The Fourth Wife

It was only now that her not taking the birth control pills made sense. She didn't need them. She was already pregnant, and with some other man's baby. My anger took over. I violently shook her awake. She screamed in fright. I kept shaking her, giving vent to my pent up anger. I struck her hard on the face. I stopped after the first hard blow. What had overcome me? I wasn't a violent person but my anger had gotten the best of me. She was crying and trying to get out of bed to get away from me. I held her tight in bed. In anger I jumped out of bed, standing over her. I jerked her up to the sitting position. She was bleary eyed and still half asleep.

"DAMN IT," I yelled. "I am going to have the truth and the whole truth NOW. You are pregnant with another man's baby. This thing of secrecy is over at this very minute. No more delays. I'm angry as a rocked hornet's nest. You have no husband in this house anymore. You have to tell me everything and it better be everything. I have had it!"

I was yelling and shaking her shoulders.

"Your last time extension just ran out. Go get some real clothes on that pregnant belly of yours. Wash your face. Take a shower. Try to wash off your infidelity if you can. See if you can find some guilt to feel sorry about. You are going to talk and you are going to confess."

I stormed out slamming the door hard enough to shake the walls I made coffee to occupy my hands. I wondered if I could control my anger.

"Susan," I yelled down the hall to her. "When I am ready I will call for you to come to the table. You will obey me. I'm through with being mister good guy. Do not show yourself until I command!" I was shocked at myself.

I was shaking in fear and anger. I knew this was the worst day of my life. I walked around the kitchen doing nothing except staring at the gurgling coffee maker. I was in a state of shock. Collapsing in a chair I just tried to die but it didn't work. Reality was still there. I pinched myself but didn't wake up. I got up, grabbing a glass and threw it at the back door, smashing it into ten thousand shards and destroying the glass in the door. I felt worse.

I was trying to be rational but it wasn't working. She had been right on at least that point. When I finally knew the truth, my emotions were going to ruin our life together, mine certainly and probably hers. Pouring a cup of coffee, I drank it rapidly. It burned my lips and tongue as it went down. I didn't care. Maybe if my tongue burned I couldn't say the things my mind was thinking about her. Finally, I cooled down a bit, finished serving the coffee and the toast and called loudly and angrily my soon-to-be-ex-wife to the table.

She was dressed as usual in that awful drab tent dress. She was somber and told me she was scared of me. I tore the dress off her. She had no bra on. Her dark full bush was covered with white loose fitting cotton panties that went well below her pussy. Her breasts were already enlarging, the superficial veins were visible and the areolas were darkening. Her hips were beginning to spread. I told her I would not strike her again but she better go put on something decent. She deserved the whipping of a life time but I wasn't up to administering it. She had to look decent for this important meeting with me. I was no dammed social scientist academician. She was to get dressed properly.

I just knew our marriage was over. I saw no hope anymore. This was the last straw. My heart was broken and hardening against her. I had dreaded this moment, hoping against hope that it would not occur. I had plucked the last petal and it was a "she loves me not" petal. The innocence of that childhood game of picking petals crashed over me. The tsunami of all fears crashed over me. My death had been confirmed. I could not avoid a confrontation with her now. It was upon me, here and now, and I had to deal with it. I didn't expect her to be of any help except to tell me what had happened down there.

She hurried to our bedroom and soon returned in a night gown with a robe wrapped around her.

"My old clothes don't fit me anymore so this is all I have to wear for you now." She was somber as she whispered those words in apparent fear.

She then sat quietly, very subdued and looking very tired, staring at the wall behind me. Her face had swollen grotesquely. I didn't care.

"Did you know you were pregnant?" I asked.

"Yes, I did a home test the day I got back and it was positive."

"So you knew and wouldn't tell me. You hid it from me. Is that right?"

"Yes, I just couldn't deal with it then. Abortion was out of the question for me. I had to complete my thesis. The major reason of the urgency for getting it all done right away was that I knew I was going to have to deal with you about my pregnancy and our marriage. I needed my degree in the event you threw me out, or I decided to leave you. Last night I decided to begin talking to you today about everything that happened down there. I wasn't going to take the week you gave me."

"Well, this is a damn good time to start. Right now I'm really angry at you. Maybe I understand a little more about why you were in such a hurry to complete your thesis. But you lied to me and that hurts me deeply. You would never lie to me before. So now you have learned how to lie, how to be an adulteress, and how to kill a marriage. You really did learn a lot doing your research." I spit on the table between us. "Put hubby in Despair, is that what I get out of you PhD?"

My anger got the best of me. I was furious. I had never been this angry. I was ashamed of myself and SHE was shaming me to.

"You were right, Susan, my anger would have boiled over earlier and your thesis and degree might very well have been delayed or in serious jeopardy."

She just sat there staring at the wall or the floor, fidgeting with her hands.

"So get on with it," I growled.

"Evan, it is very complicated. Let me tell you that I think my pregnancy is the result of rape. Actually it was a series of rapes that began the week after I was taken in. Of course I can't be sure exactly when the pregnancy began as I have had many forced and later voluntary sexual contacts with Henry. He is the head of the family. No one defies him. Henry and I had sex over the entire two months I was there. He told me if I didn't submit he would simply rape me so I had to submit. I couldn't even find a way to escape and leave. His other wives kept close watch on me. The sheriff is his brother so I couldn't sneak out. They would have called him and then returned me and I would surely have been beaten and raped and tied up until I submitted. I had no choice." She began to sob.

My anger suddenly dissipated considerably. If she had been raped, then this was a totally different situation. I had heard stories of this type thing happening but never believed any of them. Such low life people just didn't exist in America. Now I had scientific evidence that at least one existed. Silently I planned to seek revenge but right now I needed my wife to tell me everything.

"I'm sorry you got raped," I ventured in a conciliatory tone. "But that doesn't explain why you won't have marital relations with me. Even worse, it doesn't explain your later voluntary sexual relations with him. Nor does it explain your dress habits. Nor does it explain your incessant secrecy. There has to be more to this than just the rape thing."

"Keep on talking," I ordered firmly. "This marriage is still on the rocks but not at an end yet. You are at least redeeming yourself a little."

She continued to cry. I wasn't sure it was her cheek hurting or her heart or the fact that she had got caught prematurely. I hoped it was both her heart and her face.

"I'm trying to tell you, Ethan. This is so difficult right now. I had planned to make this a three part series of discussions which would lead up to where we are now, but you short circuited my best intentions to start telling you today in an orderly fashion. Now I have to work backwards to where I had carefully planned to begin telling you. Please let me begin where I intended to start. I will tell you everything. I promise to tell you everything. Just let it be in the order I have so carefully planned."

She looked at me. Her eyes pleaded with me and my heart gave in. I had a hard time hating her.

"Okay, you must tell me everything and it must include everything now. No three part thing stretched over three weeks or so. It has to be right now. It's everything now. Is that clear?"

"Yes, everything today, I promise."

She rubbed her cheek which was by now quite swollen and turning blue. Her lower eyelids were swelling shut. I didn't offer an ice pack or any other kind of help.

"Susan, before you go any farther, I need to tell you that I have been snooping around. I have talked to your major professor. I have copies of everything on your computer. I can investigate everything you say. You have this one and only opportunity to be honest with me. I am going to record this conversation from here on out so I won't get anything mixed up later."

With that I went to my desk and retrieved my tape recorder along with several tapes, the microphone and electrical cord. I placed the microphone and recorder on the table between us and turned it on. I called my boss and took off the rest of the day. I disconnected the house phone. I willed there to be no interruptions by phones. Neighbors were not expected either.

"Give me your cell phone, Susan."

She went and got it from her den. I turned it off and put it in my pocket. Then I turned mine off, putting it in my other pocket.

Susan began her story.

"Let me tell you about where I came from. I have never told you that and you have never made serious inquiry. I haven't wanted to talk about it. I have not been dishonest with you on that or anything else; that is, up until I began being secretive these past five months.

"My mother was a fourth wife of one of these families in a family such as I researched in southern Utah. She became very upset at one point with her and their life styles. She barely escaped with me when I was only 11. Evan, I grew up in a family down there. Mom's husband, like other fathers of female children in the community, would have sexual intercourse with all his female children on their twelfth birthday. Female children had to have their first sex with their father. My mom decided that I was not going to have that happen to me. I don't know where she learned it wasn't a normal thing in the outside world.

"One evening, she ran away with me. I remember it so clearly. We left everything. We had only the clothes we were wearing. We tossed the tools. We had been working in the fields some miles from the house. It was turning dark and the other wives and children were walking back. When the rain came, they began to hurry and lost contact with me and mom. Mom grabbed me fled the opposite direction down the country road. I was scared. We hurried and stumbled along in the dark over ten miles that night.

"At dawn we had to hide in a box car on a siding for she knew the sheriff would be out looking for us. Well, the box car got hooked up and we were off and free in a matter of hours. I remember how I was so hungry and thirsty. When the train finally stopped, we jumped. We were at a highway junction. A motorist picked us up and took us to a Salvation Army woman's shelter. From there we finally got situated in Colorado.

"Mom got a job, an apartment and I got into school. We managed. You and I met at university and the rest you know. Mom never dated or got remarried. She said she had had enough of wife beatings, incest, male domination and humiliation at the hands of an all powerful husband. Actually, she had never been legally married. At least the state of Utah has no record of her marriage. That makes me an illegitimate child legally. She had been acquired for the price of two cows."

"Can we stop for now and go for a walk together and not talk about this anymore for a few minutes?"

I agreed as my legs were also cramped. Her story was fascinating and my anger had diminished but there was more to come, of that I was sure.

During the brisk walk, she accepted my hand to hold for the first time in the months since she came back at home. Once we were back at the house, we sat at the table again, staring at each other or into space. We now had a pitcher of cold water, some grapes and apples plus two glasses to help us occupy our hands.

She began, "You can see how my academic interests were influenced by my childhood. I wanted an adult view of life in that society. Now the more difficult part starts. Please just listen as best you can. I know this next part, part two, if you please, is going to be much more difficult for you to hear. I'll be as complete as I believe you will want. You can ask questions when I'm through. And I will answer them fully. I am not going to withhold anything from you any more. The need for withholding is past and the need for total honesty is here."

With this, she pushed back in her chair and took a sip of water. "Ethan, I have carefully rehearsed this many times and now I hope to get it in order and correct in content. When I went to this town, the closest I could get by public transportation was only bus stop about ten miles away. Having been there before, I contacted an acquaintance who agreed to take me the last ten miles by car to my targeted town.

"I had buried a good amount of cash near the bus station, fearing that I, like my mother, might need it. I took only a thousand dollars in cash with me. I had my laptop and had previously programmed it to access the internet. I could not use our home internet as it was not available down there. A family had tentatively agreed to put me up for a few days while I made arrangements for the longer stay I needed. You should know that the family I stayed with is part of my childhood family of origin. They were expecting me to return sometime. The town is the town of my childhood. I had been there on my preliminary scouting expeditions so I was not a totally unknown entity. I knew my way around town and the country side. Many of the people remembered me as a child, even though I had been gone for fifteen years. Even then, my return was viewed with same suspicion and distrust that every outsider coming to town was viewed. Gaining trust was essential to my research."

"As you know, these people have a deep and natural distrust of outsiders. I could not tell them I was on a research project or I would have been given the door immediately and quite unceremoniously for certain. Even though I was 'family,' I was received with considerable suspicion. Especially the head of the family, Henry, had serious doubts about letting me stay even overnight. His three wives were only a little more hospitable initially. The nine children took to me quite well even from the beginning. One daughter, Rebecca, who was 11, became very close to me. We bonded quickly and I learned so much from her. She gave me the child's view of their culture. Her insight brought back so many memories of my own childhood experiences. She was so open in discussing her feelings. I shared so much with her about the outside life of children her age. She was fascinated. She had to promise me not to tell anyone that I had told her about the outside life.

"The first day, I was greeted by the man of the family, at the roadside.

Henry is his name. He is a tall man pushing fifty now. He must be at least six feet five inches tall and a good 260 pounds of all muscle. He works the fields like most of the other men. As a result, he is very strong and very rugged. Actually he is quite handsome. He has a full beard. His hands are massive and calloused by his hard work. His body is deeply tanned from the scorching sunlight. His arms are hairy. I could see the hair on his chest above the no collared work shirt he was wearing.

"He was obviously a very strong man physically. In demeanor and continence, he is a man who is in total charge of his life and his family. He is a man who cannot be intimidated. I doubt a cougar would stand a chance against him barehanded. Although he was not aggressive to me at that time, he was clearly in total command. He was used to total compliance. No one else was allowed to greet outsiders but the man of the house. We talked for quite a while at roadside before my friends in the car were waved on to return to the outside world. I told Henry that it was my intent to live peacefully among them, living as they do for a month or so. This would allow us each to decide if my return was to be permanent. I had said 'permanent' in order to stay any time at all and to ingratiate myself to him. I had no intention to stay longer than the time needed to get my research done.

"Henry told me in very specific terms that there were rules that had to be obeyed without question even if I were to stay only overnight. No murmuring or suggesting changes in any form would be tolerated. Especially I was not to speak favorably to the children or his wives of the "outside" world. That was a paramount sin in the community. He looked at my hands and my wedding ring and said I had to take the rings off as a part of his accepting me into his home. Reluctantly I took off the ring. I told him I wanted to keep it but would not wear it. He forced me to give it to him. He promised to return it when I left. I had to agree or walk the ten miles back that night.

"He then inquired as to what was in my back pack. I told him it contained my clothes, personal things and my computer. He would not allow the computer. He took it and very unceremoniously bashed it with a hoe and threw it in the garbage hole at the back of the house. He took my purse and found the thousand dollars. He took this saying women were not allowed money in this town and certainly not in his house. There would be nothing to contaminate his home.

"Now I was glad I had hidden cash in the flower bed beside the bus station. It was now painfully obvious that I was going to be more captive than free. Because I needed to do the research and because I needed his approval and knowledge and support, I agreed to all terms he had and all future terms as long as I was his guest."

"Honey," she looked at me directly, "the loss of my computer is the cause of my seclusion back here at home. I had to resurrect all the details from memory and enter them in to my home computer. Everything depended on my remembering what I would have otherwise recorded on the computer. I wasn't sure I could remember everything. I had to do a lot of quiet thinking to remember everything correctly. I had to remember not only facts, but my emotional reactions to the life there. It was all part of my research. I had incredible anxiety about that both down there and again back here. Please try to understand. That part of the anxiety is now over but that was only a minor part of my anxiety"

She continued almost like reading from a book. "I agreed to abide by all the rules of the community, his family and his religion without voicing any disagreement. In other words, I was not to disrupt their family life in any way. That fit perfectly into my research. Now you may be wondering why he made an exception for me, as an outsider, to be in his home and in staying his town. The only reason I was allowed "in" was because Henry was a relative. Henry's mother was the first wife when my mother was a fourth wife. Henry's mother was pregnant with him when they came into the house I had lived in and into the family I eventually grew up in.

"My father took Henry's pregnant mother to be his first wife because her husband, my father's brother, had been killed in an accident. My father later took three other wives. My mother was his fourth. Henry and I are not related by blood but by family ties only. He is twenty years my senior. I am the youngest of all the children of that family. Henry became head of the family when my father passed on. The other wives also died. Henry took a first wife, then two more in rapid succession. I am twelve years younger than Henry's third wife.