All Comments on 'The Goddess Club: Interview'

An interesting start. Curious to see where it goes from here.

... particularly as a first submission. I'll be watching for developments in this one -- thank you. Five stars.

This being my first attempt I'm super grateful to Literotica for publishing!! I'm also super grateful for any and all feedback!! While I'm extremely delighted that a few have given it favorable ratings and some have even made it a fovorite (woot,woot), I would equally be delighted to hear any suggestions, ideas and criticism. I welcome and will deeply appreciate your thoughts!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

Thanks for your first story post. It does show promise. Since you asked, I'll give what I hope you take as constructive criticism.

Watch the tense. You switched from third person to first person, then back to third person. (Avoid second person 'you' as that rarely comes across well.) Choose one, either 3rd or 1st, and stick to it. First person would let you get deeper into Mark's thoughts, emotions and reactions. Third person lets you give a broader accounting of everything, even things Mark isn't directly privy to knowing. Your choice. If you continue this, you could choose to switch chapter by chapter, just make it clear to readers each time that the shift is intentional. If you plan to include first person perspective from Mistress Marie, the same applies. Stick to one or make clear divisions.

Your third person is a bit stiff. In places it sounds like a narrator actually reading a script for a PBS documentary, especially at the start. It should feel more like a guy telling the story over beers in the backyard, more relaxed.

Mark is a top level interviewer. This situation has thrown him for a loop, but he should still be asking more questions at this point. Mistress Marie skipped from ex boyfriends begging for another chance to a stable of slaves for various purposes. Whoa nelly!?! Left a few details out in between. This interview has barely begun as you ended this chapter. We need more info and details. That helps us get into the story more and serves as a way for Mistress Marie to draw him into survitude, where I presume this is going. Come into my parlour, said the spider to the fly. Seduction until the victim ultimately offers himself. (It would be most fun for her to have to work at it a bit. Make Mark susceptible, but a bit resistant as he tries but fails to stay professional. Ultimate victory over a strong opponent is sweeter.)

Mistress Marie sounds like an intense mistress. If her slaves suffer much for her don't leave out some real reward for them. It may be very different for each slave but truly, humans need meaningful reward especially to endure intense things. Too much femdom fails to include any identifiable reward/reason to serve/endure and that is when readers tend to turn on them. Also, tough mistress doesn't have to mean psycho bitch.

I look forward to a continuation of the story.

Thank you anonymous for that very generous insight and feedback!! I am going to digest it completely and get to work!

and I can see the story going in several directions. But here is a suggestion I have learned after writing dozens of stories, both here and on two other sites. Proofread your work at least once. You have quite a few typos that I'm sure you would pick up with a quick read. I usually read through my work eight to ten times, eliminating errors and improving (hopefully) what I've written. Good luck with future stories.

I will do that. I hope you find my next chapter of this series and my next story much easier to read and even more compelling!! Thanks!

There are some technical criticisms but I won’t repeat the comprehensive advice you’ve already received. When I reach the end of a story I first of all ask myself whether or not I enjoyed it. Then I ask myself if any technical problems spoilt my enjoyment because if they didn’t then I don’t take them into consideration when voting.

Whether or not you enjoyed the story is of paramount importance not whether you had a comma out of place.

You mention a number of times that Mistress Marie is so stunning/beautiful. While readers should always be using their imagination anyway, you really need to give us some basics. Rough age, hair colour, breasts and clothing. The male characters should get some love too but if the main subject is the woman then you should put basics in at least. Personally I probably go too far with descriptions but I think most authors strike a happy medium.