The Goliath Scroll

Kus-Haduk raised her robe over her waist, bent over and displayed her ample buttocks to David. David was shocked that the Philistine woman performed the same lewd gesture as the LORD had commanded him to show the Jebusites but the woman reached her hand between her legs and parted the cleavage atop her thighs. A complete new world revealed itself to David's eyes. He had seen similar equipment on every ewe of the herd but this was a woman. His amazement was interrupted as the woman now commanded him:

"Now, mount me like the mighty ram you are and come into the wet place prepared for it between the ewe's hind legs. Do me with powerful and plentiful thrusts."

David never understood exactly what the ram was doing to the ewe when mounting her. As a result, he attempted to enter Kus-Haduk's bowels, causing her to scream:

"Not up the (ARC obscure)! Put it in here."

Quickly Kus-Haduk caught David's member in her hand and placed it where she needed it the most. Then she pushed herself on to his member. David was overwhelmed by the sensations he experienced for the first time. A woman was warm, smooth and comforting inside, pleasant beyond any description. His first reaction upon entering the woman was that he wanted to remain inside a woman for the rest of his life. His reverie was interrupted by the woman's instructions.

"Grab the hair of my head and pull so you come deeper inside me. That's it baby. Oh, you're so big you rend me asunder! Stop! You've gone too deep now. Pull out. No, not all the way. Now push your pee-pee back in. Slowly. Stop there and let me feel you a bit. That's the sweet spot. Faster now my strong young ram of Israel. Oh my Dagon, it's good, it's soooooo good. Now act like the animal you are and hit me!"

David slapped Kus-Haduk on her broad bottom, resulting in a scream that spoke not of pain but of great delight. He continued to draw his member in and out whilst the woman continued to squirm and squeal just like one of the ewes of his flock when the ram mounted her. Suddenly the woman gave a prolonged scream such as he had never before heard. It was not a scream of agony but of joy and release. David felt the woman tighten herself around his member as if it were the grip of a doomed man grasping a tree branch to prevent a fall. The end of David's member exploded in a pleasurable feeling that engulfed his whole body.

The woman sighed, fell to her knees and then lay prone on the temple floor looking up longingly at David. David stooped to retrieve his loincloth and gird himself for the return to Israel's camp, believing that the temple's defilement was complete. The woman reached out and caught his arm before he could again clothe himself.

"Nay, my wonderful ram of Israel. Tarry yet a while and harken unto a Philistine woman's plight. The men of Gat made a vow upon the beginning of the Israelite siege to refrain from wine, from cutting their hair and from going into any woman until such time as Israel was defeated. Since that day, no man has shaved, been drunk or gone into a woman of Gat. We have no hope of ever having a man, drunk, sober, kempt or unkempt since a Philistine vow remains in place until it is fulfilled to the letter. That is why the women of Gat have so eagerly accepted the men of Israel today.

As for me, I need you to come into me at least one more time. I have not had the high priest or any man of Gat come into me for lo these many weeks of the siege due to their unbreakable vow. Need I remind you of your own vow to defile this Temple? Thoroughly ravish me before you leave and I promise I will aid you to defile this building."

Kus-Haduk then removed her robe, revealing delightful sights that heretofore were denied David by his father Yishai's strict enforcement of modesty in dress within his household. Kus-Haduk's ample bosoms stood out high upon her chest despite having suckled three children. Below her round stomach was a thick growth of black, curly hair, now wet and matted. Shiny liquids trickled down the inside of thick thighs. What David saw bestirred these delightful emotions within his soul once again. He would do whatever the Philistine woman asked of him.

Once again they joined their bodies, uniting in sundry wondrous poses. For an older woman of her particular body shape, Kus-Haduk proved to be surprisingly supple. She could stand on one leg whilst raising the other over David's shoulder and bringing David's member unto herself. In such strange and imaginative positions, the young man and older woman merged their bodies together using the temple's pillars and many other sacred objects as props for their activities. The liquid byproducts of countless unions of their bodies and the many broken objects that were well distributed around the chancel of the temple of Dagon ensured the maximum amount of desecration.

In the ultimate act of desecration, the woman pulled David on to the extended arm of Dagon. They joined themselves together in the manner in which the LORD had intended for man and woman but the woman then allowed the upraised finger of Dagon to enter unto her innermost bowels. She howled a scream of pain and ecstasy unlike any that David heard that evening. Finally, the arm broke off from the weight and turmoil enacted thereon. The arm of Dagon erupted into a multitude of white marble pieces, save for the brown finger that rolled intact down the nave to the temple's narthex.

Their final coupling took place on the temple's high sacrificial altar, exquisitely hand-carved from hard, marble. Kus-Haduk squirmed beneath David as her chubby legs flailed helplessly in the air. David entered and reentered Kus-Haduk as they both attempted to reproduce the ecstasy of their initial encounter. Finally the woman screamed for mercy and the young man rolled from her body, groaning from exhaustion. They realized grudgingly that their encounter had ended.

Panting on the cold marble, Kus-Haduk kissed David affectionately upon his face and various body parts, ensuring that her ample assets rubbed everywhere upon the young man's perspiring skin. David returned in equal kind because a mysterious unbreakable bond had been created between them. As David dressed to leave, Kus-Haduk covered herself with her robe. She momentarily considered going with David to become his slave forever. However, her good sense returned and instead she wished David well, bidding him adieu with a final, longing kiss. David was about to leave the temple when the Voice of the LORD spoke to him for the last time that day.

"Thou hast well defiled this loathsome building my son. Now is the time to loot and pillage the treasury of Dagon, the abomination of the Philistines. Go ye unto that room to your right and remove the wealth hidden beneath the throne of the false teacher."

David entered a large meeting hall adjacent to the temple area. Cushions formed a circle in the middle of the hall. He examined the most luxurious cushion in the room and found a secret compartment that contained numerous gold and silver coins. He removed as many of the most valuable gold coins as his shepherd's pouch would hold, replacing them with the stones for his slingshot. He arose knowing that the moment for his departure had come. Having shared the most memorable moments of each other's life, they embraced and kissed passionately.

David hurried onward to his abandoned post in the animal pens. No one noticed as he slipped through the gate of the sheepfold because the men returned from looting were bragging about the number of women they ravaged and argued over all the worthless trinkets and clay gods stolen from the Philistines. To his amazement, the industrious angels had removed all the manure from the sheepfold during his dalliance in Gat and piled it in front of the south gate of Yerushaliyim. That is why it is called the Dung Gate until this very day.

The angels also prepared beds of straw upon which all the animals peacefully slumbered and, quite thoughtfully, a comfortable bed of straw for David. Clutching his shepherd's pouch, he settled down secure in the knowledge that the LORD made him the richest man in all Bethlehem. His most pleasant thought as he drifted off to sleep was the sure knowledge that any woman would yield herself to him upon telling her that he singlehandedly defeated Goliath and won the battle of Gat.

Epilogue

The last sections of the scroll's translation to Hebrew had been delivered to Dr. Aviatar Altman. Drs. Sabah and Lajeunesse sat on a hard bench in the hall outside his office as if they were two students summoned by the headmaster. During the translation of the scroll, Francis Lajeunesse developed a serious urge to copulate, as compelling as the day the scroll was acquired. She temporarily put aside these thoughts and concentrated on their presentation to their superior. Francis was absolutely certain Avi would reward her work on the scroll with a satisfying fuck, possibly that afternoon as soon as Jibral left the office. This time she wanted it with her arms spread over his desk while Avi gave it to her doggie style.

Dr. Altman summoned Francis Lajeunesse and Jibral Sabah to his office. Scowling, he yelled at the pair: "Why have you wasted your time and the University's resources on some badly-written fictitious pornography. This is obviously the attempt of a Hasmonean sympathizer in the second century BCE to discredit the royal line of David. Everybody knows that it was David who killed Goliath and saved Israel from the Philistines."

Dr. Lajeunesse opened her Tanach and pointed to an obscure verse in the Hebrew. "It's a difficult fact for fundamentalists who believe in the inerrancy of the Bible to accept but the Masoretic text of 2 Samuel 21:19 clearly states that 'Elhanan son of Jair of Bethlehem killed Goliath the Gittite (MT, LXX, NEB, CJB, etc.)' For some reason, most English translations of the Tanach gloss this apparent contradiction with the better known story from 1 Samuel by claiming either that it was the brother or cousin of Goliath that was killed."

Dr. Sabah produced his Arabic Bible open to the same verse. "My translation of the same verse also says that it was Elkanan who killed Goliath. We thought you would be excited that the scroll supports the biblical narrative rather than creating irreconcilable contradictions."

"Support? Jibral, please explain to me how a different story from the Biblical narrative can possibly be supportive?"

Now it was Dr. Sabah's turn to take up chalk in hand. "As with most of the books of the Torah and Ketuvim, the narratives are taken from many different sources that are assembled into a book that reflects the redactor's particular theological purpose. 1 Samuel and 2 Samuel appear to have had two different redactors, albeit two who belonged to the same theological school of thought. This school appears to have developed during the Babylonian Exile and seeks to prove that disaster came upon the nation of Israel when it strayed from following God and His Torah. The two redactors apparently used two different traditions for their narratives about Goliath, hence the apparent contradiction.

I've never believed in the word-for-word Biblical inerrancy that some American clergy seem to preach. But I've always believed in the spiritual truth of the Bible stories. This scroll confirms that David used his slingshot to slay Goliath as 1 Samuel states and that Elkanan dealt the fatal blow as per 2 Samuel. It's a trifling detail that David's stone went astray, striking Goliath in the gonads rather than on the forehead. The scroll does adopt the same theme as both books of Samuel, i.e. that God was working on Israel's behalf all the time.

As ethical scholars, we must make our findings public so that the historic record is complete. Perhaps future scholars will discover how these two different traditions about the death of Goliath arose."

Dr Lajeunesse walked up to the ancient blackboard and continued the lecture. "This scroll also provides an exploration of the indefinable sexual attraction between men and women of differing ages in Biblical times." She glanced at Dr. Altman to gauge his reaction to her point. "Given its remarkable insights into female/male relationships during the tenth century BCE, I urge you to allow us to publish the scroll."

Dr. Altman seemed quite unconvinced. He folded his arms against his chest. "Publish if you wish but my name doesn't go on the paper. I don't want to become a laughingstock by flouting conventional wisdom."

The two younger scholars left Dr. Altman's office. It was a most unsatisfying meeting in every sense of the word. Yes, she had to take a new direction if her desire to get laid would be satiated. As they walked along the corridor, Francis remembered the many times she had admired Jibral's good looks and his patience as an Aramaic teacher. She turned to her colleague, touching his bare forearm, and said: "Can we discuss publishing our paper today over lunch, Jibral?"