All Comments on 'The Facility'

Looking forward to chapter 2

Enjoying the expirements bummer you introduced the sister and mom so soon but looking forward to part 2. Please proof read. Thanks

I like the idea here, but the execution needs a lot of work. The text does not distinguish between speech, thought and just normal prose which makes reading awkward. Add in quotation marks, maybe italicise thoughts, or even paragraph breaks if necessary.

Second, and this is a bit more vague, the text doesn't give any sense that Ezra is struggling with his situation. I know it says he is, but spending some time maybe he's debating with himself about the right thing to do, or feeling guilty about his role, or anger at whoever is doing this, or whatever. The best we get here is "Ezra began to cry." Why did he cry? Because he's captured? Because of the forced sex? Because of the guilt?

I'd definitely like to see how this story develops, it has some definite potential!

Love it so far, but you cut if off WAY too soon! You should have wrote the whole thing out before publishing... I hate it when "chapters" aren't all dropped at the same time. I understand nobody here is a professional author, but books and stories don't get published until they are complete.... Finish it!

You told us exactly who the females were,leaving no is it....... it could have been a hot cousin or aunt or teacher only to get revealed at the end.

Lots of potential. Good luck!