The Grande Futapest Hotel Ch. 05

Layla squinted at her. "You're so weird." She whispered with a smile.

"Is this going to stop me from getting kisses tonight?" Selena asked, a trickle of nervousness appearing in her voice.

"I know that's not the real carrot." Layla said. "That one is much... pointier."

"Oh, this ISN'T the ass carrot?" Selena looked at it with a gentle rising cheek, as if it had transformed into an uncooked parsnip. "Well, screw it then." She dropped the carrot to the counter.

---

After dinner, Selena and Layla watched Wheel and Jeopardy together, Layla in Selena's lap, a pile of clothing in the corner of the room growing as they slowly stripped them off until they were both naked but for their socks. There was something slightly ridiculous about wearing exclusively socks, and not even on the dong. There was almost a feeling of being more naked than total nudity.

Layla rubbed herself against Selena's hard throbbing unit as they kissed deeply, Selena coaxing Layla to her neck so she could keep watching the television, yet no less enthralled with Layla's enthusiastic petting.

At some point, Selena broke her lips away for long enough to ask, "Are you going to stream tonight?"

Layla hadn't even thought about it all day. "Yeah, I guess. I didn't do it yesterday. I should. It's tough missing two days in a row."

"Well, don't let me stop you." Selena traced her finger down Layla's spine. "You go get ready for your stream. But I want a kiss before you go to work."

Layla gave her one.

Somehow, it turned into many more kisses.

The stream didn't start until half-past-eight.

---

The broadcast began. The viewers were welcomed to a video of Layla with her back against the headboard of a bed, sheets gathered below her out of shot. She was fully nude and already erect, which many of the viewers felt necessary to point out how often she had started the stream at full mast recently. Layla knew there was a subset of her audience that loved to watch her slowly get hard, but tonight, she had jumped the gun.

If they knew where she was broadcasting from, they wouldn't question it.

"Hey, everyone." She waved and smiled. "It's good to see you again." She read chat as it slowly filled. "I feel good tonight. How are all of you?"

She let the chat answer. Most answered with some form of 'I'm good.' If there was one thing Layla enjoyed about this one-sided interaction, it was that she avoided the interactions she always faced at the coffee shop. Literally no matter what greeting she said to the customer, they always answered, "Not much, you?" or "Good."

"Well, that's good, most people are--" Layla stopped, her eyes widening. "Whoa, someone lost their job, it says?" She scrolled back up. "SmokeLord12345... I'm sorry to hear that. Did you quit, get fired... what?"

Smoke's eventual response: "Laid off. The bowling alley I work at closed."

"Well, that's a shame. But I mean... I literally can't remember the last time I bowled. I haven't even played Wii Bowling in years." Layla blew a kiss at the camera. "Well, that's for you, Smoke. I'm sure it'll all work out for you. But... I'm sure tonight's show will cheer you up. It will be a good one, because I am as horny as a gorilla tonight."

A third hand entered the frame from the left, the fingers twirling eagerly as it approached Layla's cock. Its presence seemed to take Layla by surprise.

"Uh-oh!" Layla smiled wider, looking off-screen toward the hand's owner. "It's Thing! Making her... completely unexpected return!"

"Thing" was the name the chat had given to Layla's former roommate who made a few hand-only appearances on Layla's streams early on. Her roommate had offered to whack her off for her show a few times, mostly so Layla would actually show off her cock in real life and satisfy her curiosity. They figured nobody they knew would ever see it, but the news somehow got back to her roommate's parents, and...

Well, Layla no longer had a roommate. Luckily, she and Thing were still friends. But no more lovely handjobs. Layla had to handle those on her own.

Until tonight, of course.

The hand took a grip on Layla's cock and slowly rubbed it up and down, with occasional bursts of enthusiastic speed. Layla twitched a bit as the hand tightly wanked her cock.

"We're getting started really early this time." Layla said. "I just can't do the slow burn thing tonight. I hope you all don't mind."

Layla tried to read the chat, but the hand rubbed Layla's tip. She spasmed gently. "I'm not alone... boy, nothing gets past you, huh? Also, someone in chat said that gorillas have teeny little penises, so I guess I shouldn't use that comparison. But there will be none of those here tonight! Unless you brought them here with you... but your secret's safe with me."

From the same side of the screen as the hand, a head appeared, all the blonde hair parted to the right to obscure her face. The head dropped onto Layla's cock and vanished into the unseen mouth. Layla shook like a massage chair and clutched her thighs as the mop of blonde hair rose and fell over the cock.

"Chat says..." Layla momentarily stumbled her words. "Chat says 'what amateur is this? Move your f'ing hair.' Do you have anything to say to that, Thing?"

With a dramatic flip, Selena threw all her hair from the right side of her head to the left, revealing her face and her lips planted atop Layla's cock. She went down and up a few more times to make sure people saw it.

The chat started going crazy, with everyone present feeling it necessary to cheer Selena's name, or to simply point out the obvious: that holy shit, Selena Grande is with Layla and sucking her cock.

Selena released Layla's spit-slick cock with a dramatic pop and waved. "Hey, boys."

"And ladies." Layla corrected. "And whatever else."

"Do you have many futa viewers, Layla?" Selena brought herself beside Layla on the bed, also completely nude and erect.

"I ran a poll once," Layla answered, picking her laptop up off the covers. "and the results said that ten percent of the audience were futa."

A small pause. "That sounds awful high."

"Well, you were the one who said that you'd never met a futa who wasn't into other futa." Layla brought the laptop onto her lap again, folding her cock underneath it. "I know I have futa fans, but probably not THAT many."

"What are you doing, Layla? Now we can't see your cock."

"I just need to put chat in Slow Mode." She explained, tapping on the keys. "I can't read it like this..."

Selena waited for her to finish whatever it was she was doing. Layla put the laptop at the end of the bed, her legs crossed to one side of it. Selena pulled out her phone from somewhere.

"Let's take a picture." She put her arm around Layla's shoulder and held the camera out as far as she could. Layla pulled the sheets up over herself.

Seeing this in her phone screen, Selena turned her head and whipped the sheets right off her again. Layla yipped involuntarily, in a way far more embarrassing than the nudity.

"You can be naked." Selena assured her.

"They're not going to take it down or something?"

"Don't you have an Instagram or Twitter or anything?"

"Actually, I don't." They posed quickly, leaning against each other's cheekbones and smiling, both resisting the instinct to do the repulsive 'duck-face' expression. Selena snapped the picture, and another one quickly as she turned and kissed Layla on the cheek, Layla's smile growing wider at the moment the second picture was taken.

"Here, do this." Selena coaxed Layla's hand onto her cock, grabbing it just under the head. She snapped another picture just as Layla stuck out her tongue to lick at Selena's earlobe. "They might actually take this one down, since it's someone else touching my cock. They will delete pictures of sex acts, so that might count. Well..." Selena looked at the picture. "You can't tell whose it is. I'll just say it's my hand."

"It can't be your hand, Selena." Layla noted. "That's a right hand, and your right hand was holding your phone."

"Well, it's lucky nobody in chat will report this, right?" Selena looked at the featureless black dot at the apex of the laptop's screen. "This is just between you and us, alright?"

Selena tried to read the chat. She caught a few affirmative responses, but it flew by like an unending reverse waterfall of text.

"I thought you put this in Slow Mode. I don't even know what Slow Mode is, but this doesn't seem too slow."

"I did put it in Slow Mode." Layla looked at the viewer count. "We just have... suddenly way more people in here than normal."

"How many?"

"Like... two thousand." Layla said, watching the number jump up every second. "My record was around seven hundred, and that was on some random three-day weekend."

"It'll get worse when I send out the link." Selena tapped more pictures in her phone.

"How many followers do you have?"

"Four million."

Watching the number climb higher and higher, Layla felt something she'd never felt before: performance anxiety. Selena sensed Layla's nervousness and brought her head against hers, and took her hand. On camera, it didn't look like the master supporting her disciple. It looked like two enthusiastic lovers having a quiet moment.

Layla whispered to Selena, "I think I prefer having you all to myself."

Selena smiled, and whispered back. "Me, too."

Layla inhaled deeply and started, trying to ignore the number of viewers growing, possibly exponentially. "Hello, everyone. As you can see, I have a very special guest who needs no introduction."

Setting one hand against the top of her breast, Selena spoke up. "I'm Taylor Boyd, I'm Layla's younger sister."

"Selena!"

"It's OK. We're sisters-in-law, so all this sex you're going to watch is completely family-friendly."

Layla giggled. "So yeah, this is the legendary porn star Selena Grande."

Selena tried to read the chat and barely caught something. "Yes, whoever that was in chat." Selena swiped her finger in the universal gesture of 'you got it!' She continued, "Indeed, I was Thing all along. I remember when Layla emailed me last year and said, 'come to my grandfather's basement and jack me off, and say or do nothing that indicates that you're really the world's most famous porn star."

"Selena, shut up!" Layla said. "You're going to confuse them."

"No, it's true." Selena refused to recant her blather. "And if someone else out there was ever accused of being the hand behind Thing, they can point to this video and demonstrate with absolute certainty to any disapproving parent or social worker that it was really me! I have always been Thing. This stream is legally binding."

Layla shook her head and rolled her eyes. Selena leaned in to whisper again. "Was Thing Caucasian?"

"Yes, she was." Layla whispered back. "You lucked out."

A moment, where both tried to read chat. They caught a couple words, but any sentence longer than five words had no chance to be read before it vanished up the top of the screen.

"Did you know about Thing before now? Did you look up an archived video or something?"

"Had no idea. I just wanted to jerk you off." Selena answered. "Who was she?"

"Just a friend."

Selena brought her lips to Layla's and kissed once. They both smiled. Selena turned back to the camera. "Did you know... that in the original Addams Family show, Thing wasn't a disembodied hand? In the show, Thing was a complete creature who was so horrible, the only thing anyone could stand to look at was its hand, or sometimes, its forearm. It's only in the Addams Family MOVIES that they established that Thing was a disembodied hand."

Layla let out a hissing laugh. "Selena watches a lot of TV. Did you know she loves game shows? I never knew that before we met."

"I like game shows because they're a remnant of good television that still exists. And I must gently dispute what you said. I don't watch that much TV, but I do watch almost exclusively old TV or game shows. Modern TV is just awful."

"I like 2 Broke Girls."

"Yeah, but... my understanding is that is a show that doesn't pretend it's any better or more complicated than it is." Selena said. "And it's not this reality show crap that is just as scripted, but pretends to be real. That stuff makes me sick. And I'm a woman who has sex with strangers for a living. Porn is way more real than any of that reality show crap. Sure, the pizza box might be empty, but the coitus is real! I really can't stand shows like Honey Boo-Boo's Adventure or whatever it's called. I don't even know why they HAVE a show. Did they open a Mountain Dew can and find a golden ticket?"

A pause, where Selena took a breath. She burst out with sudden enthusiasm. "Welcome to the first episode of the Selena and Layla podcast! We sit around naked with boners and talk about stuff and have no sex whatsoever! So if you were expecting me to whack off Layla's searing hot boner..."

Selena immediately started doing so.

"I'm sorry, but you're out of luck. We're here to talk about boring, explosion-less science and why Prop 60 is bad for California."

"What was Prop 60? Farm subsidies or something?"

"No, it was requiring condoms in pornographic films." Selena said. "Actually, it was more like... any California resident can sue someone for not having a condom visible in a pornographic production."

"Did this include camgirls?" Layla asked. Selena's handjob was so gentle, she almost didn't notice it.

"Probably not, if they're performing alone. But this, what we're doing now, sure. We'd need a condom for a handjob." Selena said. "I don't remember the exact text of the bill. But it was all based on the fear of spreading HIV, which is thankfully still super rare. This guy spent, like, five million bucks, whereas the 'opposition' barely spent a tenth of that... and we won. Because what safety precautions we take, as professionals, that should be up to us, not some self-appointed nannies."

Layla was silent for a bit. She didn't quite have the nerve to tell Selena that she hadn't voted.

"And besides... there are no condoms that fit me!" Selena cried. "Or at least not good ones... I would be completely out of luck."

"Maybe someday, they'll make special futa-sized condoms." Layla said, with gentle emphasis.

Evidently, Selena didn't feel like telling chat about the future deal with the condom maker, because she responded with a short, "Maybe."

A pause. Selena snuck a peck from Layla's cheek. Layla did the same. She noticed something when gazing at Selena's beautiful profile, something she'd missed before now.

"You don't have pierced ears." Layla whispered.

"No, I don't." Selena whispered back.

"Why not?"

She shrugged. "Just never had it done." She looked back to the chat and caught a question in the millisecond it was visible. "Someone in chat asked how we met. That's a good question. I just saw her out and about somewhere, thought she was super cute, we started talking, she told me she was a futa and... then this all happened."

Layla opened her mouth to correct the story. She hesitated. None of the details Selena left out were things she really wanted to share.

"Yeah, pretty much." Layla confirmed. "I wouldn't have had the nerve to ask her to be part of my show, but..."

"Well, it's not like we wouldn't be doing all this anyway, right?" Selena smiled, touching Layla's chin. "Now we've got an audience to prove that to your friends you really met me, if anyone questions it."

Selena pulled out a can of Reddi-Wip out from under her pillow. Layla wondered how she'd gotten that in there without her noticing. "Why don't we mess around with this, huh?" Selena snapped the conical lid off and tossed it away. She rocked the container in her hand a few times before examining it. "Do you shake this stuff? I don't remember." She did it anyway. "I never have this stuff in my house. I just thought it'd be fun."

Pointing the nozzle down at Layla's nipple, she sprayed a small dollop of cream atop it. Layla shook a bit at the cold, but moreso as Selena's mouth went over the nipple and slurped it off, keeping her lips clamped long after the cream was gone.

"Like I really need this to want to suck on Layla's cute little nipples." Selena said to the camera, nevertheless applying a similar portion to the other nipple and slurping it off dramatically.

"Doesn't Layla have nice breasts?" Selena folded her hand like a lobster claw, Layla's breast squeezing a bit out of her palm. She positioned her hand so that the nipples were in perfect tweaking position. She kissed them each once in turn and raked her tongue against them.

"This stuff is better than I remember..." Selena said, firing a little blast of white into her mouth. "But Conagra can't make anything as sweet as what's waiting in here..." Selena rolled Layla's balls in her hand, both barely fitting within her fingers.

Selena sprayed a cone-shaped dollop of cream on the tip of Layla's cock. She blew a raspberry, and started laughing.

"What?" Layla said, looking past Selena's head to the swirl of rapidly melting cream atop herself.

"It just looks really silly." She said, still chuckling. "I don't know why I did that." She licked it off in one stroke of her tongue. "Layla, you do polls in chat, right?"

"Yeah, why? What do you want to ask chat?"

With Layla's help, Selena made a poll asking the following question: would it have been funny if Selena had brought out Cool Whip instead of Reddi-Wip?

"There's a difference?" was the most popular answer. Second-most popular was "You're sillier in real life than I thought you'd be."

"You guys are no fun." Selena said. "I still think it'd be hilarious. Ooh, baby, I got some cream for you." She mimed scooping something with a spoon, voicing a sound effect she would choose to spell as "bllooop."

"I just wish I could vote in this, because you are definitely sillier than I expected."

"That's just because I'm comfortable with you, Layla." She answered. "If I'm on set, I'm being professional. If I'm in public, I just mind my own business. But here... it's just us and thousands of fans, and we can do whatever we want. But now..." Selena took Layla's chin and kissed her on the lips. "I think it's about time we really get started..."

They kissed, leaning in close to the laptop, so the chat could watch as their tongues passed across their lips and into each other's mouths, noses brushing past each other as they turned their heads. The chat cursed the low-resolution camera, wishing that this encounter would be preserved in 4K, maybe even 8K. This was a moment that should be shown on theater screens or projected onto buildings.

Selena climbed atop Layla, the laptop between their legs. Selena slid her cock along Layla's, up to her tits, and down again. The camera glared unblinking at Selena's ass moved up and down Layla's body, Selena's balls parting against Layla's cock.

Her hands going lower, Selena put her fingers on each side of Layla's pussy and pulled them apart, revealing a tiny sliver of pink.

"HEY!" Layla cried, immediately pushing her legs together.

Selena turned back to the camera, eyebrows raised, like she'd just found a shiny new penny. "Everyone!" She shouted. "Here's something you've never seen before, I'll bet." Selena smiled, dismounting Layla. She pointed to Layla's face. "Layla blushing."

Layla smiled bashfully, tugging the sheet up to her face. "Shut up." She mumbled.

"You don't show off the pink ever? Just because you have a huge wonderful cock doesn't mean you can neglect that perfect little pussy."

They kept kissing, turning to stretch across the bed sideways, the laptop seeing their nude flanks, generous sideboob, and the profile of Layla's rear. If they weren't engrossed in rapturous kissing, they might have noticed the hundreds of longtime fans commenting that, with all the time Layla spends on camera just sitting on it, she has a great ass.