All Comments on 'The Gamble'

I think there are several issues with how you ended it. Brenda was willing to cheat, and actually made an attempt. It only failed because Charlie was physically incapable. The marriage might survive, but it definitely was damaged.

But she did cheat

according to your story she sexually pleased the old man in the movie

cuck stories without a cuck tag get one star

Take option three, she didn't have sex with him because he was too sick. The level of disrespect was beyond the pale.

She is in her sixties, why would any movie star want her? Good grief, you timeliness was a mess, they need 10k that close to retirement? Thought they had good jobs?

Cuck, you're always a cuck. Just hang yourself, much better world we will have if you cucks just die

She only didn't cheat because Charlie couldn't get it up. Charlie obviously intended to bed Brenda since he took Viagra.

If I were Joe, Brenda would have been coming home to an empty house after leaving a letter like that. More especially I would have left her after viewing the movie.

You don't seem to be getting any better. This story has the exact same problems your others do. Your dialogue is laughable, none of your characters ever show any emotion, and your stories don't flow very well at all. When it comes to dialogue, talk to yourself. That's what I do, not necessarily out loud but at least in your head. Play both parts of the conversation. Add some emotion. Instead of something like: I responded, "I am married. I love my husband. I would not cheat." How about something more along the lines of: I have to admit, the offer was flattering but there was no way. Hell, I felt guilty just dancing with him. I'd never be able to look my husband in the eye again. "Sorry, but I'm a married woman, one who is very much in love with her husband and I'd never cheat on him."

This could have been a good story but it needs editing as some of the sentences do not make sense. E.g. "I called my twin grandsons teenagers and asked them if they wanted to go fishing at a rented cabin."

Are they the teenagers of his twin grandsons or are they his grandsons who are teenagers? The story has a lot of other grammatical errors. I only say that because it causes what is written to mean something that is not intended.

You need to edit your work, It was somewhat confusing and repetitive in places.

I don’t like cuck stories. What she did was cheating.

A very bad mixed up story, totally unbelievable, poorly written and without any particular redeeming features. The use of a proof reader/ editor could possibly improve it but not by much.

Ohhh… please tell me again how old u are? The story could be written better by a five year old!

just no she still cheated and thers is no way he would forgiven her this story is just more femiest bullshit

Made some bank, whoring out his whore.

Interesting....Joe is truly a wimp though. If he is happy being a wimp and not being an equal in his relationship with his wife more power to him. However it seems just an unrealistic way to have a partner accept being made subservient to their spouse.

Also...you need an editor. Thank you for the effort and please keep writing.

Not complete enough

I feel to criticize this effort by oddtomas1 is pointless, because anyone reading beyond the first paragraph already knows how painfully, tragically, bad this is.

wow

a prostitute and her pimp

kids and grandkids must be proud of them

1 * 10 limp dicks and a bucket of vomit

Simply crap.

The “if you trust me” plot as well as the “terminally ill friend” has been done before and done better.

She was willing to give up her marriage by her own words when she said she might as well enjoy the weekend. Otherwise guilt would drive her to fly home early.

Doing the trip, getting naked, making out, is all premeditated cheating. Taking the money makes her a whore. The video of that weekend proves nothing as it all can be faked and besides, she was willing.

Divorce her. Half the original 10k is his as well as the winnings. Call cops and declare him a “john” and the wife a prostitute. At least it makes the news.

Fucking wimp story. 1*

ah ah ah. you made me laugh with this story it was so stupid.

She doesn't want but she wants.

She doesn't but she does.

And a camera follows them all during the stay.

Oh yes. Great concept idea for a trashy TV show.

3 days in Vegas! Did your wife make you cuckold! Watch the result soon on our new show: cuckold or not cuckold.

For season 2, you will have: a BBC or no BBC.

And finally in season 3: a gangbang or no gangbang.

She would have cheated if he could have got hard, she was willing to help him get hard so she could have sex with him. She cheated.

Normally your work is better. This is pretty bad. It reads like a first draft. Of course I don’t like the ending. I’ll be honest and say part of why I don’t like it is the outcome, but to wrap it up in a few sentences takes a point off for me.

~Enkidu

7 year old virgin creates account on liter and starts posting stories. News @ 11.

Strunk & White wrote a wonderful little book called "The Elements of Style". I think if you would read it and absorb its advice, your writing would improve considerably. There may be a good story in there somewhere, but it is needlessly obscured by your lack of skill.

With the way the letter was dropped into his lap, there should have been a similar "disappearance" made by the husband. Rather than just seeing the bags, it might have been beneficial for him to have left for a couple days.

The story has promise, but it needs to be rewritten to allow it.

I may be a tad crazy at times but I'm sure I read this story a few years ago. My memory is still reasonably good. If this is a repost, then why didn't you correct the mass of errors? They remain the same as my last reading.

Cuck story. Read at your own risk.

It isn't worth writing a constructive comment, you don't listen anyway. By now you should be getting better, not worse. 1*

What a crap story, really, if the blue pill worked he was fucking her, and she would do it.

Sorry Joe she cheated you and conned you. Toss the cheating bitch to the curb pronto she’s a bitch

Scores 1/5 for being a shit story

Dress it up any way you like, this is the story of a real bitch. A married woman goes off on a date with another man and tells him he should trust her? If she trusted or respected him she would have discussed it with him beforehand. Why on earth would he wish to remain married to a woman who treated him like that?

Bull fucking shit to your believable but distasteful story line. Cheating is cheating and she cheated. The weak willed cuck just accepted it for the money. He now and forever will be married to a whore, not a slut, and should have told her this revelation. Also, I doubt English is your first language so you definitely need an excellent editor.

Agree with the comments about proper English/grammar/editing, but the bigger issue is the premise and how it's not dealt with at all. Wife has essentially put a value of $10K on her marriage, while saying it is the most important thing to her. What good is the $10k if she loses husband? She sacked 38-year marriage and their golden years for a little cash?

We don't need to know how you met. You obviously did, or we wouldn't be here.

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"We were both intelligent, attractive students. She and I hit it off instantly." - You already said that she was a beauty and that you clicked immediately, so this is a little redundant.

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We start in Joe's POV, at the end we're told Charlie's thoughts, that Joe cannot know, then switch to Charlie's POV, not good.

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Charlie wants to "do something for them," and his idea is to take her away for the weekend?

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The story was a mess, and not even a hot mess! Pick a POV and stick to it.

This is a train wreck on several different levels, I don’t know where to start commenting. Sorry.

Lets face it: a whore is a whore and surely Brenda fulfills this criteria.

Loved it.

-26thNC Approved

Trust was still broken. Joe can never depend on his wife again. Try leaving a note like this for your wife and then go camping. See how well that works out.

If it's a "great life" that nothing will change that after the weekend, then why is the weekend that vital? Sounds like a lying slut.

"I am married. I live my husband. I would not cheat" yet....she tried to get the old man boner working even with lil blue pills. So, had he been able to get up, she would have been all over it. Lying bitch. She wanted to cheat.

i gave it a 2.

The wan nature of the husband turned a tale chock full-O cliche into a bore fest.

There was some guilt expressed but, really, the 'movie' could have left out the part where she was gang banged after trying to leave with her roulette winnings.

But I did read it, so...

lol

I thought about this: I wouldn't be cool with my wife escorting some old coot in Vegas...unless I was getting some bubbly strange back at home.

So the only reason she didn't fuck him is he couldn't get it up or she would have.!she nothing but a slut

Going away with another man was cheating. PERIOD!!! 1 star rating because there isn't a 0 star category.

A terrible story terribly told. She cheated he should have left her. There's no good reason to cheat.

Simply unbelievable in almost every aspect of the story. Leading movie stars lusting after a woman who is pushing 60 (perhaps from the far side)? None of these famous people or Brenda noticing (or, apparently, caring) that *everything* is being filmed, closely enough to capture quiet conversation during a dance, or all of the bedroom activities?? He caught 3 trout???

a cheating whore why would you have him keep the slut toss the bitch to the curb he is now a wimp and her just another whore

WTF was that?

implausible but interesting

Terrible grammar followed an unbelievable story. He watched a video and believed it? His wife goes away for a weekend with the INTENT to cheat. That alone breaks all the trust in the marriage. That alone would have been enough for a divorce. The rest was bullshit. You REALLY need an editor.

Stupid story horribly written. This is an example of the writing.

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He then asked, "Why did I leave?".

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You had Joe ask why Joe left.

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You can't keep POV straight. Your punctuation is hit or miss at best.

crock of shit...

Horrible story about a whore and her cuck husband. What happens next the old story about offering a woman a million dollars to fuck and she agrees. Then you offer her one hundred and she gets mad. We've already established what you are we're just negotiating the price now. Lit really needs negative stars for rating because this bullshit was a -5*.

Dumb story

A interesting story, one worth reading. The question is, if Charlie were capable, would Brenda and Charlie have made love. I'm thinking she would have, and if she into not lying, hers and Joe's marriage is over.

Reading the comments and there are many, just proves a point. Any story that invokes a reaction like this one did is, a great story. Keep pitching, but never let the catcher know what kind of pitch your throwing.

Huge multiple steps backwards with your writing. Hopefully you don't turn into just another cuckold writer. This was just awful.

I liked the story for good fiction...but that is all it was/is! There isn't anything else about the story, that is even remotely believable to what would happen in real life...not to my way of thinking.

I won't waste any more time writing anything else here. Any more a waste of time, than reading this story was!

If you want to know my real opinions of this story...read the former I wrote above, and then read the last and latter many comments others wrote here about this story!

Thank you author, for you fiction writing efforts though!

Just remember, even though its fiction, if you set it as happening in our own day and time, in real US or other world existing cities...its on YOU author, to keep it believable! True to life for how it would happen in those same cities, regions and states, today!

IF you've never been to those cities or places, then cut out a couple weeks vacation and take a trip there, to see for yourself! Best way any author can do, to truly scout-out and research a real town or city they are thinking on writing about, is simply BE THERE! Find out yourself how most people live and the most of them think, what the general moral values are, of most of the populous there!

It reads like an outline. I think the idea is sound, but the conflicted feelings and psychological side needs to be focused upon more. The interplay of emotions, fear, jealousy and uncertainty are what make stories like this fun to read, because the reader is swept along. A purely declarative narration is kind of flat and lifeless. The plot is good, but it needs a serious rewrite. The theme seems to be, 'she did the wrong thing for the right reason', and that's all but lost in the current iteration.

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Of course, the BTBAAC and Angry Anon Cabals will hate it. But the plot and idea is sound.

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I'd suggest a rewrite with an editor. It's worth it. 3/5!!

Is English your second language or your third?

So he pumped his wife who whored for money.

A horrible story. The husband was a fool

WTF was this totally worthless piece of shit story?

"Saturday morning, I woke up. I felt a small amount of guilt. However, I decided if I blew my marriage, I might enjoy this weekend". Yeah thats exactly what every woman who loved her husband would say and do....ever met a woman in love? Yeah thats what I thought.

She didn't and couldnt cheat on her husband? Yet she tried to help grandpa get an erection? Clearly your cranial region never recovered from that head injury you suffered at some point in your life.

I'd say take up paint by numbers as a hobby but that may even be too much for you to handle.

Odd, but I sense it could have happened in real life. The marriage would have to be a solid one. Of course the money would help a better retirement. My 47 yr. marriage had zero cheating. I always trusted and verified. We didn't have children and were together more than most people and retired at 55 years old. If my wife was in this situation, I would have let her. She's never let me down. Of course I would have went to a club and kicked my heel up, no questioned allowed. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Not impressed by the Grand Canyon?? No wonder there is no emotion in this turgid piece.

Crap . Utter crap .

Either write a properly edited piece of work or give it up .

Your masturbatory fantasies are of no interest to anyone here .

Keep practicing.

Absolutely the worst piece of shit story this mo th. Thank goodness the month just started but I believe you'll hold on to that crown. 60 year old being hit on by celebrities? She doesn't think she cheated on her husband by sleeping with another man after running out on her husband with that man? And the wuss you wrote as the husband? What a complete pussy. Is this your first story? If so, do do a second. If you've done more, retire. Now.

You really need an editor...

Brenda must be one hellaciously hot 60 year old broad to captivate all those big Hollywood stars.

This reads like it was written by a computer program. Even the interaction between the characters and the description of the plot is mechanical and impersonal. What was the point? Completely unreal and unbelievable. But I do agree that Joe should stay with Brenda until all the money is within his control. Then he needs to carefully removed Brenda's batteries and replace her with a more life-like model. No one will miss her. And no one will miss this story. But thanks for the effort.

Wasted 15 minutes of my life reading this dribble, that I cannot get back.

*2! Although Brenda didn't actually screw the old fart, she certainly didn't act like a wife of well over 30 years! Her letter was a "Coup de grâce"! She could have explained everything that she had planned, even the 'no sex' decision. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! She chose to make him feel disrespected and left him little room to find a compromise!!!! So she came home with more money than she had anticipated, but at the cost of her marriage because of her selfishness!!!???!!! BTB and let her keep half of the ill gotten gains. A no-fault divorce would allow her only 50% of that money!!! Wouldn't give a SHIT what old Charlie wanted!! He knew the possible consequences but did it anyway as he was old, rich & dying!!!! BTW, YOU REALLY, REALLY, REALLY NEED AN EDITOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No sex??? Id let my wife go for the weekend if i knew it went like thT

The wife was given a trip to Vegas and $10K for sex. Even if her boss couldn’t get it up, she’s still a whore. Joe actually thanked Charlie for proving Brenda is his whore. Totally ridiculous.

The comment below is right. She had the intent to cheat. The way she left her husband was also a betrayal. The fact of the geezer's impotence doesn't change any of that. She was still willing to become a prostitute and betray her husband. The weak old fucks and the feminized men here would give her a pass, but I wouldn't, and neither would anyone else with principles and a spine.

Where is that "5+++++/5 top 50 stories!"comment from Legio_Patria_Nostra?

My late wife's secretary was also not impressed by the Grand Canyon!

4

Stilted, poorly written, not worthy of a look.

Wife rents herself out to an old man., Wears a skimpy nighty to bed not knowing if she’d get fucked and ends up cuddling. She rejects sex offers from a couple younger studs and wins 50k gambling. She did all this without ever discussing it with her spouse and thinks she’s done nothing that warrants a divorce. Hubby agrees. Give me a break!

Everyone in this story is a moron, including the writer.

It is always good to have a whore in the house as an aging man! So you can borrow her out at the weekend and make good money with her! If someone has been married for 38 years, they should be at least 56 years old. So she made good money as an old whore. So why get a divorce? Pimp the whore further out and enjoy life. I only recommend condoms if you want to have sex with the whore!

lousy story. lousy plot. not even told well .

What a bunch of BS If it would've been she would have come home to a pile of ashes of course my stuff would have been removed and gone to parts un none but the kids would have her letter. let her explain it

It's not that the plot is bad, but the you need to work on the story telling aspect a lot.

What a totally stupid story made worse by a sickening, stupid wife. She leaves him a letter givihim 4 alternatives when she returns.0. No discussion, evidently not caring about his feelings. She didn’t fuck the next guy only bec the pills didn’t work but most likely would. This BIG point was missing from his acceptance based on the video

I would’ve walked out at least for a few days & told her not to call nor tell her where I’m going. Let her think about it for a bit. Story as written as well as the characters are total BS. 1 star. — Bob

Lame..

DOL

The husband was a very naïve man. I would never excepted the film. What an idiot.

Well that’s time I won’t get back again.complete rubbish poorly written no interest.

Awful, in every way.

Writing was a bit stilted. Story was more original than many. Please keep writing

Brenda said, " I wanted to help him." You left this plot hole unsettled. Also you wrote about Charlie's "and I's relationship." Surely you know the right words were "my relationship."

and after the camera was turned off? or did the movie run over the entire length of the night? Did he FINALLY get it up like SHE was trying to help him do.... red flags, too many red flags.

The whole premise of this story was what, she runs off for a weekend and gives her husband him 3 choices, wouldn't be my choice to keep her around, she cheated even if she did not have sex, or did she when the film was switched off and edited. No faithful wife worth having around would pull a stunt like is, not if she was committed to the marriage.

No emotions. Poorly written in clipped, short sentences. No reason to believe either of them. Should have divorced her and lived in a rest home if necessary. Better than living with a slut.

Part of me wishes for a part 2 where he takes all the money does his own weekend trip. Let her mind wonder herself just to come back with a little extra from a fish tournament with his own I won't tell you a thing secret.

Very creative, well written held my attention. I do wish it was longer. Nice job.

Me, I'd of packed my stuff while she was in Vegas and left. No contact, no communications, nothing, nada, zip, just gone.

Well done. It presents a tricky moral dilemma: the wife kept the whole thing a secret from her husband, and she did provide the man with cuddling and emotional intimacy that rightly should be reserved fir her husband. On the other hand there was no actual sex and she remained steadfastly loyal to her husband, even in the face of temptation by handsome movie stars. I disagree with the way she handled the situation, but I give Joe credit for maturity and understanding. What she did does not, IMHO, warrant a divorce or BTB treatment. Joe definitely needs to set very tight limits and lay down the law to her, however.

I usually like reconciliation stories, but not this. Her husband is the most important thing in her life, and then, she pulls that. Crap! She's a lying bitch. Make her pay.