The Girlfriend

"Here. Let me help you."

This time Ophelia slid her hand all the way inside the cup and rearranged my mound. It was no accidental touch. My whole breast was firmly in her hand. I froze.

"You have such beautiful tits." She whispered as she gently positioned me.

I stared at her as that tingle became a quiver racing over my skin. In my chest, my heart beat with the pounding of drums. Her face remained stoic as if it was nothing. Her eyes told a different story. They raised to lock on mine and I saw a want.

I was shocked when her lips brushed over mine. This was the girl who'd been shagging my husband. Now she was turning her charms on to me.

Fear and shock gripped me. Then almost as suddenly, it morphed into arousal and desire. My lips briefly pursed before I straightened my head and looked into her eyes.

Ophelia took her hand out and stepped away leaving me confused.

"Sorry. I couldn't help it."

She turned and went back through the curtain leaving me dazed and asking myself what I'd done wrong.

I found her rifling through a nearby hanging rail when I'd changed.

"Why did you do that?" I asked.

She didn't look at me.

"Ophelia?" I said more sharply.

She sighed but still refused to look in my direction.

"I should tell you I'm not exclusive. If you know what I mean."

I wasn't that naive. I'd already started to suspect as much. I knew exactly what she meant.

"You like girls as well as men?"

There was an unexpected quiver in my voice.

"Yes. Always have.

Truthfully, girls mostly.

Ray was... more of an... abhorration."

I stood quietly assessing that admission. Ophelia had shagged my husband and here she was, basically saying she didn't even feel attracted to him. In fact...

"Are you saying... you prefer... me?"

She remained silent for a moment. When she eventually spoke it wasn't to answer me.

"We should pay for these things and get lunch."

She'd avoided my question. And that raised a thousand others. But she was also adept at avoiding my having any opportunity to ask them. Instead, she launched into talk of burning my existing wardrobe and how she would teach me to dance.

For the rest of the afternoon, she didn't join me when I tried on clothes. Instead, she insisted I came out and paraded like a catwalk model.

By the end, I was probably the happiest I'd been in a long while. I was laughing and making jokes. I even felt a deep satisfaction when we added up how much I'd spent.

"Fuck.

When Ray gets his statement next month he's going have a coronary."

"I've nearly had one hearing you expanding your vocabulary." She laughed at me.

Ophelia hugged me as we parted and that tingle of excitement rampaged through me again. I took a taxi home with a boot laden with bags and a head full of questions.

I was still elated when I opened my wardrobe to hang my new stuff away. There wasn't much room. I hesitated for a moment, deciding whether to push everything in tightly or sort through and bin the older stuff.

Then I used my newfound favourite word again. I enjoyed the way it rolled off my tongue and seemed to encompass exactly how I felt.

"Fuck it."

I swooped up the lot and pulled it from the hangers, throwing it in a heap in the corner. My underwear drawer came out and I tipped it on top.

I stared at the heap in satisfaction.

"Out with the old. In with the new."

I looked at myself in the mirror. The last of my old clothes. They also had to go. I tore at them, throwing them on the pile. My bra and panties went as well and I stood there naked. Again I looked at myself in the mirror.

Ophelia was right. I did look pretty. I wasn't quite as tall and slender as her. But I wasn't fat either. My tits were well-shaped and sat nicely against my chest. I cupped and lifted them, remembering Ophelia's touch.

Then a hand slid down to my lovely, newly smooth pussy. No one other than Ray had ever touched me there. That is until Ophelia. And of the two she'd been the one to send waves of excitement through me. Why was that?

I pressed at my gash, watching my flesh dimple around my fingers. When Ophelia's fingers had done the same I'd interpreted my feelings as embarrassment. Perhaps it had been. But was there something else?

My lip quivered as I started to question my reactions. I felt a thousand butterflies take flight in my stomach and dampness leaked onto my fingers.

"Hmm."

That feeling which had always tormented me after I'd failed miserably in responding to Ray took hold. I found myself desperate to answer it. First, I needed something new. Something Ophelia had suggested.

I hunted in my bag for my phone and lying on the bed, I opened the search engine. I felt naughty typing in 'porn' after so long.

A whole list of sites came up. All promising free videos. I gasped. It wasn't that I didn't know they existed. I'd even been through the adolescent stage of curiosity on my first laptop. It was just that I'd convinced myself it was wrong so early on. I'd quickly chosen to deny myself what Ophelia was suggesting I now embrace. I squirmed at the itch driving me mad between my legs.

"Oh fuck."

I pressed on the top offering and found myself presented with a range of pictures. Each showing naked figures in various activities. I scanned my eyes over them, looking for something specific.

I gasped as I found what I was looking for. Two girls. For a moment, I just looked. A blonde and a brunette. The blonde was on all fours with the other girl posing at her arse. I tried to assess my feelings. What was I feeling exactly? Curiosity? Repulsion? Arousal?

I think for the first time I realised how much preconceived expectations of myself prevented me from listening to what my body wanted.

I pressed the little play symbol that beckoned from the centre of the picture.

"Oh my god."

I was caught like a rabbit in the headlights. I found myself critiquing the girls. Accepting that I found their tits alluring. Beautiful flesh that moved serenely under the delicate caress and kiss of the other.

Then the the legs of the blonde opened as she lay back. The brunette moved to stroke her pussy, exposing pink flesh that glistened with her wetness. It was a beautiful sight. Tender folds of flesh that crinkled and deflected under the movement of exploring digits.

I slid the sound bar further up to hear the groans of pleasure. Female tones rather than the grunts of a man. I stared, hypnotised by the sight of an extended tongue drawing slowing over the other girl's pussy. I saw her body jolt, her back arch and the sharp intake of breath.

"Oh hell."

My own sex was crying for attention and I pushed my hand under myself, pressing at my delicate flesh.

"Uhhh."

My fingers began a dance, sliding between soft warm flaps and spreading slick juices over my skin.

"Uh."

My breathing rate shot up along with the beat of my heart. The shock of my response gripped me and I forgot the scene playing out on the phone. I rolled onto my back and concentrated on rubbing my clit.

What would Ophelia call it? My happy button? Jewel? Love pearl? Man in a boat? Or something much dirtier?

"Aw fuck."

My groans joined the sounds from my phone and I writhed with an excitement that expanded through my belly and reached down my thighs.

"Oh god. I so want to... to... cum."

Just hearing myself say the word 'cum' made me even more desperate. My feet rose from the bed and with a vision of Ophelia filling my head, my hot little button exploded.

"Oh my god."

A tsunami rode over me. An ecstasy that shocked me to the core. So delightful that I was left gasping, caressing my hot little pussy and squeezing a tit to hold on to every last moment of it.

"Fuck."

I lay staring up at the ceiling as I snatched deep breaths. Beside me, the clip ended and my phone fell silent. I was left only with thoughts in my head I was struggling to process. That'd happened so strongly. And it'd been with images of girls in my head. One in particular. What did that mean?

I knew what it meant. I just wasn't quite ready to accept it. It didn't fit the neat little picture of what I considered normal. What I couldn't deny was how great it left me feeling over the rest of the weekend. So much so that I repeated the exercise on the Sunday. Twice.

It was Monday and I dressed warmly. I had a date with Mindy and Adam in the park. It was our regular meeting. One we only missed in the worst of weather. It was deteriorating as autumn progressed, but it was still acceptable.

Mindy was wearing her elegant winter coat as she came toward me. It made her look taller and slender. The attractive one in the park. That was what men saw. It was why, when she chose to let them, there was never any shortage to ask her on a date. Subconsciously I'd always dressed to look the opposite. To avoid the attention Mindy had so openly sought as we'd grown into adulthood.

I was beginning to understand that far from men not having an interest in me, it was me that turned their interest away. How I dressed, my body language, it all said stay away. Do not approach.

"Aunty Mandy."

Adam was well wrapped up in an anorak. Gloves dangling from strings flapped about as he ran towards me.

I knelt to catch and lift him as he ran into me at full steam.

"Ooh. You're so heavy."

"I'm a big boy." He said hugging me.

"Yes, you are."

Mindy stood watching with her hands in her pockets. The smile on her face was one of a proud mother.

"Good. You can carry him. I'm tired out."

She started walking towards the play area.

"How's things?" She asked.

"Getting there."

I stared into the distance as though I was far away from my problems. But in actuality, they were right there in my head.

"Mum must be so proud of us. Two daughters. Two failed marriages." I said.

Mindy sniggered.

"Probably thinks she's like the Queen now. Her own personal dysfunctional family. She'll feel important."

Ahead the old wooden bandstand sat in the centre of the green. As children, we'd been up there so many times. We'd watched a brass band perform on carnival days. Those times only existed in the past. Today the paint was flaking and the wooden boards were rotting. Mindy had first practised her dance moves to music on an iPod Shuffle there. It was also where she'd lost her virginity. I still remember waiting by the trees knowing full well what was going on. And after, she'd been so excited to tell me about it. Back then I'd expected my turn to be only a year or two away and that I'd be just as excited. It hadn't turned out that way at all.

We walked towards the play area and Adam began to wriggle in my arms.

"I want to play on the swings."

I put him back on his feet and he ran off. There were several other children already on the play equipment. A couple of mothers sat watching from the bench on the far side.

"I've always been dysfunctional." I said with some honesty after the long pause.

"Odd. Definitely.

But somehow not so much today."

I turned my head to see Mindy looking me over but kept on with my slow meandering wander. I smiled to myself. The new clothes had been noted.

"What's on your mind?" She asked.

"What makes you think there's something on my mind?"

Mindy wasn't only my sister, she was my best friend. I told her almost everything. I wanted to tell her about my... dilemma. But I made her work for it as I struggled to find the best way to say it.

"I'm your sister. I know.

Besides, you're grinning like a Cheshire Cat. That's not normal for you."

I glanced at Adam to be sure he was safe and took a deep breath.

"Something strange happened the other day."

"Strange how?"

I kept walking.

"Mandy? Strange how? Aliens landing strange? Or just ..."

"A girl kissed me."

I glanced away momentarily to hide the smirk that invaded my face.

"Good for you."

That wasn't the reaction I'd expected. I stopped walking.

"Good?

How is it good?

It feels like I'm gay."

"Christ, Mandy. You're only just figuring this out now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I've known you were gay since school."

"Mindy.

I'm not gay."

"You just told me you kissed a girl."

"No. I said she kissed me."

"Yeah. Coz you're gay."

"Why would you say that?"

"Mmm. Let me see.

Coz you've never had a proper boyfriend. Coz you married a man old enough to be your dad.

And coz you've never enjoyed sex. You told me as much the other day in the coffee shop. Not that it came as a shock.

I bet Ray didn't even make you cum.

Okay. Sorry. That last one's a guess. But I bet it's not that far from the truth."

Every instinct told me to lie. To deny what she was saying. I looked over at Adam happily playing on the swings as I worked through the battle in my head.

"No." I sighed.

"He didn't. I always had to... You know. Deal with it after."

"Ha. That's why you were asking about showers?"

I said nothing. Instead just colouring up again.

"Nothing wrong with a good solo session. Only becomes a problem if it's all you have.

She shrugged.

"Okay. It's all I have. But that's by choice. For the moment.

Just me and my trusty Rabbit.

And the shower head occasionally."

Perhaps she was right. Certainly, I'd spent long enough over the weekend considering all the same points. And I had to accept that I'd come to the same conclusion.

"How did you know?"

"I just did. Sisterly instinct."

"You never said anything."

"I've wanted to. Many times. I almost did the other day. But it needed to come from you."

"Is that what you were going to say? When you said perhaps it wasn't my thing?"

Mindy hugged my arm.

"Yes.

It isn't something to be ashamed of. It doesn't change who you are.

Go experiment. Find out if she turns you on."

"How would I tell Mum and Dad if...?"

"They'll still love you. Probably already suspect it. I did.

All the signs were there. Even before you said you were useless in bed. You weren't. You were just with the wrong person.

Think I already said that the other day."

"You did. But I thought you meant the wrong man. Not ... the wrong sex."

"What you heard and what I was thinking wasn't necessarily the same thing, I'll admit. But you weren't ready to hear it. That's why I've never raised the subject. God knows I've wanted to over the years.

Now you are.

And when you're ready to tell Mum and Dad, I'll come and hold your hand. If that's what you want?"

"Fuck."

I hardly noticed that slip between my lips. Mindy picked it up straight away.

"If nothing else it's changed you for the better. I've never heard you swear before."

"And that's a good thing?"

"Yeah. It's natural. You're usually all... repressed.

And look at how you're dressing. And make-up. For the first time ever you look normal. You look great. Better than great."

I felt a buzz at hearing myself complimented.

"You think so?"

"Yeah.

Even I fancy you.

If it doesn't work out, I'm up for a little incest."

"Mindy." My cheeks burned again.

"Look.

My advice. Go back to this woman, whoever she is. And get her to lick your pussy and fuck your brains out."

"Christ, Mindy."

I was beetroot now and looked around to be sure no one was within earshot.

"Loosen up a little. Take a risk. At least then you'll know one way or the other.

Who is she anyway? "

Awkward.

"Her name's Ophelia."

"Posh."

"She is a bit."

Ophelia probably didn't think so. But to me she was.

"How did you meet?"

Telling her that was a step too far.

"She was just someone at Ray's office. She helped me after... he left."

Not a total lie.

"Well, she sounds good for you.

Is she pretty? I don't see you with the butch type. All tattoos and muscles."

"Yes. She's very pretty. And no, no tattoos."

Christ. What was I becoming? From a dowdy housewife who begrudgingly opened her legs just to please her husband, I'd turned into a lesbian femme fatale in the space of a few days. Had I really not known myself for so long?

"I'm pleased for you.

She's achieved something overnight no one else has managed in years. My little sister has finally emerged from her chrysalis and become a beautiful butterfly."

A beautiful butterfly. I glowed at that.

I felt elated as I headed back from the park. Mindy had made things clearer in my head. A weight lifted. I allowed myself to think about my feelings in a way I hadn't before.

I stopped feeling guilty for not enjoying sex and analysed what exactly it was I didn't like about it. The bottom line was that I didn't like a rough, hairy man. I didn't like having his cock pushed into my face. I didn't like his taste or his smell.

When did I feel tinges of arousal? It was when I looked at Anna's arse, the smile of the girl in the yellow jacket, and that brief kiss from Ophelia.

When I was honest with myself, it was girls I liked. It was girls that made me feel... as I did now. Another new word, horny.

I detoured into the high street and stopped at the hardware store, determined to explore something else new to me. I'd normally pretend my needs were just a momentary lapse, a bodily release brought on by improper thoughts. Today I was actively planning my masturbation.

I found what I was looking for in the bathroom section. A shower head that would attach to my bath taps. It wasn't a fancy walk-in glass cubicle with lights and rainfall head. Just a simple effort. But then I only wanted it for one purpose and it had nothing to do with showering.

"It's for washing my hair." I said unnecessarily as the shop assistant picked up the box to scan.

With hindsight, I doubted she'd thought anything else, at least until she glanced up and saw my blush. In the moment my mind was convinced the only reason anyone bought a shower was to masturbate. And now I was advertising the fact by being too keen to pretend otherwise. I went red and rushed away as soon as the card reader declared 'Transaction Complete'.

Even that little exchange had left me tingling with excitement.

By the time I got home, my mind was racing with thoughts I rarely had. Thoughts Ophelia had awoken in me. Thoughts I needed to exorcise.

I opened the box and ran up the stairs like an excited schoolgirl.

It was chrome, fitted to the bath taps in seconds, and had a one-click button on the head to turn the water on or off.

I fitted the shower to the taps and turned it on to test it. It had several modes, the one most interesting was pulse. I couldn't imagine how that could be of any purpose for washing. It was as if it was designed for what I intended.

"Oh crikey."

Masturbation for me was always something I did while pretending it was a side issue. A lapse while bathing. A moment overcome by a primitive instinct. Never a purposeful thing, that I didn't excuse with some lie to myself. Now I was thinking about it in advance. Planning it. Deciding how to go about bringing myself to ... making myself ... cum.

Using Ophelia's dirty words excited me more than I could have imagined. And mostly, I'd let them slip into my vocabulary with ease. Mindy was right. I had been repressed. And suddenly, the cork had been removed from the bottle.

I stripped naked and climbed into the bath. I wasn't sure if I should fill it with water or just do what I intended. I'd decided on the former. A little warm water making my lying in the tub more comfortable. I adjusted the temperature with the shower head turned away from me and ran through the various settings to decide on the best one.

By the time I was ready, I felt a heat that radiated through my entire body. My pussy was burning with need, an itch deep inside me that wouldn't go away. My tits ached. I took a breath and turned the shower head on myself.

"Aw fuck."

It excited my inner thighs immediately, leaving my legs twitching. It felt so good. I moved the spray around, experimenting with distance and movement, finding new spots that responded to the sensation. My tits positively ached as I let the tiny jets play on my nipples.