All Comments on 'The End of the Affair'

Four stars for the short whiney white guy. It appears that he gets a lot of action.

No emotion in it. Just cold heart people.

Ouch. But clever.

What I hated - In the second part, her husband liking her lover's stink on her and his cum in her.

What I liked - In the third part, where it turned out that the lover and his wife were actually playing the same game as they were.

They all deserve each other... not a single redeeming character to be found. Whiney snivelly snot who shouldn't be able to pull a randy goat as a lothario?!?

1/5

Well done. 5*

I liked this story and the way it was structured but was confused by the last act. He acts guilty and nervous with his wife, as though not knowing how she'll act, but then she confesses in the last line she knows he's cheated before and apparently knows some details about the women and doesn't care about it. That raises unresolved questions about what, exactly, the relationship is between them.

They are all playing the game getting their jollies off in destructive terms, only I think the first wife, full of jism, is the only one doing the awful things she does out of love of a man that clearly doesn’t deserve her. Horrible concept but brilliantly written in the art form of the flash story.

Total shite!

It's hard to write a 750 word story and get any feeling into the story. But you managed to paint a picture of 4 really nasty, unlikable characters. If that's what you consider a successful story than you succeeded. However it was neither erotic or entertaining.

1 star

You have a lot of high scoring stories in other genres, but I don't think LW will be that kind.

Sorry it did not move me.

But you know, most experiments fail.

Thanks for the effort.

@SimonDoom - Good catch, I'm surprised I missed that. Why is he acting guilty when she's apparently in on the game/

Why did these couples get or stay married?

...there’s no one to like here.

This is the first of your pieces I’ve read. Your cadence is quick, leaving only what we need to know. Your storytelling is efficient and sleek and I’m keen to read more. I guess you have a new fan!

It's so bizarre that people are down voting your writing because you wrote unlikeable characters. Your ability to write such complex characters in this shortened format is a credit to your skill. 5 stars from me. Well done!

To put this one down, bookmark it, and come back later for a reread.

I think that this is a really well done piece of minimalism, and not at all a crap cuck story like the ones we get in here every day.

Yes the characters are horrible people, engaged in projecting their pathology onto seemingly unaware mirror players.

I enjoy these shorts for what they are and that they DONT draw out the complete picture but rather let the reader run.....this is, in my mind, a successful story.

I’ve read it three times, and one angle suggests that this is a satire.

BelleCanzuto, I see you’ve turned off voting. Let me assure you that getting 1* bombed in LW is no black mark. Regroup and make another run at it. I’ll look up your other stories even though at first glance they don’t dovetail my interests.

This story packs a heavy punch for a story so brief, I agree entirely with one comment I noticed about the elegance and efficiency of this very simple story.

Someone (probably several someone’s) grumbled about why did either couple bother to get married, I thought it was a very narrow minded attitude. In an open relationship sex with a 3rd party is just sex, a biological function. However, sex with your spouse in an open relationship is profound. The entire point is to share everything openly with your spouse doing that turns the casual sex into foreplay for the real deal, which is having sex with your spouse. It’s a way of expanding horizons, experiencing variety. You aren’t in love with the 3rd party you’ll care about them to some degree because you don’t want to deliberately hurt them or lead them on because you love your husband/ wife and have no intention of leaving them.

Of course the irony in this case is that both of the ‘lovers’ were from open relationships. Obviously the right way to pursuing this extramarital foreplay is to make sure that the other person is single. I strongly believe that this kind of thing should only include fully consenting adults and that nobody gets hurt from it. If I were the woman in this story I wouldn’t seek out someone already in a relationship. The only thing that comes across as odd is that the male ‘lover’ seemed genuinely attached to his female counterpart.

Tess (UK)

1. Interesting that this is the first and only submission in LW for this author

2. This author has 14(!) Hot-rated stories out of 22, and most are 4.7s and 4.8s.

3..Interesting that the early comments are ad hominem, i.e., the characters suck, as if these are real people. The last four comments, all applaud the quality writing, and make little mention of the characters.

4. The ONLY submission where the scoring appears turned off is this one (x.xx), as if the author knew that scoring would be meaningless in this category.

It's almost as if this author knew that readers in LW didn't read for the quality of the writing, but rather voted for what they liked. Or against what they don't like.

Your writing skills are not much beyond the norm here, at all, so I fail to understand the cheers from the crowd, ie Hikingthru (who cheered you because of subject matter NOT quality of writing) beyond that the and others need to cheer on anyone who validates what they think is a kink.

If the characters are literally worthless it does detract from what you are attempting to give us. And what you did give us wasn't much beyond plain drivel. In every regard.

All you showed us, in the end, was that these people aren't worth reading about. But the closeted ones would applaud you, so take it with a huge grain of salt.

Geez, some of the comments I've read are longer than the story which was a whole lot of nothing very much. What even was the point of it?

my first read by this author, it won't be my last. Can't understand all the negativity, I thought it well written and entertaining if I could i would give it 5*

Nicely layered for something so short. Left me wondering what ‘the game’ really was and my imagination is going wild with the options. Kind of like what’s really in the suitcase in Pulp Fiction. Great way to live in your readers head long after they’ve finished the story.