All Comments on 'The Girl Next Door Ch. 02'

Okay, I'll admit the theme of MMF threesome the way you introduced it to get Lester Vernon to perform is simply not my cup of tea. Not even close. And almost stopped reading right there.

That aside, that wasn't my biggest bitch with your follow up and conclusion to a part 1 that held such promise. Simply put, you rushed this with no explanations or build up.

First, after the first time with Joe Bradley getting snagged into plugging Lester Vernon, why did he keep going out with them and getting drunk? For that matter, why did he even do it in the first place? You could NEVER get me or, I believe, most normal men to do that; and remember, you created the Joe Bradly character as normal, so you're stuck with your own creation. Sorry, getting falling down drunk the first time is implausible at best. Continuing to put himself in the position--excuse the pun--is stretching reality to the breaking point.

Second, you indicate up front that Lester Vernon would be getting back into the drug trade then--BAM!--he's shot dead while dealing drugs. No suspense, no signs of slipping back into it save the one-time reference to a cocaine stash.

Third, no confrontation between Nancy/Joe Bradley with Lester Vernon about their newfound love. None. You created the plot element, milked it, and left it out altogether. Why set it up if you're going to leave it out?

Fourth, and not to beat a dead horse on the homoerotic scenes you created and subsequently alluded to, why introduce those scenes in the first place if they really added nothing to the plot? It seems you used them only for shock value, only to guarantee negative comments that I have little doubt will follow this comment. Either way, the conclusion went like this: LV gets out of prison; he can't get it up with Nancy; Nancy and LV seduce JB into their threesome so LV can perform once a week when JB is drunk out of his mind; LV then dies; JB and Nancy get married. Better, I think, to have gone like this: LV gets out of prison; he can't get it up with Nancy; they try to get JB to join them, but he refuses; then have this lead to the collapse of the LV/Nancy marriage and LV sliding back into drugs and his ultimate death. Yes, my proposed version is sad, but that's how you set the story up in the first place. And it would have been more believable and milked emotions better.

Instead, it's like you started writing the conclusion, got lost, decided to shock and disgust (most) readers, then just give it the happy, storybook ending it didn't really deserve.

I can't help but wonder how much opportunity for an excellent story set up in part one was squandered in part two.

ALL I can say, It was very different--good story.

But not as harsh. Most loving wives readers are not interested in Gay Male stories, (my assumption). The story was not as bad as the previous comment made it out to be. This chapter could have been developed better, but I don't usually complain and I won't start now.

I found this site because I usually read 5 or 6 books a week. So for me it is back to Barnes and Noble or the library. Each had their drawbacks, one finance and the other convenience. It is much easier online like this site. So for that reason, I take what comes without much complaint.

As a writer myself, I understand what it takes in time, research, and editing to produce something half way decent. Thank you for taking the time and sharing your talent with us. If you don't like what you have done, do a revision. If you do like what you have done, then ignore those who do not.

I like your stuff: Your writing is conscientious and good, you often add some humor, and your characters generally are believable. This one grossed me out. I don't read male-on-male sodomy, and I don't much like threesomes regardless of their gender makeup. (I also don't read incest, but you spared me that in this story.) I don't have a suggestion, except that you consider this an experiment with a different genre that failed -- at least with this part of your usually enthusiastic audience.

I am not a fan of gay or bi stories normally. You kind of snuck that in! I didn't think lesters "best friend" lived up to his promise to help any way he could. With that said you have done a lot of resurch I'm sure and put your time into writing and editing this and it shows. Thank you for sharing

Thanks to my readers for their critical notes regarding this story. You were correct about the behavior of my characters. Of course the behavior of the protagonist and his gal would have been different if they were emotionally mature, more intelligent, residents of Marin County. But, they were just ordinary people – the kind I was asked to write about in my e-mails.

Most smart, emotionally mature gals would never have married Lester in the first place or would have left him when they found out he was involved with drugs. Most emotionally mature guys would have figured out how to deal with a situation in which two people fell in love while a husband was in prison.

Most sexually mature men would not have been seduced and then trapped in a relationship that was not natural for them.

This was a story about folks that were different from those I usually write about. My e-mails said write about ordinary folks who don’t live in Marin County and drink Macallan-12. So, I wrote about folks who live in rural Alabama and drink Early Times.

But thanks for the criticism. Every author needs it – our work is like our children. It has been said that when editors ask authors to shorten a work to fit the available space, authors view each paragraph as a loving child they cannot live without.

LynnGKS

A worthy follow-up to the set-up. I still have some problems with the awkwardness of some of the dialogue, but the premise is fresh and I enjoyed your presentation.

I did read the comments. Why did you do it? I mean really, why? Were you mad that your readers asked for something different? So you reeled people in and then turned a normal man into a queer? From your comment I believe that you have the same opinion of the average American that our government does. They are stupid and don't know any better right? Just because someone does not drink that shit you drink does not affect their character. You are living proof of that. I gave you the benefit of the doubt on the first chapter because others said it was ok. I won't be quick to do that again.

and I am impressed. Not only by the quality of her work in these two Girl Next Door stories but also by the sheer volume and variety of themes she has covered. I'm looking forward to many more hours of enjoyment and hope she continues posting.

Loved it!

Typical garbage from this POS author. Cheating, gay males, and whores.

The story line was interesting, going well even though character development was sparse. But then the author reverts to the common — almost LW standard — plot device: alcohol. For me it instantly dehumanizes the whole story. Escapism. A reliable substitute for rational thought. A substitute for having to work out the difficult complexities of human behavior that is not degraded by psychoactive drugs. It’s a well-worn device in LW stories. Unfortunately.

I gave you a 4, I usually rate you higher. You got so many ideas about prison and prison rape incorrect and not a little.

I taught school and was a hostage negotiator (currrently called Crisis-negotiator) in prison for over twenty years.

Different states may have different rules but I’ve never heard of the concept consensual sex among inmates.

In most states any sex in prison among inmates or inmates and staff will land the inmate(s) in seg. A prison rape observed by staff would result in a new felony charge for the perpetrator and more jail time.

Fact check

This could have been a 5, but no remotely normal man, drunk or not, is going to get involved in faggotry. And, as has been pointed out, you obviously know very little about what actually happens in prison.

Kinda saw that coming. Prayed I was wrong, but... can't always get what you want....

That being said, 1* for the tired, overplayed & obvious plot "twist".