The Girl is Trouble Pt. 05

Jessica:

I still can't believe that the conversation we had went the way it did. When we finally met, I suspected that he was obsessed with me- in a good way, of course. But to hear his reaction to my admission was stunning to say the least. I was fully prepared for him to bolt. I mean, I felt like there was a chance what we’re feeling for each other already might be enough. I admit that part of the reason I brought it up was because I wanted to either face rejection now, so it wouldn’t hurt so bad, or get past it.

The big question is what does it mean in reality. Could he really handle me fucking other guys? Would we exist in a “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation, or would he want to know everything? I will definitely tell him anything he wants to know.

For example, I probably should come clean to him that after we had sex the first night on the bench and he dropped me off to my dorm that I “freshened up” and went over to Jacen’s place. Jacen is my go-to guy for serious fucking. He is a big star on our college’s basketball team. He stands 6’8” and has a very defined body. Gorgeous caramel colored skin and natural bush of dark, curly hair. And a ginormous cock; easily ten inches of big, veiny stiffness with a thick girth. When he fucks me, (and that's what he does; there is no making love with Jacen) I swear I can taste him in my mouth.

Jacen and I have a good fuck buddy relationship. As a star athlete, the last thing he wants is to be tied down to any one girl and he is extremely leery of potential gold diggers. I don't particularly like him in the way you'd want to with a long term relationship. We were basically two people using each other that got along enough for it to work. He uses a condom with me almost every time. He admits to fucking lots of girls but, as I said, he's paranoid about gold diggers so he wants no chance for knocking some girl up or catching something. There have been a handful of times we fucked where we just got so hot he did me bareback. Most of those few times he pulled out and shot all over me (which is what he is apt to do even wearing a condom; he pull out, rip it off and cum on me). But twice he has stayed in and cum inside me. And, without a doubt, those were some of my best orgasms as he exploded in me. Our dirty talk on those occasions was off the chain. He told me he was going to cum in my "tight little white pussy" and I beg him to "plant his seed in my cunt and knock my white ass up with his black baby". We both knew it was just talk, but I think he felt safe to play like that with me.

I have a thing for two types of guys- the cute geeky type that Darren is like the epidemy of and the muscly athletic alpha male type. If things work out with Darren, I get the best of both worlds. I'm greedy. I know it might not be fair. But you only live once and I want to live the best damn life.

So, the first night with Darren, I was shocked by what an intense orgasm he gave me. Like this geeky cute boy really knew his fucking stuff. Any reasonable girl would be thrilled and be completed by a relationship with a sweet, devoted guy who gives great orgasms. But for me, getting that amped up from him only pushed me to get some from my fuck buddy. Could I have hung with him and given him a chance to give me more? Probably. But, and I'll admit my weakness here, I both didn't want him to see me at my sluttiest and I didn't believe that he could.

The other night in his room, I began to believe that maybe, maybe he could be the one to do it. To keep me satisfied and lead me not to seek more from others. I was seriously tempted by Mark that night. If I didn't already feel how I do with Darren and wasn't a little fascinated by the abilities of this surprising guy, I might have caved. He would've found me in the hall (or the bathroom, or Mark's room) getting pounded by his hunky roommate. I mean, I could see the shape of Mark's cock in his boxers and that thing had some serious mass. I wouldn't say I am a size queen, but I also know the power of a bigger cock. But I resisted Mark. Sure I flirted, and I'm sure that door is still wide open for something in the future, but I passed and I'm happy I did. The sex that Darren and I had afterwards was really good. It scratched my itch and got me past that amped zone and into that sated, "I'm good now" place. Which really speaks well to his talents. He does a lot with, well, frankly, not as much as others. Again, I swear I'm not a size queen but guys with bigger cocks can make a lot happen without a ton of work.

So now he knows who I am. I don't have to hide it. Now I guess it's up to me to push it a little. To see if maybe he can truly be the one. I have a boyfriend now - a caring, intelligent, fun guy who might just get who I am and be able to handle it - and I couldn't be happier.

————————

Like most couples, a vast majority of our time together was mundane. We began hanging out much more: meeting for meals; hanging out at each other's place; walking to classes together when we were going the same direction. We got to know each other better and we talked about things that we were learning at school as well as just things we were into.

There were times we enjoyed just lying in each other's arms, lazily running our fingers through the other's hair, why talking optimistically about the future. And so much of our visions aligned. It's not like we were officially committing to being together, but I think we were both very interested in doing so.

We continued to explore each other sexually. We didn't fall into any particular pattern, which is nice. Darren was pretty focused on my pleasure, which is pretty freaking awesome to be the recipient of that kind of attention. But that's kind of the point of contrast with the other guys I liked to be with. I should call out that I am in that point in life where I'm transitioning between seeing guys my age as boys to seeing them as men. Some of the goofy, dopey frat boys as just that - boys. Guys like Jacen, built like a Grecian statue (and hung like a damn horse, are easy to see as men. Darren fell into the latter category because of his intelligence and confidence. I say that with a little irony- Darren was a shy guy, but some how he was different with me. A big part of who a woman wants to be with, in my opinion, is a guy who knows who the hell they are and doesn't need to put on an act to pretend to be someone that they are not. That was Darren for sure. He had some boyish charm for sure, but I didn't compare him negatively with Jacen, for example. Maybe Jacen could develop into someone who wanted a serious relationship and would care to engage with me and things that I like. At that point, maybe he would be someone who I could give my heart to. But he isn't and that's fine. We both enjoy what we get from each other and neither particularly wants more.

Speaking of which, I did tell Darren about Jacen. It came up as he asked one night about if I had been with anyone since we'd been together.

"So I've been wondering since we had our big talk, have you been with another guy since we've been together," he asked as nonchalantly as he could mange to pull off.

I looked up at him (I had been reading a section of my assigned text) and looked him in the eyes, "Babe, you sure you're good with talking about this?"

"Yeah. I said I would be and we both talked about being honest with each other. I don't need to know, but I do want to. I want to support who you are and understand what that means."

Such a goddamn cute guy.

"Ok, yes. I have. You have obviously been taking a lot of my time and focus. I mean that in a very good way. So I haven't been as aggressively looking. But there is one guy who I hook up with some regularity and I have seen him. While it might seem concerning that I see him kind of regularly, you really have nothing to fear about losing my heart to him, or likely anyone. I really dig what we've got."

"Who is it, if I may ask?"

"Yes, you deserve to know. But I hope I can count on you to be discreet about it."

"Ah yes, I'm super eager to tell all sorts of people that my girlfriend is sleeping with another guy," Darren teased. I'm glad he was obviously saying that in a teasing manner.

"Jacen Summers."

"Holy shit, the Power Forward on the varsity team?"

"Yeah," I said blushing.

"Good god, he's big."

"In more ways than one," I said, regretting it the moment it left my lips.

He looked at me with wide eyes but didn't say anything for at least a full minute, if not more. My heart tightened and I feared I was a little to open with him. Until I saw it. He was hard. Like really hard.

He swallowed and in a dry voice he asked, "Really?"

"Oh, babe. I hope that didn't hurt to hear. I promised to be honest with you but there can be such a thing as too honest, I guess."

"No, no. It's good. I want you to be honest with me. I'd like to think my ego isn't such that I couldn't take it."

"Well, I'm with you like eighty percent of my time. That's got to count for a lot. I prefer spending time with you versus spending time with him or anyone else."

"Yeah, that does matter."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"You're hard right now. Does it turn you on to think of me with him?"

It was pretty cool in my room, but I could still swear I saw a couple beads of sweat on his brow as he considered how to reply to me.

"Yes. I hope you don't think that's weird."

"No. You admitted that you got turned on thinking about me with Mark during our big talk. I'm intrigued by that. Is there anything you want to know? About Jacen or about anything else?"

I could see he was considering what to ask me. Finally, he spoke up.

"Is your sex with him good?"

"Yes," I said looking directly in his eyes.

"Do you like it more than sex with me?"

"I'd say more it's different than better," I tried to be tactful but he saw right through me.

"Really?" he said with a tone that he absolutely didn't believe me.

"Look, there are things that you are amazing at. World class as far as I'm concerned. But there is something about being with a guy like Jacen. It's nothing against you, but yes there is an aspect to what Jacen does to me that I probably would have to admit is better."

The look in his eyes was so complex. I could see some hurt, I could see a lot of lust. He leaned in and surprised me by giving me the sweetest kiss.

"I love you, Jess."

I was floored. This was the first time either of us had used the "L word" and it came just after I admitted that I liked sex with Jacen in some regard better than sex with him.

"I.. I think I'm in love with you too, babe. What brought that on?" I asked him, caressing his cheek.

He blushed. I guess he realized then it might have been a odd moment to say that for the first time.

"Jess, so much about you is perfect in my eyes but where by all that should be normal that admission should be this major turn off and red flags for a relationship, it just shows me how much you value me to be so honest and underscores just how sexy you are," he said and I could see the love in his eyes for me.

We made out for a while. He is such an amazing kisser. He strikes the perfect notes of softness and firmness at the right times. He uses his tongue like a precision instrument and not like an out of control lizard. He uses his hands to caress my neck and he holds my back or head to pull me into the embrace. I've yet to meet anyone who kisses like this man does. Not for the first time, I had a thought about how hot it would be to be kissing Darren while getting fucked by someone like Jacen.

A little later, after a love making session where Darren was able to edge my orgasm and actually made me tear up, we were laying in bed and our conversation picked back up.

"We have pretty good sex, right? You're not faking at all with me as far as I can tell," he began.

"Oh, absolutely I'm not faking. Darren, we have great sex," I replied sincerely. Then I figured out where he was going with this.

"Do you ever think that what we have would be enough?"

There it was.

"Maybe, some day, it could be. But that's not who I am at this moment. I hope that's ok. We can certainly talk through things. Maybe there is some part of what I do that I could alter for it to be more comfortable to you if that's a problem. Would it help if you didn't know more or that you knew more?"

"Oh, I get it. I don’t really want you to change. It was just a thought. Seriously, I like you for who you are. You already know it does turn me on to think of you, my girl, as a-"

"-as a slut?" I finished his statement.

Darren nodded, showing a little embarrassment at this admission. We were both quiet for a moment and something occurred to me.

"Babe, would you ever be interested in watching me with someone else?"

His eyes got suddenly huge, "Jesus, Jess. Sometimes it's like you're reading my mind and it freaks the crap out of me. What made you say that?"

"I've read stuff. I've seen porn. Most of the professional stuff is so shallow and fake. So I favor the amateur stuff. Most of it is men obviously filming their wives and girlfriends with another guy or even multiple men."

"Yeah," Darren acknowledged, obviously thinking about stuff he had seen.

"If that is an itch you might want to scratch, I'm just saying I'm probably the right kind of girl for that."

"I think I might like that. I'm actually a little worried I might like that a whole lot," he said so soft that it was almost a whisper.

"Well then, let's think through that and talk about how that might work for both of us."

"What about Jacen?"

"You watching me with Jacen? Well I'd have to see if that would be something he'd be open to. He might, but he might not," I said honestly considering how Jacen would take that request.

"But besides, we might need to work our way up to that," I said with a little humor in my voice, "are you sure you could handle becoming a voyeur and watching me?"

"I think so. I mean, I have feelings of jealousy for sure. But you're so hot and I love seeing you have pleasure. It gets me off."

"Compersion," I replied. I had done some homework. Well, I should say Lindsay did.

"Huh?"

"It's kind of like the opposite of jealousy. If you get off on seeing someone else getting pleasure instead of being jealous of not being involved, it's called compersion. And once again, I wonder how I ended up with such a great guy."