we owe this to? Pizza is a real treat and not something you do very often. Did you get a promotion or something? What's the occasion?"

Mom just smiled back at me, looking very pleased with herself. She looked down for a second and then she leaned back in her chair and said, "Guess what? I know you have a cell phone and I know you talked to your dad. Did you think you could keep a secret like that to yourself? Did you think your old mom wouldn't find out?"

I was hit by surprise. How could she know? Who told her? Eddie? Never! He would never tell. So who?

"Who. . . who told you? Who told you about my cell and that dad called? Who?"

Now mom was grinning from ear to ear. She laughed out loud and slapped the table in glee.

"Your father told me. He called to tell me you contacted him and that he wanted to come see both of us. He wants to see us, Ruben! Your father is coming Sunday night to spend a week with us!"

"Really? Is he really coming this weekend? Dad is coming to see us? Where is he staying and how do we know where he'll be? Did he say where he was going to stay? Can he stay here with us? I'll give him my room and I can sleep on the couch or in your room. Can he? Please mom, can he?"

"Ruben, calm down. I don't know where he will be staying and he said he would call as soon as he gets here. He has five days to spend with us so there will be plenty of time to decide those things once he gets here. But Ruben, you have to let him decide what he wants to do and where he wants to stay. You understand that he isn't coming home to us. He's coming to visit. That's all. Do you understand?"

"Yes! OK! I'm just excited to see him after all this time. I was just a little kid when he left. He won't recognize me now. How will he know it's me?"

"I sent pictures. Aunt Eileen gave them to him so he knows what you look like now. He's your father, Ruben. He would know you anywhere. Now, let me tell you how it's going to be. First, you have to stay in school. But, he will pick you up after school and bring you home. Then you and he can talk and get acquainted. You'll have plenty of time to get to know him and him to know you. I'll see both of you when I get home at my regular time. That's how it's going to be. Do you understand?"

"Yes! I understand. He'll be there to pick me up after school? I can introduce Eddie to him. Eddie wants to meet him and I said I would try. But if he picks me up at school, maybe both of us can ride home with him and then Eddie can go on home. Would that be OK, mom?"

"That sounds perfect. Now, let's see what we have and what we have to get before he comes. Let's make a list."

Chapter 11 - Carmine

Now the dye was cast. I had made my decision and I had no choice but to follow through since I did want to see Ruben again. It had been more than seven years since I had last seen him or talked with him and he must have grown so. The pictures showed the boy that was Ruben but he looked so different from the boy in my memory. I still thought of him as a nine year old child, but that was in the past. He was a boy, grown now into a young man of fifteen. He would be almost a stranger to me, and I to him. But that would pass quickly once I met him again.

And Nancy. How would she see my coming back? I had shut her out when it all happened. Sure, I had my reasons and they were good ones but would she understand them now? And what about what she did? How was I with that? While time had passed, so too had a lot of our plans and dreams. I had to admit to myself that when I tried to picture Nan now, nothing came to me. Maybe too much had passed for us to have any basis for friendship. Too many questions to answer and no foundation on which to base any answers.

Whatever the future would hold, my path was ahead of me. There was no going back and no way to undo what had come and gone. I understood that we had all paid a price for what happened. And if I was to be honest about it, I considered the price paid in full. Whatever happened now was all new and the past had no part in it. That was a lesson learned in prison but it was an important one. We all believed it and we all lived for it. I finished packing my meager belongings and threw the suitcase into the back of my pickup. I climbed in and started the engine, put the shift in drive and I was on my way.

I lived in the northwest part of Columbus, not far from the clinic which was located closer in and near the Brookside Country Club. For me, this would be an easy trip, just a short drive to Groveport proper. I had reservations at a Holiday Inn and promised to be there before six in the evening. Should be no problem. I drove, feeling the freedom to do something I hadn't done since I got out. Travel! It was still a strange feeling at times, to be free to do whatever I wanted without someone checking.

I arrived at the Holiday Inn at five o'clock and checked in, my credit card limit no longer a problem. Even so, old habits die hard so to be safe, I could pay most of the room cost in cash and not test out my new credit card limit. To be certain there were no hitches, I gave the clerk $300 at check-in with instructions to use it before charging the card. The cute girl behind the counter smiled and nodded her understanding. Maybe this was not an unusual request. I found my room, unpacked my few belongings and settled in.

With little to do, and not wanting either Ruben or Nan to know I was here already, I decided to make a drive to where Ruben went to school, and then, maybe if I was feeling brave and adventurous enough, I could drive by their place and see where they were living. With that thought, I got into my truck and followed the directions Nan had given me to Ruben's school.

Twenty minutes later, I had successfully found the school and was now on my way to their address, tracing the route Ruben walked every day. I found the boulevard she said was the main one leading to her location and after driving for several minutes, I saw the name of her street on the sign hanging across the intersection. I followed it for another half mile before I saw the subdivision with its cluster of homes off to my right. I pulled into one of the streets, the name the same as her address, and in just a few more minutes, saw the place.

It was a small, single-level home, nestled in with several more just like it. Hers was set back from the street a little more then its neighbors and it was painted a light blue with darker blue shutters. It was neat, the yard and shrubs surrounding it well tended, the entire picture one of a well-cared-for home. It was so different from the place we lived in before I went to jail; not only the size and location, but just the whole idea of living in a place like this. That my son and my ex-wife lived there was a little hard for me to grasp.

As I slowed, I saw two bikes sitting in the driveway next to the home. Inside the open garage door I saw an older model Ford sedan. I continued slowly past and was rewarded with a glimpse into the back yard where I spotted two young boys sitting around a small table. They seemed to be playing with some sort of electronic game and I could see the one I didn't know gesturing to the other. That would be Ruben, I was certain: I had pictured him in my mind often enough to know him anywhere. The pictures Nan sent identified his face but I didn't believe that was even necessary. I'd know my son anywhere.

I slowed and stopped right there on the street; the glimpse of my son too tempting to allow me to keep moving. I just watched as they interacted with each other, their friendship clear even from where I sat. Then, as I was about to pull away, I saw her. She came out of the house with two cans of soda for the boys, and I watched as they stopped their game and took the cans from her hands. Both were very careful and I could see both as they nodded their thanks. She stood there, talking to them and looking around the yard. I was too far away to see much of her face but I was surprised to see she was still wearing those tight jeans and that T-shirt I always loved. That memory hadn't gone far.

Just as I was about to pull away, she turned and met my eyes! The tears that started when I first saw my son made things difficult to see clearly, but I could tell even from that distance that she recognized me. I panicked then and shoved my foot down on the gas pedal and raced away, my tires spewing gravel as they gained traction. I didn't let up until I was out of sight and back on the main road leading to my hotel. I was shaking, making driving difficult so I slowed down and made my way carefully back to my room. I went inside and collected my thoughts until I felt calm.

I decided then that a meal would allow me time to get control and figure out what to say when I called. That I had to do since I promised Nan I would let her know I was here and that I would pick Ruben up tomorrow after school. She trusted me with my son and I was not going to jeopardize that trust now. Not after seeing him today. So, I walked down to the lobby where a small restaurant was located. I went in and had a meal, eating most of it by instinct, not really tasting anything. Just nourishment.

By the time I got back to my room, it was past nine and time to call. I sat, picked up the phone and dialed. It rang twice before she picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Nancy. It's me, Carmine. I'm here as promised and I just wanted to let you know I'll pick up Ruben as we agreed. I guess I'll see you when you get home. Is that still OK with you?"

"It's fine, Ruben." A slight hesitation, then "I saw you today, you know. That was you in the truck, wasn't it?"

"Yes, Nan, it was me. I'm sorry for doing that, but I just had to see where you and Ruben were living. I panicked when you turned around and I left in a hurry. It's hard for me, sometimes, to remember that not everything I do that seems wrong, is really wrong. Does that make any sense to you?"

"I think so, but then I haven't had to live under the conditions you did for those five years. I guess it would make things strange at times."

"You have no idea. But, it's not something I would encourage you to have to experience for yourself. No! Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow. Is there anything I should bring or anything for me to worry about?"

"Nothing at all, Carmine. Just be yourself. You're his father and that's all that's important to him. He never blamed you, you know. The only thing he said when I explained to him what I did and why you reacted the way you did was "I don't blame Dad for doing what he did. He had to do it." That's what your son said, Carmine, and that's how he feels."

"Maybe it's a good thing that I did come, Nan! He has to understand that what I did was wrong! That's why I went to jail! Because what I did was wrong! He has to know that! I don't want him to think what I did was heroic or right or justified. It wasn't!"

"But, Carmine, he understands that I was the one that caused you to act that way. It was not your fault, Carmine; it was mine and he knows that. I told him what I did to you and he understands! He knows, Carmine! I owed both of you the truth, so when he asked, I told him about Hugo and what we were doing when you came home."

"No, Nan, you're wrong. I'll talk to you tomorrow, both of you. I'll have to make you understand! Until then, goodnight."

I hung up then, before I lost my temper. How could she be so blind? She must know that her act was never justification for almost killing another man. There are options! Violence is not one of them! I saw the result of violence at the hospital and I riled against those who caused such damage to others. I called them vile names. I vented my anger on them and their wanton actions that caused such grief to others. I cursed them and their actions, then I did the very thing I so hated in others. The very thing I was so much against!

And how could she think I would put my son through the publicity and the recriminations that a trial would bring. Any actions she or I committed would reflect on our son and even on Nancy herself as the facts came out in a public trial She had to know that! How could she not?

I slept poorly that night, keyed up by the thought of seeing and talking to my son for the first time in so long. And for what I had to make them understand about what I did and why I choose to go to jail. They had to understand before I could go back to my job and my new home. I had to make them see that I was the one that was wrong. I had to make them see.

Chapter 12 - Ruben

He called last night! I heard the phone ring and I knew it had to be him! He was here; in Groveport! And he had come to see me. After all this time, my dad was here and he was coming to see me. I wanted to answer the phone myself but I knew mom would have a fit if I did. She made me promise to wait and do it dad's way. She told me that if I didn't do it that way, that dad might just stay away. I thought she was crazy, but she did know him better than I did. So, I heard the phone ring and I just knew. I fell asleep thinking about what was going to happen tomorrow.

The next day was one of the longest in my life! I told Eddie that dad would pick us up after school and then I was going to have some time alone with him, just the two of us, until mom got home. Then we would all be together again, just like I remember from before. I did remember: I remembered dad coming home all smelling like chemicals, his face all gray and tired and then, once he had changed and had a shower, he was my dad again. I remembered we all laughed a lot, and mom hardly ever got angry or cried like she does now a lot. And then it all changed. Dad went away, mom cried all the time and things were not so good anymore. Oh yes, I remembered.

But finally it was three thirty and the bell rang for the last class of the day. I grabbed my books, slammed them in my locker and spun the combination lock before heading to the huge double doors in the front of the school. They would be open now, and kids would be pouring out, heading home. I stopped by the display case just inside the doors to wait for Eddie. He finally came down the hall and, together, we ran out the front doors and down the sixteen steps to the ground. Eddie and I ran out to the front of the school and stopped, looking around. Then I saw him!

He was standing in front of an old red Ford pickup truck, one that looked to be a whole bunch of years old. But that was not important: what was important to me was that he was there! I knew him right away. I remembered him and I knew him right then!

"Come on, Eddie! There he is! There's my dad! Come on!" I grabbed Eddie by the arm and started pulling him toward my dad. Dad watched us, then stepped away from the truck to wait for me to get there. When I did, I just stopped in front of him and stared at this man I hadn't seen in seven years. He looked at me and smiled. Then, without warning, he grabbed me and wrapped his strong arms around me and lifted me right off the ground. He held me so tight I was having trouble breathing.

"Dad! Come on, dad! You're suffocating me! Put me down!" I was laughing and crying at the same time and I wasn't the least bit ashamed. This was my dad!

He finally let me go, stepped back and said, "I'm sorry son. I didn't mean to embarrass you. And who's your friend? Is this the famous Eddie?"

Eddie puffed up his chest and said, "Hi, Mr. Montoya. It's good to meet you. I'm Eddie, Rube's best friend. Me and him are buddies, right Rube?"

I just nodded, still watching my dad. Finally, after all these years, he was here. I was still trying to catch my breath.

He finally got us into the pickup and we took off, heading for the entrance to our place. Eddie came as far as the junction with us and when dad said he could drive Eddie the rest of the way, Eddie said no thanks, so dad wouldn't see the place where he lived. Eddie was embarrassed by the fact his parents had money and we didn't, but I didn't think it was so bad. But that was Eddie's choice. I told him I would call later and we drove the rest of the way home. Dad seemed to know right where to go so we were home pretty quick.