The End of It All

Daniel nodded and said, "If you feel like that's what you need to do, then I support you. But, baby, you can't destroy yourself like this."

"I'm not destroying myself. There's nothing left in me to destroy." I said with a shrug and as much of a laugh as I could muster. "I promise I'll be okay...just have a drink with me."

He smiled and took the bottle off the dresser. We sat back in the bed and snuggled up to each other, holding each other in comfortable silence for a while. Finally, he said, "So what are you going to do?"

I looked up at him and said, "I think you know what I have to do."

He nodded and said, "Yeah, I thought so. Do you need me to go?"

"Just hold me until I fall asleep. I don't want to be alone right now."

"You got it, babe," he said with a smile and softly kissed me on the forehead.

***

I woke up on Sunday morning feeling a lot better than I should have considering 3/4 of the bottle of whiskey was gone. Still, there was a lingering sickness that was less attributed to a hangover and more to the fact of what was going to happen later on. I half-meant what I told Daniel the night before: my life is over. Life as Lisa Townshend would surely go on, of course. Life as Kathryn Avery was about to be shut out of the books forever. Sure, I had thought about getting some new girls, moving on, etc. but the thought of continuing here without them just didn't seem to make sense to me. This was a pet project anyway...and it's not like I wouldn't continue exploring my dominant side. This was just a chapter of my life that needed to end.

I took my time in the shower letting the warm water wash away the events of the previous days. A thought crossed my mind of something my priest used to say at Mass on Sunday: Lord, wash away my iniquities and cleanse me of my sins. That's what this day would be: a cleansing, a purge, a much-needed letting go. This would be therapy for me...my last confession.

I hadn't left my room since Friday morning so I felt a wave of nausea as I opened my door and walked across the hall to Elise's room. I didn't know if she'd be there or if any of them would be here for that matter. I knocked on the door...no answer. I opened it up a crack and Elise was sitting on her bed, reading. When I stepped inside, she immediately stood up at attention. That almost broke my heart: she was still afraid of me.

"Uhh," I stammered as I cleared my throat. "I need you to, uh...come down to the parlour. Bring the other girls with you."

"Yes, Ma'..." she started to say "Ma'am" but I already shut the door behind me. There was no need for niceties at this point. The damage had already been done and I didn't expect anything from them anymore.

I was waiting for the girls in the parlour when they all filed down in a row. They stood in the entrance and I motioned for them to sit down. The tension that immediately filled the room was nearly unbearable and none of us wanted to be there...but this was my last show and I had to show that I wasn't as bothered as I was.

"Well," I said with a sigh, "I think you all know why you're here. You made the choice to atone for what you've done and that will happen in a few moments. I really don't want you to talk...there's no need for a safe word, no negotiations. You get what you deserve. Nod if you understand me." They nodded in unison. "Very well. Follow me down to the dungeon."

It felt like a death march as I led them in to my beloved space. They didn't deserve to be in there because it was a place of fun and joy. That's not what this would be about at all. For all I cared at that point, I should have just locked them in a closet but this would be just as bad, I felt. When they had all gathered in the middle, I turned to look at them. "I want you all to remove your clothing. Fold them neatly in separate piles, place them on the bed, and return here." They looked at me and then at each other with some confusion but they did as they were told. I don't think they felt they had any choice in the matter at this point and they would be right. They didn't.

When all three of them were naked and standing in front of me, I put restraints on their wrists and ankles then, in turn, chained their ankles to the floor and their wrists were hanging from the ceiling above their heads. Then, grabbing a cart, I went over to my wall of implements. I stared at the wall gently stroking floggers, whips...my lovely array of riding crops. I picked out my favorite ones and put them on the cart. I opened up some drawers and grabbed a large cattle prod, two canes, some nipple clamps and a few other things here and there. I wheeled my full cart of goodies so it would sit right in front of the girls. I looked at them...all six of their eyes fixated on the cart...and said, "Be right back."

I shut the door behind me and ran upstairs to the phone. I immediately called Daniel. "Hey, it's me. Is everything ready?"

"Yeah," he said. "I talked to the bank and got the cards. The trucks should already be on their way."

"Perfect...you coming, too?"

"Yep, on my way out the door as we speak."

"Okay, good. See you soon."

"Hey Lis?" he said, quickly.

"Yeah?"

He paused. "Good luck with everything."

I smiled. "Thank you, sweetheart. I'll see you shortly." I hung up the phone and went to my room.

There was a time when this pre-show ritual got my juices flowing. I could remember times when I would be so excited that my heart would feel like it was in my throat. Today, however, I just felt like I was putting on a uniform. I donned my best finery for this moment. Black dress pants, black blouse, black silk tie with an Eldridge knot, black vest and black jacket over that. I put my hair up in a tight bun, did my makeup and put on my black gloves. I went to my big wardrobe and opened the doors to reveal all my masks. I just stared at all of them...blank eyes staring back at me. I loved them...and I would miss them...but that truly was representative of what Kathryn was to me. A dark woman cloaked in mystery. I took one last look at my treasures and closed the doors. It was showtime.

I walked back into the dungeon and the girls shook with surprise. I'm sure the anticipation of what I was finally going to do with them was getting to their heads and God only knows what they were talking about while I was gone. I had appeared to them like this a thousand times but never with my face exposed. Still, this is what they wanted. This is what they were going to get.

I stood in front of Beth who was nearest to the door. "Bethany Ann McDonough," I said. Her once sparkling and lively green eyes, now full of sadness and fear, met mine. "Beth, I remember when we first met. It was at a party here...you remember?" She nodded with tears starting to form in her eyes. "It was some anniversary party...I can't remember which one...you remember the first thing you said to me?"

She smiled a half-smile and meekly said, "Yeah. 'Nice try but I could do better.'"

I laughed at the thought myself. "I believe I offered you a job right then and there, didn't I?" She nodded. "Little spitfire right from the beginning. Well, Beth? Did you end up doing better?" She started to cry and hung her head. I moved on to Marisa.

"Marisa Maria Feliciano."

"Kathryn, please..." she begged. I wasn't listening.

"You were brought to me by mistake, weren't you?" She didn't say anything. "Yeah, I think it was one of my regulars who brought you in. Strung out on coke, this close to death...pretty much given up on life and gave no more fucks, did you? Well?" I grabbed her face hard and asked her again. "Did you?"

She sharply inhaled at the pain. "No, Kathryn," she said with growing anger. I let go.

"So what was I to do with poor little cracked out Marisa? Personally, I would have just let you go back out on the street and rot but Paul was a good friend of mind who had a taste for loose women and a WAY bigger heart than I had. He begged me to help you. Begged. So, I listened. I took you in, kept you off the streets, nursed you back to health..." Marisa's eyes were on the ground and she was crying as well. "Oh," I continued, "you didn't think any of this was my idea, did you? Ha! I didn't have a whit of faith in you...but I was wrong. You ended up turning it around." I gently lifted her chin up. "You...Marisa. YOU turned it around."

Finally...I went to Elise. She looked at me the entire time and, of course, she was sobbing but I understood. We were the closest of all of us and I could feel myself start to get emotional, too. "My sweet Elise..."

"Mother," she squeaked.

"Shhhhh, it's okay," I said. "Sweetheart, you were more precious to me than anyone I've ever met here. No matter what happens, I want you to take that with you...okay?" I was starting to choke up. "I know you feel like you aren't strong sometimes and I know you feel like you can't handle the things that are going on around you but you remember how strong you always were for me...okay? You remember that and you walk with your head held high...do you understand me?"

She nodded and said "Yes, Mother."

We were both in tears now and I quickly took the key out of my pocket to undo her wrists. When her hands were free, I gave her the tightest embrace that I could. I really did love her and this pained me more than I wanted to admit that it would. I let her go and held her face before giving her a kiss on the cheek. I undid her ankles and quickly followed suit with the other two. Wiping the tears away from my eyes, I straightened myself up and said, "Now, all of you get dressed and meet me upstairs in the foyer."

I left the room to let them get dressed. When I went upstairs there were three large suitcases sitting by the door and Daniel was talking to a rather large man with a weight belt around his waist. He noticed me coming around the corner and smiled one of those smiles you give to a person who you know isn't having the best day.

"Heyyyy," he said, coming toward me. "You okay?"

I kinda shook myself off and slapped my cheeks. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Heh! Even if the face of tragedy, you still got time to make me love you more," he said with a big grin.

"I do what I can," I said. "Everything almost done?"

"Yep," Daniel said. "There are two guys in each room, I have shipping slips annnd..." He reached into his back pocket and procured three bank cards. "The cards!"

"Awesome. Thank you so much for helping me out."

"Hey...you had enough on your plate. Are they coming soon?"

"Yeah, soon..." I said, looking behind me.

"Lisa," Daniel said. "Do they even know?"

I looked back at him and didn't say anything. "Ohhhh shit," Daniel said with the realization of what I had done.

A few moments passed and the girls came upstairs and, upon seeing the suitcases and the movers, looked at me with puzzled looks.

"Girls...come here." They came and stood before me and Daniel. "You have served me well and served this house with grace and honor. Per our agreement, you have atoned and now I must ask you to leave. You will forget me and you will forget this house. You will never try to make contact and you must never return. Before you get upset, these nice gentlemen are packing up all your belongings, they have packed a suitcase to get you through one week, they have shipping slips for you to fill out and give to them with wherever you need your things to go. Also, I have these for you." I handed them each a card with their names on it. "These cards are connected to your bank accounts. You will find that your accounts contain $15,000 each...to...give you all the fresh start you deserve."

They took the cards with silence and shock.

"Your cabs are outside. Goodbye."

They picked up their suitcases and headed toward the door. Beth turned around and said, "Kathryn, this is bullsh.." but I cut her off, raising my finger to my lips. "Beth...goodbye."

...and that was it. One by one, they left without looking back...and there I stood with Daniel holding me in the face of the end of an era.

***

A month had passed since that fateful Sunday when I saw my alter ego fade into oblivion. There were still things I had to do since I couldn't just leave the house as it was. As much as it pained me to let that beautiful place go, I felt I was doing the right thing. Daniel and I had planned to hold a silent auction for all of my...well...all of Kathryn's things there. He was going to host the event since I really couldn't be there but, at the same time, I wondered how good my disguise had actually been throughout the years.

The event had already been going on for an hour so it was about 8:00 by the time I arrived. The street was lined with black luxury vehicles and even a limousine or two. I walked into the door and it was like I was walking in for the first time. There was light classical music playing in the background and pretty waitresses in matching uniforms were serving drinks to the attendees. Pity, I thought. They would have looked so much better if all they were wearing were collars. This wasn't my party, though. Daniel had put it all together and did a stunning job. There were display tables set up all around the foyer and into the parlour. All my implements, my wardrobe, my masks...everything was up for sale and seemed to go like hotcakes. I was standing alone by the door until someone nudged me.

"Darling, you are the last person I thought I would ever see here." I looked up and Tristan Andrews' gray eyes sparkled down at me.

"Tristan..." I said as I gave him a deep embrace. "I'm glad you're here."

"Well, I don't know that I feel the same way, Lisa. Seems such a waste."

"Feel like you wasted an investment?"

"Well," he said, "I had hopes for you, Lisa, but no...you didn't disappoint. Shame about this house, though."

"Tristan, about that..." I dug into my pocket and took out the key to the front door. "It's in your name. You can do whatever you want with it. ...seemed only fair you take back what was yours to begin with."

Tristan smiled and took the key from me. "Very well, darling. I'll just lock up when you leave," he said with a wink. He touched my shoulder and left to go mingle with the other millionaires. There, I thought. One more check in the box.

I wandered around looking at all my pieces and thinking about all the amazing times I had there. I came upon my St. Andrew's Cross and a dear client of mine, Martin Birch, was there staring at it. I walked up next to him but didn't say anything. He looked at me and said, "Well...as I live and breathe. Ms. Townshend...what on Earth are you doing here?"

I smiled and said, wistfully and with truth, "Oh, I...knew the woman that ran this place."

He sighed deeply and said, "Truly something, wasn't she?"

"Yeah."

"Do you guys still talk? What is she doing? Why did she leave?"

"Oh," I said, shyly putting my hands in my pockets, "She's doing okay. She just...had enough, I guess. She's moved on."

Martin nodded and looked at me. It must have been the way I was looking at the cross because his face went from normal to focused and serious. "She really helped a lot of people, you know..." he said.

"Sure seems like it. There are...a lot of people here. I didn't...well, I mean...she probably wouldn't expect that anyone would show up like this. It's pretty incredible."

He turned toward me and looked me right in the eyes for what seemed like hours. "She was incredible. You don't know how many lives she touched, how many people she saved...she was a Godsend to most of us, Lisa."

I couldn't help myself. I started to tear up as I nodded in acknowledgement. Martin motioned "come here" with both his hands and he gave me the sweetest hug. He whispered in my ear, "I mean it. You saved all of us. I can't thank you enough...Ma'am." He loosened his embrace and smiled at me.

I nodded and said, "Thank you, Mr. Birch. It was great to see you again."

I suppose if anyone could have seen through me, it would have been Martin. But there were others. Daniel saw through it, Tristan saw through it...I'm sure there were others that did but, either out of fear, respect or just professional courtesy, kept it to themselves...and even though it seemed all for nothing, I suppose living two lives not only saved the men that came to this house. It saved me and it saved the girls in some capacity, too. So while I was losing a huge part of my life and it was all coming to a close before my eyes, I could feel good about what I had accomplished there...in my own little house of ill repute at the edge of town.