The Getaway: Kat Dennings & Friends

October, 2023

OK, so we're going back a few months with this one. My trip to London and subsequent visits from famous guests have been occupying my time of late, so much so that I wasn't sure I'd find time to tell this story. But after seeing on social media that a certain Kat Dennings had just gotten married to Andrew WK (yes, that is the "Party Hard" guy; and no, I don't understand it either), I felt compelled to get it out there.

The whole thing started a couple months prior when I got a call from Hayley Atwell. This in itself was a curiosity, 'cause Hayley isn't generally too big on calling. She's big on texting me when she gets to LA and telling me she's coming to visit, but calling in advance isn't usually how she operates. So imagine my surprise when I answered the phone and that sexy British accent was there to greet me.

"Ah, Miss Atwell," I said, grinning. "Long time no speak." This was only a couple months after I got back from London, but when you're 5,000 miles away from Hayley Atwell, it feels like so much longer. "And to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Well, Tyler," Hayley began, "I've got a favour to ask of you, if you don't mind."

"Of course I don't mind," I quickly replied. I've done a few favours for her in the past and, well...let's just say they didn't put me out. "What do you need me to do?"

"OK, so a girlfriend's hen do is coming up and..."

"A what now?!" I interrupted, wondering what on earth a 'hen do' was and how it might involve me.

"Oh, sorry, love," said Hayley, laughing. "Bachelorette party."

"Ohhhh," I said. "OK. So you wanna hold it here then I take it?"

"Erm...no, actually. It'll be at her place."

"Right," I said, a little confused. "So how does it involve me?"

There was a momentary silence as Hayley stayed quiet, waiting for me to catch up. At first I wasn't sure where this was all going, but it didn't take long for the penny to drop.

"Oh, fuck no!" I vehemently exclaimed, as the full realisation suddenly dawned on me.

"What?!" laughed Hayley defensively. "I haven't asked you anything yet!"

"You don't have to!" I blurted back. "I know exactly where this is going and I am not being a fucking stripper!"

I rarely objected to a guest's request but dancing around in a lycra thong was a level I would not sink to.

Hayley's laughter practically burst through the phone line. "Oh, blimey! You catch on quick, don't ya? Glad to see we're on the same page."

"Erm...we are not on the same page," I argued defiantly, "'cause like I said, I am NOT being a goddamn stripper."

"Did I mention there'd be six of us?"

"I don't care! I'm not..." I paused, taking a moment to process those last few words. "Six, you say?"

Hayley laughed again. "Yep."

She reeled off the women who'd be in attendance and, well, to cut a long story short...I relented pretty fucking quickly.

I spent the next few weeks preparing for my role. The setup for the roleplay (for want of a better word) was pretty standard fare. I'd show up at Kat's house while the party was in full swing, pretending to be a cop, responding to a noise complaint from one of her neighbours. Classic, right? Then I'd whip my clothes off and shake my stuff for Kat and her friends, resulting (I hoped) in a big reverse gangbang of Alison Brie-proportions (see that story for details).

So my prep for this little roleplay was in fact a two-step process. 1) I'd have to learn how to impersonate a police officer, and more importantly 2) I'd have to learn how to dance like a stripper. The first bit was easy. I've seen so many crime movies in my time that, even with my limited acting skills, I've pretty much got that down.

The next bit was trickier and required some extensive research. I found some YouTube tutorials that strippers had posted and studied them thoroughly, copying their moves as best I could. Don't wanna brag but I picked it up quite quickly, and got some regulars around to act as guinea pigs while I showcased my newly learned moves. They seemed to enjoy them, and of course I had my own special way of thanking them for helping me out. Then I took care of my costume. That bit was easy too; I ordered one online. I picked a realistic-looking one with all the bells and whistles (nightstick, handcuffs, gun etc.), 'cause If I was going to be convincing in the role then I needed to look the part.

Fast forward a few weeks and the big day had finally arrived. Hayley texted me bright and early, giving me Kat's address and telling me what time I should be there. I got up and ate then had a light workout and practiced my moves some more, making sure I had them on lock. As evening approached, I hopped in the shower, styled my hair and slipped into my costume pants, leaving the shirt off for now so I didn't get pulled over on my way to LA. Apparently, impersonating a police officer is highly illegal.

It took me an hour or so to get into LA and I found Kat's street with the help of GPS. Finding her actual house was easy enough. All I had to do was follow the music, which could be heard halfway down the street. I texted Hayley to tell her I'd arrived and she quickly got back to me, telling me she was ready. I put on my shirt and had a quick look in my rearview mirror, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves.

I left my car down the road aways so nobody would see the supposed policeman climbing out of a Toyota Camry. I made the short walk to Kat's large home, manoeuvring between the various sports cars that were parked in her driveway as I approached the front door. I rang the doorbell and took a step back, listening to my heartbeat as it drummed a fast rhythm in my chest.

"I'll get that," called a voice from within, rising above the deafening music.

The door swung open and there stood Hayley, giggling silently as she looked me up and down. She was wearing a pair of loose-fitting pants and a double-breasted blazer with seemingly nothing underneath it. She looked incredible, as she usually does, but I didn't let that distract me from the task at hand.

Hayley looked back over her shoulder, ensuring her friends weren't listening in then beckoned me in with a wave. She flashed me a grin as she turned on her heels, leading me through to the lounge. Hayley made a beeline for the corner of the room and her friends all turned in unison as she lowered the volume on the smart speaker. Now, obviously a cop turning up at a bachelorette party is a tale as old as time, and I watched her friends' faces suddenly perk up as they saw standing there, dressed head to toe in policeman's garb.

My pulse rate quickened as I scanned the room, looking back and forth from one gorgeous face to another. I knew who was going to be here, of course, as Hayley had already told me, but seeing them all in the flesh was a different matter entirely. My eyes went first to the bride-to-be, who looked nothing short of stunning in her short black dress, those famously huge tits all but spilling from her neckline. Next to her on the couch was Natalie Portman, dressed similarly to Hayley in a pink pair of pants and a matching jacket with nothing underneath.

Opposite her on a second couch was Elizabeth Olsen in a low buttoned blouse and skirt, and next to her was Teyonah Parris, her thick body squeezed into a tight grey dress with a split at the top of her thigh. And if that wasn't enough, completing the group was Scarlett Johansson. Sat in an armchair to the left of the sofas, Scarlett was wearing a long-sleeved button-up dress with tassels on the cuffs.

"Ladies, this is Officer Hunky," Hayley announced, then turned to look at me, delivering her lines with textbook deadpan. "Sorry, Officer, am I pronouncing that correctly?"

Hayley put me on the spot with that one, so I improvised something as quick as I could. "Actually, it's pronounced Hunké, ma'am."

"My apologies," said Hayley, turning back to her friends. "Anyway, Officer Hunké here is responding to a noise complaint, isn't that right?"

"Yes, ma'am, that's correct," I said. "I'm sorry to interrupt the festivities but I'm afraid there have been numerous complaints about the volume of the music. Does anyone live at this address, please?"

Kat raised her hand, grinning at me from across the room. "Right here, Hunky!"

Her girlfriends laughed as I crossed the room, standing in front of Kat. "That's Officer Hunky to you, ma'am. So you're the one that's getting married?"

"Mmhmm."

"Well, congratulations," I said, "but I'm afraid that doesn't give you the right to disrupt your neighbours, ma'am. Would you like it if they were blasting their music that loudly at this time of night?"

"I guess not," said Kat, her grin growing wider.

"I don't think it's funny, ma'am," I snapped, doing my best to appear austere.

"Right, yes. Sorry, Officer," Kat said, trying to hide her smirk. "Not funny at all."

"Damn right, it's not. You think 'cause you're some big celebrity that means you can do what you like? That you don't have to show consideration for others? The world doesn't revolve around you, you know?" Not gonna lie, I was getting quite into it now.

"Oh, I don't know, Officer. Looks at these two planets she's got orbiting her chest," Natalie quipped, slapping her hands down onto Kat's big tits and drawing hoots of laughter.

"I'm not sure you ladies understand the gravity of the situation," I said, no pun intended. "You're aware that disturbing the peace is a criminal misdemeanour, right? And punishable by up to ninety days in jail?" Thank you for that one, Google.

There was a stir amongst her friends at the mention of 'punishment', many of whom were still not taking the situation as seriously as I'd hoped.

"Ooh, yeah! Punish her, Officer!" called Scarlett Johansson. "She's been bad!"

I spun around to face her and addressed her sternly. "I'll handle your friend, ma'am, if it's all the same to you."

Scarlett grinned and sipped her drink. "I'm sure you will."

I turned back to Kat. "So, are you gonna keep the noise down, ma'am? 'Cause I can haul you in right now if that's gonna be a problem."

"Oh, she'll cooperate, alright," came a voice from behind me. Sounded like Teyonah Parris. "She'll do whatever you tell her."

"Well, that's good to hear," I said, still looking at Kat. "It's always good when the perp comes willingly. Makes my job a hell of a lot easier."

"Oh, she'll cum, Officer," said Lizzie behind me. "Don't worry about that."

Cue the laughter. If there's one thing I've learned from this whole experience, it's that girls at bachelorette parties find everything hilarious.

"I think she needs to cum," Scarlett chimed in. She cupped her hand to her mouth like she was telling a secret, but still spoke loud enough so everyone could hear. "I'm not sure her fiance is hitting the spot."

"Well," I said with a grin, finally breaking character, "maybe I can help with that."

Gripping on tightly to the plackets of my shirt, I flexed my biceps and pulled, ripping it clean in two. Buttons scattered in every direction and a high-pitched scream resonated loudly from all four corners of the room. Kat's mouth fell open, her jaw almost hitting the floor as my shirt tore open, freeing my sculpted torso.

Hayley turned the music up and I took that as my cue. I started grinding in time with the music, recreating those moves that I'd seen in the videos.

"Ohhh, Jesus!" said Kat, fanning herself with her hand. "I need more alcohol. Quickly," she said anxiously, clicking her fingers at no-one in particular.

"I've got you, girl," said Natalie, grabbing the nearest drink and handing it to her friend.

Kat snatched it off her and downed it as quick as she could. No idea what it was. I don't think Kat knew either. I took the glass off her and set it down on the nearest surface. Placing a hand underneath her chin, I angled her head up so her eyes met mine, staring deeply into them as I rolled my hips, pushing my bulge into her face.

"Ooh, yeah!" Scarlett hollered. "That's right, Officer. You show her who's boss!"

Retrieving my hand from under Kat's chin, I brought them up to the sides of my shirt and pulled it down slowly, drawing whoops from every direction as it slid it down my arms. Pulling it past my wrists, I clutched the sleeves in each hand as I wrapped the body around the back of Kat's neck. With a sudden, sharp tug I brought her towards me, pulling her face straight into my crotch.

"Oh my God!" gasped Natalie beside her, putting a hand to her chest as she looked at Hayley. "Fuck, Hayley, where did you find this guy?!"

"I have my sources," Hayley replied, Taking a seat on the couch.

I held Kat in place as I ground my hips, her face mere inches from the bulge in my pants. Letting go of my shirt sleeves, I draped them down over the bride-to-be's shoulders as I brought my hands to my belt, unbuckling it with a teasing slowness. Dropping it to the floor, a loud cheer went up as I hooked my thumbs through the belt loops on my pants, framing my cock with my index fingers. Eyes glossing over, Kat looked mesmerised as I ground my crotch into her face, the lump in my pants growing visibly larger.

I saw Natalie move in my peripheral vision and I turned to face her as she picked my belt up off the floor, removing my cuffs from the button-up pouch.

"What do you think, Officer?" she said with a smirk, danging my cuffs from her finger. "She behaving herself? Or do we need to restrain her?"

"Hmm, seems OK so far. But maybe we oughta cuff her, just in case."

"Good idea," said Natalie then turned to look at Kat, combing her fingers through that long, dark hair. "Show me your hands."

Still gawping listlessly at the lump in my pants, Kat reached back without complaint, placing her hands at the small of her back.

"Good girl," said Natalie, fastening the cuffs around each of her wrists.

"Guess I better deputise you, huh?" I said as I looked at Natalie.

"Fuck, you can do anything you want to me," Natalie declared, prompting laughter from around the room.

I unclasped my pants, taking the pull of my zipper in between my fingers. I played with it teasingly for a couple of seconds and was about to whip it down when I was suddenly stopped by a voice to my right.

"Wait!" said Hayley, leaning forward in her seat so she could get a better look. "I think she should do it."

"Ohhh, yes!" Natalie grinned. "See, this is why we love you, Hayley. You're full of good ideas."

At this point, Lizzie and Teyonah got up from their seats and moved behind Natalie and Kat, leaning over the back of the sofa.

"Come on then, Bride-To-Be," said Lizzie, placing her hands on Kat's shoulders. "Time to unwrap your present."

"But my hands are cuffed," Kat protested.

"Then you'll have to get creative, won't you?" said Teyonah, her plump lips curled in a devilish grin.

Kat turned to face her, looking at her quizzically with her eyebrows raised. "You can't be serious."

"Oh, I'm deadly serious," Teyonah declared. "You gotta get that thing out, girl. We can't have any concealed weapons now, can we, Officer?"

Her friends laughed.

I shook my head. "Uh uh."

Kat looked at Teyonah, attempting to stifle the grin on her face. "God, you guys are awful."

Teyonah took Kat's face in her hands and turned her back towards me. "Quit stalling and get those pants down."

Kat relented, parting her lips slightly as she took the pull of my zipper in between her teeth. Tilting her head down, her girlfriends cheered as she lowered my fly, pulling it open in one swift move.

"Oh, wow!" said Scarlett, peering across from my right. "You've done that before, huh?"

"Maybe," Kat admitted, grinning as she turned to face her.

"Fucking slut!" Scarlett quipped, making everyone laugh.

"Right, come on. You're not done yet," said Teyonah. "You've gotta get his pants down now."

"How am I supposed to do that?!" Kat squealed, chuckling at the absurdity.

Teyonah laughed. "Well, it sounds like you have experience in this area, so I'm sure you'll figure it out."

Kat rolled her eyes then opened her mouth again, wider this time as she clenched her teeth around a stretch of pant leg, just below the waistband.

"Careful!" said Lizzie. "Don't graze him or Hayley won't get her deposit back."

Her friends fell about in fits of hysterics. Even Kat was starting to laugh as she awkwardly lowered my pants, tugging them down an inch at a time. It took her some time, but she got my pants down past my ass. A sharp *SMACK* sound quickly followed as Scarlett pulled her hand back, slapping it squarely across my bare behind. I turned to face her as she sipped her drink, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

"Keep those hands where I can see them, ma'am, or I'll have to cuff you too."

"Ohhh God, is that a promise?" Scarlett purred, promptly setting off her giggling friends.

Kat had my pants around the tops of my thighs when her friends put her out of her misery. Gripping two fistfuls of dark blue fabric, Hayley and Natalie lent their assistance, tugging my pants down in one fell swoop. I stepped out of my pants and kicked them aside, now wearing nothing but a tight pair of boxers.

"I don't have to take those off too, do I?!" asked the bride-to-be, trying not to stare at my bulging crotch.

"No," laughed Natalie, "I think he can handle that himself. Can't you, Officer?"

I looked at her and grinned as I ground my hips again, sliding my thumbs underneath the waistband.

"Ooh, yes!" purred Scarlett beside me. "Come on, baby. Let's see that nightstick!"

Fresh hoots of laughter started filling the room as I worked my body in time with the music, lowering my waistband another half inch. I looked around the room as the women stared back at me, each of them waiting with baited breath. I took a few seconds to take it all in then whipped down my boxers, freeing my cock with a theatrical flourish. The women gawked as it flopped up and down, particularly Kat, whose face was so close she could have licked the tip.

"Wow!" said Teyonah, finally breaking the silence as she leant over Kat's left shoulder. "Fuck, you lucky bitch!"

Kat turned her head. "Lucky? What do you mean?"

Teyonah laughed. "What do you think I mean? You get that big-ass dick all to yourself!"

"I...do?" Kat stammered, suddenly looking nervous.

"Mmhmm," said Lizzie. Leaning over Kat's right shoulder, she and Teyonah were like the angel and devil that you see in the movies. Except this time, both were devils. "Unless you're gonna share of course."

"Yeah," said Natalie. "You have to fuck the stripper on your bachelorette party. It's practically the law. Isn't that right, Officer?" she asked with a grin, her girlfriends laughing as I nodded my head.

"Yeah, come on, Kat," Scarlett chimed in. "*I* fucked the stripper when *I* got married."

"Which time?" asked Hayley, the laughter swelling.

"Every time," Scarlett admitted, drawing what was undoubtedly the biggest laugh of the evening.

Kat still looked unsure.

"Come on, girl," said Teyonah. "You're not gonna leave it hanging there, are you? That dick is too good to go to waste."

"Yeah, quit stalling, Kat," Scarlett urged. "If you don't suck it, I will!"

"It's all yours," said Kat as she gestured towards my cock, offering it to Scarlett.

"No!" growled Teyonah. "You're getting married so you're getting fucked. Now stop playing innocent and suck that dick!"

"Alright, fine!" Kat snapped. "Jeez! If it'll get you bitches to shut up!"

Kat's mouth came open and she lunged at my cock, taking a hardy portion in between her lips. A loud cheer went up from her surrounding friends, and they all sat and watched with satisfied smiles as the bride-to-be got down to business. Hands still cuffed together, she bobbed her head as best she could, working those big lips up and down my shaft. Locks of dark hair spilled over her shoulders and I could see her shaking her head to the side to try and get them out of her way.